Is chastity still valued?
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200th!!!
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Idea is, if you do not want to have sex, be careful not to send mixed signals which plant hopes and tempt the other party.Originally posted by M©+square:Basically i think the focus of this topic was lost somewhere when posters based their discussion about the 'Tiger' rather than how Threadstarter is truly facing the situation.
Some thoughts for people here.
Cheers -
Originally posted by blu_sky:200th!!!
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Like I've said... One has to be a WILLING PATY to 'roll on the grass'....Originally posted by browniebaobao:ehh i ever saw a couple rolling on the grass before leh..
and there were other 10 couples on their left and right.
If yuo've not realised how difficult it would be to 'roll on the grass' with an unwilling party by now... Unless you're telling the other person is trying to rape her? And how much more difficult it would be with 10 other couples if you're not giving in....
By the way... The IDEA of a PUBLIC place I've suggested is not one with 10 other couples 'rolling on the grass'....
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I apologise if the post i posted was ever interpreted as a personal comment to you.Originally posted by blu_sky:Idea is, if you do not want to have sex, be careful not to send mixed signals which plant hopes and tempt the other party.
But of cos, i know that you'll definitely reply to my post.
Please be assured that it's for the contributors generally.
Cheers -
No apologies needed, cos no offence takenOriginally posted by M©+square:I apologise if the post i posted was ever interpreted as a personal comment to you.
But of cos, i know that you'll definitely reply to my post.
Please be assured that it's for the contributors generally.
Cheers
Cheers -
i get ur point..i've been thinking wat to do..but there's a thin n smudgey line between wat's affectionate and wat's arousing.when he's in the mood even hugging can b arousing and things like if he kissed me if i dun kiss him back he feels i m being so cold towards him but if i do even tho it might not b anywhere near hot kisses he starts to get high. i want to show him affection but not make him want to go raunchy n this is proving to b rather tricky a lot of times.Originally posted by choco B:If you're not going to have sex, then don't start something you can't finish. You're just a tease making it difficult for him.
Affectionate, yes. Deliberately arousing, no.
it's really hard to get the balance especially since we had to spend much of the time at the bedroom the last few weeks cos he wasnt feeling well just wanted me to accompany him at home as he takes med n rests.
another problem is as much as i always try to put a firm stop to things whenever i sense things r gg awry i hav to admit i hav my desires too. n so when i allowed him to push for more i'd normally warrant after some incessant pleading or etc n he gets me too heated up i can have some difficulty having to control both him and me to keep cool. for i m not unfeeling, i m not refusing intimacy n sex cos i cant feel arousal or watsoever, i m not a prude but i just felt we dun share enough emotional depth to go there and i'd want to as i mention earlier "preserve my sexual purity for my spouse". it may not be that difficult for me to cross the line physically but it's the emotional repercussions that would follow that's making me hold back. n i've had no problems bout withholding intimacy or anything sexual from guys before as i've always been firm on that and i never allow them to go anywhere near intimacy even so i was able to hav never had phyiscal intimacy with any other guy before . but this guy's really challenging my ability to do so as he's a very physical person n as much i want to b close to him it's hard to reach out to him emotionally if i pull back on any intimacy altogether.yet a lil smt always makes him want smt more.
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I think it's because you allow him to go alittle further now and then, which is why he thinks he should try hard each time because he might get lucky - even if he doesn't get sex he gets more action if he tries harder.
Perhaps you should state clearly to him what are off limits and strictly and consistantly keep to those limits.
Don't blame him for not being able to control himself if you can't control yourself. You're just going to have to find a way to get your desired emotional connection with the least possible amount of physical action.Originally posted by kuri:i get ur point..i've been thinking wat to do..but there's a thin n smudgey line between wat's affectionate and wat's arousing.when he's in the mood even hugging can b arousing and things like if he kissed me if i dun kiss him back he feels i m being so cold towards him but if i do even tho it might not b anywhere near hot kisses he starts to get high. i want to show him affection but not make him want to go raunchy.
it's really hard to get the balance especially since we had to spend much of the time at the bedroom the last few weeks cos he wasnt feeling well just wanted me to accompany him at home as he takes med n rests.
