What's wrong?
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my gf and me is walking towards our 10th month together and i am loving her as much as the 1st day we are together.
we chat almost everynight on msn since we started and i always try to make our conversation interesting, stress free, fun and always trying to be as accomodating/gentle to her as possible and always initiating topics so that we can chat about.
but recently, it seems we have a problem carrying on with our conversation. for example, when i tell her something that i've done today or something that i just saw, she gives me 1 word replies like, "orh", "ic", "ok" which is making it really tough for me to carry on talking. then we'll just remain quiet till i talk to her again about some other topics. recently, she just simply types "i go sleep le. nitez." and goes offline immediately without even giving me a chance to wish her goodnight which is a habit of mine. last time, it was always sweet and she will type things like "goodnight lao gong" and such.
is this normal between you and your partner? is it a sign saying that she sees it as the end of our honeymoon period? is it an indication that she is tired of me? all these questions are bothering me and i do hope the kind folks here will be able to give me some guidance. i treasure her but now i am in pain... -
But what about when both of you are outside? Does she do that too?
Maybe you're just thinking too much? Since online can't really show the emotion of the other party. -
Yes.. the honeymoon period has ended. You've gotta face it. And i think you need to re-ignite the flame.Originally posted by twenty47:my gf and me is walking towards our 10th month together and i am loving her as much as the 1st day we are together.
we chat almost everynight on msn since we started and i always try to make our conversation interesting, stress free, fun and always trying to be as accomodating/gentle to her as possible and always initiating topics so that we can chat about.
but recently, it seems we have a problem carrying on with our conversation. for example, when i tell her something that i've done today or something that i just saw, she gives me 1 word replies like, "orh", "ic", "ok" which is making it really tough for me to carry on talking. then we'll just remain quiet till i talk to her again about some other topics. recently, she just simply types "i go sleep le. nitez." and goes offline immediately without even giving me a chance to wish her goodnight which is a habit of mine. last time, it was always sweet and she will type things like "goodnight lao gong" and such.
is this normal between you and your partner? is it a sign saying that she sees it as the end of our honeymoon period? is it an indication that she is tired of me? all these questions are bothering me and i do hope the kind folks here will be able to give me some guidance. i treasure her but now i am in pain...
Hmmm.. you can't say she's tired of you.
But be on your guard; and if you smell something fishy going on behind your back... don't hesitate to give her the rough treatment. Issue an 'ultimatum' for such girls.
Well.. on the other hand; she needs something 'new' and 'fresh' from you. You know.. routines bore a person to death. novelties wear off and such.
I suggest that you had better meet her up in person and thrash things out.
And please put your (as in yours and hers) thoughts into action; not simply blabbering about empty compromisations.
If you feel that things are spiralling out of control; give each other a break, a cooling off period for say; maybe a few days to a week.
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when we are together, we are perfectly fine. haha.. i guess i could be thinking too much, really...Originally posted by technoboy:Hmm... My girlfriend is always like that too. Especially on the phone, she is usually very quiet. But what about when both of you are outside? Does she do that too?
Maybe you're just thinking too much? Since online can't really show the emotion of the other party. -
i trust my gf to be absolubly faithful to me.. this i am extremely confident. As for the part about something fresh.. i think you are right. anyway its 10 months of chatting with the same person everynight.. i think she is tired of it.. lol but what can i do? can't say that i dont contact her for a few days... even if she is ok with it, i can't bare to do so. i'll miss her too much.Originally posted by trendz:Yes.. the honeymoon period has ended. You've gotta face it. And i think you need to re-ignite the flame.
Hmmm.. you can't say she's tired of you.
But be on your guard; and if you smell something fishy going on behind your back... don't hesitate to give her the rough treatment. Issue an 'ultimatum' for such girls.
Well.. on the other hand; she needs something 'new' and 'fresh' from you. You know.. routines bore a person to death. novelties wear off and such.
