http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 en-US 60 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:</div> <div class="quote_body">i would like to say thank you for all who contributed and certainly in some way helped me to reach a decision in regards to this question.<br /> <br /> I believe this thread should be closed and i dont think i will be able to post anything more<br /> <br /> Im happy with my decision and thank you</div> </blockquote> <p>Well, i will close it then.<br /> <br /> If you want to open it again, or any other things, feel free to PM me.<br /> <br /> Congrats for having an answer on what to do.<br /> <br /> Life live without regrets!<br /> <br /> Cheers<br /> Pika.</p> Thu, 12 Jul 2007 23:58:23 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6825697 popikachu http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:</div> <div class="quote_body">well , i agree , she certainly had helped me to make up my mind to move on!<br /> i will take her views into consideration but i will take it easy too<br /> we had a good dinner tonight, im starting to understand her more and see things from her perspective.</div> </blockquote> <p>i would like to say thank you for all who contributed and certainly in some way helped me to reach a decision in regards to this question.<br /> <br /> I believe this thread should be closed and i dont think i will be able to post anything more<br /> <br /> Im happy with my decision and thank you</p> Thu, 12 Jul 2007 22:42:37 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6825024 fourfourtwo8 http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:</div> <div class="quote_body">To girls, love is indeed a game of proving.<br /> If we guys don't do it right, we simply don't measure up, from the girls' point of view.<br /> <br /> It's hard for guys to understand a girl's psyche.<br /> <br /> And I feel the whole discussion about retaining items belonging to a past relationship can be generalized to the different ways men and women view relationships.<br /> <br /> Everyone (make that every gender) has a right to feel the way he/she feels, but if you want to really score with the opposite sex, you need to understand the other party's psyche.<br /> <br /> 4428, I think jojobeach has invaluable points there that totally applies to ur present r/s.</div> </blockquote> <p>well , i agree , she certainly had helped me to make up my mind to move on!<br /> i will take her views into consideration but i will take it easy too<br /> we had a good dinner tonight, im starting to understand her more and see things from her perspective.</p> Wed, 11 Jul 2007 23:40:53 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6820498 fourfourtwo8 http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by ladie:</div> <div class="quote_body">To go for it or not? That really depends on what you looking for in a relationship.<br /> <br /> If you are looking for some good time (to waste some time) and plenty of excitement and freshness, i'll say of course, go for it!<br /> <br /> But if you are saying you are not so young and you looking for THE ONE, i'll say you already know the answer.<br /> <br /> Just a question, what happened between you and your ex?</div> </blockquote> <p>what happened? Timing was not good and certain affairs are not in order and we broke up.<br /> I was still pining for her until i meet the new lady in my life. She is certainly helping me to erase the thought of the past.<br /></p> Wed, 11 Jul 2007 23:38:47 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6820483 fourfourtwo8 http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by jojobeach:</div> <div class="quote_body">Love is indeed a game of proving.<br /> What is the point of loving someone yet not show it ?<br /> We are mere mortals.. we cannot read each other's mind.<br /> If you don't put your love into actions.. how would the other party know ??<br /> <br /> Memories can be kept inside your heart.... you don't need to constantly remind your new partner of your past.. do you ?<br /> <br /> Children are a different ballgame altogether.<br /> A divorce with children is never a divorce.<br /> <br /></div> </blockquote> <p>To girls, love is indeed a game of proving.<br /> If we guys don't do it right, we simply don't measure up, from the girls' point of view.<br /> <br /> It's hard for guys to understand a girl's psyche.<br /> <br /> And I feel the whole discussion about retaining items belonging to a past relationship can be generalized to the different ways men and women view relationships.<br /> <br /> Everyone (make that every gender) has a right to feel the way he/she feels, but if you want to really score with the opposite sex, you need to understand the other party's psyche.<br /> <br /> 4428, I think jojobeach has invaluable points there that totally applies to ur present r/s.</p> Wed, 11 Jul 2007 13:07:21 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6817398 ordinaryguy32 http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <p>To go for it or not? That really depends on what you looking for in a relationship.<br /> <br /> If you are looking for some good time (to waste some time) and plenty of excitement and freshness, i'll say of course, go for it!<br /> <br /> But if you are saying you are not so young and you looking for THE ONE, i'll say you already know the answer.<br /> <br /> Just a question, what happened between you and your ex?</p> Wed, 11 Jul 2007 10:41:27 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6816699 ladie http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by jojobeach:</div> <div class="quote_body">Love is indeed a game of proving.