another problem is as much as i always try to put a firm stop to things whenever i sense things r gg awry i hav to admit i hav my desires too. n so when i allowed him to push for more i'd normally warrant after some incessant pleading or etc n he gets me too heated up i can have some difficulty having to control both him and me to keep cool. for i m not unfeeling, i m not refusing intimacy n sex cos i cant feel arousal or watsoever, i m not a prude i just felt we dun share enough emotional depth to go there and i'd want to as i mention earlier "preserve my sexual purity for my spouse". it's not that difficult for me to cross the line physically but it's the emotional repercussions that would follow that's making me hold back. n i've had no problems bout withholding intimacy or anything sexual from guys before as i've always been firm on that and i never allow them to go anywhere near intimacy even so i was able to hav never had phyiscal intimacy with any other guy before . but this guy's really challenging my ability to do so as he's a very physical person n as much i want to b close to him it's hard to reach out to him emotionally if i pull back on any intimacy altogether.yet a lil smt always makes him want smt more. -
I can only use repeated post for this part of your case...Originally posted by kuri:i get ur point..i've been thinking wat to do..but there's a thin n smudgey line between wat's affectionate and wat's arousing.when he's in the mood even hugging can b arousing and things like if he kissed me if i dun kiss him back he feels i m being so cold towards him but if i do even tho it might not b anywhere near hot kisses he starts to get high. i want to show him affection but not make him want to go raunchy n this is proving to b rather tricky a lot of times.
it's really hard to get the balance especially since we had to spend much of the time at the bedroom the last few weeks cos he wasnt feeling well just wanted me to accompany him at home as he takes med n rests.
another problem is as much as i always try to put a firm stop to things whenever i sense things r gg awry i hav to admit i hav my desires too. n so when i allowed him to push for more i'd normally warrant after some incessant pleading or etc n he gets me too heated up i can have some difficulty having to control both him and me to keep cool. for i m not unfeeling, i m not refusing intimacy n sex cos i cant feel arousal or watsoever, i m not a prude but i just felt we dun share enough emotional depth to go there and i'd want to as i mention earlier "preserve my sexual purity for my spouse".
it may not be that difficult for me to cross the line physically but it's the emotional repercussions that would follow that's making me hold back. n i've had no problems bout withholding intimacy or anything sexual from guys before as i've always been firm on that and i never allow them to go anywhere near intimacy even so i was able to hav never had phyiscal intimacy with any other guy before . but this guy's really challenging my ability to do so as he's a very physical person n as much i want to b close to him it's hard to reach out to him emotionally if i pull back on any intimacy altogether.yet a lil smt always makes him want smt more. Originally posted by Bontakun:As long as you maintain your stand on chastity and further reinforcing your own convictions, a road will be paved out for you.
Do remember: anything that promotes sexual advancement, do take note and stop it. Prevention is better than cure. 
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Society may be more open today but it does not give anyone the right to assume that females can be treated as commodities that can be bought off the shelf nor that females are stores which men can walk in and out of whenever they fancy.
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Its something to do with the society in general... In the past, pre maritial sex and homosexuality is a passed down tradition taboo to everybody. At that time the severity of it can result in being shamed, look down upon, punishment of sorts. Then comes a time where a few 'pioneers' did that (pre maritial sex, homosexuality, etc, etc)...Originally posted by sweetevil:Society may be more open today but it does not give anyone the right to assume that females can be treated as commodities that can be bought off the shelf nor that females are stores which men can walk in and out of whenever they fancy.
Initially they were singled out and 'trampled', but slowly many others follow suit. Still they were singled out and 'trampled' upon, but more and more dared to do it. After perhaps decades of such daring moves that society has seen it coming repeatedly, becoming pretty common, it became a kind of gradual comodity and the society comes to accept it in time.
I read a book and I came upon this paragraph:
"In psychology this process of gradual exposure is called 'systematic desensitization'. We do not readily accept the unmentionable until we are numbed by repetition. After the unmentionable has been mentioned often enough, it becomes mentionable but still undoable. Yet after the undoable is done routinely, we begin to have a hard time accepting the idea that it is evil and must therefore be given up." -
Please be assured that no one in their sane mind are assuming that females are commodities.Originally posted by sweetevil:Society may be more open today but it does not give anyone the right to assume that females can be treated as commodities that can be bought off the shelf nor that females are stores which men can walk in and out of whenever they fancy. -
Can share the book title?Originally posted by Bontakun:I read a book and I came upon this paragraph:
"In psychology this process of gradual exposure is called 'systematic desensitization'. We do not readily accept the unmentionable until we are numbed by repetition. After the unmentionable has been mentioned often enough, it becomes mentionable but still undoable. Yet after the undoable is done routinely, we begin to have a hard time accepting the idea that it is evil and must therefore be given up." -
'What Your Counselor Never Told You' by Dr. William BackusOriginally posted by M©+square:Can share the book title?
Its a christian book so there are elements of christian values in it. -
Ahhhh.....Originally posted by Bontakun:'What Your Counselor Never Told You' by Dr. William Backus
Its a christian book so there are elements of christian values in it.