I suggest that you had better meet her up in person and thrash things out.
And please put your (as in yours and hers) thoughts into action; not simply blabbering about empty compromisations.
If you feel that things are spiralling out of control; give each other a break, a cooling off period for say; maybe a few days to a week. -
Maybe there're some hidden reason(s) behind?Originally posted by twenty47:i trust my gf to be absolubly faithful to me.. this i am extremely confident. As for the part about something fresh.. i think you are right. anyway its 10 months of chatting with the same person everynight.. i think she is tired of it.. lol but what can i do? can't say that i dont contact her for a few days... even if she is ok with it, i can't bare to do so. i'll miss her too much.
Try a different way of communication and have heart to heart conversations.. -
Why not you speak to her about your concerns first. Get her respond.
We'll try to see if we can help from there?
Cheers -
ok.. i'll try to tell her that i am bothered by the fact that her... erm... bo chup attitude is hurting me and see what she says. hmm... tomorrow i'll be going out with her. maybe it will be a good chance.Originally posted by M©+square:Why not you speak to her about your concerns first. Get her respond.
We'll try to see if we can help from there?
Cheers -
Hopefully your openess will reap closer understanding and have a fruitful outcome.Originally posted by twenty47:ok.. i'll try to tell her that i am bothered by the fact that her... erm... bo chup attitude is hurting me and see what she says. hmm... tomorrow i'll be going out with her. maybe it will be a good chance.
Cheers -
hmm well it may seem funny but i try to avoid too frequent heart to heart conversations coz everytime i tell her that some of her actions are hurting me, she will become very sad and many times, she crys. she is those who are less able to express their feelings and when things pile up, she will just cry.Originally posted by Devil1976:Maybe there're some hidden reason(s) behind?
Try a different way of communication and have heart to heart conversations..
but for this instance, i am at a lost at how do i go about to tell her that i am bothered with her 1 word replies.. haha .. as in how do you expect her to change?
ok.. i think i'll just tell her that i miss the old her when she tells me goodnight sweetly and being engaged in our conversations on msn.
i shall try it out and keep you guys posted about the progress. -
Nay... Not 'funny' at all.. In fact, kinda guess that could be the case...? when you lack in-depth or alternate form of communications other than the 'superficial' contacts (possibly becoming routine after some time...), you often just end up with a weak foundation for a relationship....Originally posted by twenty47:hmm well it may seem funny but i try to avoid too frequent heart to heart conversations coz everytime i tell her that some of her actions are hurting me, she will become very sad and many times, she crys. she is those who are less able to express their feelings and when things pile up, she will just cry.
but for this instance, i am at a lost at how do i go about to tell her that i am bothered with her 1 word replies.. haha .. as in how do you expect her to change?
ok.. i think i'll just tell her that i miss the old her when she tells me goodnight sweetly and being engaged in our conversations on msn.
i shall try it out and keep you guys posted about the progress.
Even due to the fact you've mentioned about her being easily hurt and cries... That's just no excuse to avoid topics altogether...? Piling up everything on yourself...? That's just so... Unhealthy? Instead of avoiding the topics, why not try to put them across in a different way...? As in.... Give her more support and encouragement to motivate proper mentality in facing those problems... And try not to put things again as if it's simply her problems....? -
hmm... yah. but i dont want our the things we do together to be always surrounded by 'negative' topics like how sad am i or i am unhappy with something. haha.. coz we had a heart to heart talk just a few days ago and i was hoping that i'll be able to give her some breathing space or chat or lighter topics and wait a while before having another one. i dont want her to feel that i am having so many demands for her to... so call change or improve whatever you call it.Originally posted by Devil1976:Nay... Not 'funny' at all.. In fact, kinda guess that could be the case...? when you lack in-depth or alternate form of communications other than the 'superficial' contacts (possibly becoming routine after some time...), you often just end up with a weak foundation for a relationship....
