im in my late thirties, consider well to do. not too high profile. currently extremely bored, single again
im being pursued aggresively by a 21 year old girl who is very beautiful but all the while i consider as my little sister but the feeling she give me is she wants more than that.
my worries is compatibility and i dont want to go through another relationship to break up and im not a player.

two questions ,
we might go to an overseas trip together for shopping , if we do we might most probably end up as bf / gf. should i?

she might stay over at my place for a few weeks for matter of convenience because of an assignment near my place, should i?

im not that handsome or that ugly , just normal but slightly better than normal. is it normal for 21 year old very beautiful girl to behave this way?its weird to be pursued when you have been doing the pursuing all the while.
Im flattered by the attention but at the same time suspicious...

how ler?

do u drive fancy cars?
dress up in executive suits?
if so,she might be after your $

dun shun her totally but don't accept her either......her feelings for you will die off naturally....she's very young

Originally posted by de_middle:

dun shun her totally but don't accept her either......her feelings for you will die off naturally....she's very young

not really , she is very persistent

Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:

im in my late thirties, consider well to do. not too high profile. currently extremely bored, single again
im being pursued aggresively by a 21 year old girl who is very beautiful but all the while i consider as my little sister but the feeling she give me is she wants more than that.
my worries is compatibility and i dont want to go through another relationship to break up and im not a player.

two questions ,
we might go to an overseas trip together for shopping , if we do we might most probably end up as bf / gf. should i?

she might stay over at my place for a few weeks for matter of convenience because of an assignment near my place, should i?

im not that handsome or that ugly , just normal but slightly better than normal. is it normal for 21 year old very beautiful girl to behave this way?its weird to be pursued when you have been doing the pursuing all the while.
Im flattered by the attention but at the same time suspicious...

how ler?
.

Your a late 30's,presummingly 38!
while she is only 21,your almost twice her age..
comon,she wants to dig your pocket

Originally posted by boka:

Your a late 30's,presummingly 38!
while she is only 21,your almost twice her age..
comon,she wants to dig your pocket

hmmm could be but i known her since she was 17 years old
we actually known each other for quite some time..

Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:

hmmm could be but i known her since she was 17 years old
we actually known each other for quite some time..

ihave always seen her as a little girl but only recently she start to look like a woman to me..

Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:

not really , she is very persistent

Wait till she meet more pple....is her social circle really small? not unless u have feelings for her, tell her to look around more

Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:

im in my late thirties, consider well to do. not too high profile. currently extremely bored, single again
im being pursued aggresively by a 21 year old girl who is very beautiful but all the while i consider as my little sister but the feeling she give me is she wants more than that.
my worries is compatibility and i dont want to go through another relationship to break up and im not a player.

two questions ,
we might go to an overseas trip together for shopping , if we do we might most probably end up as bf / gf. should i?

she might stay over at my place for a few weeks for matter of convenience because of an assignment near my place, should i?

im not that handsome or that ugly , just normal but slightly better than normal. is it normal for 21 year old very beautiful girl to behave this way?its weird to be pursued when you have been doing the pursuing all the while.
Im flattered by the attention but at the same time suspicious...

how ler?

Do you like her? It seems like you do but you are afraid that the two of you are incompatible because of the age difference?

I don't think you should worry about how she thinks... if she wants you , then she wants you! She is already 21.

So just concentrate on what you want. Life is full of surprises and it is better not to conjecture, assume and imagine.... and even when you are right, life changes and is constantly changing.

You have just separated with your previous partner. When you first started with her, the two of you never imagined that it would have ended up like that.

Now you are worried because "dont want to go through another relationship to break up and im not a player"

Unless you happen to be God, how can you know the future? You take it one day at a time and now that a beautiful girl has dropped on your lap, just go for it.

Originally posted by de_middle:

Wait till she meet more pple....is her social circle really small? not unless u have feelings for her, tell her to look around more

oh , im not worried about that, she has a big social circle, i think bigger than mine,

lots of much richer uncles and grandfather chasing her. .

Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:

Do you like her? It seems like you do but you are afraid that the two of you are incompatible because of the age difference?

I don't think you should worry about how she thinks... if she wants you , then she wants you! She is already 21.

