Complications of love online ...
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Hi ... just wish to share a story, and hopefully, can get some advices from all of you.
Started way back in June 1997. Got to know this bunch of friends who i play basketball with. 1 of them "J" who i got very well along with has a girlfriend. I haven seen his girlfriend yet, but from what i gathered from his friends and himself, "G" is a very nice girl. Impression of "G" was pretty alright then, but did not bother too much at that time. I'm still in the party mood.
Months later, heard from ppl that things were going rocky between "J" and "G". Since "J" is a friend, and i'm also an oper of their school channel, i had no problems finding out what is "G"'s nick over mIRC. Found her, talked to her ...
The conversation was simpel. What went wrong, what happened. Why it became this bad. Who was at fault. When all this started. Thoughout the conversation, could see she is pretty upset and tired. Upset is too mild a word to use, but can't think of a better word. Indeed, by end of 1997, they broke up soon.
After that conversation, and after they broke up, if i ever see her online, i do ask to see if she is ok. At first was cause "J" is a good friend of mine, and since "J" was sorta ... bastard before, i just sorta talk to her everytime i see her online.
From normal conversations turn out to friends. Friends to confidents. From confidents ... to i don't know. The change of events became so sudden, that her and i don't even know how it all started. We just ... feel so much and cared so much over that year and we feel a lot for each other. Mind you, it is still the ONLINE thing.
Sometime in 1999, i gotten ill. That time, i was working and studying so my health got very poor. My health was not very good in the first place. She warned me of late nights and working all the time, but i was pretty independent at that time. Served me right. Was not able to login to the net for a period of 2 weeks. Totally uncomfortable. When i finally got back online, she thought that i did not want to talk to her anymore. She thought she did something wrong to make me feel angry. LOL. My feelings was messed up that point of time. WHY? Its all an online chat but yet i was crying from the text that i read, and the emotions that i feel from her words.
I could not sleep that night. I aint too sure for her. I feel very troubled and confused. I want to love her and be there for her. I want the relationship to be REAL. Spoke to her the next day. Wrong move. She told me she could not get over the past. SHe told me she dare not face me. She is not up to it. Fine. Respect her decision. Still friends, but not like before.
All these continued till .. mid 2000? yea .. she told me the truth. She is very well aware of the feelings from both of us. She feels she is not good enough for me ... and feels i deserve someone else better. Plus, all the emotions and affections were thrown online. How can the real thing happem? Even up till then, i had never seen her BEFORE! So under what position can we say we love each other? I was wondering .. OH NO! 3 years and i finally understand why.
Sept 2000, her birthday. I got something for her. Pulled a god-brother of hers (also basketball buddy who encouraged me to be with her cause he is aware of my feelings for her and trusts me) to her house vinicity to pass her her present. Waited downstairs from 4:30 till around late evening time. .. around 8? 9? She finally came down and i saw her for the first time. And last time. Neat, decent, and very lovely. If we aknowledge the love between us, it would be a dream come true! She came down ... blushing, red, looking down. Accepted her present, said a soft thank you and RUSHED upstairs. LOL
Talked to her over the mIRC the same night. Told me that she was really happy to get my gift and to see me. But she still could not accept me cause ... she feel so much inferior. I could not understand how she get to think of so much ... @!#$%! but i still comforted her and tried to cool her down.
I quit poly half way and started working. Work work work, and now in the army. Yea, we still keep in contact. Via sms now. She's in J2 this year and the pressure is catching up on her. Still in good contact. Concern is still around and ... feelings? On my side still stronger than ever. Hers? I dunnoe. Still hoping to find out.
1997 ~ 2002 now. How much have i done towards this relationship? Is this a relationship? I'm confused myself. How can i make be with "G" since she had feel so strong for me in the past? I need help .. and lots of help ... in order to pull myself together. Its driving me nuts to think of her all the time.
Conclude:
I'm still by myself and her herself. I know she is living her life pretty simple now, just as i am. I just want to love her and pray that she is happy. I just wish to love her ... in reality. -
wow so nice story...btw y u nv ask her out again.??u know online and real life is totaly different..think u must ask her out often and spend time together in real ...since u all know so long...then u go think how u should continue this relationship....
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why not ask her out? Start out like a friend 1st, let natural takes it course.....
I support u!!! -
Tried asking her out a lot of time liao ... till now ... no result. It's like ... it is so difficult lor ... then now her prelims coming soon, also dun wanna disturb her ...
real life and online ... i know the difference... but it is just too amazing that both she and i can feel the same thing though our communication ...
