pls give me advice...
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went out with my bf yesterday(saturday), chatted about our future as we walked around, of all a sudden, he told me,''yah,we can talk everything about our future, but..nobody can predict what will happen to us in the future, and i don't even know what will happen to my business, fail or success, we can get ROM, but if things(his business goes wrong or fails),it will be unfair to me.''
then he told me calmly that if along the way, if i manage to find a even more better guy in terms of financial or whatever, just go ahead, he will let me go..
after hearing that, my heart really dropped..we've been together for almost 4 yrs coming February..i'm 25yrs and he is 26yrs..and now he tell me this type of thing..
what is he implying??!! then i asked him is he trying to break off with me now or what? he took my hand and held tightly to his chest and said of course he won't let me go..but if his business really can't make it, he just don't want me to follow him and suffer..
what should i really do?? must i wait for things to really happen then make a decision whether to break off with him or might as well break up now...??
i really felt very miserable and lost...and my mind kept on thinking when will he break off with me...i really don't want that to happen...i've lots of friends suffering from bad experience from relationship and i didn't expect this type of thing to happen to me....pls help me...
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There's two ways of seeing things. Yes.. it's inconsiderate of him to say such things. Such words make u insecure n hurt.
But den again.. he's concerned abt ur well-being. Hes afraid of not being able to give u the material comfort tt he hopes to do so if for some reason his business would fail.
He may not be tactful but he definitely has your interests at heart. -
From the way I look at it, either he has no confidence in the relationship and dont wish to contiune or he may be in some trouble and dont want to make you suffer.
May be you should consider asking these questions:
Does he show signs of two timing you?
(pai sei the signs i am not veri sure)
On the bright side:
Does he really have problems with his work or business?
If yes, if there any ways you are able to help him to resolve the problems.
Help him to establish his business or give him the assurance that you will stick wif him.
I know a gal whom tell her husband that she will take care of their household expenditures while he quit his 3k job to start up his business, but of course she can manage as she also earn ard 3 to 4k a month.
Maybe he is feeling stress with the problems in his business.
Hope everything turns out fine. -
Am tempted to give you some personal opinion:
Is yr bf a perfectionist or very career type?
If yes, he probably want to give you a good life.
If no, he maybe tired of the relationship or he has got no confidence with himself(or may you?)
In any case, when he start to ask you to go for "a better someone", it's not healthy on the long run. What if business is good now, both of you get married and then business went bad, does the relationship follow suit?
It's never easy for two person to live together. What's most important is for both of you to remember your marriage vow and move along the path together as one - through thick and thin.....
Don't panic yet. Take some time to reassess your relationship. Dun push each other too hard, leave some room to breathe. Both of you are still young.
You should feel glad he pop up this qtn before both of you settle down.
Go for a holiday with you friends. Leave him alone for awhile. Time will let you have a clearer mind.
Good luck.
"The Sun will still rise.........Who knows what the tide will bring?" -
1st of all ask yourself does your relationship depend soley on his success? if u really love him, just tell him that u will give your support whether his business fail or not. now he still 26 theres still long road in his life so no need to be so negative till fail now confirm doom future... if u dun care abt his success, then just basically tell him how u feel... its not an end so no need to be depressed...Originally posted by depressed_80:went out with my bf yesterday(saturday), chatted about our future as we walked around, of all a sudden, he told me,''yah,we can talk everything about our future, but..nobody can predict what will happen to us in the future, and i don't even know what will happen to my business, fail or success, we can get ROM, but if things(his business goes wrong or fails),it will be unfair to me.''
then he told me calmly that if along the way, if i manage to find a even more better guy in terms of financial or whatever, just go ahead, he will let me go..
after hearing that, my heart really dropped..we've been together for almost 4 yrs coming February..i'm 25yrs and he is 26yrs..and now he tell me this type of thing..
what is he implying??!! then i asked him is he trying to break off with me now or what? he took my hand and held tightly to his chest and said of course he won't let me go..but if his business really can't make it, he just don't want me to follow him and suffer..
