We are a group of fun colleagues, who often joke openly; our range on jokes can be quite wide, from east to west, north to south. Among us, there are males and females, sometimes when the males made jokes that are tinted with sexual elements, the females did not seem to mind and sometimes they join in the fun to extend the jokes.

However recently there was a sexual remark passed by one of the male colleague which I found it to be offensive, I asked him to stop making such sexual jokes or remarks, but he did not seem to want to quit. He continued making such jokes in my presence, and I found it more and more irritating to be around him. I am even considering reporting him to HR or to my manager. However I also did consider that our relationship will be strained and we may not be able to work together like before. And I am also a little concerned that he may loose the job. What should I do?

What did he say?

Originally posted by Rock^Star:

What did he say?

He said we are just joking for goodness sake. Everyone else are making jokes.

Originally posted by Knock_Knock:

He said we are just joking for goodness sake. Everyone else are making jokes.

I mean what exactly he said that you took offence at?

Originally posted by Knock_Knock:

We are a group of fun colleagues, who often joke openly; our range on jokes can be quite wide, from east to west, north to south. Among us, there are males and females, sometimes when the males made jokes that are tinted with sexual elements, the females did not seem to mind and sometimes they join in the fun to extend the jokes.

However recently there was a sexual remark passed by one of the male colleague which I found it to be offensive, I asked him to stop making such sexual jokes or remarks, but he did not seem to want to quit. He continued making such jokes in my presence, and I found it more and more irritating to be around him. I am even considering reporting him to HR or to my manager. However I also did consider that our relationship will be strained and we may not be able to work together like before. And I am also a little concerned that he may loose the job. What should I do?

tink no need to extent of report to HR... jz talk to him personally... tell him u find it offensive... or tell ur female peers abt it... let girl power do the job... or u jz let him mouth off watever he wans n ignore him cos sooner or later he will also grow tired of it... but wat dirty joke he said?

"What should I do? "
Since all of u are joking, he wont treat the words that u say seriously... But usually, if it is a girl that request to stop, the guy will stop lah... if it is the guy that request to stop, the guy will continue 1... lol ... u can do those points below :
1) Change topic
2) Suan him... And if people thinks that u r right, they will join u...

But it is strongly not advisable to report to manager or hr... Coz, all of yr collegues noe that it is a joking session... If u r the girl, then, talk with yr other female collegues... See what they think... Probably, can gang up together... If u r the guy, alamak, come on lah...

honestly, I really do not wish to repeat that sexual remark. suffice to say it was about a very private body part.

Originally posted by Knock_Knock:

honestly, I really do not wish to repeat that sexual remark. suffice to say it was about a very private body part.

Tell him off very sternly.

If he says he's just joking, tell him that you think it's too crude for you.

Then, carry on working with him as per normal. Be professional.

My $0.02 worth.

They are losers but they think they are very funny and cool. Sooner or later they will get into trouble.

Originally posted by Knock_Knock:

We are a group of fun colleagues, who often joke openly; our range on jokes can be quite wide, from east to west, north to south. Among us, there are males and females, sometimes when the males made jokes that are tinted with sexual elements, the females did not seem to mind and sometimes they join in the fun to extend the jokes.

That is the main problem.

Originally posted by Knock_Knock:

We are a group of fun colleagues, who often joke openly; our range on jokes can be quite wide, from east to west, north to south. Among us, there are males and females, sometimes when the males made jokes that are tinted with sexual elements, the females did not seem to mind and sometimes they join in the fun to extend the jokes.

Did the females mind and extend this particular joke or were they aghast?

You could send you colleague an email and tell him formally that you are unhappy with his crude jokes and "can he stop making crude jokes?"

But try to maintain good relationships, especially in the office where you have to see each other everyday and work together....

this is what happens...most are like that...getting more n more bold until got not a issue anymore. warn him to stop still refuse...then dont feel sorry for him..
he ask for it.

Originally posted by DeadPoet:

That is the main problem.

i think this is ok...
but everything should have a limit.But since a stop has been called n he still goes on...
somethings wrong.

I am curious as to how it was considered harrassment.

Telling crude jokes among collegues who dont mind are a matter of bonding.

If the crude joke was directed at TS, with specific mention of TS' private sexual performance or with suggestion to be intimate with TS himself.

Then you can safely consider it a harrassment.

If he is merely continuing with the joke just to annoy you. With the rest of the collegues knowing that it annoys you yet do not ask that fella to stop.

Then its definitely your sensitivity level is higher then them and they do not support you in the same group.

You seriously has to consider walking away and stay away from them if you cannot handle their kinda joke.

And yes, talk to HR about it. They have a better legal knowledge as what constitute as right or wrong kinda joke among colllegues.

You have to remember, you are not pressured to stay with that group of collegues and joke with them if you are not comfortable with them. They themselves should be more worried about how their image will be if they continued to harrassed you or offer crude unacceptable jokes..

Me was in HR for a bit.

Usually he wont lose his job that easily. He will get a verbal or written warning (up to three times). Unless of course he molest/rape/or any other unacceptable behavior that constitutes immediate suspension.

BTW, if you are a guy... the one telling crude jokes is not harassing you is he?

People can get carried away telling jokes but telling jokes like someone said is also about bonding...

One day my boss told me... "you say this kind of things... she slap you then you know..."

I told the boss, "Joking also cannot meh? Anyway this girl won't one lah..." and we left it at that because the boss also knows that that girl won't...

this is the problem when pple dunno where to draw the line.....such pple shouldn't even joke in the 1st place

Originally posted by Knock_Knock:

honestly, I really do not wish to repeat that sexual remark. suffice to say it was about a very private body part.

jus ignore him stop toking to him at all after a while he will stop.

up to now still dunno if its TS being too sensitive or its the guy. afterall the other female colleague or male ones don't seem to mind

Originally posted by hisoka:

up to now still dunno if its TS being too sensitive or its the guy. afterall the other female colleague or male ones don't seem to mind

each individual has their limits & if TS has already mentioned abt her discomfort....that idiot ought to stop

Originally posted by de_middle:

each individual has their limits & if TS has already mentioned abt her discomfort....that idiot ought to stop

i'll put it this way, if every one else has completely no problems with it then while it would be nice and couteous of the guy to stop, its not a requirement as its the TS being too sensitive.

Tsk tsk tsk... must tread carefully. Avoid taking part in too many sexual jokes at work. Harmless flirting at the office bar or during lunch is fine. But personally I would find it offensive if a sexual joke is targetted at my private body part in the presence of a group with everyone else laughing at it afterwards.

Whether colleagues will target disrespectful remarks at you explicitly largely depends on how you carry yourself as a female also. So take care in that aspect lah. When things like that happen with a male group at work and they laugh like monkeys, it helps to keep a straight face, give a condescending smile, then they will apologise afterwards. No point laughing with them just to fit in, especially if the joke is at your expense. You're not a guy remember?

What about other female colleagues, do they find him offensive?
Or does this only happen to you?
If so, ask yourself is there a reason why you're the target?
Is there anything you can do to change that?

Avoid joining the group for lunch too often and maintain a safe distance for the time being and hang out with other colleagues first.

When someone asks you why you no longer join them as often, then you can tell him or her the reason. Hopefully he or she will be the one to relate the message and tell the male colleague off.

just SLAP the bugger

I had a similar encounter before. I retorted angrily to him that it was not a funny joke. And after that, I kept ignored that fellow until he apologised that he will not repeat again.

Hmm... hope that helps!

Cheers!

True incident.

His first day at work
He commented on the breasts of his female colleague in the morning.
He was fired in the afternoon.

Think before you open your BIG mouth.