Should I let time past or should I go head-on?
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hi guys its my first time posting here. I have some inter-personal problems.. hope you guys can sound me out
Story goes like this:
I like this girl from my class in the polytechnic, been classmates for exactly a year on. Last semester we started going out but its usually with a third person who is a female. Eventually i got to know her better and of course i was attracted to her. We even take the same bus from school to her transfer stop in town. During those times we would chat about school stuff.
Now in year 2, i've decided not to be a coward and made it clear to her in a letter that i like her. To my surprise, she gave a pleasant reply that she treats me "as a very good friend only". Personally it was the best reply she can give as i do not wanna risk into going into a relationship with her. That happened on a 1st Friday.
The week that followed was rather good as i can put down my guard and chat with her whatever i want. we even chatted about our personal stuff on the bus after school. However, on the 2nd Thursday (which is the next thursday after the first friday) i bought a toy for her, thinking that she would like it. I passed to her after school in the bus.
The week that followed was almost the total opposite from the previous paragraph. She starts to keep her distance from me. She seldom talk to me. She replies to me sometimes in a very "reluctant" and "buay song" way. Today is the 3rd Friday. Things aint getting better. I wanted to write her a letter to clarify things with her but my friends around me who know this keep telling me not to write and just let time pass.
What do you guys think? Should I write her the letter and go head-on with this matter? or Should I just let time heal the wounds and hope she will stop keeping her distance from me?
I seriously do not wanna lose a friend like her. Things seems to be as bad as it is.
P.S She's in the same project group with me for 4 modules. -
she probably thinks she is giving you the wrong signals by talking to you as per normal after you declared your love.
The toy buying thing sorta made it clear to her. I guess for her she sees the toys as your interest still being there.
She decides to not complicate things further and be a bit colder.
Your friends seem to know this. So they are telling you to keep your distance in a way too.
Since she is integral to your continuing education however, and you dont want to make things awkward, let her know you are regretful things have digressed to such a level and that you really want the both of you be at least civil friends.
Nothing much you can do after that.
Good luck. -
panic is right. she's trying her level best to sooth things... so let it cool. then maybe you still got a chance to go back to being JUST friends. nothing more. if you showed any trace of anything MORE, you'll prob lose her as a friend forever.
take heart. get over it. at least you still have a friend. -
Well....I reckon it will be best for you to tell her that, it alrite not to accept you...but just be friends....her signal is clear enough to you that she only wan you as a fren and not to complicate matters....So make it clear to her, and be friends, if not, it will be hard for u to concentrate on the project....
Gd luck... -
MMM...seems like a familiar case. Anyway, yes as wat other people have said, she want u as friend only. Pressure her somemore and u will lose her as a friend forever. I think u should know after u declare ur feeling for her, ur friendship with her might not be the same anymore. Because she might feel that if she treat u nice again, u might get the wrong idea.
And seems u like her, I think if u get back close to her again, u might fall for her again, thus start the misery of loving her but can't be with her.
If I am u, i will stay away from her till I making sure i ONLY want be friends with her. Any try not to do things which normal friends would not do, like writing a letter to her, buying a soft toy for watever. Finally, its up to her call whether she want to remain as friends with u after this suituation. If she still try to avoid u altot u treat her as friends, then let it be. Guys should have a little pride too and she does not deserve to be ur friend.
Good luck~~~!
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this the first love u in rite and got rejected (sort of)....nevermind take the advices here let it b...love should not be singled sided...less it is call "unrequited". at leat u hav expressed yr feelins and sure will die iwf no regrets if its Hell on Earth tomorrowOriginally posted by service_238:hi guys its my first time posting here. I have some inter-personal problems.. hope you guys can sound me out
Story goes like this:
I like this girl from my class in the polytechnic, been classmates for exactly a year on. Last semester we started going out but its usually with a third person who is a female. Eventually i got to know her better and of course i was attracted to her. We even take the same bus from school to her transfer stop in town. During those times we would chat about school stuff.