<br /> What is the point of loving someone yet not show it ?<br /> We are mere mortals.. we cannot read each other's mind.<br /> If you don't put your love into actions.. how would the other party know ??<br /> <br /> Memories can be kept inside your heart.... you don't need to constantly remind your new partner of your past.. do you ?<br /> <br /> Children are a different ballgame altogether.<br /> A divorce with children is never a divorce.<br /> <br /></div> </blockquote> <p>I think we are deviating from the main subject and since i decided to go for her and not letting go of my memories of my past, i told her about my ex but i guess that is it , nothing more to tell her.likewise if she tell me about her past i will listen because her past is a clue to her present and future, what she likes or dislikes of her past bf is a good indication where and how i can improve or be better for her.</p> Wed, 11 Jul 2007 10:28:45 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6816616 fourfourtwo8 http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:</div> <div class="quote_body">is love a game of proving?<br /> Do you need to show clear proof to your current that you are over the previous?<br /> Isnt not talking about her sufficient enough?<br /> Instead of proving you are over your ex why dont we work on reinforcing or cultivating a more loving relationship with your present?<br /> Is it a sin to keep memories of a person that you loved before?<br /> It is a sin to revisit the memories and smile sometimes when certain things or objects remind you of the good times you had with your ex rather than revisit the bad times?<br /> <br /></div> </blockquote> <p>Love is indeed a game of proving.<br /> What is the point of loving someone yet not show it ?<br /> We are mere mortals.. we cannot read each other's mind.<br /> If you don't put your love into actions.. how would the other party know ??<br /> <br /> Memories can be kept inside your heart.... you don't need to constantly remind your new partner of your past.. do you ?<br /> <br /> Children are a different ballgame altogether.<br /> A divorce with children is never a divorce.<br /> <br /></p> Wed, 11 Jul 2007 10:16:15 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6816557 jojobeach http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by jojobeach:</div> <div class="quote_body">Ah yes.. a procrastinator.<br /> Good thing...<br /> <br /> Keep your old memories... in your head.<br /> <br /> Memories.. fade with time.. as new ones replace the old.<br /> Almost an automatic process.....if you allow it.<br /> <br /> Material things don't go poof until you move em.<br /> <br /> When it is time, you will want to remove those items...you hold so true to your heart.... time to really let go.<br /> You will need to revisit those memories again, as you hold one in your hands.. each time.. going back to those moments......<br /> <br /> If you are unwilling to do it for yourself.. do it for her...( not your ex)<br /> <br /> You can promise her anything... but a woman needs to see it done... to be truly convinced.<br /> <br /></div> </blockquote> <p>is love a game of proving?<br /> Do you need to show clear proof to your current that you are over the previous?<br /> Isnt not talking about her sufficient enough?<br /> Instead of proving you are over your ex why dont we work on reinforcing or cultivating a more loving relationship with your present?<br /> Is it a sin to keep memories of a person that you loved before?<br /> It is a sin to revisit the memories and smile sometimes when certain things or objects remind you of the good times you had with your ex rather than revisit the bad times?<br /> <br /></p> Wed, 11 Jul 2007 10:09:40 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6816534 fourfourtwo8 http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by jojobeach:</div> <div class="quote_body">You don't have to throw em out. Just keep em out of sight.<br /> <br /> The past is the past.. why do you want to keep things that keeps reminding you of the past ?<br /> <br /> Will you naturally throw away items like... furnitures both of you bought together ? A beautiful painting that she ( the ex) picked from the streets of Rome ?<br /> A picture of a happy couple smiling in the sunset, framed in crystal ?<br /> <br /> No, you need to purposely make those things dissapear from your sight.<br /> Put them in the deepest corner of your storage if it is too painful for you to see them trashed.<br /> <br /> I was in her shoes .... it wasn't very nice to have to see those "memories" of my love's past with another woman. It was infact... painful.......<br /> <br /> I wished.. everyday... everytime I see them... that he would willingly put them away....<br /> <br /> Well.. ofcourse that day didn't come ... for a long time....<br /> Until..<br /> We went for couple communication course.<br /> During one of the session.. a couple confessed they argue over the fate of their coffee table. It was a gift from his ex....and he refused to give it away.. because to him.. it was just a piece of furniture. To the gf, it has the link to his past.<br /> <br /> The guy got booed.. by other female participants... turns out... many couples faces the same problem.. even married ones...<br /> The married one.. sold the old house.. and donated all the old furnitures... because his new wife couldn't stand living in his past.<br /> The whole time.. he kept quiet.. listening in horror..<br /> <br /> Needless to say.. my dear partner went back and threw all his old albums and gave away that nice piece of crystal art...bye bye past....hello future !