So just concentrate on what you want. Life is full of surprises and it is better not to conjecture, assume and imagine.... and even when you are right, life changes and is constantly changing.

You have just separated with your previous partner. When you first started with her, the two of you never imagined that it would have ended up like that.

Now you are worried because "dont want to go through another relationship to break up and im not a player"

Unless you happen to be God, how can you know the future? You take it one day at a time and now that a beautiful girl has dropped on your lap, just go for it.

beautiful girl is not a big deal for me, my life have been blessed with lots of them , the fact that bother me is the age difference, it takes lot of stamina to keep up with a 21 year old girl as compared to a 30 year old matured woman.

jumping into a relationship means commitment and responsibilities not leaving a trail of broken hearts when you suddenly realise you are not compatible.

this things you have to consider , not just because dropped on your lap you have to take it..

Think of it as like this ah..

she may really fancy u as u are mature , financially stable and maybe lots of fun.. being a late 30++ man.. personally i dont see anything wrong with n old man with a little girl. ANYWAYS..

There are a few possibilities..

One of em being , she may be wanting to widen her social circles n through u maybe hook a bigger fish. Which happens.. to my friend.

Or she just really fancies you lo~ he he N she knows the older she gets.. the lesser in value she becomes.

You can always do the litmus test. brutal.. but effective..

but seeing how u both know each other for so long , i guess it maybe that she really likes you. And knows u very personally already and decides that u are better off her lover then a good friend. =) u lucky son of a b|tch...

Originally posted by BadzMaro:

Think of it as like this ah..

she may really fancy u as u are mature , financially stable and maybe lots of fun.. being a late 30++ man.. personally i dont see anything wrong with n old man with a little girl. ANYWAYS..

There are a few possibilities..

One of em being , she may be wanting to widen her social circles n through u maybe hook a bigger fish. Which happens.. to my friend.

Or she just really fancies you lo~ he he N she knows the older she gets.. the lesser in value she becomes.

You can always do the litmus test. brutal.. but effective..

but seeing how u both know each other for so long , i guess it maybe that she really likes you. And knows u very personally already and decides that u are better off her lover then a good friend. =) u lucky son of a b|tch...

she dont need me to hook a bigger fish, she knows bigger fishes than me,much bigger
she always call me up and say this grandfather always call her up and ask her what is her dream and he can help her..she knows what they want.
we have always enjoy talking to each other and im always honest when i talk to her but maybe all the while since i know her i was attached with somebody else,
and recently i became available

i just dont know im ready again for a much younger girl , they are more affectionate, demonstrative in their love and not to mention loud...and the worse you have to mix with her friends....

i might stand out as an uncle

Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:

she dont need me to hook a bigger fish, she knows bigger fishes than me,much bigger
she always call me up and say this grandfather always call her up and ask her what is her dream and he can help her..she knows what they want.
we have always enjoy talking to each other and im always honest when i talk to her but maybe all the while since i know her i was attached with somebody else,
and recently i became available

i just dont know im ready again for a much younger girl , they are more affectionate, demonstrative in their love and not to mention loud...and the worse you have to mix with her friends....

i might stand out as an uncle

Ah.. the bonus of being a man. Can always hook younger girls.. As long as u are rich.. n still able to 'stand' he he..

anyways.. back to the topic..

Well, seeing that u rae recently available. I guess being with u , an older man.. she feels safer also ? knowing for quite long already gives them some sort of security. Not like any random old man. And maybe also that curious about a relationship with a much older person, and somemore its you , so its quite a safe n exciting thought lo.

Younger girls are always more affectionate. The mixing with the friends part u can avoid to a certain extent. The biggest relationship gap i had was only 9 yrs. But at least she is 21 at an age where she understands about the obligations of a man like you , n maybe a bit more understanding then the real young ones. So i suppose u can give it a try ? Or if u are worried that things may not work out and u dont want to lose a good friend like this maybe u should talk to her about it. In the end just imagine if u can see yourself being with her doing things together regardless of the age limit lo .

Originally posted by BadzMaro:

Ah.. the bonus of being a man. Can always hook younger girls.. As long as u are rich.. n still able to 'stand' he he..

anyways.. back to the topic..

