How do you know it is time to break up?
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Hello everyone. Been lurking for months, and never thought that I would ever post here. Anyway, here's my question....
How do you know it is time for a break up? I caught my gf cheating on me (via emails and icq) some time ago, I forgave her and warned her not to contact xxx again. But just some hours ago, I found that they have remained in contact, just keeping it away from me. I feel about 50% as hurt as the previous time. Also now I begin to develope a sense of insecurity about continuing a relationship with her.
Part of me tells myself how much I don't wish to lose her, but another part of me says that I deserve better.
Thanks for reading. -
Dear 3minute,
You need to review what you want from this r'ship. Judging from the way your gf behaves, she doesn't seem to have the intention of repenting her mistakes. Is she worthy of your effort?
There's no so called the suitable timing for a break up. It's a choice made by you. A choice you wanna stay on and not being appreciated. Or a choice you leave and be a much happier person. You decide. -
How did u find out?
Talk to her abt what u discover & see what she has to say. If it is just normal friendly 'how are u' msgs than it is alright. But if it is not, then it means she still have feelings for the other guy.
If u cannot trust her & u are unhappy, then break up. -
Thanks for the reply.Originally posted by icepole:Dear 3minute,
You need to review what you want from this r'ship. Judging from the way your gf behaves, she doesn't seem to have the intention of repenting her mistakes. Is she worthy of your effort?
There's no so called the suitable timing for a break up. It's a choice made by you. A choice you wanna stay on and not being appreciated. Or a choice you leave and be a much happier person. You decide.
What I wanted from this r'ship? I wanted it to last my lifetime.
How does one know it is time to give up?
It is pretty obvious when you are in the "I hate you to the bone" or "I'm sorry I love somebody else" kind of situation.
I think I'm in the grey area. Should I just follow my heart (first wait and understand how I really feel and what I really want)? When do people decide to break up? when their heart tells them so? What if my heart has no direction? -
I read her email. Sometime ago, she wrote I love you and miss you. I suspected that they might be physically cheating on me too, but decided not to pursue, after she promised not to contact xxx, and xxx agreed not to contact my gf. There is nothing in these recent emails, very discreet, very short. She has also other email accounts that she never told me about.Originally posted by gerrykoh:How did u find out?
Talk to her abt what u discover & see what she has to say. If it is just normal friendly 'how are u' msgs than it is alright. But if it is not, then it means she still have feelings for the other guy.
If u cannot trust her & u are unhappy, then break up. -
My advice to you...Originally posted by 3minute:Hello everyone. Been lurking for months, and never thought that I would ever post here. Anyway, here's my question....
How do you know it is time for a break up? I caught my gf cheating on me (via emails and icq) some time ago, I forgave her and warned her not to contact xxx again. But just some hours ago, I found that they have remained in contact, just keeping it away from me. I feel about 50% as hurt as the previous time. Also now I begin to develope a sense of insecurity about continuing a relationship with her.
Part of me tells myself how much I don't wish to lose her, but another part of me says that I deserve better.
Thanks for reading.
Would be to just break up...
No point continuing...
I have been in your shoes before...
At the end of the day, the situation you are in will only either break you or make more miserable...
Life still goes on...
So, just move on...
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You want to keep chasing shadows? Or learn to let go?Originally posted by 3minute:I read her email. Sometime ago, she wrote I love you and miss you. I suspected that they might be physically cheating on me too, but decided not to pursue, after she promised not to contact xxx, and xxx agreed not to contact my gf. There is nothing in these recent emails, very discreet, very short. She has also other email accounts that she never told me about.
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You wanted your relationship to last.. but how are you going to maintain it if there's no trust.. if one is not willing to put in any effort..??Originally posted by 3minute:Thanks for the reply.
What I wanted from this r'ship? I wanted it to last my lifetime.
How does one know it is time to give up?
It is pretty obvious when you are in the "I hate you to the bone" or "I'm sorry I love somebody else" kind of situation.
I think I'm in the grey area. Should I just follow my heart (first wait and understand how I really feel and what I really want)? When do people decide to break up? when their heart tells them so? What if my heart has no direction?
Do you think that now is your time to break up with her?? You wait and see.. nothing will be done.. If you really want to continue this relationship.. speak up to her again.. Another thing.. do remember that you did invade her privacy by reading her mails..
Sometimes all you need is not how your hearts feels.. is a matter of what you think about.. Sit down and think whether is she really worth.. She has agreed to you that she wouldn't contact xxx but then again.. she did not hold her promises.. well.. if one cannot fulfil any promises.. don't PROMISE! - it hurts if it breaks.. Are you sure and definite that she will do such things to you again?? You had her body.. but her heart is not with you.. Do think you'll be happy afterall??