<br /> <br /></div> </blockquote> <p>i think it is rather silly and ridiculous to throw away all his old albums. Couldnt he just simply put it away?Very radical actions not very asian type to do this , the other party actions to sell the house and donate all the old furnitures,<br /> so if you have a child and you remarried , do you cut contact with her? give up all custody of her because she is the biggest reminder of your past.<br /> <br /></p> Wed, 11 Jul 2007 09:59:23 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6816501 fourfourtwo8 http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by thumbelina:</div> <div class="quote_body">i still don't understand y items must be thrown out on purpose or y a person must force himself/herself or another to throw away items which bring back memories about their ex.. wouldn't such items be thrown away naturally (and willingly) in the future to make way for new items which bring along new and lovely memories as well?</div> </blockquote> <p>You don't have to throw em out. Just keep em out of sight.<br /> <br /> The past is the past.. why do you want to keep things that keeps reminding you of the past ?<br /> <br /> Will you naturally throw away items like... furnitures both of you bought together ? A beautiful painting that she ( the ex) picked from the streets of Rome ?<br /> A picture of a happy couple smiling in the sunset, framed in crystal ?<br /> <br /> No, you need to purposely make those things dissapear from your sight.<br /> Put them in the deepest corner of your storage if it is too painful for you to see them trashed.<br /> <br /> I was in her shoes .... it wasn't very nice to have to see those "memories" of my love's past with another woman. It was infact... painful.......<br /> <br /> I wished.. everyday... everytime I see them... that he would willingly put them away....<br /> <br /> Well.. ofcourse that day didn't come ... for a long time....<br /> Until..<br /> We went for couple communication course.<br /> During one of the session.. a couple confessed they argue over the fate of their coffee table. It was a gift from his ex....and he refused to give it away.. because to him.. it was just a piece of furniture. To the gf, it has the link to his past.<br /> <br /> The guy got booed.. by other female participants... turns out... many couples faces the same problem.. even married ones...<br /> The married one.. sold the old house.. and donated all the old furnitures... because his new wife couldn't stand living in his past.<br /> The whole time.. he kept quiet.. listening in horror..<br /> <br /> Needless to say.. my dear partner went back and threw all his old albums and gave away that nice piece of crystal art...bye bye past....hello future !<br /> <br /></p> Wed, 11 Jul 2007 02:25:23 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6815795 jojobeach http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:</div> <div class="quote_body">i am!<br /> but at the same time i want to take it slow<br /> water it well<br /> anyway we are going off for a shopping trip soon, it will be fun and good way of getting to know each other better..creating some new beautiful memories</div> </blockquote> <p>Ah yes.. a procrastinator.<br /> Good thing...<br /> <br /> Keep your old memories... in your head.<br /> <br /> Memories.. fade with time.. as new ones replace the old.<br /> Almost an automatic process.....if you allow it.<br /> <br /> Material things don't go poof until you move em.<br /> <br /> When it is time, you will want to remove those items...you hold so true to your heart.... time to really let go.<br /> You will need to revisit those memories again, as you hold one in your hands.. each time.. going back to those moments......<br /> <br /> If you are unwilling to do it for yourself.. do it for her...( not your ex)<br /> <br /> You can promise her anything... but a woman needs to see it done... to be truly convinced.<br /> <br /></p> Wed, 11 Jul 2007 01:35:17 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6816109 jojobeach http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by BadzMaro:</div> <div class="quote_body">Water it well. i like that . <img title= "Razz" src="/images/emoticons/classic/icon_razz.gif" alt="Razz" /> Carefully grooming the bonsai tree. The results... mmmm..<br /> <br /> Anyways, lol.. all the best!</div> </blockquote> <p>=)<br /> when you say carefully grooming the bonsai tree, i was thinking about something else</p> Tue, 10 Jul 2007 15:06:17 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6811499 fourfourtwo8 http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by thumbelina:</div> <div class="quote_body">i still don't understand y items must be thrown out on purpose or y a person must force himself/herself or another to throw away items which bring back memories about their ex.. wouldn't such items be thrown away naturally (and willingly) in the future to make way for new items which bring along new and lovely memories as well?</div> </blockquote> <p>My guess is that the hesitation in clearing items belonging to a previous relationship may mean attachment, and hope that the old relationship may be rekindled...<br /> <br /> It's hard to throw away sentimental things...</p> Tue, 10 Jul 2007 15:05:06 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6811491 ordinaryguy32 http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:</div> <div class="quote_body">i am!