why did both of you break up in the first place?Originally posted by sun baby:I have been with guy coming a year. He used to by my ex 4 years ago. We had not been contacting each other for almost 3 years until last year I heard that he was married.
We were both chatting late into the night one day while we are drinking on our ends. He told me he has not gotten over me after so long. I expected it as he was very much deeply in love with me 4 years back. Then I questioned his marriage. He finally admitted that it was out of responsibility not simply because of settling down early (an excuse he gave me earlier on). To my horror, he told me his wife's adultery. Something which he had been keeping from everybody and not even sharing with his closest buddy. He forgiven his wife. He wanted to salvage the marriage. Well, I never agree with his actions totally. His wife claimed that he did not have time to accompany her. However this young man here is always working late into the night to earn more money and trying to provide her with a better future. Seriously I think that his wife is brainless. Btw, his wife is 2 years older than him.
From the day I was aware of his wife's adultery, I told him he should not have forgiven his wife and it was really pointless to carry on this marriage. He would definitely regret should there be a day he thinks into the past or his wife committed the same mistake for the second time. I do not know if my reaction was right or not. My best friend told me I should not be the one to tell him that else he may think that I wish to be with him. Is she right or am I wrong? I just got so heated up at that point of time to know that his wife is "bullying" him this way. She does not deserve him at all.
One evening, while he was on his way home from work, he called me. He told me how stupid he was. He should not have forgiven her. He should have asked her to go. Finally I agreed with him. He decided to divorce her. We got together a month later after his decision to divorce her. We were very loving at the beginning. However, things happened between us.
I became intolerant over his past. I doubted his love for me since he could marry another woman easily when he had not forgotten me 4 years ago. He told me it was out of responsibility. Something which I am aware all the while. I really don't understand how he could have moved on in life with another woman so easily. Is it only through the strength of another woman or diverting his love for me onto another woman, then he would be able to move on in life or getting over me totally? Can't he just do it by his own effort? If I had not reappeared into his life, would he divorce his wife? How much does it show when he forgives his wife and asked her back when she committed that grave mistake? Can I entrust myself onto this guy who is so soft hearted in a relationship? What if his wife were to come back one day? I am getting so lost in this relationship. I am totally faithless.
Should I leave him in search of my own happiness? If there is a day when we are ready for marriage, how much will I mind? Will I run away from the big day? He is really nice towards me but his past keeps haunting me. I don't know how to let go his past and to walk happily the path ahead of us with him. There's bounce to be something unpleasant between us every day over his past.
Till now I don't understand the logic of thinking of a man especially my guy here. What is going through his mind from the moment he accepted his wife as his gf when we broke up. Btw, they were together barely 3 months after we broke up. Is it really true that man can't do without a woman? He doesn't think that being with her after we broke up is wrong. Only the marriage is a mistake. However, does not he realize that by accepting another woman into his life after we broke up reflected a lot of things?
Guys out there. Please analyze the whole thing for me. To let go or not?
The broke up 3 years ago made me realised that he is still the one standing there for me. I do love him but as compared to his love for me, I feel that his is stronger.Originally posted by SEI:well, do you love him back? has he ever done anything wrong towards you? has he always taken care of you an stayed loyal during your previous relationship 3 years ago?
1.Originally posted by sun baby:1.
He is really nice towards me but his past keeps haunting me. I don't know how to let go his past and to walk happily the path ahead of us with him. There's bounce to be something unpleasant between us every day over his past.
2.
Is it really true that man can't do without a woman?
He had signed a seperation deed with his wife though I heard it is not necessary. From what I understand, he just want to prevent his wife from going back on her words 3 years later.Originally posted by choco B:What is the status of his divorce proceedings?
If he is serious about terminating his marriage and has taken real action towards it then I think he is capable of commiting to a new relationship (or at least a better chance). If not, you'd better think twice.
Originally posted by sun baby:He had signed a seperation deed with his wife though I heard it is not necessary. From what I understand, he just want to prevent his wife from going back on her words 3 years later.
That's why I need to think if its wise to let him goOriginally posted by passion_:all i gonna say, do not regret things u do nor do things that will make u regret.
I have this foolish thinking of leaving him. Then see how he react after. If the same old him takes place again, then I can conclude confidently that this is him. Is this too much of a test for him?Originally posted by choco B:I think it's worth to give the relationship some time to see what kind of a partner he turns out to be. Because it seems like your doubts are based on what he did in the past. Would be good to see how he behaves in the present-time.
Life indeed is very miserable especially when his past causing us to be unhappy most of the time.Originally posted by lonestar86:Like what IÂ’ve said, if his past is really bugging u, u shld let go..
Or else life will be miserable..
ic..Originally posted by sun baby:Life indeed is very miserable especially when his past causing us to be unhappy most of the time.
