To a girl I love and will carry in my heart.
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Hi,
I don't usually post, but I've seen and read about of a lot of heartbreaks here. And I feel a need to share my story, it's going to be a long post.
Lets call the girl "R", not to mention names.
Part 1
"She was from no ordinary family. A family of indefinite wealth, status and all. Despite that, she was a really good girl, with no airs around her; with her kind, forgiving and loving nature. She was the one worthy of all praise.
While I was from the average family. Able to afford some luxuries and all but definitely own no lambos nor ferraris. Young and selfish I was, I had no regards for the feelings of others. Being fortunate enough to inherit my parents' not bad looking facial features, I used it to get involved with women, multiple partners at a time.
I was dating someone from high school then. And my ex introduced R to me for R is her best friend. For 2 years, R and I didn't talk much and all - she was in Hawaii. Then she came back to Singapore, we clicked. R fell in love with me and I took the chance and asked her to be with me. I was just messing around.
She caught me cheating many times, but in all willingness and grace.. she forgave. Each time she cried and was hurt, but she forgave me wholeheartedly - never once loved me any less. It was her grace, her forgiveness and her love that touched me. So I decided to change my ways and commit myself, it was the one thing that I did right in my life.
But fairytale endings are a myth; life isn't as kind as you would wish. We had an obstacle which is her mother. R's mother had no empathy, the mother detested the fact that I wasn't as rich. So she always tried to come between us, even to the extent of sending her daughter back to Hawaii.
We held on tightly together in the storm, never giving up. Then she got pregnant, and forced into an abortion. She was full of sorrow, I was full of anger. We were sad.
Then I tried to set up my own business, to make my mark in the world. And I guess while I was doing that, I neglected her a lot. She grew weary fighting the battle alone, but tried so hard to hold on.
Each passing day, she grew sadder. Finally letting go when the mother threatened to send her away forever.. too tired, too hurt and too lonely to put up another fight.. no one could blame her.. so she said her final goodbye to me near her neighbourhood, leaving me with the last hug and kiss.. We parted
I wasnt about to give up though.. I worked really hard in school and in my business.. "I cant dedicate an unworthy life to her" I'd always tell my friends.. and always believe that in the future when I make my mark in the world.. then I will have a chance to be with her again..
But life was harsh and unkind. She died close to a month after we said goodbye.. in a auto accident.. I died in another way that night too.. I thought I will never forgive myself" -
Part 2
After she died, I spent half a year binge drinking. I was drinking so much, my left hand was shaking badly. I left school, got drunk and wasted half a year in self-punishment.
Self-hate is a zero-sum game, there can be no winners. I didn't see it that way then, I was totally frustrated with myself. I lost my cool, my confidence and became very reserved. Often the days passed me by, with me in the room drinking. Often, I just laid on the bed not speaking to anyone for the entire day.
I spent another 6 months in rehap and counselling. I'm not afraid to admit that my depression then was eating into my life, I wasn't able to function as a normal person - not even eating most of the time. I spent my days in tears, anger and alcohol. 9 months of being a hermit and closing myself up from the rest of the world, I even had problems with my speech. I couldn't stop stammering and all.
I thought I would never make it through rehab then. And I began to observe the people around me who love me. My mother was totally distressed and upset with herself, and my father was in constant pressure because I just lost myself. Self-forgiveness doesn't come easy nor cheap, it was gradual for me. Bit by bit, I forgave myself slowly. And I know I can't dedicate an unworthy life to her, so I must strive to be the best.
Today, I am no longer the casanova I was in the past. A more mature and motivated young adult, I hope. Do I still love her? Yes, I do still love her and never any less than when I first began. -
claps (: she's one remarkable girl to have changed you . live on for her !
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Part 3
The gratitude of loving her has conquered the loss. One of the wise friends told me "If the bitterness is from our selfish foolishness, repent and let it go. If the bitterness is from someone's mistake. we learn grace and forgive" How true.
I wish all the heartbroken people here well, I wish you people love, joy and happiness.
Last but not least, I dedicated this thread to R. -
Rebecca or rachel? hehe
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...
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she is around you jus use your heart u'll feel her
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you should dedicate it on power 98.7 fm la brudder. -
Hor hor...play boy...
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it's sad when u learnt to love from loss...
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After reading the story I really do not pity the guy.Originally posted by Detached:Hi,
I don't usually post, but I've seen and read about of a lot of heartbreaks here. And I feel a need to share my story, it's going to be a long post.
Lets call the girl "R", not to mention names.
Part 1
"She was from no ordinary family. A family of indefinite wealth, status and all. Despite that, she was a really good girl, with no airs around her; with her kind, forgiving and loving nature. She was the one worthy of all praise.
While I was from the average family. Able to afford some luxuries and all but definitely own no lambos nor ferraris. Young and selfish I was, I had no regards for the feelings of others. Being fortunate enough to inherit my parents' not bad looking facial features, I used it to get involved with women, multiple partners at a time.
I was dating someone from high school then. And my ex introduced R to me for R is her best friend. For 2 years, R and I didn't talk much and all - she was in Hawaii. Then she came back to Singapore, we clicked. R fell in love with me and I took the chance and asked her to be with me. I was just messing around.
She caught me cheating many times, but in all willingness and grace.. she forgave. Each time she cried and was hurt, but she forgave me wholeheartedly - never once loved me any less. It was her grace, her forgiveness and her love that touched me. So I decided to change my ways and commit myself, it was the one thing that I did right in my life.