Even due to the fact you've mentioned about her being easily hurt and cries... That's just no excuse to avoid topics altogether...? Piling up everything on yourself...? That's just so... Unhealthy? Instead of avoiding the topics, why not try to put them across in a different way...? As in.... Give her more support and encouragement to motivate proper mentality in facing those problems... And try not to put things again as if it's simply her problems....?
i have no intention of putting things as if its her problem. in fact i love to have heart to heart talks.. but i am trying to not do it so often as i am afraid that she maybe hurt when everytime we meet... i want her to be happy instead of being troubled by what her actions has dealt me. -
I see...Originally posted by twenty47:hmm... yah. but i dont want our the things we do together to be always surrounded by 'negative' topics like how sad am i or i am unhappy with something. haha.. coz we had a heart to heart talk just a few days ago and i was hoping that i'll be able to give her some breathing space or chat or lighter topics and wait a while before having another one. i dont want her to feel that i am having so many demands for her to... so call change or improve whatever you call it.
i have no intention of putting things as if its her problem. in fact i love to have heart to heart talks.. but i am trying to not do it so often as i am afraid that she maybe hurt when everytime we meet... i want her to be happy instead of being troubled by what her actions has dealt me.
The method of approach and communication is wrong.
What you've been doing should be the ME and I centric com. Even though your intent is for the good of the relationship. I believe each relationships have their positive intent.
However, the approach you gave, your partner recieve is of another signal.
It places burden onto her that, not only she caused the problem, she didn't know why there's this problem. Add on to that, she'll find that she don't understand you anymore...leading to more stress.
::: The possible outcome of this approach is lessened communication.
Try to learn approaching in a YOU centric method. Focus your topic and whatever is in your mind onto her. Make her important and valued, and try to open her up. Ask questions which are beneficial to her. Even if it's vague or silly qns, it's good to start off somewhere. Like 'What makes you happy in this relationship?' etc etc.
It also depends on the vary in depth and understanding of each other.
::: Possible outcome - anything can happen. -
very nice tips! thanks! shall try tonight.Originally posted by M©+square:I see...
The method of approach and communication is wrong.
What you've been doing should be the ME and I centric com. Even though your intent is for the good of the relationship. I believe each relationships have their positive intent.
However, the approach you gave, your partner recieve is of another signal.
It places burden onto her that, not only she caused the problem, she didn't know why there's this problem. Add on to that, she'll find that she don't understand you anymore...leading to more stress.
::: The possible outcome of this approach is lessened communication.
Try to learn approaching in a YOU centric method. Focus your topic and whatever is in your mind onto her. Make her important and valued, and try to open her up. Ask questions which are beneficial to her. Even if it's vague or silly qns, it's good to start off somewhere. Like 'What makes you happy in this relationship?' etc etc.
It also depends on the vary in depth and understanding of each other.
::: Possible outcome - anything can happen. -
Err....you don't learn it in a day....Originally posted by twenty47:very nice tips! thanks! shall try tonight.
Ok la...no harm trying.
Cheers -
The trick is in learning how to be comfortable being quiet together.
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Yup, there got to be a balance.Originally posted by choco B:The trick is in learning how to be comfortable being quiet together. -
The problem is that you try too hard... sometimes the way to get is to let go. The way forward is backwards. The way up is down.Originally posted by twenty47:my gf and me is walking towards our 10th month together and i am loving her as much as the 1st day we are together.
we chat almost everynight on msn since we started and i always try to make our conversation interesting, stress free, fun and always trying to be as accomodating/gentle to her as possible and always initiating topics so that we can chat about.
but recently, it seems we have a problem carrying on with our conversation. for example, when i tell her something that i've done today or something that i just saw, she gives me 1 word replies like, "orh", "ic", "ok" which is making it really tough for me to carry on talking. then we'll just remain quiet till i talk to her again about some other topics. recently, she just simply types "i go sleep le. nitez." and goes offline immediately without even giving me a chance to wish her goodnight which is a habit of mine. last time, it was always sweet and she will type things like "goodnight lao gong" and such.
is this normal between you and your partner? is it a sign saying that she sees it as the end of our honeymoon period? is it an indication that she is tired of me? all these questions are bothering me and i do hope the kind folks here will be able to give me some guidance. i treasure her but now i am in pain...
