my bf's ex seems like coming back for him..wat should i do..
-
my bf told me that this gal don't have his current hp no. and she seldom mix around with his friends,but i was wondering how she managed to get his contact no.
he confessed to me that this gal(let's call her T) had sms him saying wanted to meet up with him,when he asked her how she got his no.,she said he need not know..
we did not actually argue or quarrel over this matter,but i was abit mad..and he said he wanted to meet her once and for all to see what she wants,he still can tell me i'm over sensitive,maybe she needs some help or wat..
come on..guys get soft hearted easily(no offence pls)when it comes to girls..esp those look "fragile"..
i'm afraid he might meet her secretly..
i'm with him for almost 4 yrs..getting married soon..
shit man..wat should i do..
-
since u haf been with him for 4 years.trust him.let the man solve the matter.if he ever goes back with her,den u shud be lucky u are not married with him yet.but serously trust him to get things done.if he had tried to avoid her for so long and she still found him let him settle the matter once and for all.
-
If you're stopping him to meet her, you're just tempting him to go meet her behind your back.Originally posted by depressed_80:my bf told me that this gal don't have his current hp no. and she seldom mix around with his friends,but i was wondering how she managed to get his contact no.
he confessed to me that this gal(let's call her T) had sms him saying wanted to meet up with him,when he asked her how she got his no.,she said he need not know..
we did not actually argue or quarrel over this matter,but i was abit mad..and he said he wanted to meet her once and for all to see what she wants,he still can tell me i'm over sensitive,maybe she needs some help or wat..
come on..guys get soft hearted easily(no offence pls)when it comes to girls..esp those look "fragile"..
i'm afraid he might meet her secretly..
i'm with him for almost 4 yrs..getting married soon..
shit man..wat should i do..
Wait, don't jump to conclusions. Not that he wants to betray you, but he may have some valid reasons of his own to do so.You must respect his perspectives/views on things and along with respect, trust him to handle things properly for you and him.
Both of you are still single and hence, there's really no obligation towards you in how he wants to direct his life.
In addition, the more you try to control the way things go, the more control you're giving away. Not talking Zen here, but read the AA forum for a while in your spare time to learn some precious lessons on loving and letting go. Doubt him, do not. Your role is to love and trust, never to doubt? Agree?
Be calm, gal. There is a reason why she IS his ex and you ARE his choice now.
-
i'm afraid of the outcome..i really want to spend the rest of my life with him..been thru alot of things with him,he's very important to me..
-
Therefore, do not be selfish in trying to control him to assure yourself.Originally posted by depressed_80:i'm afraid of the outcome..i really want to spend the rest of my life with him..been thru alot of things with him,he's very important to me..
Think deeper, you do not want him to contact her at all so that your sense of security is not threatened? But if you go to the extent of ordering / threatening / confronting him in adhering to your wish, you are no longer loving him more than you love yourself.
If it does his conscience better in meeting her, trust him and let him do so as he wishes. You do love him more than yourself do you?
Fear casts out love, gal. -
okay,he just sms me,he's asking me to go along with him to meet her later,he says he wants me to witness what happen..
he also says he don't want me to worry unnecessarily..
should i go? i wonder how will she react when she see me..
what if we end up in a ugly fight? bcoz this happened to my good friend before,things went out of control,tat girl start to hit my friend,they got into a small fight..
i dun want things to be like tat.. -
If you're not comfortable and have no peace of mind and heart to go with him, don't go.Originally posted by depressed_80:okay,he just sms me,he's asking me to go along with him to meet her later,he says he wants me to witness what happen..
he also says he don't want me to worry unnecessarily..
should i go? i wonder how will she react when she see me..
what if we end up in a ugly fight? bcoz this happened to my good friend before,things went out of control,tat girl start to hit my friend,they got into a small fight.. i dun want things to be like tat..
I know that you'll wonder if it's safe to leave your bf with this girl. However, I must also remind you that your bf will be so greatly proud of your confidence in him esp. after you've displayed your insecurities.
