I practise abstinence cos i believe in preserving my sexual purity for my spouse yet he finds it moral crap. mayb cos he's done it before, he says he doesnt bother bout his girl's past and the "chaste n innocent" girl doesnt appeal to him yet asked me at times whether i had done this done that before with other guys. barely a month ago he said no guy would want a no sex + non sexual relationship but he'll do it for me, now it's okie to no sex but not non sexual. when i explained to him my reasons for abstinence n why i was a lil mindful of his past he told me i should hav told him earlier n prevent him from falling for me. how did he not hav a clue? when he knew shortly after we started going out that i did not even give my first kiss to my ex-bf?
to me i've alr given a lot to him, to him it's not enough. if he doesnt value chastity at all then why did he even bother to ask if he's the first one i kissed etc? n to think he once said that my ex shouldnt b upset that he hadnt got a kiss from me. wat a joke. isnt it contradicting? wat is he thinking really?

is chastity still valued in today's society? just curious to know ppl's opinions, but regardless of what they r i'll still stick to my principle of abstinence from sex before marriage as i think it's the best for me, at least for wat i could think of this moment in time.

Abstinence is matter of own principle, if you don’t want to do it, nobody can force you to….... If he really love you, he would respect your decision. Your bf hormones must be damn high, no offence.

dump him!!!

Yes, is still valued
Be firm on your stand. you had the support.

Originally posted by hisoka:

dump him!!!

Originally posted by kuri:

I practise abstinence cos i believe in preserving my sexual purity for my spouse yet he finds it moral crap. mayb cos he's done it before, he says he doesnt bother bout his girl's past and the "chaste n innocent" girl doesnt appeal to him yet asked me at times whether i had done this done that before with other guys. barely a month ago he said no guy would want a no sex + non sexual relationship but he'll do it for me, now it's okie to no sex but not non sexual. when i explained to him my reasons for abstinence n why i was a lil mindful of his past he told me i should hav told him earlier n prevent him from falling for me. how did he not hav a clue? when he knew shortly after we started going out that i did not even give my first kiss to my ex-bf?
to me i've alr given a lot to him, to him it's not enough. if he doesnt value chastity at all then why did he even bother to ask if he's the first one i kissed etc? n to think he once said that my ex shouldnt b upset that he hadnt got a kiss from me. wat a joke. isnt it contradicting? wat is he thinking really?

is chastity still valued in today's society? just curious to know ppl's opinions, but regardless of what they r i'll still stick to my principle of abstinence from sex before marriage as i think it's the best for me, at least for wat i could think of this moment in time.

Just stick to your own moral value instead of following the trend of today's society.

chastity is slowly losing its value in society.

There is no right or wrong whether to abstain or not, but there's consequences however.

Many folks have said..dun let ppl pressurize you and if ya bf keep pestering you, then he dont have your best interest in heart.

Good luck and hope all will be sorted out between you both.

i wld prefer my wife be a virgin

hmmm..was thinking..could anyone ans to the first part of the post? if he really think it doesnt matter whether he's the first? if he gets no thrill from that at all or gives him no kick that his gf's never really been touched by other guys why did he still ask questions at times to reinforce that he's the first guy.
n when i asked that would he rather i be more experienced he said no. then why does he still lecture me bout my wat he calls "holy maiden" beliefs?
it's just his ego isnt it? if he says yes he prefers a woman nobody has ever touched except him he'll b condemning himself that he had had sex with his ex. is that why he is saying if i had known u r like that i wouldnt hav fallen for u? cos as i had mentioned how could he not know? the fact that i hadnt even kissed my ex should b a big warning sign to him alr n he still said younger guys r like more horny n stuff he's over that phase. thinkin bout it now the guy whom i fell for is kinda different from the guy i'm with now.

