Need advise/help on BGR...
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I've been together with my gf for 3 years already, we were getting along well and very loving for the first 2.5years, however recently, both of us seem to have changed, not getting along as well as before.
We have been on the rocks for half a year and came to such a standstill phrase whereby i asked her if we should continue our relationship, she agree with me that we aren't getting along well. So we had a 1 week cool down period thinking whether to continue or not, if we were to continue, we would have to promise each other to devote our 100%.
After the 1 week cool down period, my decision was to continue but hers, was to break up. She said that she isn't ready and think that this relationship might not work out in the end afterall. She also said that if we are fated together, next time when she is ready, we might be together again.
I assured her that if the love exist, we could have work out everything, but she insisted on her decision. I respect her decision and we have broke up.
I'm very sure that she loves me, and i love her too. Our relationship does not have a third party whatsoever. I love and care for her very much and it would be very painful for me to let go, but i would have to if there is no other choice. Should i let go or should i continue pursuing this relationship? Please advise, im very lost.
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if i were u, i wld continue but go slow. unless got someone new.
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let go
I know is hard but wat i learn from gals is that once they say break up they meant it.
You had yr chance for 2.5 years. Are you sure even if u are together will you be happy ?
Girls can forget guys very easily once they break up.
Pats pats try to go out with more friends more often.
Sometimes it may not be that bad to find a new one. -
This is the doubt she had.Originally posted by drx:You had yr chance for 2.5 years. Are you sure even if u are together will you be happy ?
For me, i believe love would fix our puzzle piece... -
I have been in such position before. I am now currently married to my bf of 6 years before we got married 4 years ago.
When we are about 2 years plus, we do have lots of quarrel and I even mentioned to him about breaking up many times. But in the end, I gave in because I was soft-hearted and of course, there are still love in us.
My advice is to talk to her again if there are still chance, but one thing to be warn is that, if there are third party involved, then it's unlikely that you will patch back because she may not love you anymore.
If that's not the case, then have a really good talk with her. Dun hold on to your pride and let her know how you really feel. Be sincere and truthful as this may be the only chance. She will get it.
There's no regret and now I am happily married with a boy of 2 years old. We have been together for 9 years now. -
What do you feel you shld do?Originally posted by ShuttleX:I've been together with my gf for 3 years already, we were getting along well and very loving for the first 2.5years, however recently, both of us seem to have changed, not getting along as well as before.
We have been on the rocks for half a year and came to such a standstill phrase whereby i asked her if we should continue our relationship, she agree with me that we aren't getting along well. So we had a 1 week cool down period thinking whether to continue or not, if we were to continue, we would have to promise each other to devote our 100%.
After the 1 week cool down period, my decision was to continue but hers, was to break up. She said that she isn't ready and think that this relationship might not work out in the end afterall. She also said that if we are fated together, next time when she is ready, we might be together again.
I assured her that if the love exist, we could have work out everything, but she insisted on her decision. I respect her decision and we have broke up.
I'm very sure that she loves me, and i love her too. Our relationship does not have a third party whatsoever. I love and care for her very much and it would be very painful for me to let go, but i would have to if there is no other choice. Should i let go or should i continue pursuing this relationship? Please advise, im very lost. -
What do you feel you shld do?Originally posted by ShuttleX:I've been together with my gf for 3 years already, we were getting along well and very loving for the first 2.5years, however recently, both of us seem to have changed, not getting along as well as before.
We have been on the rocks for half a year and came to such a standstill phrase whereby i asked her if we should continue our relationship, she agree with me that we aren't getting along well. So we had a 1 week cool down period thinking whether to continue or not, if we were to continue, we would have to promise each other to devote our 100%.
After the 1 week cool down period, my decision was to continue but hers, was to break up. She said that she isn't ready and think that this relationship might not work out in the end afterall. She also said that if we are fated together, next time when she is ready, we might be together again.
I assured her that if the love exist, we could have work out everything, but she insisted on her decision. I respect her decision and we have broke up.
I'm very sure that she loves me, and i love her too. Our relationship does not have a third party whatsoever. I love and care for her very much and it would be very painful for me to let go, but i would have to if there is no other choice. Should i let go or should i continue pursuing this relationship? Please advise, im very lost. -
let it go... this type of thing did not change over night. hv u asked urself like what u hv done mebbe weeks or months before tat pissed her off. and likewise, wat she has done tat pissed u off too?
if both of u cannot compromise or agree to disagree, there is little to talk abt betw u. nothing in common. no trust... = game over. -
since she insists, let it go.
relationship is something mutual. why prolong your torment by clinging on someone who doesnt want to be with you anymore.
your time will be better spent by finding someone who suits you better. -
There is no third-party involved at all for my case...
We broke off not because that we're in bad terms or that either of our love had faded off. Our love is still there.
The main problem is that, our thinking and character have changed over time, we had slight differences. We had disagreements and quarrals pretty often.
But I believed, since our love is there, we could use this bond to adjust ourselves to fit each other. I mean, we needed time to adjust for the changes.
But she had gave up.....mainly because she feels insecure...she have doubts if this relationship would work out at the end of the day.
It has been 2 weeks after the breakup, she had became part of my life, i tried making myself very busy, but i still can't forget her, i've only kept her in the back of my mind everytime when i focus on something else.
I wonder if i should really talk to her about this again, asking for another chance to rebuild this broken relationship... -
I've detected that weeks before our cool-down period.Originally posted by Apollo_sg:let it go... this type of thing did not change over night. hv u asked urself like what u hv done mebbe weeks or months before tat pissed her off. and likewise, wat she has done tat pissed u off too?
if both of u cannot compromise or agree to disagree, there is little to talk abt betw u. nothing in common. no trust... = game over.