Well, seeing that u rae recently available. I guess being with u , an older man.. she feels safer also ? knowing for quite long already gives them some sort of security. Not like any random old man. And maybe also that curious about a relationship with a much older person, and somemore its you , so its quite a safe n exciting thought lo.

Younger girls are always more affectionate. The mixing with the friends part u can avoid to a certain extent. The biggest relationship gap i had was only 9 yrs. But at least she is 21 at an age where she understands about the obligations of a man like you , n maybe a bit more understanding then the real young ones. So i suppose u can give it a try ? Or if u are worried that things may not work out and u dont want to lose a good friend like this maybe u should talk to her about it. In the end just imagine if u can see yourself being with her doing things together regardless of the age limit lo .

im young at heart but i guess you are right, i dont want to lose a friend..
when im down or she down we can always call each up and chit chat talking sheer nonsense but we enjoy it.

she cheer me up with her youthful laughter while i cheer her up with my dry uncle humour.

i dont want to lose that..

i dont want to hurt her

but im kind off lonely now...so i m might be making decision not rationally , or be doing something that i might not normally do just because of loneliness

Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:

beautiful girl is not a big deal for me, my life have been blessed with lots of them , the fact that bother me is the age difference, it takes lot of stamina to keep up with a 21 year old girl as compared to a 30 year old matured woman.

jumping into a relationship means commitment and responsibilities not leaving a trail of broken hearts when you suddenly realise you are not compatible.

this things you have to consider , not just because dropped on your lap you have to take it..

I come with the assumption that you cannot know it, whether or not you are compatible and whether or not the compatibility will necessarily lead to "trail of broken hearts when you suddenly realise you are not compatible" and that no two people are fully compatible and fully incompatible.

To you, you come with the assumptions that:

1. Compatibility is fixed... that is, people can never start out incompatible and adjust themselves into a good workable relationship. Of course you might be the type that at a point in time, wakes up and say, "That's it, we are not compatible. End of relationship". It is also possible to never even consider the issue of compatibility at all (never ever one day wake up and say: "That's it, we are not compatible. End of relationship") and simply work on the relationship and both parties work towards a workable relationship, till death do us part.

2. Incompatibility must lead to "trail of broken hearts.
2a. People can change and adjust, and the question is, do they want to, that's all.
2b. People can work out a system whereby they each find their own happiness while having a strong stable relationship with each other (where the relationship is not everything)

3. Compatibility is never a yes/no state. Are we compatible? Yes or No? It should be, how compatible are we? Nobody is perfectly compatible.

If both parties keep on focusing on each others strength and make an effort to accept each others faults, I believe that the relationship has a very good chance of success.

You also made many assumptions like: "it takes lot of stamina to keep up with a 21 year old girl as compared to a 30 year old matured woman." I don't know about you but if I were in your shoes, and she wants to play badminton (not bedminton, though) I will ask her to go with her friends.

It takes two hands to clap and clapping hurts when you clap too hard. What is the sound of one hand clapping? A very lonely sound.

Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:

im young at heart but i guess you are right, i dont want to lose a friend..
when im down or she down we can always call each up and chit chat talking sheer nonsense but we enjoy it.

she cheer me up with her youthful laughter while i cheer her up with my dry uncle humour.

i dont want to lose that..

i dont want to hurt her

but im kind off lonely now...so i m might be making decision not rationally , or be doing something that i might not normally do just because of loneliness

Well, it's understandable at your current situation u may not think rationally and instead with ur emotions right now. So best is to review some remarks made by some posts and then ask urself these questions whether u want to lose her ? the risks is there.. and whether she can see herself being with you and not just for short term and able to understand your responsibilities to your work , life and her.

Sometimes never try never know , but sometimes u will risk losing it all when all fails. So i suggest maybe u just take it easy n think more lo. Now that u are a mature person and able to think very reasonably and fair enough that she is young and her perception of things maybe slightly different but hey , both are adult enough to talk things at a ground level right ? Good luck man.

Question...

Is she studying or working?

What is her financial situation, how does she get income?

Has she pursued relationships with older men in the past with main purpose of exploiting them financially?