Now in year 2, i've decided not to be a coward and made it clear to her in a letter that i like her. To my surprise, she gave a pleasant reply that she treats me "as a very good friend only". Personally it was the best reply she can give as i do not wanna risk into going into a relationship with her. That happened on a 1st Friday.
The week that followed was rather good as i can put down my guard and chat with her whatever i want. we even chatted about our personal stuff on the bus after school. However, on the 2nd Thursday (which is the next thursday after the first friday) i bought a toy for her, thinking that she would like it. I passed to her after school in the bus.
The week that followed was almost the total opposite from the previous paragraph. She starts to keep her distance from me. She seldom talk to me. She replies to me sometimes in a very "reluctant" and "buay song" way. Today is the 3rd Friday. Things aint getting better. I wanted to write her a letter to clarify things with her but my friends around me who know this keep telling me not to write and just let time pass.
What do you guys think? Should I write her the letter and go head-on with this matter? or Should I just let time heal the wounds and hope she will stop keeping her distance from me?
I seriously do not wanna lose a friend like her. Things seems to be as bad as it is.
P.S She's in the same project group with me for 4 modules.
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lets say if a gal likes you but you do not like her
she confess to you and says she is willing to wait for you.
How do you reject her? -
the funny option is to tell her you are gay or having problems with your sexual identity.Originally posted by drx:lets say if a gal likes you but you do not like her
she confess to you and says she is willing to wait for you.
How do you reject her?
the rude option is to tell her something like "Its not me, its you. I just dont like you".
The best option is to tell her not to wait and just carry on with your life. If she is a good enough friend, she will support you no matter what you do. So be that to her likewise. -
agree.Originally posted by panicTheory:she probably thinks she is giving you the wrong signals by talking to you as per normal after you declared your love.
The toy buying thing sorta made it clear to her. I guess for her she sees the toys as your interest still being there.
She decides to not complicate things further and be a bit colder.
Your friends seem to know this. So they are telling you to keep your distance in a way too.
Since she is integral to your continuing education however, and you dont want to make things awkward, let her know you are regretful things have digressed to such a level and that you really want the both of you be at least civil friends.
Nothing much you can do after that.
Good luck. -
so, tell me, why ain't u spending ur time & effort on ur studies and stop thinking betw ur legs for a chance?
gers? sure, streetloads of them where they come fr. but if u fare badly, there may not b enuff to feed u, let alone feed ur imaginations.
just cool down n make more friends with others. -
cool off for a while is quite a gd thing.. but writting a letter, in my own opinion, is not the way to go coz i dun see how it can soothe the tension... remember how u behaved when u were still frens? i think u should try reverting back to those days n u shld be fine... -
Thanks guys glady appreciate it.
seems like now i have to tahan with this until i show less interest in her. maybe i shouldnt take the same bus for a change? cos actually i have a direct bus home from school while she doesnt. she takes 106 to a stop in orchard while i can take 105 direct.
d-a-m-n i shouldnt give her the toy. i'm screwed. -
You are studying in SP ahh....
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obvious right...Originally posted by ILPSY:You are studying in SP ahh.... 
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Yes, u made a wrong move in giving her a gift to further declare ur interest in her.Originally posted by service_238:Thanks guys glady appreciate it.
seems like now i have to tahan with this until i show less interest in her. maybe i shouldnt take the same bus for a change? cos actually i have a direct bus home from school while she doesnt. she takes 106 to a stop in orchard while i can take 105 direct.
d-a-m-n i shouldnt give her the toy. i'm screwed.
1stly, she aready mentioned to u after u declared ur interest in her in the letter, that she would like to be frens with u. Basically she means for u to stop showing interest in her and treat her as a fren. That is why she treated u as a fren after the letter case.