He will also marvel at how you do and can manage your thoughts and emotions logically to trust him. Though, trusting him seems like something that go against your mind and will, yet it shows him that you're giving him full control at the driver's seat not because you're forced to or you have to, but you want to as you want him to be happy and comfortable with you. I am sure that girl would be so impressed by how self-contained you are.
Anyway, do so if your heart tells you to. If you do feel better by going with him, go too. Yet remember, you're not her. You are standing beside him, with him and he is with you. Know this fully in your heart and soul, and your mind will be calmed when you allow your love for him to take over.
Once you do love someone more than yourself, you'll never do anything that puts him to shame or discomfort.
Sleep tight, gal. -
I think you should go. Given your doubting character and your bf's respectable invitation, it'll be good that you go with him. However, try to keep your cool. If she tries anything funny or provoking, just let your bf handle the situation.Originally posted by depressed_80:okay,he just sms me,he's asking me to go along with him to meet her later,he says he wants me to witness what happen..
he also says he don't want me to worry unnecessarily..
should i go? i wonder how will she react when she see me..
what if we end up in a ugly fight? bcoz this happened to my good friend before,things went out of control,tat girl start to hit my friend,they got into a small fight..
i dun want things to be like tat.. -
I concur.Originally posted by Devil1976:I think you should go. Given your doubting character and your bf's respectable invitation, it'll be good that you go with him. However, try to keep your cool. If she tries anything funny or provoking, just let your bf handle the situation. -
Yeah, u should go. Hopefully after she saw you with your bf, she can 'die heart' & move on.
-
go and show her who's boss.
-
go with him, sounds like he wants to "get ird' of the girl once and for all. btu i guess you should really trust your husband to be more else how the hell you guys going to live together? forbid him to meet or talk to any girls?
-
be cool.
i know how you're feeling.
to tell the truth, i do feel insecure sometimes towards things regarding my bf's ex. i feel jealous too. i was quite mad when he met her without telling me and did not have the intention of telling me until i found out myself.
so, the turmoil you're going through is understandable.
so be cool towards it. =) -
rest assured gal. Your boyfriend is already giving you the assurance that there is nothing going on between them. He has already made himself clear to her by bringing you along.
Trust him. Go with him and see what that gal wants.
Good luck. -
Exactly. you must trust yr bf. You two been together for 4 years. Do you think he will leave u? must have faith on each other
Originally posted by stellazio:since u haf been with him for 4 years.trust him.let the man solve the matter.if he ever goes back with her,den u shud be lucky u are not married with him yet.but serously trust him to get things done.if he had tried to avoid her for so long and she still found him let him settle the matter once and for all. -
Actually, if you make your worries known (nicely of course) to him, just leave it with him after that. He sould make his own mind up whether to keep you happy or his ex-happy.
-
Actually, if you make your worries known (nicely of course) to him, just leave it with him after that. He sould make his own mind up whether to keep you happy or his ex-happy.
-
At least he invited you along..
For him..he die die went ahead even thou I protested and didn't even offer to invite me along!
-
did you bring weapons with you? was there a fight? did you win?
what happened? -
No faith and trust leads to broken hearts.
-
well gals and guys,i did went to meet up with her...guess her reaction..
tat day,i felt very uneasy tagging along,so before reaching the location,i walked behind him until she appeared,she seemed rather delighted to see him,but when the moment i stepped into the picture and stand besides him,her face really changed immediately..
her face was so black and she questioned me in a very hostile manner,asking who am i and why i was here when she supposed to meet him alone...
initially of course i was abit dumbfounded,actually this was one of the scenerio in my mind,i nearly lost cool but tolerated it,i announced to her sternly that i am his current gf and getting married soon,then she started to cry and said her bf dumped her blah blah blah..i really hated this part,i was so worried that my bf will start to soft heart..luckily he didn't.
but i think he did,he asked her what happened..blah blah blah,story ended,i told her we got to go,she said she needed someone to accompany for this moment,bloody hell,guess what my bf said..asked me to go home first! he said he's afraid she might do something silly,and moreover,they used to be very good friend before getting together,reassured me and said nothing will happen to them..
i gave him 2 choices on the spot,leave with me or stay with her,i don't know whether i've done the right thingy,but i was really fuming mad!
in the end he asked to go home first,till now,i refused to answer his call or sms,even he went to my workplace to look for me,i actually called the security to chase him out..his parents also called me,my parents kept on asking me what happened to the both of us..what the...pls advice me...i'm really draining out...sounded drama right,but it happened to me...believe it anot,up to you ppl...