Originally posted by kuri:

hmmm..was thinking..could anyone ans to the first part of the post? if he really think it doesnt matter whether he's the first? if he gets no thrill from that at all or gives him no kick that his gf's never really been touched by other guys why did he still ask questions at times to reinforce that he's the first guy.
n when i asked that would he rather i be more experienced he said no. then why does he still lecture me bout my wat he calls "holy maiden" beliefs?
it's just his ego isnt it? if he says yes he prefers a woman nobody has ever touched except him he'll b condemning himself that he had had sex with his ex. is that why he is saying if i had known u r like that i wouldnt hav fallen for u? cos as i had mentioned how could he not know? the fact that i hadnt even kissed my ex should b a big warning sign to him alr n he still said younger guys r like more horny n stuff he's over that phase. thinkin bout it now the guy whom i fell for is kinda different from the guy i'm with now.

hes telling it doesn't matter to try and convince you to do the act with him.

don't listen to him.

Dump him for not respecting your beliefs!!!

Firstly, you gotta figure out why did he dumped his former gf, after he had upteen rounds of sex with? Asking him would be futile. He would probably badmouth his ex. To him, his ex is the problem, not him, even after getting wat he wanted in the first place. Perhaps he is just interested in having sex with gals, n not really wanting to settle down just yet. You may be just one of his vested interest-----> a trophy that he can boast around wif, like "hey, i manage to bang this gal who has this thingy about chastity, but who in the end, like the rest of my ex, just could'nt resist ME, for i am one whole hot guy who can melt any gals heart and belief into lettin me bang em good!!...heheheh"
I once have an ex-male collague. This guy is, i must say, well verse in these tactics. He would always have a very good reason to dump his ex------after he had banged em good! Guess wat? He was so good he can break down a gals belief about chastity, then after banging em good, out comes his excuses for dumpin his ex - u noe wat? as always, gal is the problem, not him. He was so confident about himself, he got around braggin his tactics to us guys! He's one hell of a patient chap. Once, he toyed around with this JC gal for almost a year! He mentioned this gal is one tough nut to crack, cos she believed in chastity stuff. Eventually, this gal cracked up, maybe due to exam pressures and a whole lotta issues. Our "hero" was there in her darkest hour, and guess wat? He got to bang her good! Man, i can see the glitter in his eyes when he boasted to us about his conquest of this JC gal! He dumped her after 4 months. Too bad, the gal was in tatters.

My advise to you is, if you bf can't wait up for you till both of you get married, no need to waste your time. There are many other guys who, for the REAL LOVE of his gal, will truely cherish and uphold his gals belief, instead of tryin very hard to break his gals belief. There are many fishes in the sea, get wat i mean? Cheers!!!

Becoming personal?

Chastity isn't valued in this modern day and age.
But there are some out there who would cherish such matters.
Majority wouldn't...
My advice would be very simple, don't change for someone else or your partner but do it for yourself and no one else.
If you truly believe in your own morals then stick to it, doesn't matter what your partner wants.
If he truly love you, he will understand and simply wait...
Cheers...

Originally posted by kuri:

hmmm..was thinking..could anyone ans to the first part of the post? if he really think it doesnt matter whether he's the first? if he gets no thrill from that at all or gives him no kick that his gf's never really been touched by other guys why did he still ask questions at times to reinforce that he's the first guy.
n when i asked that would he rather i be more experienced he said no. then why does he still lecture me bout my wat he calls "holy maiden" beliefs?
it's just his ego isnt it? if he says yes he prefers a woman nobody has ever touched except him he'll b condemning himself that he had had sex with his ex. is that why he is saying if i had known u r like that i wouldnt hav fallen for u? cos as i had mentioned how could he not know? the fact that i hadnt even kissed my ex should b a big warning sign to him alr n he still said younger guys r like more horny n stuff he's over that phase. thinkin bout it now the guy whom i fell for is kinda different from the guy i'm with now.

Sorry to say from what you have written, seems like your bf's not worth your time. I mean if a guy really loves a girl...he should be able live with her sexual past (I have dated a divorcee so I know) ... So the question of virgin or not is irrelevant.

" is that why he is saying if i had known u r like that i wouldnt hav fallen for u?" -- I'd slap him if i were you. That comment is very uncalled for and it shows his total lack of respect for you.

Seriously, you shouldnt frett over this...if he dont appreciate you the way you are and your decision to wait till marriage, then go for a more deserving guy.

