Opinion on possible reasons.
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There is this scenario..
There is this girl, he likes her alot. After going out for months, he decided to tell her that he likes her. But alas..he was not given a yes or no. Just a 'not now' . Thats cool, but the thing is , ever since he told her his feelings, she comes out more often with him then before. In fact , they go out so often that people think that they are together. When asked is she the gf..or is he the bf.. they both deny..but then they do things any couple in a r/s will do. They hold hands, light kisses etc.. but they are NOT together.. everytime if asked the question she will use the same answer. She doesnt go out with other guys but just with him for the next few months until she left for overseas to work for a while. She says she is the kind that will remain faithful even in a long distance relationship but the thing that is frustrating is why does she act the way she is towards him. She cant be using him as she is well off herself, playing his feelings? but she is always telling him which girl is pretty..or he should go after this or that girl.. it complicates matters for him as the girls thinks he got a gf already, but when he tells them he doesnt..they dun believe him. He told her that this has to stop as it is confusing him, but she insists saying that she doesnt want it to change...she wishes it to remain as it is..Some more there are at least 2 other guys going after her n she seems oblivious to it all. she keeps saying she really likes him.. but Like n Love is 2 different things dont u think?
Do you think the guy is being played in the balls or what ? what possible answer is there in this kind of situation! Just need some opinions and suggestions. cheers -
This is called "keeping your options open".
"Light kisses" but not together? Not a good opinion of the gal in my opinion.
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i know keeping her options may be the key thing.. but, actually..she is a nice person. In fact.. TOO nice.. very caring ... n they even went beyond kisses. So thats what making him doubt her.... how can such a nice person ,polite n well educated be like this? She doesnt have any history of being this way to any other guys..Originally posted by CoolMyth:This is called "keeping your options open".
"Light kisses" but not together? Not a good opinion of the gal in my opinion. 
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She doesn't have a history of being like this, does NOT mean she won't change, Penguin (Badz Maro what).
I used to be kinda a flirt, but I don't flirt now.
People change................ Ask the guy to tell the girl to give him an answer. WHY is she doing this? What we can do is only speculate.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by BadzMaro:i know keeping her options may be the key thing.. but, actually..she is a nice person. In fact.. TOO nice.. very caring ... n they even went beyond kisses. So thats what making him doubt her.... how can such a nice person ,polite n well educated be like this? She doesnt have any history of being this way to any other guys.. -
Hmm... well, if the girl likes the guy and wants to keep her options option open... i guess the guy can also do the same thing??
In any case, if the guy really likes the girl... just keep it the way it is first and see how things go, I dun think the guy have anything to lose right?? -
He did ask her..in fact, he asked her a few times. Her answer is 'not now' if not now then when ? or is there gonna be any chance at all??? She did say she doesnt want him to treat her different ... its like she wants the feeling to be loved but not commiting in return... but her actions shows that she cares n worries for him.Originally posted by FeowFeow:She doesn't have a history of being like this, does NOT mean she won't change, Penguin (Badz Maro what).
I used to be kinda a flirt, but I don't flirt now.
People change................ Ask the guy to tell the girl to give him an answer. WHY is she doing this? What we can do is only speculate.
FeowFeow -
He can keep his options open but for now he feels frustrated. I think the girl is in a win win situation. Half the girls he talks to keeps thinking that he is attached n trying to be a player.Originally posted by Zelkeraious:Hmm... well, if the girl likes the guy and wants to keep her options option open... i guess the guy can also do the same thing??
In any case, if the guy really likes the girl... just keep it the way it is first and see how things go, I dun think the guy have anything to lose right??
But now that she has gone overseas he may as well start looking. U think he should start looking or cling on to every last bit of hope. False or not in this 'may-be r/s' -
Ok, I only give you my view but understand that this is Not applicable to everybody hor.