Cheers! -
really amazing... hahaha
why not wait till her prelims over then you try asking her out again.
lessen her pressure...
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keep up the gd work
ur sincererity will touch her one day
judging from what u described abt her, u have a strong chance, juz hold on, but not too tightly...
and erm..... try to meet up regularly, it helps in u and her being closer
=) -
we shld make this into a movie....go for her man..
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Originally posted by AngelDark:keep up the gd work
ur sincererity will touch her one day
judging from what u described abt her, u have a strong chance, juz hold on, but not too tightly...
and erm..... try to meet up regularly, it helps in u and her being closer
=)
I really agree with u men!! -
I would love to meet her up regularly ... but as i said ... the last time i saw her ... was during her 16th birthday ... 2 years ago? It's been so long since i last saw her ... meeting her up will be a problem.
Yea, i intend to really ask her out after her papers. It's the 2nd year of her JC education and i also hope she will do well. Hopefully she will be more freed up after her examinations.
But i wonder if you all can understand this, it's like... all these while, what pains me most is her lack of confidence in trying to bring this relationship to the next stage, and that is to really have each other to love and care for in real life. I know it can be difficult since it has already started out the wrong way. But why isn't she willing to just give it a try? I'm puzzled enough already ... No ... i am not tired of everything, just very puzzled and upset whenever she falls ill or is hungry ... and stuff like that.
Sigh ... -
whenever she falls ill or hungry...thats the time when she needs u the most....a simple call or even sms im sure will make her touched...its these little things that you do that makes a relationship work. jia you man u will succeedOriginally posted by bLizz4rD:I would love to meet her up regularly ... but as i said ... the last time i saw her ... was during her 16th birthday ... 2 years ago? It's been so long since i last saw her ... meeting her up will be a problem.
Yea, i intend to really ask her out after her papers. It's the 2nd year of her JC education and i also hope she will do well. Hopefully she will be more freed up after her examinations.
But i wonder if you all can understand this, it's like... all these while, what pains me most is her lack of confidence in trying to bring this relationship to the next stage, and that is to really have each other to love and care for in real life. I know it can be difficult since it has already started out the wrong way. But why isn't she willing to just give it a try? I'm puzzled enough already ... No ... i am not tired of everything, just very puzzled and upset whenever she falls ill or is hungry ... and stuff like that.
Sigh ... -
yes....start from little action coz it can really show how 'xi xin' u r.....
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She just had rashes on her the night before ... making her very jumpy and irritated cause of the itchness ...
Hear liao ... can't sleep ... can't imagine if it happened on me. Now she better liao ... sms her already ... oh yea ... long long time never call her ... really long long time ... most of the time chat via sms ...
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she dun wish to tok over the phone?Originally posted by bLizz4rD:She just had rashes on her the night before ... making her very jumpy and irritated cause of the itchness ...
Hear liao ... can't sleep ... can't imagine if it happened on me. Now she better liao ... sms her already ... oh yea ... long long time never call her ... really long long time ... most of the time chat via sms ...
why dun you try calling her???
better than sending ur concern via sms rite.. -
oh really...keep it up....if u dun want to give her pressure then once in a while give her a liitle sweet sms( but remember not to be too much)...just to keep the two of u closer in bond...Originally posted by bLizz4rD:She just had rashes on her the night before ... making her very jumpy and irritated cause of the itchness ...
Hear liao ... can't sleep ... can't imagine if it happened on me. Now she better liao ... sms her already ... oh yea ... long long time never call her ... really long long time ... most of the time chat via sms ... -
i disagree that real life and online is totally different. esp if u know the person online for that long, not to mention sms and phone calls it's like u know each other..Originally posted by Xiao Long Nu:wow so nice story...btw y u nv ask her out again.??u know online and real life is totaly different..think u must ask her out often and spend time together in real ...since u all know so long...then u go think how u should continue this relationship....
in a way many pple think it's awkward to meet someone for the first time. i believe it's becos of expectations in looks (if certain feelings have developed - and usually happens more on the guy's part) and other things and also the reverse, wat the other party expects from u. other difficult situations would be conversation topics.. it'll be wierd just to sit there and not have anything to say to each other...
the last problem i mentioned about not having things to talk about is almost non-existent if u've known each other for awhile and can chat on phone and sms. as for expectations, i guess u should always "control" the feelings for the other party (usually it's these feelings that promote an expectation) until u meet up. it's a way of saying there's no way i should feel anymore towards this person until i meet him/her. if i can't control myself then i better meet up soon!
