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Originally posted by tutu2:anybody has no choice but to let them live with you ?
Don't do it... It's one in a million chance you'll be happy living with in-laws.
If you are the son, you will be torn in between your wife and parents.
If you are the daughter, you will be torn in between your husband and parents.
Not worth spoiling the relationship.
Unless your in laws are sickly in health and boh pian..
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I lived with PIL.
There are advantages & disadvantages.
Advantages- My PIL helps looks after my kids, fetch them from sch., discipline them, run errands & do household repairs.
Disadvantages- My father-in-law is a MCP, likes things his way. Lectures everyone. He is also collector of rubbish.
I'm looking after MIL now. She doesn't want to live with my other sisters-in-law cos they are fussy & have young kids. I don't mind cos she is easier to get along.
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Originally posted by tutu2:
what do you mean ? Relationship w PIL okay lor..not very close type, just like last time par tor time.cos they not used to staying w me
dunno....seems like my future MIL looks cool
but cannot say so early until that day comes
Dun think she wanna stay with us cos she likes freedom
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Originally posted by gerrykoh:I lived with PIL.
There are advantages & disadvantages.
Advantages- My PIL helps looks after my kids, fetch them from sch., discipline them, run errands & do household repairs.
Disadvantages- My father-in-law is a MCP, likes things his way. Lectures everyone. He is also collector of rubbish.
I'm looking after MIL now. She doesn't want to live with my other sisters-in-law cos they are fussy & have young kids. I don't mind cos she is easier to get along.Yeah good and bad.
my MIL says things without thinking and creates a number of quarrel between us one of which my husband wanted a divorce and we are not even 1 year into the marriage. She complains alot to my husband and this creates stress for him. She treats me differently when my husband is around or not around. Treats herself as the queen of the house - the living room, kitchen and everything is arranged in the manner that suits her - so I stay in my room. She cooks but sometimes I wish she does not cause, some stuff are not edible at all like fish slice with potato soup. Her cooking, I don't really like and she likes to do it over the top and in huge quantities that we throw away lots cause no one can finish. And she leaves all the cookingware allover unwashed till weekend then maybe when I feel like it, I clean up after her. My husband and I are the maid cause she eats and drinks everywhere and leaves the cups and bowls for me to collect and wash. Everyone gives in and she's always right. The kids my MIL take care are my BIL kids. So I don't give a damn if she teach them the wrong things or does not discipline them. I just hope they grow up quickly and stay away from my place. my FIL is a quiet man. My MIL had commented that she is and will always be the one and only one to boss people around and she will be the one and only one to throw tempers.
I can accept everything but I find it hard that even as I try to give in, she is still unhappy that at times I reject doing things or didn't know she kept food for me and she will complain and make such a drama out of small thing as if the world is going to end. The worse part is my husband listens and he is after all her son, so he agrees and supports her. So there is no contest or conflict there. At times, I feel like moving out on my own. There are good and bad, but it depends on individual personality. My MIL and my character are direct opposite. I like peace and quiet and non-confrontational. She is loud and brash and over the top controlling with a strong aggressive shrew confrontational style. Its nothing wrong. Its just her. And its just me and we both rub each other wrong.
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Originally posted by mistyblue:Yeah good and bad.
my MIL says things without thinking and creates a number of quarrel between us one of which my husband wanted a divorce and we are not even 1 year into the marriage. She complains alot to my husband and this creates stress for him. She treats me differently when my husband is around or not around. Treats herself as the queen of the house - the living room, kitchen and everything is arranged in the manner that suits her - so I stay in my room. She cooks but sometimes I wish she does not cause, some stuff are not edible at all like fish slice with potato soup. Her cooking, I don't really like and she likes to do it over the top and in huge quantities that we throw away lots cause no one can finish. And she leaves all the cookingware allover unwashed till weekend then maybe when I feel like it, I clean up after her. My husband and I are the maid cause she eats and drinks everywhere and leaves the cups and bowls for me to collect and wash. Everyone gives in and she's always right. The kids my MIL take care are my BIL kids. So I don't give a damn if she teach them the wrong things or does not discipline them. I just hope they grow up quickly and stay away from my place. my FIL is a quiet man. My MIL had commented that she is and will always be the one and only one to boss people around and she will be the one and only one to throw tempers.
I can accept everything but I find it hard that even as I try to give in, she is still unhappy that at times I reject doing things or didn't know she kept food for me and she will complain and make such a drama out of small thing as if the world is going to end. The worse part is my husband listens and he is after all her son, so he agrees and supports her. So there is no contest or conflict there. At times, I feel like moving out on my own. There are good and bad, but it depends on individual personality. My MIL and my character are direct opposite. I like peace and quiet and non-confrontational. She is loud and brash and over the top controlling with a strong aggressive shrew confrontational style. Its nothing wrong. Its just her. And its just me and we both rub each other wrong.