Should have guessed that it's from a Christian author.
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Originally posted by M©+square:Ahhhh.....
Should have guessed that it's from a Christian author.
Still interested though? -
hmm? Christian authors are somewhat bias.Originally posted by Bontakun:
Still interested though?
I've read Christian Counseling 3rd Edition by Gary R. Collins and found it somewhat satisfactory. Like the Chapters on Homosexuality, Singlehood, Masturbation and Spouse Abuse, well approached.
But still, i don't fancy Christian authors who writes about secular subjects. -
Okee.Originally posted by M©+square:hmm? Christian authors are somewhat bias.
I've read Christian Counseling 3rd Edition by Gary R. Collins and found it somewhat satisfactory. Like the Chapters on Homosexuality, Singlehood, Masturbation and Spouse Abuse, well approached.
But still, i don't fancy Christian authors who writes about secular subjects. 
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If you're still new to books on Counseling and Social issues, can i suggest that you go for secular writers first and then read up book that is more christian based, so to have a balanced viewpoint?Originally posted by Bontakun:Okee. -
Actually I got dat book coz I wanna understand more on da 7 sins, but I take your advice shld I wanna read Counseling and Social books. Those are indeed more 'balanced'.Originally posted by M©+square:If you're still new to books on Counseling and Social issues, can i suggest that you go for secular writers first and then read up book that is more christian based, so to have a balanced viewpoint?
Thanks -
Hi sadly i am back here again. the past few weeks he's been boasting to me he downloaded lines of porn so excitedly to have release it's CONSTANTLY REMINDING ME I CANT SATISFY HIM. it hurts my feelings. i told him i understand he has his needs but could he be more sensitive to my feelings as well. of cos it hurts to feel so inadequate to someone u love. he says if he's the one who cant satisfies me he has no qualms bout me doing that as well. YA RITE. sometimes i wish i could curse that he has erectile dsyfunction oneday n i would tell him bout bout getting hots from porn n stuff he can try how it feels like. i wasnt even saying he cant watch porn just he really NEED NOT MENTION it to me all the time such that it's becoming a pain. after some squabbling he goes like "Fine.Everything also go ur way.". seems like he hasnt understood me.
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emotional abuse ?
trying to make you feel bad so that you will break down and give in i think -
Seems like your similar issue and concern is still there and not gotten over with...Originally posted by kuri:Hi sadly i am back here again. the past few weeks he's been boasting to me he downloaded lines of porn so excitedly to have release it's CONSTANTLY REMINDING ME I CANT SATISFY HIM. it hurts my feelings. i told him i understand he has his needs but could he be more sensitive to my feelings as well. of cos it hurts to feel so inadequate to someone u love. he says if he's the one who cant satisfies me he has no qualms bout me doing that as well. YA RITE. sometimes i wish i could curse that he has erectile dsyfunction oneday n i would tell him bout bout getting hots from porn n stuff he can try how it feels like. i wasnt even saying he cant watch porn just he really NEED NOT MENTION it to me all the time such that it's becoming a pain. after some squabbling he goes like "Fine.Everything also go ur way.". seems like he hasnt understood me.
Note that it's a dangerous breeding ground which might result in a much more serious situation and subsequently likely an unhealthy relationship if this is allowed to carry on...
Even if all 'others' go well in your relationship... This ALONE can cause quite a CRACK in any 'perfection' a relationship might be out to be built... -
......Originally posted by blu_sky:200th!!! -
Take your time. Frankly speaking, I think your guy is crap.Originally posted by kuri:Hi sadly i am back here again. the past few weeks he's been boasting to me he downloaded lines of porn so excitedly to have release it's CONSTANTLY REMINDING ME I CANT SATISFY HIM. it hurts my feelings. i told him i understand he has his needs but could he be more sensitive to my feelings as well. of cos it hurts to feel so inadequate to someone u love. he says if he's the one who cant satisfies me he has no qualms bout me doing that as well. YA RITE. sometimes i wish i could curse that he has erectile dsyfunction oneday n i would tell him bout bout getting hots from porn n stuff he can try how it feels like. i wasnt even saying he cant watch porn just he really NEED NOT MENTION it to me all the time such that it's becoming a pain. after some squabbling he goes like "Fine.Everything also go ur way.". seems like he hasnt understood me.
However, you love him and that should be the basis of sticking to it and helping him to be a better person. It will be hard on you initially. I do think his mentioning of the 'porn' stuffs are some hints for you to offer yourself to him, BUT you have a mind of your own.
You should decide what is in the best interest of yourself and him.
I do thank you though for sharing part of your life with us, strangers. We will back you up when you need support.