This belongs to my:
Been there, seen that, but thank God haven't done that category
1 of my friends from years ago (I don't keep in touch with her anymore) thrived on this kinda intrigue & mystique. In retrospect, she was always abit of a drama mama, to test the guy, to make him want her, to care for him yet tell him she doesn't want to commit, etc. In short, sending mixed signals gave her a thrill.
I once asked her why she did that, & she revealed that it gave her a sense of satisfaction to know a guy could like her so much & could get so confused. Don't ask me, this doesn't make sense to me either.
But as I said, I draw on life's experiences to help others. This scenario doesn't necessarily apply to the girl you know. But if it's the kinda gratification like the kind my friend seeks, it's very unfair on the guy.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by BadzMaro:He did ask her..in fact, he asked her a few times. Her answer is 'not now' if not now then when ? or is there gonna be any chance at all??? She did say she doesnt want him to treat her different ... its like she wants the feeling to be loved but not commiting in return... but her actions shows that she cares n worries for him. -
Who understand gals anyway?
But it's quite true that there are gals out there simply seeking thrills, just for the fun of it. -
Oh dear, now that I look at this post of yours...
Erm... How can I break it gently to you?
She goes there, & if she doesn't find anyone better, she may take you. Right now, she doesn't want to have to tell the guys over there that she has a bf back home.
Oh dear I'm sorry if I can't make it sound gentler
FeowFeowOriginally posted by BadzMaro:He can keep his options open but for now he feels frustrated. I think the girl is in a win win situation. Half the girls he talks to keeps thinking that he is attached n trying to be a player. But now that she has gone overseas he may as well start looking. U think he should start looking or cling on to every last bit of hope. False or not in this 'may-be r/s' -
Of course, looking for a other options is easy. But more importantly, if the guy still likes (or already begin to fall in love with the girl, who is now overseas) it may not turn out to be so easy, isnt it?Originally posted by BadzMaro:He can keep his options open but for now he feels frustrated. I think the girl is in a win win situation. Half the girls he talks to keeps thinking that he is attached n trying to be a player. But now that she has gone overseas he may as well start looking. U think he should start looking or cling on to every last bit of hope. False or not in this 'may-be r/s'
Fair enough the some ppl out there are afraid of commitment... but if the guy is looking for someone who can commit, isn't it time to move on to other options since he has already ask her a couple of times and she is not ready to commit yet.
However, if the guy loves her and thinks that she is worth the wait... its not wrong either to keep his patience in waiting to the relationship to bloom, but of course he have to be prepared for all possible outcomes....
Is he willing to take the risks? -
Feeling super lazy today....
Make it super short.
Positive reasoning:
1)She experienced a turning point in life which led her to become such that she is able to resist a relationship yet get close to your friend.
2)Under certain influence
3)She likes your friend, but afraid that after he got the r/s. Everything will go.
So keeping it at this status is contentment for her.
4)Yes to good feelings, no to commitment.
Not so positive reason:
1)She applies mixed signals and confuse your friend. Very powerful method to let your friend do the chase for a long long time.
2)To have the best of all the worlds?
3)Complex background.
4)Ego.
Cheers -
I think:Originally posted by BadzMaro:He can keep his options open but for now he feels frustrated. I think the girl is in a win win situation. Half the girls he talks to keeps thinking that he is attached n trying to be a player. But now that she has gone overseas he may as well start looking. U think he should start looking or cling on to every last bit of hope. False or not in this 'may-be r/s'
Drop the hope by 50% and leave the 50% at the back of his mind.
WAIT and look around.
If she's back, there will surely be ways to get things right.
If she's not, drop the remaining 50% and start getting serious with those you looked around.
Win win situation.
Cheers -
Its understandable. U dun have to be sorry if u cant make it sound gentler. The truth sets you free.. but first, its gonna piss u off.Originally posted by FeowFeow:Oh dear, now that I look at this post of yours...
Erm... How can I break it gently to you?
She goes there, & if she doesn't find anyone better, she may take you. Right now, she doesn't want to have to tell the guys over there that she has a bf back home.
