Not ready...
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Hey, I just decided to post my problem here but mine isn't as serious as the rest of them out there...
Some background info: I met this girl from my tuition place early last year. I didn't pay much notice to her but she eventually went to search for me over Friendster and I guess that was how it all began. Back then, I didn't think much of it and I treated her as a normal friend. I always offered to help her with her school work like maths & chem through mail, gave her an insight on tertiary education & sometimes advised her on life. It wasn't the love at first sight kind of situation but I gradually grew to like her. I found myself always looking forward to the weekends where I could PM her over Friendster and receive her messages. We even cheered each other on as she was having her O levels and I was having my A's. I guessed during that period of time, chatting with her was something like a release from reality for me and I really enjoyed it a lot.
During the Nov/Dec holidays, we tried to make plans to meet up but we always couldn't find a common day. We eventually went out for the first time in Jan this year. As I went out with her, I realised that the both of us are really alike in so many ways; we are both so blur and thrifty, etc. So I was thinking to myself that it really is a perfect match. We do chat online regularly even before we started "going out" together and I even told her once of my ideal relationship and even ask for her idea on hers as well. I dropped many hints to her while we are chatting online that i liked her but I guessed she didn't get it. How I know she didn't get the hint, you would find out if you carry on reading.
Ok, here comes the problem. On our 3rd outing, which was Valentine's Day, though I went out with her for a while because she had to prepare for a test, I was ready to confess to her. But I guessed I did it quite awkwardly. Because she needed a new bag, I bought her a Crumpler. And I also bought her those flower teddy bears kind. The final touch was a card, with a poem written by me, expressing my feelings for her. Yes, it wasn't sincere of me because I didn't confess to her face to face. But later that night, I SMSed her, asking her whether did she get my true message of the poem. She didn't reply me until the next day. During that short period, I sent her many long messages, telling her not to feel awkward and that she didn't need to accept me now if she is not ready and that we could still be good friends. And I also told her I was willing to wait for her.
When she replied me the very next day, she told me she was speechless the day before and didn't know what to say. She also told me that she isn't ready for a relationship. I respected her decision and decided to keep our status as good friends. She also told me she can't accept the bag as it was too expensive but I told her to use it first because I won't be using it anytime soon (especially when I'm going into NS soon). But 2 weeks before, which was immediately after V day & CNY, when I messaged her good night (I used to do that every night), she stopped replying me. So I decided to maybe take a break last week, which was to not message her at all. Only recently did she start messaging me again, the very first message after that long break was to wish me all the best for my A level results the very next day.
The 1st problem is, do you think she is trying to distance herself from me after I confessed to her? Maybe if she is not ready, I shouldn't rush into things? She is starting her JC life right now so I told her that we shouldn't start now. I told her that I was willing to wait 2 years, after her A levels is all over. But I don't know how to set ourselves as just friends but yet be there for her since it feels as though she doesn't want me close to her. And whenever I ask her out, she always seem to be very busy... So guys, how do maintain that balance of just being friends, and at the same time being more than just a friend? And would she feel uncomfortable with it when I try to get closer to her?
2nd problem: she scored 9 points for her O levels and is on her way to 1 of the top 5 JCs while me, I didn't exactly do well for my A levels. Do you think that maybe she doesn't view me as suitable for her because of my results? She once told me that she wouldn't want to be with someone who is of a lower education status than her. Or am I just feeling too inferior?
And just to let you guys know, other than her being 2 years younger than me, she is a very quiet and soft-spoken girl. She is the kind who needs time to warm up to a person and when she knows that person very well, she can get quite wacky and nudge or whack them jokingly.
She is also very thrifty, a value that is most commonly associated with my character. And though she calls herself lazy, she is very hardworking when it comes to work. And yes, she has never had a boyfriend before. For me, it is my 2nd time...
So in conclusion, what should I do with her? I don't intend to let her go and at the same time, not be too possessive of her. Most of my questions are up there so do refer to them. All advice & suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks! -
perhaps she juz treat u as a brother or a very gud frenz?
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First of all, why the long and frequent messages?
Give her the gift of missing you.