-
I think at this moment the most essential thing is for you not to jump to conclusions.
Y? In situations as such, most relationships hit the rocks precisely because one jumps to conclusions, one then overeacts and in the process pisses his or her partner off. Of course avoiding this isn't easy, because it involves emotions which is difficult to control. HOWEVER, for a relationship to pull through an obsticle like this, keeping a cool mind is essential. In the esscense, playing it smart.
I think you should let your boyfriend know how u feel and tell him sternly that while U r firmly behind everything he does, there is a limit to it. IT STOPS THERE! dun go on harpping over it after that cause u'll just make him all disillusioned and the biatch will claim him with arms wide open.
Pls. Do not make the same mistake I made. I got paranoid and started smsin my gal (she used to be mine) 24'7 abt that guy. She got sick and tired of it all and she just left! -
Since I don't really know you, I'm not going to beat around the bush and tell you the truth.Originally posted by depressed_80:well gals and guys,i did went to meet up with her...guess her reaction..
tat day,i felt very uneasy tagging along,so before reaching the location,i walked behind him until she appeared,she seemed rather delighted to see him,but when the moment i stepped into the picture and stand besides him,her face really changed immediately..
her face was so black and she questioned me in a very hostile manner,asking who am i and why i was here when she supposed to meet him alone...
initially of course i was abit dumbfounded,actually this was one of the scenerio in my mind,i nearly lost cool but tolerated it,i announced to her sternly that i am his current gf and getting married soon,then she started to cry and said her bf dumped her blah blah blah..i really hated this part,i was so worried that my bf will start to soft heart..luckily he didn't.
but i think he did,he asked her what happened..blah blah blah,story ended,i told her we got to go,she said she needed someone to accompany for this moment,bloody hell,guess what my bf said..asked me to go home first! he said he's afraid she might do something silly,and moreover,they used to be very good friend before getting together,reassured me and said nothing will happen to them..
i gave him 2 choices on the spot,leave with me or stay with her,i don't know whether i've done the right thingy,but i was really fuming mad!
in the end he asked to go home first,till now,i refused to answer his call or sms,even he went to my workplace to look for me,i actually called the security to chase him out..his parents also called me,my parents kept on asking me what happened to the both of us..what the...pls advice me...i'm really draining out...sounded drama right,but it happened to me...believe it anot,up to you ppl...
Your boyfriend should think twice about marrying you. Obviously, he's shown you enough respect to tell you about it. He could easily have gone to see her secretly like you had 'suspected' he would. But he didn't and even asked you along to make sure you know what's going happen. You don't own him even if you are in a relationship. Here's a guy who's trying to keep thing transparent with you but you've choosen to ignore that. And believe in your own pre-concieved notions instead seeing what is actually going on, right in front of you.
The guy asked you to go home because he sees the tension between you and the ex. Would you rather have stayed and potentially gotten into a situation where you would have definately regretted later? Think about that. You're the one who's in the wrong here but he's getting the brunt of anger.
BTW, guys don't get soft-hearted, they just get horny. -
my advice is for you to cool down first.
Go for a nice relaxing spa.
Just dump everything and stop thinking about him for a few days.
take some time off and slowly think about everything.
No point rushing into any serious decision now cos you are in a state of confusion.
Everything happen so fast that I know is hard for you the last few days.
Pats pats. Sayang Quincey. Give Quincey a nice warm hug!
Will advice you again...After a nice rest period. you will need it. -
Depressed_80,
You are not to be blame. In that situation, one thing leads to the next.
Your bf asked u along. She dun know u, U dun know her. He knows both.
He should be the one explaining this to her ex - in your presence.
When you walked off, he should know what's at stake.