When she realise u stil dun get her meaning and stil show interest in her (by giving her the gift), she will of cos react the way she is doing now. imagine urself in her shoes.
I am kind of in a similar situation like u. I like this girl and hinted her but she also hinted me back she doesnt like me. So I stopped watever actions or hints I did. And we are still frens.
I think rite now, u jsut have to be ur normal self, dun have to avoid her, dun have to react in a strange way, dun have to specially take measures to calm things down. Let time pass and in the meantime just be urself, like how u treat ur other frens. -
the paradox is the more you ignore a girl the more she'll become intrigued by you...show her who wears the pants smartypants...
go watch hitch for some dating/f.ucking/ons tips...
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Cut off all contact with her. Ignore her completely.
This method is a win win situation and have been 100% proven success.
Ganji method.
Google on. -
As you can see, things is not going to be the same anymore.
like shaunlaw say, you step over the line.
what done cannot be undone.
let me tell you the things that can be done and waht is the likely consequences.
1)you leave things as it is, things will eventually die down. you will lose her as a friend, unless you befriend her after that. you still have some projects together with her, things will be awkard.
2)you write a letter, asking to be forgiven and promise you will not do such things again. things may go back to normal, but not gurantee.. depend on the girl character.
3)or third, ask the other friend to help, the one that you wrote in the first place. higher chance, tell her what you think, and what you afraid of and please tell her that you still have project together, thing will be awkard ans so on. high chance she help, girls softhearted and give her a treat after that. -
Bingo. Either that or there could be other misunderstanding between you and her which you're not aware of you.....Originally posted by panicTheory:she probably thinks she is giving you the wrong signals by talking to you as per normal after you declared your love.
The toy buying thing sorta made it clear to her. I guess for her she sees the toys as your interest still being there.
She decides to not complicate things further and be a bit colder.
Your friends seem to know this. So they are telling you to keep your distance in a way too.
Since she is integral to your continuing education however, and you dont want to make things awkward, let her know you are regretful things have digressed to such a level and that you really want the both of you be at least civil friends.
Nothing much you can do after that.
Good luck. -
Just explain the situation to her and let her know you treasure the friendship between you and her.Originally posted by service_238:Thanks guys glady appreciate it.
seems like now i have to tahan with this until i show less interest in her. maybe i shouldnt take the same bus for a change? cos actually i have a direct bus home from school while she doesnt. she takes 106 to a stop in orchard while i can take 105 direct.
d-a-m-n i shouldnt give her the toy. i'm screwed. -
There is some friction between the 2 of us. but its just that neither of us are willing to address the problem openly.Originally posted by Devil1976:Bingo. Either that or there could be other misunderstanding between you and her which you're not aware of you.....
well the girl's character is the dao kind but she's quite friendly and open if u know her better.Originally posted by heavenlyfire:As you can see, things is not going to be the same anymore.
like shaunlaw say, you step over the line.
what done cannot be undone.
let me tell you the things that can be done and waht is the likely consequences.
1)you leave things as it is, things will eventually die down. you will lose her as a friend, unless you befriend her after that. you still have some projects together with her, things will be awkard.
2)you write a letter, asking to be forgiven and promise you will not do such things again. things may go back to normal, but not gurantee.. depend on the girl character.
3)or third, ask the other friend to help, the one that you wrote in the first place. higher chance, tell her what you think, and what you afraid of and please tell her that you still have project together, thing will be awkard ans so on. high chance she help, girls softhearted and give her a treat after that.
i like your solution 2. it goes right in line of my intentions but the contents that i initially thought was slightly different.
I do not wish to involve the third friend. not that i dont trust her but it just seem not right.
Would she still be my good friend if things are cleared up or she will just treat me as a normal friend? its not easy to attain the "good friend" status of a person of the opposite gender.