as for blizzard's case, he's already met her altho it was an awkward situation, they seem to know each other so well. if he feels this way about her there's no reason why he shouldn't woo her, ask her out and the rest of it. she may be shy but for some reason i am confident that since they know each other that well online, over the phone and sms that this ice would be broken in a matter of minutes. i also tend to think in these situations that assuming the gal is shy, he should take the initiative and courage to speak with her and i mean talk like they were over the phone. if he's gonna keep mum and not say a word it'll make things worse.
after all, even in today's modern society, men chase, women choose.
this post is rather long for me to proof read for flow and spelling errors given that my eyes are closing at this ungodly hour, so please forgive me...!
(ok i made a SERIOUS typo so had to edit...)
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~Staring into the Sphere of Luv revolving itself at ultraspeed...~
"Hmm... So strong, you've lost your direction...?"
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"happens more on the guy's part?" Think you got your generalisation the other way round.Originally posted by jOhO:(if certain feelings have developed - and usually happens more on the guy's part)
even if any feelings have developed on the guy's part, it would have disppeared completely if the girl falls short of his expectations by a great measure.
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hello boss.. i said BEFORE they met up they could/would have developed feelings and since they did, the expectations of looks would be there.Originally posted by newg:"happens more on the guy's part?" Think you got your generalisation the other way round.
even if any feelings have developed on the guy's part, it would have disppeared completely if the girl falls short of his expectations by a great measure.
let's do some spelling..
i know a gal online and start to "like her" but am worried whether i can accept her looks.. wat if i find her ugly then how?
now if the above isn't a hope or an expectation then wat is it?
and this happens more to guys becos guys, in general, worry about looks (of their partner) more than gals. -
Dear Mr salaried worker, is it my comprehension ability or your language ability?
Let's do a word by word analysis of yr sentence,shall we?they could/would have developed feelings and since they did, the expectations of looks would be there.[/b]
Development of feelings leads to the expectations of looks.
Logical enough? In other words, expectations of appearance are the result of feelings that developed over a period of interaction.
My point is entirely different. What I said is that girls are more likely to develop feelings for the guy during the course of online interaction. Guys are less likely to develop that feeling because because they need to know how the girl looks like first. Whatever feelings they may have are tempered by, like u said, expectations.
and when those expectations are not met...
In any case, thanks for helping me spent the last half hour at work! hehe..
TGIF.
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My point is entirely different. What I said is that girls are more likely to develop feelings for the guy during the course of online interaction. Guys are less likely to develop that feeling because because they need to know how the girl looks like first.
are u certain that guys are less likely to develop that feeling without knowing wat the gal looks like? -
hmmm .... i think i noe what you mean. By taking the initiative? Worth considering ... but what kind if initiative? It's like... you know you have feelings for her ... and yet the communication medium i guess now is left with sms ... its like a very difficult thing to bring it to real life ...
I understand that such feelings are not reasonable esp since it is more of an online thingy ... but how is it explainable if she feels the same thing too?
Cheers! -
hey man bro...you should be asking yourself just what is it that is holding her back? ask her, talk to her, express yourself, try everything! she said something like not good enough etc right? c'mon...what is this. who is not good enough for anybody? based on what grounds can you say u are not good enough for anybody?
if you ask me, i'd say to hell with it. she just doesn't want you.
from another perspective she might be in a crisis and is not sure what she wants in life. maybe she doesn't have confidence in herself. if thats the case, you will have to touch her by sincerity like other bros have said. do something, restore her confidence and you're on your way.
be prepared, though, right from the start she's able to come up with all those 'not good enough for you' feelings, along the way, these feelings will sure be back to haunt her, and, if not handled properly, might just lead to disaster.
jus my 2 cents worth -
hhmmm.....online love?? well...maybe she is just too shy to make any commitments? or could it be that she is afraid of encountering what she encountered in the past again? think u can do something more to reassure her and to win her trust....i think u shld stand a chance 1 laa..dun worry about it...all the best!!
btw wat's the outcome now? -
well...i just think the possiblity is lower. coz guys are generally less emotional. besides, i always thot this to be very true:Originally posted by jOhO:are u certain that guys are less likely to develop that feeling without knowing wat the gal looks like?
"women falls in love with what they hear and men falls in love with what they see..." -
Well what you can do is to date her out....i mean you can start to be friends first...get to know each other more, and then let her feel that you are not like her previous boyfriend? I am sure things will fall in place after that....good luck!!