Your household has some serious power struggle going on.
How long can you tahan this kind of home ? So much conflict.
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Originally posted by mistyblue:Yeah good and bad.
my MIL says things without thinking and creates a number of quarrel between us one of which my husband wanted a divorce and we are not even 1 year into the marriage. She complains alot to my husband and this creates stress for him. She treats me differently when my husband is around or not around. Treats herself as the queen of the house - the living room, kitchen and everything is arranged in the manner that suits her - so I stay in my room. She cooks but sometimes I wish she does not cause, some stuff are not edible at all like fish slice with potato soup. Her cooking, I don't really like and she likes to do it over the top and in huge quantities that we throw away lots cause no one can finish. And she leaves all the cookingware allover unwashed till weekend then maybe when I feel like it, I clean up after her. My husband and I are the maid cause she eats and drinks everywhere and leaves the cups and bowls for me to collect and wash. Everyone gives in and she's always right. The kids my MIL take care are my BIL kids. So I don't give a damn if she teach them the wrong things or does not discipline them. I just hope they grow up quickly and stay away from my place. my FIL is a quiet man. My MIL had commented that she is and will always be the one and only one to boss people around and she will be the one and only one to throw tempers.
I can accept everything but I find it hard that even as I try to give in, she is still unhappy that at times I reject doing things or didn't know she kept food for me and she will complain and make such a drama out of small thing as if the world is going to end. The worse part is my husband listens and he is after all her son, so he agrees and supports her. So there is no contest or conflict there. At times, I feel like moving out on my own. There are good and bad, but it depends on individual personality. My MIL and my character are direct opposite. I like peace and quiet and non-confrontational. She is loud and brash and over the top controlling with a strong aggressive shrew confrontational style. Its nothing wrong. Its just her. And its just me and we both rub each other wrong.
Poor thing, I understand how u feel.
My FIL was a very difficult person to live with. Always criticising & lecturing. He also smokes in front of my kids. He is so fussy, wants things his way. He likes to collect magazines & cuttings- my house has 8 big boxes.
Sometimes when things gets too much, he said he doesn't want to live with me. I told him straight off- that none of my sisters-in-law can stand him. Also he will have to maintain his own household whereas he lives with me for free. Luckily he passed away & I did a major spring cleaning.
Dealing with difficult in-laws - one has to 'ren'- for the sake of my husband.
Most times I avoid by disappearing upstairs. If one is working, then better still cos less time spend together either that or move out if possible.
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For my case , is abit unique,even though we stay in the same house, we dun speak >10sentence a day,they are introvert, ke qi type.
My pil condition are rare case ..
1) they nvr own a house in their entire life; used to live in Grandma's house (house under mil & grandma name),
2) they hv 2 sons, when the 2 sons got married, they were ''chased " out by grandma one of the DIL don;t want to let them stay with her
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Originally posted by gerrykoh:Poor thing, I understand how u feel.
My FIL was a very difficult person to live with. Always criticising & lecturing. He also smokes in front of my kids. He is so fussy, wants things his way. He likes to collect magazines & cuttings- my house has 8 big boxes.
Sometimes when things gets too much, he said he doesn't want to live with me. I told him straight off- that none of my sisters-in-law can stand him. Also he will have to maintain his own household whereas he lives with me for free. Luckily he passed away & I did a major spring cleaning.
Dealing with difficult in-laws - one has to 'ren'- for the sake of my husband.
Most times I avoid by disappearing upstairs. If one is working, then better still cos less time spend together either that or move out if possible.Sometimes the in-laws take for granted that we have to give in. When I try to avoid or is just doing my things like cleaning or whatever, my MIL comes over and makes comments such that i like cleaning so much therefore she is justified to leave everything for me to clean up. Or when I come home late, she makes comments that I have an affair outside and is enjoying myself. Then she also make comments that I never take care of my husband and always give him problem and make him come fetch me at work etc (I never asked my husband and he volunteers when he feels like it). My MIL also accuse me of trying to kill her with my cooking and now I don't cook and she is angry I never take up cooking to help her out. When I hide in my room, my MIL complains to my husband that I am unfriendly and I have to keep my doors open but anyways even with doors shut, she walks in on us and sometimes when we are in the middle of something. Either way, I am fuked.
I try to put up. Some times, its just too much. I feel more stressed at home. My husband is not appreciative that I had given way and he said his whole family gave way to me. Then I got nothing to say loh, I can only think I am difficult person. Sometimes I think perhaps can move out on my own. Leave my husband with his family. Sometimes, I think maybe if I fall out the window, then everything settled. Its not easy.
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Originally posted by tutu2:For my case , is abit unique,even though we stay in the same house, we dun speak >10sentence a day,they are introvert, ke qi type.