Oh dear I'm sorry if I can't make it sound gentler
FeowFeow
I asked for your views n opinions so u guys can just say whatever n however u like. -
Hmm, you're the kinda person I like to talk things about & advise : ) You have an open mind & are open to ideas. What we say may Not be 100% correct because we don't even know the situation exactly, but we say based on what life has taught us.
Sometimes I wish other people would be more like you.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by BadzMaro:Its understandable. U dun have to be sorry if u cant make it sound gentler. The truth sets you free.. but first, its gonna piss u off. I asked for your views n opinions so u guys can just say whatever n however u like. -
Thanks for your comment. Very technical.. straight forward. So far the ratio of 7/10 thinks she is not suitable n he should move on. By getting more opinions n information, i will be able to determine the pros n cons..therefore making a fair judgement n solution. Thanks bro!Originally posted by M©+square:Feeling super lazy today....
Make it super short.
Positive reasoning:
1)She experienced a turning point in life which led her to become such that she is able to resist a relationship yet get close to your friend.
2)Under certain influence
3)She likes your friend, but afraid that after he got the r/s. Everything will go.
So keeping it at this status is contentment for her.
4)Yes to good feelings, no to commitment.
Not so positive reason:
1)She applies mixed signals and confuse your friend. Very powerful method to let your friend do the chase for a long long time.
2)To have the best of all the worlds?
3)Complex background.
4)Ego.
Cheers -
Possible to turn the table around.
But it's too much hassle and too much time.
Uncompatible pair, move on.
Cheers
p.s why am i so lazy? Slapp meself. -
I am open minded n always open to ideas. Coz i believe in others views. Coz sometimes u are blind as u are influenced by different reasonins or some can say.. blinded by love and oblivious to all reasonings.Originally posted by FeowFeow:Hmm, you're the kinda person I like to talk things about & advise : ) You have an open mind & are open to ideas. What we say may Not be 100% correct because we don't even know the situation exactly, but we say based on what life has taught us.
Sometimes I wish other people would be more like you.
FeowFeow
U dun wish other people tol be like me~! seriously.. lol! -
your fren wans commitment but the gal not ready(or like to play) so just ask tell him dun get serious and keep his options open for other gals....
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Possible to turn the table around. True that its too much hassle and it does not gurantee success. Uncompatible in terms of commitment but they are very compatible in all other aspects. Moving on is most likely solution.Originally posted by M©+square:Possible to turn the table around.
But it's too much hassle and too much time.
Uncompatible pair, move on.
Cheers
p.s why am i so lazy? Slapp meself.
Why are u so lazy ? Low metabolism... lack of sugar... or just P.L.A.I.N lazy.. =P -
Yah lorr! Why are you so lazy!
Get up now & bake cookies for AA regulars!
FeowFeowOriginally posted by M©+square:Possible to turn the table around.
But it's too much hassle and too much time.
Uncompatible pair, move on.
Cheers
p.s why am i so lazy? Slapp meself. -
Think about this, Penguin.
What's the use of being compatible in all other aspects when commitment is Not there? : )
If both of you are committed, there's a chance you can resolve the differences in your incompatibility. Even my guy & I have laughed about how incompatible we seemed. Yet, we're perfectly happy with each other, because we're committed.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by BadzMaro:Possible to turn the table around. True that its too much hassle and it does not gurantee success. Uncompatible in terms of commitment but they are very compatible in all other aspects. Moving on is most likely solution.
Why are u so lazy ? Low metabolism... lack of sugar... or just P.L.A.I.N lazy.. =P -
Lucky guy..I wish I can have the same form or relationships with girls without being a bf
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Who doesn't like free lunches?Originally posted by alexkusu:Lucky guy..I wish I can have the same form or relationships with girls without being a bf -
*BISH*
FeowFeowOriginally posted by alexkusu:Lucky guy..I wish I can have the same form or relationships with girls without being a bf