What I meant is you don't have to call/message her everyday. Twice a week, a drop by sms twice a week or fortnight.
Attraction isn't a choice
Now you know she is not ready for it, lean back, stay cool and control your emotions. No point going around about the relationship issue with her. It's useless, ending up in a lose lose situation.
Next, Why the crumpler bag?
Yes it's valentines and she needs a bag but doesn't mean you have to buy it. To please her? Women don't think in such a way that "oh a guy friend bought a bag for me, I am gonna remember it". A simple card or a small box of chocolates will do just fine.
You have to stop thinking about what you've learned about being a "nice guy" and realize that a woman's ATTRACTION isn't triggered by you
being "nice". - Quote
Right now, it's best that you take a step backward. -
oh, so she got you hooked by making the first move. You must always understand one thing, a gal being nice to you, doesnt means she likes you... To a gal, being nice is just nice lor. But of cse, there could be times where they really likes you..Its kind of hard to understand unless you confess to them, which you did....*applause*Originally posted by Lovelorn?:Hey, I just decided to post my problem here but mine isn't as serious as the rest of them out there...
Some background info: I met this girl from my tuition place early last year. I didn't pay much notice to her but she eventually went to search for me over Friendster and I guess that was how it all began.
.......
.......
So in conclusion, what should I do with her? I don't intend to let her go and at the same time, not be too possessive of her. Most of my questions are up there so do refer to them. All advice & suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks!
There is no shame in confessing your love for someone through a card or poem. Frankly speaking, there are many pp out there, who didn even dare to admit their love, and live to regret in their life.
Like what you say, she is still young...and since you are going NS, it is very hard to maintain a r/s, especially if you are intending to start one... Believe us, honeymoon period needs alot of care, concern and time with the partner.. With you in camp, do you think you can provide that for the first few months? It may not be a bad thing for you not to start a r/s yet..
you said it...you dont want to be too possessive.. leave her alone for a while, on and off keep contact with her...if she falls for someone at this point, then it just tells you that she has no interest in you at the very begining. constant sms really is a nightmare you know?
lastly, by the time you finish NS, just in time to meet her in Uni.. Good timing.
i know 2 years is abit long, but you can still keep in contact with her, and maybe you will be with her before you ORD..
good luck -
I think your mind is wandering off again...Originally posted by Lovelorn?:Hey, I just decided to post my problem here but mine isn't as serious as the rest of them out there...
Some background info: I met this girl from my tuition place early last year. I didn't pay much notice to her but she eventually went to search for me over Friendster and I guess that was how it all began. Back then, I didn't think much of it and I treated her as a normal friend. I always offered to help her with her school work like maths & chem through mail, gave her an insight on tertiary education & sometimes advised her on life. It wasn't the love at first sight kind of situation but I gradually grew to like her. I found myself always looking forward to the weekends where I could PM her over Friendster and receive her messages. We even cheered each other on as she was having her O levels and I was having my A's. I guessed during that period of time, chatting with her was something like a release from reality for me and I really enjoyed it a lot.
During the Nov/Dec holidays, we tried to make plans to meet up but we always couldn't find a common day. We eventually went out for the first time in Jan this year. As I went out with her, I realised that the both of us are really alike in so many ways; we are both so blur and thrifty, etc. So I was thinking to myself that it really is a perfect match. We do chat online regularly even before we started "going out" together and I even told her once of my ideal relationship and even ask for her idea on hers as well. I dropped many hints to her while we are chatting online that i liked her but I guessed she didn't get it. How I know she didn't get the hint, you would find out if you carry on reading.
Ok, here comes the problem. On our 3rd outing, which was Valentine's Day, though I went out with her for a while because she had to prepare for a test, I was ready to confess to her. But I guessed I did it quite awkwardly. Because she needed a new bag, I bought her a Crumpler. And I also bought her those flower teddy bears kind. The final touch was a card, with a poem written by me, expressing my feelings for her. Yes, it wasn't sincere of me because I didn't confess to her face to face. But later that night, I SMSed her, asking her whether did she get my true message of the poem. She didn't reply me until the next day. During that short period, I sent her many long messages, telling her not to feel awkward and that she didn't need to accept me now if she is not ready and that we could still be good friends. And I also told her I was willing to wait for her.