I've tried to build a common goal or hobby with her but she doesn't seem to respond. When i asked her, do you have any hobby in mind or something you wanna do? She said "nope...im a slacker lol"
The faith and trust we have built over the years is there. We didn't doubt each other's feelings when we have come to face such a problem. Before she left, she told me she still truely love me...
She is more to the type people that would escapes or give up when facing problems.
I'm more to the type people that would face and solve the problems. -
I'm very confused and lost...Originally posted by dcx:What do you feel you shld do?
On one hand, i want her back. I want to rebuild our relationship. I really want to have a second chance to cherish our relationship. I really miss her.
On the other hand, i'm afraid our relationship would fail in the end. And i know that is what she is afraid of also. -
IF you feel that you are bent on failing...then don't bother.
But if you truly treasure this relationship... give it your best shot.
Nobody can predict the future and no one can give you the road to take.
You and your girl friend know best and are the only two who can make things happen the way both of you truly desire or part amicably as friends.
The choice is up to you -
I would like to thank everyone who bothered to reply...thanks.
For myself, I really want to try to build the relationship again, but i think my gf lack the sense of security...since we have broken up, is there any way to build up her sense of security before i ask for a second chance?
How to let girls have the sense of security? -
Grow up? :pOriginally posted by ShuttleX:How to let girls have the sense of security? -
Originally posted by ShuttleX:
Define "security". Financial? Emotional?
For myself, I really want to try to build the relationship again, but i think my gf lack the sense of security...since we have broken up, is there any way to build up her sense of security before i ask for a second chance?
How to let girls have the sense of security?
Quite sure once you have determined exactly what is that your girlfriend lacks, you'd be able to figure out what you'd have to do next.
Good luck. -
Again...my question...what should you do?Originally posted by ShuttleX:I'm very confused and lost...
On one hand, i want her back. I want to rebuild our relationship. I really want to have a second chance to cherish our relationship. I really miss her.
On the other hand, i'm afraid our relationship would fail in the end. And i know that is what she is afraid of also. -
if ther eis no third party, and there's only rockiness in the relationship, why did she wan a breakup? must be have a reason one right??? i mean, all r/s will have problems, but we dun just go breaking up everytime this is one right??? get to the root of the prob.
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The problem with us is that we can't get along well...
Security as in emotional security... -
Can you share if any differences in both your family/educational/occupation background?Originally posted by ShuttleX:The problem with us is that we can't get along well...
Security as in emotional security...
Your helplessness is not doing the relationship any good. In fact, it could add on to her pressure(?)
Cheers -
Personally... I say you should be giving up... Don't be pathetic....Originally posted by ShuttleX:I'm very confused and lost...
On one hand, i want her back. I want to rebuild our relationship. I really want to have a second chance to cherish our relationship. I really miss her.
On the other hand, i'm afraid our relationship would fail in the end. And i know that is what she is afraid of also.
1. She has given you the RED CARD.
2. She is not responding to your acts.
3. She has given up.
4. You've only got at most half of the faith left... Not to mention that most of them are blind aimless ones...
So you're not afraid to knock your head even harder... Make the situation even more pathetic... Pls go ahead.....
If you INSIST on this one despite whatever I've told you above...Originally posted by ShuttleX:I would like to thank everyone who bothered to reply...thanks.
For myself, I really want to try to build the relationship again, but i think my gf lack the sense of security...since we have broken up, is there any way to build up her sense of security before i ask for a second chance?
How to let girls have the sense of security?
My personal advice would be to take a 'back seat' 1st... Move along as a friend and see if things can be amended from there... In that way, everybody would be given more room to breathe... And PLEASE... NO PRESSURE on her or it'll just flip... -
We does not have much difference in our family/educational/occupation background.Originally posted by M©+square:Can you share if any differences in both your family/educational/occupation background?
Your helplessness is not doing the relationship any good. In fact, it could add on to her pressure(?)
Cheers
It just seem that she enjoy being with her family and friends more than being me.
In fact, i would say i have more matured thinkings, i plan for my future and have goals for myself. I know what i want in life.
She is more to the type of happy-go-lucky type. Does not plan or anything, she feels that she is still young, need not plan far. -
Yes, that's what im doing now.Originally posted by Devil1976:If you INSIST on this one despite whatever I've told you above...
My personal advice would be to take a 'back seat' 1st... Move along as a friend and see if things can be amended from there... In that way, everybody would be given more room to breathe... And PLEASE... NO PRESSURE on her or it'll just flip...
I'm lost, i don't know which step should i take next. -
Disagreements and quarrels are not such a bad thing in a relationship, especially if the resulting effect is a better understanding between the both of you. Letting frustrations fester can do a whole lot more irreparable damage to a relationship.Originally posted by ShuttleX:We broke off not because that we're in bad terms or that either of our love had faded off. Our love is still there.
The main problem is that, our thinking and character have changed over time, we had slight differences. We had disagreements and quarrals pretty often.
But I believed, since our love is there, we could use this bond to adjust ourselves to fit each other. I mean, we needed time to adjust for the changes.
But she had gave up.....mainly because she feels insecure...she have doubts if this relationship would work out at the end of the day.
Do you know the reason why she's feeling insecure with you? This isn't something that can be corrected over a few weeks, especially if she's been directly telling you or hinting at the cause of her insecurity and you've been ignoring or trivialising the matter. -
Both parties must be willing in order to patch back.
If she is unwilling, then better to let go.
If there are a lot of arguments & quarrels in the r/s, then no point carrying on.