what should i really do?? must i wait for things to really happen then make a decision whether to break off with him or might as well break up now...??
i really felt very miserable and lost...and my mind kept on thinking when will he break off with me...i really don't want that to happen...i've lots of friends suffering from bad experience from relationship and i didn't expect this type of thing to happen to me....pls help me... -
from what i see, i think he love you a lot.
and he want to provide you with the best and doesnt want the time when the 2 of you start quarreling over bread matters.
he did says that he will let you go if you found some one better. not many guys can do that.
then ask yourself, are you able to endure hardship with him if his business failed? supporting him all the way letting him concentrate on his business. -
Originally posted by depressed_80:went out with my bf yesterday(saturday), chatted about our future as we walked around, of all a sudden, he told me,''yah,we can talk everything about our future, but..nobody can predict what will happen to us in the future, and i don't even know what will happen to my business, fail or success, we can get ROM, but if things(his business goes wrong or fails),it will be unfair to me.''
then he told me calmly that if along the way, if i manage to find a even more better guy in terms of financial or whatever, just go ahead, he will let me go..
after hearing that, my heart really dropped..we've been together for almost 4 yrs coming February..i'm 25yrs and he is 26yrs..and now he tell me this type of thing..
what is he implying??!! then i asked him is he trying to break off with me now or what? he took my hand and held tightly to his chest and said of course he won't let me go..but if his business really can't make it, he just don't want me to follow him and suffer..
what should i really do?? must i wait for things to really happen then make a decision whether to break off with him or might as well break up now...??
i really felt very miserable and lost...and my mind kept on thinking when will he break off with me...i really don't want that to happen...i've lots of friends suffering from bad experience from relationship and i didn't expect this type of thing to happen to me....pls help me... 
You have to look beyond his words. Let me break down a little to allow you to understand the reason for his blunt remark. But before I began, there is something quite disturbing about what you had said....i've lots of friends suffering from bad experience from relationship and i didn't expect this type of thing to happen to me
I am not saying that it should happen to you, but for a four years relationship, you ought to realise that Love comes in a package. You don't absorb what's good and repel what's not. Instead, you work through the negativity to improve your own situations. Bad experience? What makes you think that 'bad experience' is necessary bad?
Spare the rod, spoilt the child; you spare the necessary evil, your relationship becomes meek.
*** Firstly, you got to realise that he didn't exactly mean sayonara as you got to understand the primitive nature of man - being the provider. The man provides to his household, his wife and everything that is under his responsibility, simply because of this primitive masculine instinct. When this becomes uncertain, threatened or unavailable - a man loses his confidence akin to the inability to protect his woman.
A man's love, very often, doesn't measure in that of a woman's world of flower and romance (Taurus, Capricorn and Virgo exception). A man demonstrates his affection through his ability to provide. This is also the reason why many guys think that with money, they can probably buy love or attract love. The greater monetary powers he possess, his masculine ego expands likewise. (This is inclusive of material stuff that is a indirect boast of material powers like car, house, etc).
Your man is depressed because he feared that you might make a wrong decision to remain with him, if he is unable to fulfil this primitive masculine instinct. There has never been a better time when your man needs more verbal encouragement, hugs and little kisses to lift his spirit. Are you going through this ordeal with him? Or is he going to fight this battle alone?
At the end of the road, you will realise that winning or losing this battle doesn't matter... when two hearts unite as one.
Cheers -
whatever it is, i think he's having some problems in his business and have lost a little confidence??
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I think u need to reassure him that u will give him your support- even if his business fails, u will be there for him.
Remember in marriage or r/s, u go through good & bad together. -
If u truly love him and want the relationship to work , him failing his career has nothing to do with any of ur decisions. If u really n truly love him.. u will go thru the fiiery depths of hell with him ... simple.
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I think he just wants you to know that he loves you and wants the best for you. hence does not want you to suffer with him IF his business fails.
Thus, If you really truely love him, your response should be something like this ( a little drama... but hehehe I watch too much shows!!!"