Cheers

it's still valued. cos the ppl hu wants to lose it made a choice. dey tink dat the relationship would go on.

well, some has and some hasn't.

its either he's trying to find reason to take your first or he's trying to satisfy the ego of his knowing he got your first kiss, etc.

he can't make up his mind. just let him go.

Originally posted by hisoka:

dump him!!!

U are dumped by the beach instead......

Originally posted by kuri:

I practise abstinence cos i believe in preserving my sexual purity for my spouse yet he finds it moral crap. mayb cos he's done it before, he says he doesnt bother bout his girl's past and the "chaste n innocent" girl doesnt appeal to him yet asked me at times whether i had done this done that before with other guys. barely a month ago he said no guy would want a no sex + non sexual relationship but he'll do it for me, now it's okie to no sex but not non sexual. when i explained to him my reasons for abstinence n why i was a lil mindful of his past he told me i should hav told him earlier n prevent him from falling for me. how did he not hav a clue? when he knew shortly after we started going out that i did not even give my first kiss to my ex-bf?
to me i've alr given a lot to him, to him it's not enough. if he doesnt value chastity at all then why did he even bother to ask if he's the first one i kissed etc? n to think he once said that my ex shouldnt b upset that he hadnt got a kiss from me. wat a joke. isnt it contradicting? wat is he thinking really?

is chastity still valued in today's society? just curious to know ppl's opinions, but regardless of what they r i'll still stick to my principle of abstinence from sex before marriage as i think it's the best for me, at least for wat i could think of this moment in time.

Let me encourage you not to be so subjected to what the masses feels about chastity or how the society depict sex before marriage.

In fact, to me, it's neither good nor evil - it's a matter of choice.

The reasoning is simple - abstinence does not guarantee a successful relationship.

I think we have to come to a mutual understanding that everybody is different. There will be people supporting the notion of abstinence and people who don't.

Eventually, it's not about chastity; it's about compatibility, perception and definition of love.

That's the REAL underlying issue.

I am sure you hear people saying that if you engage in pre-marital sex, your guy would dump you after he gets tired of you.

The question is - Is it really because of pre-marital sex? Or is it because of the man himself?

It's easy to attribute blame to pre-marital sex, and referring to the above case, the rot is likely the man himself. When you foolishly accept a man who doesn't share the same sort of frequency in those definitions, surely, you will face issue like this. Then you face issues like this, either one of you have to compromise or your relationship would probably sink into turmoil.

Would you learn to accept his ideology or should he learn to respect his woman?

Originally posted by Kuri:

he says he doesnt bother bout his girl's past and the "chaste n innocent" girl doesnt appeal to him yet asked me at times whether i had done this done that before with other guys.

This is complete crap man. Based on this, I don't know if you have made a reasonably right choice in selecting your mate.

Originally posted by Kuri:

i did not even give my first kiss to my ex-bf?

Hmm...

Cheers

Originally posted by kuri:

I practise abstinence cos i believe in preserving my sexual purity for my spouse yet he finds it moral crap. mayb cos he's done it before, he says he doesnt bother bout his girl's past and the "chaste n innocent" girl doesnt appeal to him yet asked me at times whether i had done this done that before with other guys. barely a month ago he said no guy would want a no sex + non sexual relationship but he'll do it for me, now it's okie to no sex but not non sexual. when i explained to him my reasons for abstinence n why i was a lil mindful of his past he told me i should hav told him earlier n prevent him from falling for me. how did he not hav a clue? when he knew shortly after we started going out that i did not even give my first kiss to my ex-bf?
to me i've alr given a lot to him, to him it's not enough. if he doesnt value chastity at all then why did he even bother to ask if he's the first one i kissed etc? n to think he once said that my ex shouldnt b upset that he hadnt got a kiss from me. wat a joke. isnt it contradicting? wat is he thinking really?

is chastity still valued in today's society? just curious to know ppl's opinions, but regardless of what they r i'll still stick to my principle of abstinence from sex before marriage as i think it's the best for me, at least for wat i could think of this moment in time.

If you are asking "Is chastity still valued?" generally, then I would say that it is pointless to ask that question because the answer is yes and no, depending on whom you ask.

If you are asking us personally, well it is none of your business and you have stated clearly that you will value chastity regardless of what we say.