When she replied me the very next day, she told me she was speechless the day before and didn't know what to say. She also told me that she isn't ready for a relationship. I respected her decision and decided to keep our status as good friends. She also told me she can't accept the bag as it was too expensive but I told her to use it first because I won't be using it anytime soon (especially when I'm going into NS soon). But 2 weeks before, which was immediately after V day & CNY, when I messaged her good night (I used to do that every night), she stopped replying me. So I decided to maybe take a break last week, which was to not message her at all. Only recently did she start messaging me again, the very first message after that long break was to wish me all the best for my A level results the very next day.
The 1st problem is, do you think she is trying to distance herself from me after I confessed to her? Maybe if she is not ready, I shouldn't rush into things? She is starting her JC life right now so I told her that we shouldn't start now. I told her that I was willing to wait 2 years, after her A levels is all over. But I don't know how to set ourselves as just friends but yet be there for her since it feels as though she doesn't want me close to her. And whenever I ask her out, she always seem to be very busy... So guys, how do maintain that balance of just being friends, and at the same time being more than just a friend? And would she feel uncomfortable with it when I try to get closer to her?
2nd problem: she scored 9 points for her O levels and is on her way to 1 of the top 5 JCs while me, I didn't exactly do well for my A levels. Do you think that maybe she doesn't view me as suitable for her because of my results? She once told me that she wouldn't want to be with someone who is of a lower education status than her. Or am I just feeling too inferior?
And just to let you guys know, other than her being 2 years younger than me, she is a very quiet and soft-spoken girl. She is the kind who needs time to warm up to a person and when she knows that person very well, she can get quite wacky and nudge or whack them jokingly. She is also very thrifty, a value that is most commonly associated with my character. And though she calls herself lazy, she is very hardworking when it comes to work. And yes, she has never had a boyfriend before. For me, it is my 2nd time...
So in conclusion, what should I do with her? I don't intend to let her go and at the same time, not be too possessive of her. Most of my questions are up there so do refer to them. All advice & suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks!
For now, I think you should really just respect her decision. If you just wanna keep her as a FRIEND. Do not allow your mind to wander into MORE... Otherwise, you might just have to face the consequences yourself...
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just stay being friends is best for both of u.... because u going ns and she is studying....
when u break from ns , u can ask her out as she is still ur friend
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There are so many pretty flowers out there for you to prick, and there are so many flowers out there for you to admire,
If you going to burn the whole forest for a flower, then share with me, some of your female contact, PM me k? -
Originally posted by Lovelorn?:Hey, I just decided to post my problem here but mine isn't as serious as the rest of them out there...
Some background info: I met this girl from my tuition place early last year. I didn't pay much notice to her but she eventually went to search for me over Friendster and I guess that was how it all began. Back then, I didn't think much of it and I treated her as a normal friend. I always offered to help her with her school work like maths & chem through mail, gave her an insight on tertiary education & sometimes advised her on life. It wasn't the love at first sight kind of situation but I gradually grew to like her. I found myself always looking forward to the weekends where I could PM her over Friendster and receive her messages. We even cheered each other on as she was having her O levels and I was having my A's. I guessed during that period of time, chatting with her was something like a release from reality for me and I really enjoyed it a lot.
During the Nov/Dec holidays, we tried to make plans to meet up but we always couldn't find a common day. We eventually went out for the first time in Jan this year. As I went out with her, I realised that the both of us are really alike in so many ways; we are both so blur and thrifty, etc. So I was thinking to myself that it really is a perfect match. We do chat online regularly even before we started "going out" together and I even told her once of my ideal relationship and even ask for her idea on hers as well. I dropped many hints to her while we are chatting online that i liked her but I guessed she didn't get it. How I know she didn't get the hint, you would find out if you carry on reading.