But fairytale endings are a myth; life isn't as kind as you would wish. We had an obstacle which is her mother. R's mother had no empathy, the mother detested the fact that I wasn't as rich. So she always tried to come between us, even to the extent of sending her daughter back to Hawaii.
We held on tightly together in the storm, never giving up. Then she got pregnant, and forced into an abortion. She was full of sorrow, I was full of anger. We were sad.
Then I tried to set up my own business, to make my mark in the world. And I guess while I was doing that, Y neglected her a lot. She grew weary fighting the battle alone, but tried so hard to hold on.
Each passing day, she grew sadder. Finally letting go when the mother threatened to send her away forever.. too tired, too hurt and too lonely to put up another fight.. no one could blame her.. so she said her final goodbye to me near her neighbourhood, leaving me with the last hug and kiss.. We parted
I wasnt about to give up though.. I worked really hard in school and in my business.. "I cant dedicate an unworthy life to her" I'd always tell my friends.. and always believe that in the future when I make my mark in the world.. then I will have a chance to be with her again..
But life was harsh and unkind. She died close to a month after they said goodbye.. in a auto accident.. I died in another way tat night too.. I thought I will never forgive myself"
He got a chance to play so many girls and in the end still have a good girl who treasures him so much....
I ask everyone here IS IT FAIR ? SO why does he have all the girls when he is so mean and hurt them all?
He could have sex with them play with them and even got the girl who loves him pregnant.
Crap story!! -
You English good leh brudder.
I was touched by you and your story.. -
Zeny,
I am not here to seek sympathy from anyone. Instead I'm here to share my experience, my story with people so they may learn and gain some insights from my mistake and recovery.
The entire letting go process is something we all have to learn at one stage of life or another. It is only when one learned how to let go, one will learn to give himself to the person most precious to him.
Adolf Hitler once said "Fools said they learn from own experience, but I prefer to learn from others' mistakes." And I'm here to impart what I picked up to people.
And to the rest of the people who left a comment,
Thank you, I appreciate every imput
Regards,
detached -
hello Winson See
you have written a very crap story and nevertheless i applaud you
B U L L S H I T STORY -
AllenTYB,
How is it a bullshit story the way you put it? -
I think it's a story too. Maybe you lifted the story from somewhere. I think so because of this certain paragraph:
Then I tried to set up my own business, to make my mark in the world. And I guess while I was doing that, Y neglected her a lot.
Who's Y? He's never in the story until here, and then Y never appeared again. Is Y supposed to be the 'I'? Missed out one single edition, did you?
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thanks for sharing. great insights.
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His command of English damn good leh.. Maybe her coming fromo Top 5 JCOriginally posted by allentyb:hello Winson See
you have written a very crap story and nevertheless i applaud you
B U L L S H I T STORY -
I just read your blog, and to be honest, its b u l l s h i t, and you never cherish her, and you feel remorse about it, you are the type of person, i will never feel pity for, if you had loved her, you wouldn't have cheated on her so many times,
don't use big word like love
as you don't deserve to use that word
you abuse a woman trust....
simple as that
now she is dead
so be it
you mention that you are now a mature person, i clearly doubt so
but hey
i don't care and i don't give a damn -
Please not be so cynical. "Y" is indeed a typo, it was supposed to be "Y". How far is "Y" and "I" on a laptop keyboard? And yes, it's a long post and I didn't do editing. Thanks for pointing it out, I will get it changed.
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i never mention he is a liarOriginally posted by Darkness_hacker99:His command of English damn good leh.. Maybe her coming fromo Top 5 JC
but merely a scum of the society
a mere person who is seek for self pity
wake up your idea, winson see
what you reap is what you sow
heard of the word - karma
^_^ -
thanks for the story telling
it has been a wonderful story
simple as that
maybe you should consider writing a script for mediacrop
i am sure, you will do well -
http://www.sparklingdream.blogspot.com/
http://loveisacunt.blogspot.com/2006/10/wherefore.html
google is my friend
and he has been a faithful search engine
^_^ -
allentyb,
I think you're overreacting here and a little too aggressive. I stated my cause for posting, it is alright if you choose not to believe.
I am remorseful about the wrong I've done, you were right about this.
The realization of that I love her didn't come till I opened my eyes and saw how good a person she was. And if you're like throwing accusation at me pertaining to that, I believe you've misread.
You may call me scum of the society, I bear no grudges and would not defend myself. But please do not insult what I share with her, you are not me, you do not know me, you do not understand the situation, you have no right to critic ize.
Whatever it is, you choose what you believe. I share what I want to, my intention is to share and teach this experience to others. I didn't claim I wasn't wrong, I claimed I was wrong and it took me time to right a wrong. I claimed I was down and under, it took me time to bring myself together.
If you don't like it, walk away from it. There is no need to constantly attack my sharing if you're any mature than me.
All the best.
Regards,
detached -
oh please
i never mention that you are a liar or what, and simply hard for me to believe in your story
and i already profile a person like you
furthermore this is my way of typing, i am not a nice person who will tell you, oh thats a sad story, be brave, be strong
its a b u l l s h i t story, its too dramatic,
and i am questioning your credibility.
simple as that
thank you for posting a wonderful story
^_^
last thing - what you reap, is what you sow