Originally posted by BadzMaro:

Well, it's understandable at your current situation u may not think rationally and instead with ur emotions right now. So best is to review some remarks made by some posts and then ask urself these questions whether u want to lose her ? the risks is there.. and whether she can see herself being with you and not just for short term and able to understand your responsibilities to your work , life and her.

Sometimes never try never know , but sometimes u will risk losing it all when all fails. So i suggest maybe u just take it easy n think more lo. Now that u are a mature person and able to think very reasonably and fair enough that she is young and her perception of things maybe slightly different but hey , both are adult enough to talk things at a ground level right ? Good luck man.

thanks, i guess my last relationship was the one i thought that will be the one that will be forever but it did not happen...so i m kind off phobia now

i think u shd go for it..u haf feelings for her n vice versa..it cud be she has some ulterior motive..or it cud oso be she is really n trully into u..but if you dont give it a shot u’ll neva noe how it turns out. Most importantly, in yrs to come you will not look back n wonder what wud haf happen if you gave it a shot..

Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:

I come with the assumption that you cannot know it, whether or not you are compatible and whether or not the compatibility will necessarily lead to "trail of broken hearts when you suddenly realise you are not compatible" and that no two people are fully compatible and fully incompatible.

To you, you come with the assumptions that:

1. Compatibility is fixed... that is, people can never start out incompatible and adjust themselves into a good workable relationship. Of course you might be the type that at a point in time, wakes up and say, "That's it, we are not compatible. End of relationship". It is also possible to never even consider the issue of compatibility at all (never ever one day wake up and say: "That's it, we are not compatible. End of relationship") and simply work on the relationship and both parties work towards a workable relationship, till death do us part.

2. Incompatibility must lead to "trail of broken hearts.
2a. People can change and adjust, and the question is, do they want to, that's all.
2b. People can work out a system whereby they each find their own happiness while having a strong stable relationship with each other (where the relationship is not everything)

3. Compatibility is a yes/no state. Are we compatible? Yes or No? It should be, how compatible are we? Nobody is perfectly compatible.

If both parties keep on focusing on each others strength and make an effort to accept each others faults, I believe that the relationship has a very good chance of success.

You also made many assumptions like: "it takes lot of stamina to keep up with a 21 year old girl as compared to a 30 year old matured woman." I don't know about you but if I were in your shoes, and she wants to play badminton (not bedminton, though) I will ask her to go with her friends.

It takes two hands to clap and clapping hurts when you clap too hard. What is the sound of one hand clapping? A very lonely sound.

andrew, have you been in many relationships before? i find your post have a copy and paste feeling from some agony columms. If i want that kind of opinions i wont post here, im looking for fellow peers not some formulaic answers you find in a book.

i find your post confusing really, and with a tinge of "god ego", honestly i hate that kind of advises

thanks anyway

Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:

thanks, i guess my last relationship was the one i thought that will be the one that will be forever but it did not happen...so i m kind off phobia now

We will all think that our current relationship will be the one.. and especially someone like you at your age. Its fair enough to feel the dread... the 'phobia' . Maybe just give it time.. the calm down period.. to cool off. To relax.. still spend time with her , but as u start to sober up from it , maybe u can see things more clearly and make the right choice .

Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:

andrew, have you been in many relationships before? i find your post have a copy and paste feeling from some agony columms. If i want that kind of opinions i wont post here, im looking for fellow peers not some formulaic answers you find in a book.

i find your post confusing really, and with a tinge of "god ego", honestly i hate that kind of advises

thanks anyway

no problem mate, sorry I am no help to you...

Originally posted by choco B:

Question...

Is she studying or working?

What is her financial situation, how does she get income?

Has she pursued relationships with older men in the past with main purpose of exploiting them financially?

she is working in the entertainment business..yes her ex was an much older guy which i known about , she told me about it , in fact i know all about her life, i get updates from her whether i want it or not.
i always thought is like lil sister confiding to older brother.nothing more than that..she makes good money
and of course with her stunningly beautiful looks lots of man come to her well you cant stop them from giving her any presents which she recycles to me...which i dont want.
and i have never given her anything expensive or any substantial value

gd chance and timing.