Ok, here comes the problem. On our 3rd outing, which was Valentine's Day, though I went out with her for a while because she had to prepare for a test, I was ready to confess to her. But I guessed I did it quite awkwardly. Because she needed a new bag, I bought her a Crumpler. And I also bought her those flower teddy bears kind. The final touch was a card, with a poem written by me, expressing my feelings for her. Yes, it wasn't sincere of me because I didn't confess to her face to face. But later that night, I SMSed her, asking her whether did she get my true message of the poem. She didn't reply me until the next day. During that short period, I sent her many long messages, telling her not to feel awkward and that she didn't need to accept me now if she is not ready and that we could still be good friends. And I also told her I was willing to wait for her.
When she replied me the very next day, she told me she was speechless the day before and didn't know what to say. She also told me that she isn't ready for a relationship. I respected her decision and decided to keep our status as good friends. She also told me she can't accept the bag as it was too expensive but I told her to use it first because I won't be using it anytime soon (especially when I'm going into NS soon). But 2 weeks before, which was immediately after V day & CNY, when I messaged her good night (I used to do that every night), she stopped replying me. So I decided to maybe take a break last week, which was to not message her at all. Only recently did she start messaging me again, the very first message after that long break was to wish me all the best for my A level results the very next day.
The 1st problem is, do you think she is trying to distance herself from me after I confessed to her? Maybe if she is not ready, I shouldn't rush into things? She is starting her JC life right now so I told her that we shouldn't start now. I told her that I was willing to wait 2 years, after her A levels is all over. But I don't know how to set ourselves as just friends but yet be there for her since it feels as though she doesn't want me close to her. And whenever I ask her out, she always seem to be very busy... So guys, how do maintain that balance of just being friends, and at the same time being more than just a friend? And would she feel uncomfortable with it when I try to get closer to her?
2nd problem: she scored 9 points for her O levels and is on her way to 1 of the top 5 JCs while me, I didn't exactly do well for my A levels. Do you think that maybe she doesn't view me as suitable for her because of my results? She once told me that she wouldn't want to be with someone who is of a lower education status than her. Or am I just feeling too inferior?
And just to let you guys know, other than her being 2 years younger than me, she is a very quiet and soft-spoken girl. She is the kind who needs time to warm up to a person and when she knows that person very well, she can get quite wacky and nudge or whack them jokingly. She is also very thrifty, a value that is most commonly associated with my character. And though she calls herself lazy, she is very hardworking when it comes to work. And yes, she has never had a boyfriend before. For me, it is my 2nd time...
So in conclusion, what should I do with her? I don't intend to let her go and at the same time, not be too possessive of her. Most of my questions are up there so do refer to them. All advice & suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks!
I must say the feelings developed because the emotional mind is open and unrestrictive. You are a forward looking guy and that makes you search easier. It's relatively easy to uncover that sort of feelings under the right circumstances, but eventually, the mutual decision of a relationship must apply on both side of the coin.
There must be something desirable or at least comfortable about you that she wouldn't mind going on a date with. Taking initiative to add you on friendster may not suggest anything much, but certainly to accept a private date from someone requires a minimal level of comfort before that could ever happen.
But your developed feelings don't necessarily means it is the same for her. For all you know, she probably only interested in making friends with you. Something is pulling her back, hindering the process of her getting attached to you. And this obstruction is the reason for your rejection.
Perhaps she is still pretty struck in that 'schooling mindset' and the tangible criteria that resolves around her mate and herself is education. Afterall, at the age of 16 with clean record with regards to BGR, she probably has nothing else to worry other than academic results.
Putting it in this way, you can try to revert back to the sort of 'friendship' you previously had with her and stick with that model first. National Service is one huge hurdle in life that is generally malicious to relationship if one cannot seem to benefit from it. In that sense, are you willing to risk it with her?
I guess it's the element of time once again, making fool out of people. Let me double guarantee you that two years is a long period of time and do not assume that things will remain the way they are now. In fact, she might get attached during her JC days, you will never know.
And that's because time change people change.