If you want a long "grow old" relationship with somebody, then you must respect their opinions.

1. he doesnt bother bout his girl's past
2. "chaste n innocent" girl doesnt appeal to him
3. no guy would want a no sex + non sexual relationship

well respect his opinions.

He certainly respects your opinions:
1. but he'll do it for me

Don't jump to conclusions
1. isnt it contradicting?
2. how did he not hav a clue?

Most guys just comfortably talk to others, especially their gf and do not analyse every word they say and every sentence they say to see if they should say it this or that way and if they should remove all ambiguities. They certainly do not analyse if what they say contradicts something else that they said sometime back and if it contradicts with their actions.

I don't know you but based on the little of what you had written, I can tell you if I were him I will stay far far away from you! You sound like a parent, a teacher or a pastor instead of a gf. Please don't try to change people into you or you will be so miserable and they will be even more miserable. Live and let live.

I practise abstinence cos i believe in preserving my sexual purity for my spouse yet he finds it moral crap.- He is the crap.

mayb cos he's done it before, he says he doesnt bother bout his girl's past and the "chaste n innocent" girl doesnt appeal to him yet asked me at times whether i had done this done that before with other guys
Is a mistake to believe such comment, he may change his words latter on.

when i explained to him my reasons for abstinence n why i was a lil mindful of his past he told me i should hav told him earlier n prevent him from falling for me.Another crap.

Originally posted by kuri:

I practise abstinence cos i believe in preserving my sexual purity for my spouse yet he finds it moral crap. mayb cos he's done it before, he says he doesnt bother bout his girl's past and the "chaste n innocent" girl doesnt appeal to him yet asked me at times whether i had done this done that before with other guys. barely a month ago he said no guy would want a no sex + non sexual relationship but he'll do it for me, now it's okie to no sex but not non sexual. when i explained to him my reasons for abstinence n why i was a lil mindful of his past he told me i should hav told him earlier n prevent him from falling for me. how did he not hav a clue? when he knew shortly after we started going out that i did not even give my first kiss to my ex-bf?
to me i've alr given a lot to him, to him it's not enough. if he doesnt value chastity at all then why did he even bother to ask if he's the first one i kissed etc? n to think he once said that my ex shouldnt b upset that he hadnt got a kiss from me. wat a joke. isnt it contradicting? wat is he thinking really?

is chastity still valued in today's society? just curious to know ppl's opinions, but regardless of what they r i'll still stick to my principle of abstinence from sex before marriage as i think it's the best for me, at least for wat i could think of this moment in time.

Good on you. I'm glad you're not easily swayed by weak arguments.

There are some people who value chastity, a handful who value it too much (to the point of discrimination), and those who think it's an outdated notion.

I think a woman has the right to choose & decide how she wants to handle her own chastity. To hell with what others think.

I prefer my wife to be 14.

Originally posted by spinsugar:
I think a woman has [b]the right to choose & decide how she wants to handle her own chastity. To hell with what others think. [/b]

I cannot agree with your "To hell with what others think" because it depends who the "others" are. If the "others" are your bf/gf or husband/wife you better don't to hell with what they think!

Originally posted by kuri:

if he really think it doesnt matter whether he's the first? why did he still ask questions at times to reinforce that he's the first guy.

Because most guys will mind, especially when he is not getting any.

it's just his ego isnt it?

Shhhh....not so loud. He might hear you.
You do not speak bad about his "ego" in front of him ok? That's his best friend you're talking about. They tell each other everything.

is that why he is saying if i had known u r like that i wouldnt hav fallen for u?

He's giving you an ultimatum to get what he wants.

cos as i had mentioned how could he not know? the fact that i hadnt even kissed my ex should b a big warning sign to him alr n he still said younger guys r like more horny n stuff he's over that phase. thinkin bout it now the guy whom i fell for is kinda different from the guy i'm with now.

When he's not too thristy, the glass is half filled.

When he's dammnnn thristy, it looks half empty.

You are in a pretty bad situation now.

If you refuse anything sexual totally, he will walk.

If you relent a little and give him more, he will be even more thristy. You will start hearing more theories from him that don't make sense.

It's a mismatch in the first place.