Why not try to see the other side.. When on door closes there's always another one open for you.. Whether you wanna walk to that open door.. is your choice.. loving someone doesn't have to haveher.. but seeing her finding her own happiness.. it the greatest achievement/ blessing you can get/ give..
Cheers.. -
How old are both of you?Originally posted by 3minute:Hello everyone. Been lurking for months, and never thought that I would ever post here. Anyway, here's my question....
How do you know it is time for a break up? I caught my gf cheating on me (via emails and icq) some time ago, I forgave her and warned her not to contact xxx again. But just some hours ago, I found that they have remained in contact, just keeping it away from me. I feel about 50% as hurt as the previous time. Also now I begin to develope a sense of insecurity about continuing a relationship with her.
Part of me tells myself how much I don't wish to lose her, but another part of me says that I deserve better.
Thanks for reading. -
judging her from the way u said...i felt that she is very inmatured...u gave her warning and she stil do it...mean she don give u damn...hack abt u...y u stil wanT her? GET OVER HER...
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Be objective ...
What she wants and what you want... do not seem to be aligned.
Be careful. Do not let people play with your heart. -
Are they just friends?
Or are you being too sensitive?
If you really think it's so, then let go. Why make yourself feeling so terrible?
If her heart is no longer with u, then let go. -
leaver her...
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A happy r'ship takes 2 to work. In your pursuit of a lifetime r'ship (she doesn't reciprocate), it'll only leave you feeling hurt and vulnerable in the end.
Find someone who has the ability to emotionally give back to you & who values you. -
It is time to leave her.
Cheating on you means that she does not have whole feelings for you anymore. No point sticking on to her. Know it is difficult but you have to do it to give it up so that all three can have the peace; and would not hinder each other future happiness. -
It's time.Originally posted by 3minute:I read her email. Sometime ago, she wrote I love you and miss you. I suspected that they might be physically cheating on me too, but decided not to pursue, after she promised not to contact xxx, and xxx agreed not to contact my gf. There is nothing in these recent emails, very discreet, very short. She has also other email accounts that she never told me about. -
It's over dude... end it early to save yourself from further embarrassment and hurt.Originally posted by 3minute:Hello everyone. Been lurking for months, and never thought that I would ever post here. Anyway, here's my question....
How do you know it is time for a break up? I caught my gf cheating on me (via emails and icq) some time ago, I forgave her and warned her not to contact xxx again. But just some hours ago, I found that they have remained in contact, just keeping it away from me. I feel about 50% as hurt as the previous time. Also now I begin to develope a sense of insecurity about continuing a relationship with her.
Part of me tells myself how much I don't wish to lose her, but another part of me says that I deserve better.
Thanks for reading.
(WHO'S NEXT TO HAVE A CHEATING GF?!
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That's the best concrete evidence u have had.Originally posted by 3minute:I read her email. Sometime ago, she wrote I love you and miss you..
No matter how much u love her, it's over.
U are no longer in her heart anymore.
No point carry on for the sake of nostalgia. -
if u tink u can forgive n forget wat she had done then continue ur r/s...if tat matter stil matter u deeply in ur heart then i suggest it's time to let go so not to be more hurtful next time --> chang tong bu ru duan tong
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I think I can forgive and forget, I think i am the soft hearted type, (or rather the weak type). Problem is I have f&f once, and this is what I got in return.Originally posted by 101wish:if u tink u can forgive n forget wat she had done then continue ur r/s...if tat matter stil matter u deeply in ur heart then i suggest it's time to let go so not to be more hurtful next time --> chang tong bu ru duan tong -
Find that guy, clarify it with him. Next is to ditch the girl.Originally posted by 3minute:I think I can forgive and forget, I think i am the soft hearted type, (or rather the weak type). Problem is I have f&f once, and this is what I got in return. -
late twenties. Abit old for Aunt/Uncle Agony.Originally posted by Devil1976:How old are both of you?
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I think it is useless. I talked to him over the phone b4. And he agreed not to contact her, but I have now found out that they remain in contact.Originally posted by SMAPLionHeart:Find that guy, clarify it with him. Next is to ditch the girl.
For the first .5 second this morning when I woke up, I was so relieved thinking it was only a dream. Then I remembered that it is not a dream, and that I did read those emails. Felt really sad after that. Sometimes really don't understand why my life is so tough. I already had my share of family problem and work related problem. -
ask her wat its all about.... then give her 2 choice again... u or the other guy...
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Hmmm, i would say let her go.
The reason is simple, so made and broke a promise to u not to contact xxx.
To me, the ability to keep a promise is good reflection of the person's character.
What kind of person if she dont even honor her words, do u think she will honor other things?