Cheers -
it is good that u have confessed your love for her, no doubt, well done~ because a lot of pple didnt dared to confess and end up regretting for life. as wad u said, i guess u are 19 and she is 17. while both of u are ready to embark life's next chapter (she is going to JC while u are going to NS), dere is no doubt dat she is nt ready for relationship because she is still young as compared to you.
dude, i can see dat you are a sensible guy. remember, u are going into NS, starting a relationship right now isnt the right opportunity because during the start of a relationship, u need more time to together to bond. moreover, she did not have any bf before, dat makes u more disadvantaged~.
why not stay as gd frenz den? as i always said, there are many flowers out there for u to choose~
as a JC student, u noe dat a relationship during ur JC days is a no-no to many people. so....why nt think from her point of view ? -
First answer... she is just shy put stress ahead in JC...
Furthermore she somw who will be impacted large by education....
So since both for u are getting well as a friend , don't rush... just be with her during the crucial moments of her life...
Finally education is not a hinder... They are many cases of Top JC gal having a ah beng bf....
So don't know heart... preserve.... -
When I was your age I thot that I was very old already. I was worried about this and that and like you worried about the future.Originally posted by Lovelorn?:Hey, I just decided to post my problem here but mine isn't as serious as the rest of them out there...
Some background info: I met this girl from my tuition place early last year. I didn't pay much notice to her but she eventually went to search for me over Friendster and I guess that was how it all began. Back then, I didn't think much of it and I treated her as a normal friend. I always offered to help her with her school work like maths & chem through mail, gave her an insight on tertiary education & sometimes advised her on life. It wasn't the love at first sight kind of situation but I gradually grew to like her. I found myself always looking forward to the weekends where I could PM her over Friendster and receive her messages. We even cheered each other on as she was having her O levels and I was having my A's. I guessed during that period of time, chatting with her was something like a release from reality for me and I really enjoyed it a lot.
During the Nov/Dec holidays, we tried to make plans to meet up but we always couldn't find a common day. We eventually went out for the first time in Jan this year. As I went out with her, I realised that the both of us are really alike in so many ways; we are both so blur and thrifty, etc. So I was thinking to myself that it really is a perfect match. We do chat online regularly even before we started "going out" together and I even told her once of my ideal relationship and even ask for her idea on hers as well. I dropped many hints to her while we are chatting online that i liked her but I guessed she didn't get it. How I know she didn't get the hint, you would find out if you carry on reading.
Ok, here comes the problem. On our 3rd outing, which was Valentine's Day, though I went out with her for a while because she had to prepare for a test, I was ready to confess to her. But I guessed I did it quite awkwardly. Because she needed a new bag, I bought her a Crumpler. And I also bought her those flower teddy bears kind. The final touch was a card, with a poem written by me, expressing my feelings for her. Yes, it wasn't sincere of me because I didn't confess to her face to face. But later that night, I SMSed her, asking her whether did she get my true message of the poem. She didn't reply me until the next day. During that short period, I sent her many long messages, telling her not to feel awkward and that she didn't need to accept me now if she is not ready and that we could still be good friends. And I also told her I was willing to wait for her.
When she replied me the very next day, she told me she was speechless the day before and didn't know what to say. She also told me that she isn't ready for a relationship. I respected her decision and decided to keep our status as good friends. She also told me she can't accept the bag as it was too expensive but I told her to use it first because I won't be using it anytime soon (especially when I'm going into NS soon). But 2 weeks before, which was immediately after V day & CNY, when I messaged her good night (I used to do that every night), she stopped replying me. So I decided to maybe take a break last week, which was to not message her at all. Only recently did she start messaging me again, the very first message after that long break was to wish me all the best for my A level results the very next day.
The 1st problem is, do you think she is trying to distance herself from me after I confessed to her? Maybe if she is not ready, I shouldn't rush into things? She is starting her JC life right now so I told her that we shouldn't start now. I told her that I was willing to wait 2 years, after her A levels is all over. But I don't know how to set ourselves as just friends but yet be there for her since it feels as though she doesn't want me close to her. And whenever I ask her out, she always seem to be very busy... So guys, how do maintain that balance of just being friends, and at the same time being more than just a friend? And would she feel uncomfortable with it when I try to get closer to her?