Today is Monday. i didnt really talk to her, neither do i frequently look at her in the eye like i used to do. to me things seem to be gotten from bad to worse.
feel like asking her (and the third friend) to the movies on wednesday but i think she will reject.
movie is "i'll be there for you" "you suck"
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Whether u will be good frens or not will have to depend, but most likely i will say u can only be normal frens, those see say hi, can work tog speak no more than a few words.Originally posted by service_238:well the girl's character is the dao kind but she's quite friendly and open if u know her better.
i like your solution 2. it goes right in line of my intentions but the contents that i initially thought was slightly different.
I do not wish to involve the third friend. not that i dont trust her but it just seem not right.
Would she still be my good friend if things are cleared up or she will just treat me as a normal friend? its not easy to attain the "good friend" status of a person of the opposite gender.
Today is Monday. i didnt really talk to her, neither do i frequently look at her in the eye like i used to do. to me things seem to be gotten from bad to worse.
feel like asking her (and the third friend) to the movies on wednesday but i think she will reject.
movie is "i'll be there for you" "you suck"
It is never easy to be good frens with anyone. Ur case is much more complicated. It would seem at the moment not possible until things take a turn for the better ( until she can really forget ur intentions but i doubt it.).
I can frankly tell u that if u ask her for a movie now, u will be in more hot soup and by then we will not be able to help u anymore.
Let things cool down, dun think abt chasing her and dun tok abt it for some time.
The best solution will be to give up. Not that I am pouring cold water on u but that is for the best if u wan to work well in the grp for ur sch project. -
no please, no more movies, no more date, type or write your letter first , consult the third party friend, sometimes girl can talk to girl better. I don write ideas for no lesson.Originally posted by service_238:well the girl's character is the dao kind but she's quite friendly and open if u know her better.
i like your solution 2. it goes right in line of my intentions but the contents that i initially thought was slightly different.
I do not wish to involve the third friend. not that i dont trust her but it just seem not right.
Would she still be my good friend if things are cleared up or she will just treat me as a normal friend? its not easy to attain the "good friend" status of a person of the opposite gender.
Today is Monday. i didnt really talk to her, neither do i frequently look at her in the eye like i used to do. to me things seem to be gotten from bad to worse.
feel like asking her (and the third friend) to the movies on wednesday but i think she will reject.
movie is "i'll be there for you" "you suck"
yes, high chance you will get rejected unless you tell your third party friend what happen and what are your plans. don think you need to tell also.
girls talk to each other over such things,she should know by now. seek her advise, use her as an informant.
your friend character seems to be the typical chio bu lian style. maybe it is possible that you can still be friend with her but you only told me she is friendly, doesn help much in my prediction.
I must know her attitude towards "GUYS" friends. Whether she believe guys and gals can become good friend. does she have a lot of guy friends and other related stuff.
hope these advise help you further. CHEERS and good luck! -
ThanksOriginally posted by heavenlyfire:yes, high chance you will get rejected unless you tell your third party friend what happen and what are your plans. don think you need to tell also.
girls talk to each other over such things,she should know by now. seek her advise, use her as an informant.
your friend character seems to be the typical chio bu lian style. maybe it is possible that you can still be friend with her but you only told me she is friendly, doesn help much in my prediction.
I must know her attitude towards "GUYS" friends. Whether she believe guys and gals can become good friend. does she have a lot of guy friends and other related stuff.
hope these advise help you further. CHEERS and good luck!
i kinda know her character rather well by now.
firstly, she said before that she keep secrets to herself. then again u may never know that the third friend knows about it.
her character is totally not lian at all. if not i wont be interested.
She's rather ok with the guy friends that she have. She's from a convent school for 10 years before coming here. almost 80% of her friends are girls. (just an estimate). Whether she believe guys and girls an be good friends is a questionable here. if she's from a co-ed school, i have no qualms about that. but she's from a convent school.. hard to predict also.
Letter drafted, edited and printed. it will make or break this friendship IMO. intend to pass to her after school today. -
ok.give us an update if adverse reaction or consequences. good luck!