"I don't care if you... no... we... I don't care if we fail or succeed, if we succeed, we'll enjoy together. if we fail we'll fall and help each other up TOGETHER. The only thing that CANNOT change is the word together. cos no matter what happens, that is the only word I need from you." -
True. Alot of guys here, advice you to stick to each other through thick and thin, be it his business succeed or fail. I agree with them. Yunhaier has shown you a deeper understanding of a man's nature.
Earlier this year, my boyfriend said something similar to yours. He told me that if I find a guy that can give me more happiness, he won't blame me for running away. I felt that he was inferior or had a low-self esteem because his business wasn't doing well at that time. He was uncertain if he could sustain me in the long run and that's why he was insecure.
The man is the bread-winner of the house whereas the woman is his helper. Although the modern woman becomes more independant and can provide for herself now, you will still find most man provide and the woman will support nowadays.
Being his girlfriend, I understand that being self-employed is definitely, much harder than being employed. I told him that the problem is not his alone and we will bear the cost together. So, I support and help him in his business untill now. Ever since then, he didn't say the above. Man needs assurance as much as a woman does.
"Be it bad time or good time, I think it's a matter of how resourceful you are, how courageous you are, how driven you are, to prove yourself."
- Ron Sim, the founder and chief executive of Osim, who received the "Business Man of the Year" award in 2004 and whose wife continues to stay by his side even though he almost went bankrupt a few times. -
Yunhaier, I so agree with the highlighted sentences.
This was what I went through with my darling, & we're still going strong. He could be telling her that she should look for somebody else, but deep down inside, he's probably hurting like mad, & probably hoping for some reassurance.
FeowFeowOriginally posted by Yunhaier:
I am not saying that it should happen to you, but for a four years relationship, you ought to realise that Love comes in a package. You don't absorb what's good and repel what's not. Instead, you work through the negativity to improve your own situations. Bad experience? What makes you think that 'bad experience' is necessary bad?
Spare the rod, spoilt the child; you spare the necessary evil, your relationship becomes meek.
*** Firstly, you got to realise that he didn't exactly mean sayonara as you got to understand the primitive nature of man - being the provider. The man provides to his household, his wife and everything that is under his responsibility, simply because of this primitive masculine instinct. When this becomes uncertain, threatened or unavailable - a man loses his confidence akin to the inability to protect his woman.
A man's love, very often, doesn't measure in that of a woman's world of flower and romance (Taurus, Capricorn and Virgo exception). [b]A man demonstrates his affection through his ability to provide. This is also the reason why many guys think that with money, they can probably buy love or attract love. The greater monetary powers he possess, his masculine ego expands likewise. (This is inclusive of material stuff that is a indirect boast of material powers like car, house, etc).
Your man is depressed because he feared that you might make a wrong decision to remain with him, if he is unable to fulfil this primitive masculine instinct. There has never been a better time when your man needs more verbal encouragement, hugs and little kisses to lift his spirit. Are you going through this ordeal with him? Or is he going to fight this battle alone?
At the end of the road, you will realise that winning or losing this battle doesn't matter... when two hearts unite as one.
Cheers [/b] -
Hmmm..I would say that he's pretty insecure in this relationship. He's just not ready to commit into a long term relationship, and business is just a way to hid his insecurity. My advice is, give him space, and time. Let him sort his feeling out himself, and don't pressurise him into anything yet. If he can pass through this stage, no matter what happens to his environment, his heart belongs to you. If he cannot convince himself that he is ready to love you forever, no point forcing on. Hold faith, in him and yourself.