2nd problem: she scored 9 points for her O levels and is on her way to 1 of the top 5 JCs while me, I didn't exactly do well for my A levels. Do you think that maybe she doesn't view me as suitable for her because of my results? She once told me that she wouldn't want to be with someone who is of a lower education status than her. Or am I just feeling too inferior?
And just to let you guys know, other than her being 2 years younger than me, she is a very quiet and soft-spoken girl. She is the kind who needs time to warm up to a person and when she knows that person very well, she can get quite wacky and nudge or whack them jokingly. She is also very thrifty, a value that is most commonly associated with my character. And though she calls herself lazy, she is very hardworking when it comes to work. And yes, she has never had a boyfriend before. For me, it is my 2nd time...
So in conclusion, what should I do with her? I don't intend to let her go and at the same time, not be too possessive of her. Most of my questions are up there so do refer to them. All advice & suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks!
You had a gf friend bfore and you broke up. No harm there right? Take it easy and enjoy life. If you worry about this and that, how are you going to enjoy life?
You think you have a problem but actually you don't. The more you worry the worse it is. When and if she is ready, she will indicate it to you. Maybe you are the one for her or maybe not... no big deal, just stop worrying. -
1)She said she ain't ready for a relationship. So for now, take it slow.
2)Constantly sending Long messages, if send by a person to someone else who has no extra special feelings for that sender can be irritating.
3) Next time, u send 1 message 2 confess to that girl u like her, and she didn't reply, don't go and send another one. She is really thinking long and hard, and u sending more messages can confuse her even to the point of irritating her, as she thought u are trying to pressure her.
4)A crumpler bag, despite every single person is wearing it now, costs very very expensive. giving a gal who is not ur gf such an expensive bag will constitutes to her feeling that she may own u something. My guess is that she will most probably not use it.
5)If she gives u the feeling that she is avoiding u because of ur poor results+ her going into a top 5 JC , then do u really think this gal is worth chasing? Although I am pretty sure she is not that sort of person based on ur description of her, do not waste ur time chasing her if she is really that type of person.
6)My advice to u is that u continue to chase her, but do not bring up the topic about ur confession to her that time, and about how u still waiting for her decision. U already told her u like her, that u will wait for her to accept u. Just remain as friends, continue going out, but from time to time, give her suprises. U can go learn how 2 bake cookies, make cards etc, and give it to her. No use buying things because gals tend 2 appreciate guys who can make things with their hands. Let her know that u are doing these things for the 1st time, and that will make it even more special, and let her know that she is the cause of all ur efforts.
Gd luck man, wish u luck! -
Thanks for everyone's advice. Really appreciate it. I guess I would consider what most of you have said. And that is to just remain as friends but don't keep her out of my sight. I've also thought through many times on whether it is the right time for the both of us as she has exams, while I have NS. So I guess she sort of made the decision for the both of us.
She is almost perfect to me in my eyes and we have almost the same common interests. However, she may pick someone else when she goes to her new JC and that guy might be smarter than me. So long as she is happy, I would be happy for her too. But if that would to happen, I feel that it would be such a wasted opportunity for me. That she is physically so close to me all the while and yet, I couldn't seize the opportunity. I know most of you guys would say that if it is meant to be like this, then there's nothing else more to say. Eventually I guess the only thing that I'm afraid of is, losing her... -
Originally posted by Mr.Shadows:
U read this somewhere. i think that such stupid mind games are only for playing around, how to respond to such situatiton should come from himself not following some dateing pro advice cause in the end, the girl would fall for someone that wasn't him.. and its very tiring and hard to maintain that attraction right... i personally feel its kind of disgusting to play games and capture ppl heart =.=
First of all, why the long and frequent messages?
Give her the gift of missing you.
What I meant is you don't have to call/message her everyday. Twice a week, a drop by sms twice a week or fortnight.
Attraction isn't a choice
Now you know she is not ready for it, [b]lean back, stay cool and control your emotions. No point going around about the relationship issue with her. It's useless, ending up in a lose lose situation.
Next, Why the crumpler bag?