My pil condition are rare case ..
1) they nvr own a house in their entire life; used to live in Grandma's house (house under mil & grandma name),
2) they hv 2 sons, when the 2 sons got married, they were ''chased " out by grandma one of the DIL don;t want to let them stay with herAt least they are quiet. You don't want vocal ones who give uneducated opinions about you and your relationship with your spouse and seemingly try to drive you guys apart.
Mine also never own a house so that's why they had to stay with us because the other son don't like them. The other DIL also don't want them around her house. I am with the youngest son and he love his parents above and beyond anything. So I have to try to make-do. There are good things, there are bad things. When the bad comes, its a case by case basis.
For me, I am the outsider in the new house because out of 4 person, 3 of them are from the same family. So I will have the least say.
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Originally posted by mistyblue:At least they are quiet. You don't want vocal ones who give uneducated opinions about you and your relationship with your spouse and seemingly try to drive you guys apart.
Mine also never own a house so that's why they had to stay with us because the other son don't like them. The other DIL also don't want them around her house. I am with the youngest son and he love his parents above and beyond anything. So I have to try to make-do. There are good things, there are bad things. When the bad comes, its a case by case basis.
For me, I am the outsider in the new house because out of 4 person, 3 of them are from the same family. So I will have the least say.Wow, mistyblue...
Maybe it's time you stand up for yourself.
My colleague also tolerated this kind of PIL.
Then one day, she exploded and shouted back at her MIL.
She says to her " Please get your son another wife. Because I QUIT"
After the incident, the PIL becomes more cordial.
Although it makes the home ambiance a bit uncomfortable for a while.
At least the PIL stopped making things difficult for her.
At one point she contemplated suicide also, but luckily that pretty much improved the situation.
The reason why she dares to shout back at her MIL is because she is ready to give up the marriage, pack and go. When one has nothing to lose, one dares to seek their inner courage.
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Originally posted by mistyblue:At least they are quiet. You don't want vocal ones who give uneducated opinions about you and your relationship with your spouse and seemingly try to drive you guys apart.
Mine also never own a house so that's why they had to stay with us because the other son don't like them. The other DIL also don't want them around her house. I am with the youngest son and he love his parents above and beyond anything. So I have to try to make-do. There are good things, there are bad things. When the bad comes, its a case by case basis.
For me, I am the outsider in the new house because out of 4 person, 3 of them are from the same family. So I will have the least say.hi mistyblue,
i guess ur situation is same as mine..PIL no house..but i am glad at least my PIL dun nag at me or demand anything from me.
btw,do you hv kids?
for me, i am actually fine but is just that i can feel that they feel uneasy with me ard..so they are ''too accomdating to me" until i feel uneasy too..eg they will wait for me to eat for dinner first etc..which i feel weird lor..and they are very dependent on hb..they will wait for hb to say ''lets go out together'' so if we are too busy to brg them out, they will still keep quiet but they will show the sad & depress face
.. makes us
feel bad & guilty lor 
Whereas the other son & DIL, dun even bother to visit them or brg them out,sometime we wonder whether things will be better if they stay alone.
but, they cannot get their own hse cos MIL name still in Grandma's hse and the grandma dun allow PIL to stay there or remove MIL name from the house
forgot to add, my hb sides me..lucky he understands me, he puts me above everything
Edited by tutu2 20 Jun `07, 5:04PM
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well good for you.
If you know that your PIL are ok and just need some attention and people around them. You can take some time to be with them or do things together with them. Maybe you can go visit places they like. Old folks like to visit temples or go eat dian xing. I volunteer to help my MIL with her temple volunteer work for the CNY by helping the cooks to prepare the Vegetarian Lou Hei YuShen. In the past, I make yang-mei rose tea which is helpful for blood pressure issues.
Actually I was really stupid and didn't realise that my husband and his mother confide in each other. My MIL will complain to my husband and my husband will tell our problem to my MIL. Then some times get get comments from them that I don't understand the context and where it is coming from. Then one day I arrived home at the same time with my FIL and they both do not know I am back. I went into my room and sat there to listen to the conversation going on in the next room until my husband realised I had come back. Upsetting isn't it. Not all husband put their spouse ahead. The mediacorspe show "Ai Qing Shuang Ren Chuang" had a bad MIL. My MIL often use that character to remind me how fortunate I am that I have a good MIL.
I try to think of good things and stay happy. Otherwise I do get more sh!t than I can handle. Its complicated.Edited by mistyblue 20 Jun `07, 5:31PM
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I was choking when I read some of the replies of the thread on parents...
http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=261985
Then later I came across this thread. True, the 'strangers' living under the same roof are PIL, parents of SO. Therefore they still ought to be accorded with some respect. To me, whatever they can do, so long as it doesn't involve me directly, I am fine with it.
But still, how do you find the middle path?
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