Just curious, is he scorpio? -
Thats what happens when everyone wanna be boss..Originally posted by depressed_80:went out with my bf yesterday(saturday), chatted about our future as we walked around, of all a sudden, he told me,''yah,we can talk everything about our future, but..nobody can predict what will happen to us in the future, and i don't even know what will happen to my business, fail or success, we can get ROM, but if things(his business goes wrong or fails),it will be unfair to me.''
then he told me calmly that if along the way, if i manage to find a even more better guy in terms of financial or whatever, just go ahead, he will let me go..
after hearing that, my heart really dropped..we've been together for almost 4 yrs coming February..i'm 25yrs and he is 26yrs..and now he tell me this type of thing..
what is he implying??!! then i asked him is he trying to break off with me now or what? he took my hand and held tightly to his chest and said of course he won't let me go..but if his business really can't make it, he just don't want me to follow him and suffer..
what should i really do?? must i wait for things to really happen then make a decision whether to break off with him or might as well break up now...??
i really felt very miserable and lost...and my mind kept on thinking when will he break off with me...i really don't want that to happen...i've lots of friends suffering from bad experience from relationship and i didn't expect this type of thing to happen to me....pls help me...
hahaha...i bet if he was a employee, he wouldnt have such headaches and u wont have such heartbreaks. Alas, he one of those who choose the 'conventional' unconventional.....sit back and hold tight. Life is great. -
Originally posted by Zogel:Thats what happens when everyone wanna be boss..
hahaha...i bet if he was a employee, he wouldnt have such headaches and u wont have such heartbreaks. Alas, he one of those who choose the 'conventional' unconventional.....sit back and hold tight. Life is great.
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Depressed_80 wrote in her diaryÂ….
DEAR DIARY,
Meanwhile, Depressed_80Â’s boyfriend was sitting in his bedroom.Originally posted by depressed_80:went out with my bf yesterday(saturday), chatted about our future as we walked around, of all a sudden, he told me,''yah,we can talk everything about our future, but..nobody can predict what will happen to us in the future, and i don't even know what will happen to my business, fail or success, we can get ROM, but if things(his business goes wrong or fails),it will be unfair to me.''
then he told me calmly that if along the way, if i manage to find a even more better guy in terms of financial or whatever, just go ahead, he will let me go..
after hearing that, my heart really dropped..we've been together for almost 4 yrs coming February..i'm 25yrs and he is 26yrs..and now he tell me this type of thing..
what is he implying??!! then i asked him is he trying to break off with me now or what? he took my hand and held tightly to his chest and said of course he won't let me go..but if his business really can't make it, he just don't want me to follow him and suffer..
what should i really do?? must i wait for things to really happen then make a decision whether to break off with him or might as well break up now...??
i really felt very miserable and lost...and my mind kept on thinking when will he break off with me...i really don't want that to happen...i've lots of friends suffering from bad experience from relationship and i didn't expect this type of thing to happen to me....pls help me...
With a heavy heart, he began writing furiously about how his day went
DEAREST DIARY,
Sh!t day at work.
I think I messed up another business deal today.
Depressed asked me something about our future. ManÂ…IÂ’m not a fortune teller!
I wasnÂ’t really in the mood to talk after my crappy day in office you know? There...there... I can see you nodding your head in agreement already... you are my best pal dear diary...you understand me...I can tell you everything.
But I think I pulled it offÂ…said something about predicting the future and don't want her suffering. Can't exactly remember the details, not very important I suspose.
And yeahÂ…talking about suffering Â… If I canÂ’t clinch that deal tomorrow, now THAT would be suffering!!
Talk to you some other timeÂ…
Darn, I was really hoping to get laid toniteÂ…why the hell did I end up being a fortune teller!?? silly o' me...
Tomorrow will be a top day.
Nite.
**Girl ah...have you noticed how many times the word BUSINESS appeared in what he said to you that day?
He is thinking/ worried about his business so stop looking for any implied meanings in what he said...
i'm very confident he loves you ... as much as he loves his diary in that fiction story. Stop worrying. -
Originally posted by FeowFeow:Yunhaier, I so agree with the highlighted sentences.
This was what I went through with my darling, & we're still going strong. He could be telling her that she should look for somebody else, but deep down inside, he's probably hurting like mad, & probably hoping for some reassurance.