Yes it's valentines and she needs a bag but doesn't mean you have to buy it. To please her? Women don't think in such a way that "oh a guy friend bought a bag for me, I am gonna remember it". A simple card or a small box of chocolates will do just fine.
You have to stop thinking about what you've learned about being a "nice guy" and realize that a woman's ATTRACTION isn't triggered by you
being "nice". - Quote
Right now, it's best that you take a step backward.
[/b] -
Dude, my purpose is to give him insights to what might be the best choice. My stated suggestions above do not harbour any intentions of playing around. Or did you see any? I would like to hear from you then.Originally posted by nerfz:U read this somewhere. i think that such stupid mind games are only for playing around, how to respond to such situatiton should come from himself not following some dateing pro advice cause in the end, the girl would fall for someone that wasn't him.. and its very tiring and hard to maintain that attraction right... i personally feel its kind of disgusting to play games and capture ppl heart =.= -
its more brain poisoning than giving insight imo.Originally posted by Mr.Shadows:Dude, my purpose is to give him insights to what might be the best choice. My stated suggestions above do not harbour any intentions of playing around. Or did you see any? I would like to hear from you then. -
It thought u posted it in another similar forum already??
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A woman needs to fall in love once or twice with bad guys in order to appreciate what a good guy is.....leave her alone for now....just treat her normally and if u are a good guy...probably she will think of u later on
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Can you accept a wife or girlfriend who earns more than you ?Originally posted by Lovelorn?:Hey, I just decided to post my problem here but mine isn't as serious as the rest of them out there...
Some background info: I met this girl from my tuition place early last year. I didn't pay much notice to her but she eventually went to search for me over Friendster and I guess that was how it all began. Back then, I didn't think much of it and I treated her as a normal friend. I always offered to help her with her school work like maths & chem through mail, gave her an insight on tertiary education & sometimes advised her on life. It wasn't the love at first sight kind of situation but I gradually grew to like her. I found myself always looking forward to the weekends where I could PM her over Friendster and receive her messages. We even cheered each other on as she was having her O levels and I was having my A's. I guessed during that period of time, chatting with her was something like a release from reality for me and I really enjoyed it a lot.
During the Nov/Dec holidays, we tried to make plans to meet up but we always couldn't find a common day. We eventually went out for the first time in Jan this year. As I went out with her, I realised that the both of us are really alike in so many ways; we are both so blur and thrifty, etc. So I was thinking to myself that it really is a perfect match. We do chat online regularly even before we started "going out" together and I even told her once of my ideal relationship and even ask for her idea on hers as well. I dropped many hints to her while we are chatting online that i liked her but I guessed she didn't get it. How I know she didn't get the hint, you would find out if you carry on reading.
Ok, here comes the problem. On our 3rd outing, which was Valentine's Day, though I went out with her for a while because she had to prepare for a test, I was ready to confess to her. But I guessed I did it quite awkwardly. Because she needed a new bag, I bought her a Crumpler. And I also bought her those flower teddy bears kind. The final touch was a card, with a poem written by me, expressing my feelings for her. Yes, it wasn't sincere of me because I didn't confess to her face to face. But later that night, I SMSed her, asking her whether did she get my true message of the poem. She didn't reply me until the next day. During that short period, I sent her many long messages, telling her not to feel awkward and that she didn't need to accept me now if she is not ready and that we could still be good friends. And I also told her I was willing to wait for her.
When she replied me the very next day, she told me she was speechless the day before and didn't know what to say. She also told me that she isn't ready for a relationship. I respected her decision and decided to keep our status as good friends. She also told me she can't accept the bag as it was too expensive but I told her to use it first because I won't be using it anytime soon (especially when I'm going into NS soon). But 2 weeks before, which was immediately after V day & CNY, when I messaged her good night (I used to do that every night), she stopped replying me. So I decided to maybe take a break last week, which was to not message her at all. Only recently did she start messaging me again, the very first message after that long break was to wish me all the best for my A level results the very next day.