<br /> but at the same time i want to take it slow<br /> water it well<br /> anyway we are going off for a shopping trip soon, it will be fun and good way of getting to know each other better..creating some new beautiful memories</div> </blockquote> <p>Water it well. i like that . <img title="Razz" src= "/images/emoticons/classic/icon_razz.gif" alt="Razz" /> Carefully grooming the bonsai tree. The results... mmmm..<br /> <br /> Anyways, lol.. all the best!</p> Tue, 10 Jul 2007 15:05:06 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6811492 BadzMaro http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by BadzMaro:</div> <div class="quote_body">Bottom line is that u are over , then perhaps you should re-inforce yourself out here in the forum with a positive outlook about ur new relationship.<br /> <br /> cheers.</div> </blockquote> <p>i am!<br /> but at the same time i want to take it slow<br /> water it well<br /> anyway we are going off for a shopping trip soon, it will be fun and good way of getting to know each other better..creating some new beautiful memories</p> Tue, 10 Jul 2007 15:01:30 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6811466 fourfourtwo8 http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:</div> <div class="quote_body">im not paying lip service, im definitely over my old gf...no matter what happen im so over her..</div> </blockquote> <p>I see.<br /> We have misunderstood you then... <img title="Smile" src= "/images/emoticons/classic/icon_smile.gif" alt="Smile" /></p> Tue, 10 Jul 2007 15:00:29 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6811461 ordinaryguy32 http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <p>i still don’t understand y items must be thrown out on purpose or y a person must force himself/herself or another to throw away items which bring back memories about their ex.. wouldn’t such items be thrown away naturally (and willingly) in the future to make way for new items which bring along new and lovely memories as well?</p> Tue, 10 Jul 2007 15:00:20 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6811459 thumbelina http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:</div> <div class="quote_body">im not paying lip service, im definitely over my old gf...no matter what happen im so over her..</div> </blockquote> <p>Bottom line is that u are over , then perhaps you should re-inforce yourself out here in the forum with a positive outlook about ur new relationship.<br /> <br /> cheers.</p> Tue, 10 Jul 2007 14:57:53 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6811443 BadzMaro http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:</div> <div class="quote_body">She's suggesting you're paying lip service in terms of promise to your new gf.<br /> <br /> That, you are telling her u are letting the past go, but telling us it may never be done...</div> </blockquote> <p>im not paying lip service, im definitely over my old gf...no matter what happen im so over her..</p> Tue, 10 Jul 2007 14:56:09 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6811428 fourfourtwo8 http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:</div> <div class="quote_body">i dont understand, what do you mean?</div> </blockquote> <p>Why do you hold on.....not letting go .. those things that reminds you of your ex.<br /> <br /> When you tells her you are letting go... you need to put it into action.<br /> Old baggages does nothing but holds you back.<br /> <br /> Build new memories with your pretty new beau....</p> Tue, 10 Jul 2007 14:55:15 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6811423 jojobeach http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:</div> <div class="quote_body">i dont understand, what do you mean?</div> </blockquote> <p>She's suggesting you're paying lip service in terms of promise to your new gf.<br /> <br /> That, you are telling her u are letting the past go, but telling us it may never be done...</p> Tue, 10 Jul 2007 14:52:46 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6811410 ordinaryguy32 http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by jojobeach:</div> <div class="quote_body">Why not ?</div> </blockquote> <p>Well, maybe its not doing something bad for the greater good ?<br /> <br /> Forgetting and 'wiping' out all traces and memories is not such an easy thing. N those memories and thoughts or material things are not necessarily something .... bad or evil to be shut out off lo.<br /> <br /> Maybe not necessary but rather to accept the fact and look towards other opportunities , other chances, other hopes and another future.</p> Tue, 10 Jul 2007 14:52:17 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6811408 BadzMaro http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <p>Letting the past go may mean different things to different people.<br /> <br /> If the past interferes in the current relationship, e.g. the amount of love/attention given, then it's bad.<br /> <br /> But some wonderful memories may never be erased, particularly if the past relationship doesn't end in bad blood, e.g. due to relocation.<br /> <br /> On the other hand, the rightful place for items belonging to a hurtful past relationship is best relegated to the bin/incinerator as soonest as possible, and all traces removed ruthlessly ...<br /> <br /></p> Tue, 10 Jul 2007 14:51:26 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6811400 ordinaryguy32 http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580 <blockquote> <div class="quote_from">Originally posted by jojobeach:</div> <div class="quote_body">Letting the past go... is not just talking is it ?<br /></div> </blockquote> <p>i dont understand, what do you mean?</p> Tue, 10 Jul 2007 14:50:06 +0800 www.sgforums.com:12:265580:6811392 fourfourtwo8 http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/265580