FeowFeow I agree too
men show our affection and care for the person that we love the most by providing her as we dun want our love ones to suffer it is true that we often think that stability in worklife makes a r/s closer but it is often the challenges that a couple face together that makes the r/s stronger
P.S: Hope everything goes well for you and both of you can get married and have a good life
~+Cheers+~
StarPuppy -
Indication that he doesn't want you anymore.Originally posted by depressed_80:went out with my bf yesterday(saturday), chatted about our future as we walked around, of all a sudden, he told me,''yah,we can talk everything about our future, but..nobody can predict what will happen to us in the future, and i don't even know what will happen to my business, fail or success, we can get ROM, but if things(his business goes wrong or fails),it will be unfair to me.''
then he told me calmly that if along the way, if i manage to find a even more better guy in terms of financial or whatever, just go ahead, he will let me go..
after hearing that, my heart really dropped..we've been together for almost 4 yrs coming February..i'm 25yrs and he is 26yrs..and now he tell me this type of thing..
what is he implying??!! then i asked him is he trying to break off with me now or what? he took my hand and held tightly to his chest and said of course he won't let me go..but if his business really can't make it, he just don't want me to follow him and suffer..
what should i really do?? must i wait for things to really happen then make a decision whether to break off with him or might as well break up now...??
i really felt very miserable and lost...and my mind kept on thinking when will he break off with me...i really don't want that to happen...i've lots of friends suffering from bad experience from relationship and i didn't expect this type of thing to happen to me....pls help me...
Its wat i call, camouflaged intention to break up. The sales style.
Just like doing sales. u say so much things, just to have only one objective met... close the deal! -
he loves you so much that he does not want you to suffer.
yet it means he loves you to the extent that he will only want to share happiness with you and not sorrow.
a real couple must go through thick and thin together before true love blossoms. but i am just an 18yo kid. so take my opinion with a pinch of salt.
just stick with him. whatever happens later , leave it for later. like Kwang tian you of MDWAV said, even if the world ends tomorrow, lets leave it till tomorrow for we are still alive now.
so even if something does happens, wait till it happens before taking any action. this is a case where reaction is better than proaction. -
I'll try to give my opinions about his sayings... from a guy's point of view...
"we can talk everything about our future, but..nobody can predict what will happen to us in the future, and i don't even know what will happen to my business, fail or success, we can get ROM, but if things(his business goes wrong or fails),it will be unfair to me."
>> maybe he's just pessimist with things (like stressed in office) when you were talking with each other that time... The word "Unfair to me" because usually guys think that they have to take care fully of the wife and bare any single responsibility. Maybe he's just afraid of being too pressured and worry whether u will still love him if he fails... Any guys priority is achievement... So one's value as a guy is determined by his success in every thing... At this time, he needs ur support... u can tell him that u are willing to be with him in all times, in happiness or in troubles... Even if he's not so successful... you still supporting him. U can tell him that u believe he's such a great man for u and that u believe he will be success in the future... Always be supportive to ur guy... Only give him many suggestions and ideas when he ask u... Becoz sometimes if u give a guy some advices when he didnt ask, he may get insulted.
"if along the way, if i manage to find a even more better guy in terms of financial or whatever, just go ahead, he will let me go.."
>> It could be that he wants to see ur loyalty also. Or that he's still testing your commitment to him... You should tell him that u will be with him, no matter how hard the problem is... All Problems can be solved if u and him can think of the ways together... Tell him that he's the best ever for u... Guys love to hear that
"Of course he won't let me go..but if his business really can't make it, he just don't want me to follow him and suffer.."
Actually he's just very concerned about u... true with what he said.. that he doesnt want u to suffer with him. So next is up to you. If you really love him and willing to face any problems if happening next time, then u can tell him directly, not impliedly... but verbally... that you will always follow him and u r happy to suffer with him. -
Originally posted by trajet:
Agree wholeheartedly.
I'll try to give my opinions about his sayings... from a guy's point of view...
"[b]we can talk everything about our future, but..nobody can predict what will happen to us in the future, and i don't even know what will happen to my business, fail or success, we can get ROM, but if things(his business goes wrong or fails),it will be unfair to me."