The 1st problem is, do you think she is trying to distance herself from me after I confessed to her? Maybe if she is not ready, I shouldn't rush into things? She is starting her JC life right now so I told her that we shouldn't start now. I told her that I was willing to wait 2 years, after her A levels is all over. But I don't know how to set ourselves as just friends but yet be there for her since it feels as though she doesn't want me close to her. And whenever I ask her out, she always seem to be very busy... So guys, how do maintain that balance of just being friends, and at the same time being more than just a friend? And would she feel uncomfortable with it when I try to get closer to her?
2nd problem: she scored 9 points for her O levels and is on her way to 1 of the top 5 JCs while me, I didn't exactly do well for my A levels. Do you think that maybe she doesn't view me as suitable for her because of my results? She once told me that she wouldn't want to be with someone who is of a lower education status than her. Or am I just feeling too inferior?
And just to let you guys know, other than her being 2 years younger than me, she is a very quiet and soft-spoken girl. She is the kind who needs time to warm up to a person and when she knows that person very well, she can get quite wacky and nudge or whack them jokingly. She is also very thrifty, a value that is most commonly associated with my character. And though she calls herself lazy, she is very hardworking when it comes to work. And yes, she has never had a boyfriend before. For me, it is my 2nd time...
So in conclusion, what should I do with her? I don't intend to let her go and at the same time, not be too possessive of her. Most of my questions are up there so do refer to them. All advice & suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Think carefully before you answer. -
why of all bags u get a crumpler?
it's way too expensive for a girl ur trying to chase, unless ur LOADED.
expensive presents doesn't make girls crazy over you, they make them wary. unless, of course, they are used to it, which means ur better off without them. yaap -
the one good advice - take it slow.
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Well, I personally felt that since she's not ready then why not just let nature takes its course? Perhaps in the near future you will find your right girl and her, his right guy?
Just don't rush things and sometimes its better to be friends first.
Anything else can wait.
and believe that everything will be made prefect in God's timing.
God loves you and want you to have the best gift. Don't settle for second best.
God bless. =) -
Because she told me she needed a new sling bag type of bag to bring to school that's why I decided to buy her the Crumpler. And I'm not loaded but because I'm working part-time now that's why I can afford the bag. As for now, I'm just taking it easy and not messaging her all the time. But I can somehow sense that she feels rather uncomfortable when chatting with me online nowadays. I told her never to feel awkward and that for now, I would just treat her as a normal good friend; Nothing more, nothing less. I gave her my assurance of that and yet i can tell that she is rather apprehensive. And when I told her that I might ask her out 1 last time before I go into the army and I told her outright that I have no ulterior motive; just want to go out as normal friends, she told me "see first..." That's it.
I have a strong feeling that this situation is getting out of control. Can somebody give me some advice? Even if I can't have her as my girlfriend, I don't want to lose her friendship! -
But you know since the day you confess to her, don't you ever think that the friendship may be disrupted?Originally posted by Lovelorn?:Because she told me she needed a new sling bag type of bag to bring to school that's why I decided to buy her the Crumpler. And I'm not loaded but because I'm working part-time now that's why I can afford the bag. As for now, I'm just taking it easy and not messaging her all the time. But I can somehow sense that she feels rather uncomfortable when chatting with me online nowadays. I told her never to feel awkward and that for now, I would just treat her as a normal good friend; Nothing more, nothing less. I gave her my assurance of that and yet i can tell that she is rather apprehensive. And when I told her that I might ask her out 1 last time before I go into the army and I told her outright that I have no ulterior motive; just want to go out as normal friends, she told me "see first..." That's it.
I have a strong feeling that this situation is getting out of control. Can somebody give me some advice? Even if I can't have her as my girlfriend, I don't want to lose her friendship!
From my point of view as a girl, I felt that if someone confess to me, do so many things for me, I'll be kind of erms. not very comfortable bahs. It's like she's not ready for it and you confess to her.
For now, i suggest you keep a distance away from her bahs wait till she contact you.
It'll do good for both of you. -
Hey guys, I need your help in interpreting this message from her. She doesn't want me to wait 2 years(because of her A levels) for her because it is too long. She wants me to look around instead.
What does that mean? Does that mean she cannot foresee herself being with me???