When you start to imagine problems that are not there, the problems start to appear.
If you have no real reasons, then you have no reasons. If you have no reasons then what you do is suppress the feelings.
Replace your negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Everytime you have a negative thought, banish it. Stop thinking of it by thinking of something neutral. When you are able to do that you slowly replace those neutral thoughts with good thoughts.
Don't try to do too much in the beginning. Start with thinking neutral thoughts fo 10 minutes, then 20 minutes and so on.
The other way is "GET A LIFE" -
That's the problem. You are too accomodating and she thinks you are a wimp. Stand up to her once in a while to show that you are a MAN and she will love you more.Originally posted by twenty47:my gf and me is walking towards our 10th month together and i am loving her as much as the 1st day we are together.
we chat almost everynight on msn since we started and i always try to make our conversation interesting, stress free, fun and always trying to be as accomodating/gentle to her as possible and always initiating topics so that we can chat about.
My goodness. Are you kidding me? You don't get the hint? Her interest in you is diminishing by the minute. Maybe, she met someone new, but is hesitant to break the news to you. Sounding uninterested is just one of her ways to hint to you. It's time you face the harsh reality of a change in heart.
but recently, it seems we have a problem carrying on with our conversation. for example, when i tell her something that i've done today or something that i just saw, she gives me 1 word replies like, "orh", "ic", "ok" which is making it really tough for me to carry on talking. then we'll just remain quiet till i talk to her again about some other topics. recently, she just simply types "i go sleep le. nitez." and goes offline immediately without even giving me a chance to wish her goodnight which is a habit of mine. last time, it was always sweet and she will type things like "goodnight lao gong" and such.
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Dun read too much into it?
I also always reply with 'o', 'ic', 'ok'..
sometimes i even tell the other party 'sorry im bz, i have no time to entertain you."
im so stress up with my studies that I always get mood swings. -
Quite upsetting if any ordinary bf were to be replied this way?Originally posted by browniebaobao:Dun read too much into it?
I also always reply with 'o', 'ic', 'ok'..
sometimes i even tell the other party 'sorry im bz, i have no time to entertain you."
im so stress up with my studies that I always get mood swings.
No matter what, communication is the way to prevent reading too much into anything. -
Originally posted by browniebaobao:
Nightmare, women... always get mood swings... at least once a month.
Dun read too much into it?
I also always reply with 'o', 'ic', 'ok'..
sometimes i even tell the other party 'sorry im bz, i have no time to entertain you."
im so stress up with my studies that I always get mood swings. -
Originally posted by casino_king:
Nightmare, women... [b]always get mood swings... at least once a month.[/b] -
It's upsetting i agree..Originally posted by M©+square:Quite upsetting if any ordinary bf were to be replied this way?
No matter what, communication is the way to prevent reading too much into anything.
But when im busy or moody, it's best to leave me alone or things might get worse. Anyway no worries, that was a buddy of mine, not a bf. Heex.
I tot it's always the female who wants communication.
In this case, it's different wor. -
Then your that particular advice not appliable to him lah. They are in r/s mah.Originally posted by browniebaobao:It's upsetting i agree..
But when im busy or moody, it's best to leave me alone or things might get worse. Anyway no worries, that was a buddy of mine, not a bf. Heex.
I tot it's always the female who wants communication.
In this case, it's different wor.
He's insecure about certain things.
At this stage, it seems like his gf is a pillar he leans on. (this is purely a speculation - might turn out the other way round)
Insecure people either needs to be assured by communication,
OR
they find it difficult to express themselves.
Commonly, these two traits.
Cheers