>> maybe he's just pessimist with things (like stressed in office) when you were talking with each other that time... The word "Unfair to me" because usually guys think that they have to take care fully of the wife and bare any single responsibility. Maybe he's just afraid of being too pressured and worry whether u will still love him if he fails... Any guys priority is achievement... So one's value as a guy is determined by his success in every thing... At this time, he needs ur support... u can tell him that u are willing to be with him in all times, in happiness or in troubles... Even if he's not so successful... you still supporting him. U can tell him that u believe he's such a great man for u and that u believe he will be success in the future... Always be supportive to ur guy... Only give him many suggestions and ideas when he ask u... Becoz sometimes if u give a guy some advices when he didnt ask, he may get insulted.
"if along the way, if i manage to find a even more better guy in terms of financial or whatever, just go ahead, he will let me go.."
>> It could be that he wants to see ur loyalty also. Or that he's still testing your commitment to him... You should tell him that u will be with him, no matter how hard the problem is... All Problems can be solved if u and him can think of the ways together... Tell him that he's the best ever for u... Guys love to hear that
"Of course he won't let me go..but if his business really can't make it, he just don't want me to follow him and suffer.."
Actually he's just very concerned about u... true with what he said.. that he doesnt want u to suffer with him. So next is up to you. If you really love him and willing to face any problems if happening next time, then u can tell him directly, not impliedly... but verbally... that you will always follow him and u r happy to suffer with him.
[/b]
Sometimes, when you love someone deep enough, you'll become selfish even to your own problems as in you won't share your problems with your partner and will somehow push them away so that they won't be pulled into the same mess with you.
If you love him and really don't mind going through think and thin with him, let him know and assure him that no matter what happens you'll always be by his side to support him. It'll help to boost up his confident too. -
Grl, the guy loves you.
But he's convinced it's his battle, his struggle alone and a failure cannot give you a happy and abundant life that someone else successful can.
Tell him you're not the fair-weather type of gf and you don't want a fair-weathered bf and you're just as stubborn as him.....in this love. -
Either he really meant what he said, that he doesn't want u to suffer with him if ever his business fails OR it is just an excuse to make u breakup with him so that he will not look like the bad guy.Originally posted by depressed_80:went out with my bf yesterday(saturday), chatted about our future as we walked around, of all a sudden, he told me,''yah,we can talk everything about our future, but..nobody can predict what will happen to us in the future, and i don't even know what will happen to my business, fail or success, we can get ROM, but if things(his business goes wrong or fails),it will be unfair to me.''
then he told me calmly that if along the way, if i manage to find a even more better guy in terms of financial or whatever, just go ahead, he will let me go..
after hearing that, my heart really dropped..we've been together for almost 4 yrs coming February..i'm 25yrs and he is 26yrs..and now he tell me this type of thing..
what is he implying??!! then i asked him is he trying to break off with me now or what? he took my hand and held tightly to his chest and said of course he won't let me go..but if his business really can't make it, he just don't want me to follow him and suffer..
what should i really do?? must i wait for things to really happen then make a decision whether to break off with him or might as well break up now...??
i really felt very miserable and lost...and my mind kept on thinking when will he break off with me...i really don't want that to happen...i've lots of friends suffering from bad experience from relationship and i didn't expect this type of thing to happen to me....pls help me...
I have a gal-fren whose ex bf always told her that if she found any guy better than he is, she should go ahead. At first, she reassured him and told him that she will not leave him. But after months of dating and after hearing him telling her several times to go for someone who is better than him, she got fed up and broke up with him. He practically doesn't have any faith or trust in the relationship. Might as well she dump him now rather than drag the relationship on, not knowing if there is a future.
If ur bf really wants to be with u, he would hold onto u and even if his business fails, he will think positively and try to start from scratch again. He should know u well enough that u will not leave him no matter what.
Have a good talk with him and don't talk about breaking up. Ask him if there is any other way to settle the matter.