Yah.. Don't worry! I understand. Really appreciate your advise.Originally posted by lonestar86:ic..
Since ur life is indeed very miserable especially when his past keep causing u guys to be unhappy most of the time, my advice for u is to let go..
Cus thereÂ’s no pt being together..
However, thatÂ’s only my opinion..
Most importantly, do u feel that he is the one for u??Originally posted by sun baby:Yah.. Don't worry! I understand. Really appreciate your advise.
A lot of time I really wish I can let go easily but sometimes things are not within our control eg. I have to spare a thought for my parents etc. My mum feels that he is the one for me.
At times I feel so devasted and helpless with myself in this relationship.
I got what you mean.. I know the feaky problem.Originally posted by lonestar86:Most importantly, do u feel that he is the one for u??
Your mum cannot make the decision for u cus ultimately u r the one who is getting married to him, not ur mum..
Originally posted by sun baby:To a certain extent he is.
ic..
So u r not 100% sure that he is the one for u..
At least he listens to me and let me take charge. How many guys can do that? Not taking him for granted in this area but such a guy is really hard to come by.
I can do that too (IÂ’m not trying to recommend myself. Dun get me wrong..)
Well, no one is perfect and no one can gurantee that he will not change in the later stage. I am really skeptical.Originally posted by lonestar86:
To a certain extent he is.
ic..
So u r not 100% sure that he is the one for u..
At least he listens to me and let me take charge. How many guys can do that? Not taking him for granted in this area but such a guy is really hard to come by.
I can do that too (IÂ’m not trying to recommend myself. Dun get me wrong..)
Originally posted by sun baby:I have been with guy coming a year. He used to by my ex 4 years ago. We had not been contacting each other for almost 3 years until last year I heard that he was married.
We were both chatting late into the night one day while we are drinking on our ends. He told me he has not gotten over me after so long. I expected it as he was very much deeply in love with me 4 years back. Then I questioned his marriage. He finally admitted that it was out of responsibility not simply because of settling down early (an excuse he gave me earlier on). To my horror, he told me his wife's adultery. Something which he had been keeping from everybody and not even sharing with his closest buddy. He forgiven his wife. He wanted to salvage the marriage. Well, I never agree with his actions totally. His wife claimed that he did not have time to accompany her. However this young man here is always working late into the night to earn more money and trying to provide her with a better future. Seriously I think that his wife is brainless. Btw, his wife is 2 years older than him.
From the day I was aware of his wife's adultery, I told him he should not have forgiven his wife and it was really pointless to carry on this marriage. He would definitely regret should there be a day he thinks into the past or his wife committed the same mistake for the second time. I do not know if my reaction was right or not. My best friend told me I should not be the one to tell him that else he may think that I wish to be with him. Is she right or am I wrong? I just got so heated up at that point of time to know that his wife is "bullying" him this way. She does not deserve him at all.
One evening, while he was on his way home from work, he called me. He told me how stupid he was. He should not have forgiven her. He should have asked her to go. Finally I agreed with him. He decided to divorce her. We got together a month later after his decision to divorce her. We were very loving at the beginning. However, things happened between us.
I became intolerant over his past. I doubted his love for me since he could marry another woman easily when he had not forgotten me 4 years ago. He told me it was out of responsibility. Something which I am aware all the while. I really don't understand how he could have moved on in life with another woman so easily. Is it only through the strength of another woman or diverting his love for me onto another woman, then he would be able to move on in life or getting over me totally? Can't he just do it by his own effort? If I had not reappeared into his life, would he divorce his wife? How much does it show when he forgives his wife and asked her back when she committed that grave mistake? Can I entrust myself onto this guy who is so soft hearted in a relationship? What if his wife were to come back one day? I am getting so lost in this relationship. I am totally faithless.
Should I leave him in search of my own happiness? If there is a day when we are ready for marriage, how much will I mind? Will I run away from the big day? He is really nice towards me but his past keeps haunting me. I don't know how to let go his past and to walk happily the path ahead of us with him. There's bounce to be something unpleasant between us every day over his past.
Till now I don't understand the logic of thinking of a man especially my guy here. What is going through his mind from the moment he accepted his wife as his gf when we broke up. Btw, they were together barely 3 months after we broke up. Is it really true that man can't do without a woman? He doesn't think that being with her after we broke up is wrong. Only the marriage is a mistake. However, does not he realize that by accepting another woman into his life after we broke up reflected a lot of things?
Guys out there. Please analyze the whole thing for me. To let go or not?
U r most welcome..Originally posted by sun baby:Well, no one is perfect and no one can gurantee that he will not change in the later stage. I am really skeptical.
Don't worry! I know you are trying to make me see things. Thanks a lot anyway.