When a guy says..
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To cut a long story short, I'm involved with a guy of a different race in a non-commitmental relationship. We are both single (It's what he claims)
We started early June this yr. He claims that his gf has left him in april when he decided to return a job which requires very much of his time. I asked him, what's he looking for? He says he's not ready of commitment. He has his fears, but it's not a one-off thing with me. So it's not a non-commitmental relationship right.
It was ok to me at that point of time, as i also work long hours and i have my own life too. But whats the boundaries of a non-commitmental relationship? Because some of his actions have been making me very confused about non-commitmental relationship. Sometimes he makes me feel like he's a bf, yet sometimes i just feel like a friend. I did ever ask him before, "what am i to u?"
He said that i have a special place in his heart and he did not sms or call his other girl frens as often. But he has his fears too
I shall not elaborate what the actions are as it's going to be novel. But probably you guys can share what do you think of non-commitmental relationship and how it shud be. -
someone bounds to get hurt, trust me.
either u or him, end it or talk things out. -
non commitmental relationship?
that's just being friends.
humans can find words to con each other -
I have a feeling it's gonna be me.. coz i take things too seriously... even in a non-commitmental relationship, i treat him too sincerely... and i know i'm expecting something which i'm not supposed to...
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For what I read here, I think he likes u, but for his own personal reasons, he refuses to commit. Now, ask urself this. Are u willing to accept someone who refuses to commit because of possibly his previous relationships or whatever reasons he come out with? Do u find it just a little strange that he should not want to make a committment to u, despite being single?Originally posted by shirurinu:To cut a long story short, I'm involved with a guy of a different race in a non-commitmental relationship. We are both single (It's what he claims)
We started early June this yr. He claims that his gf has left him in april when he decided to return a job which requires very much of his time. I asked him, what's he looking for? He says he's not ready of commitment. He has his fears, but it's not a one-off thing with me. So it's not a non-commitmental relationship right.
It was ok to me at that point of time, as i also work long hours and i have my own life too. But whats the boundaries of a non-commitmental relationship? Because some of his actions have been making me very confused about non-commitmental relationship. Sometimes he makes me feel like he's a bf, yet sometimes i just feel like a friend. I did ever ask him before, "what am i to u?"
He said that i have a special place in his heart and he did not sms or call his other girl frens as often. But he has his fears too
I shall not elaborate what the actions are as it's going to be novel. But probably you guys can share what do you think of non-commitmental relationship and how it shud be.
If he says he is still hurting from his previous relationship, that just show that he is an indecisive man who cannot let go of his past, and not yet ready to step into the future. Do u want this type of guy to be ur bf?
If he refuses to make a committment, and yet makes u feel like u are his gf, then maybe its time to make a stand. Because its obviously unfair to u that u have 2 sit and wonder just what are u in his heart, while he refuses to make a committment, and yet at the same time, sweet-talk u and make u hope.
Its all up to u really. If u like things as it is now, then leave it as it is. If not, ask him again. Ask him if he sees u two having a future together, or is he just treating u as someone to pass time away. Its for ur own happiness. Rather than waste time and think if he wants in or out of this relationship, sorting it out with him a.s.a.p is better. -
non-commitmental?
then it's a no-go for me..
yi si qian qian lor.. it means he dun want to commit to u..
want all the intimacy stuff, but dun want to commit..
have fun but no strings attached. -
Girl,Originally posted by shirurinu:To cut a long story short, I'm involved with a guy of a different race in a non-commitmental relationship. We are both single (It's what he claims)
We started early June this yr. He claims that his gf has left him in april when he decided to return a job which requires very much of his time. I asked him, what's he looking for? He says he's not ready of commitment. He has his fears, but it's not a one-off thing with me. So it's not a non-commitmental relationship right.
It was ok to me at that point of time, as i also work long hours and i have my own life too. But whats the boundaries of a non-commitmental relationship? Because some of his actions have been making me very confused about non-commitmental relationship. Sometimes he makes me feel like he's a bf, yet sometimes i just feel like a friend. I did ever ask him before, "what am i to u?"
He said that i have a special place in his heart and he did not sms or call his other girl frens as often. But he has his fears too
I shall not elaborate what the actions are as it's going to be novel. But probably you guys can share what do you think of non-commitmental relationship and how it shud be.
I have some questions for you.
Are you a social escort ?
Are you a prostitute ?
If you answer NO to any of the above.
Please drop this guy.
Your guy wants his cake and eat it too.
Guys who tells you outright he is not ready for a relationship and yet treats you like a gf sometimes.. is obviously out to look for free lunch.
Girl, you are not a beggar, have some self pride.
Ignore him for 3 months...you will know where you stand.
Men's sweet talking you into a non-committal relationship just wants prostitute service for FREE.
FYI: Non-committal relationship means he can F you and he can F other girls. And you have NO right to stop him.
DO NOT play this game of non-commitment game with him UNLESS YOU are a player yourself. -
what do you want?
he sounds like a player..
what signals have you been throwing at him to read (or misread) ? -
lol... u should not even started with him in the first place. U should just stay with him as a friend...
hmmm... since yr questions is "guys can share what do you think of non-commitmental relationship and how it shud be", I shall give my view if I am the bf in yr post...
"
I dont really want to be in a relationship. But I can give a try if u want...
"
So, if tat is what u choose, then, u really need to think yr second step... Btw, the game is not over yet... Giving up may not be the best solution -
I'm in a similar situation but in my case, it is a girl who asked me for a "relationship" without commitment. (as if we're both single) She said she just initiated a break up with her bf 2 months ago and need time to get over the past relationship.
Similarly, sometimes she makes me feel like i am her bf, sometimes she makes me feel as if i'm just a fren. Likewise, i asked her what i am to her and she said i have a special place in her heart.
How should i handle this? What are the boundaries in this case since i'm the guy. Very confusing situation. Not sure if i should even wait until she is really to commit. -
Agree...Originally posted by browniebaobao:non-commitmental?
then it's a no-go for me..
yi si qian qian lor.. it means he dun want to commit to u..
want all the intimacy stuff, but dun want to commit..
have fun but no strings attached.
What are your values? If intimacy is what you only share with a bf, then if he tries to be funny, just tell him," Not bf-gf, cannot do this kind of thing ma, what do you take me for?"
But if he didn't try to be funny, maybe he just wants some company and you can try be there for him and see how it goes, but dun go deep la...
This guy is quite a potential heart-breaker from what i see lehz, but i dunno him, so i can't really comment la... I dunno if he will go into a proper relationship with you one day, but chances are, he is on a rebound at the moment...
All i can say is, keep your chasity as a girl, so no matter what the outcome is, you won't slap yourself as hard...
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although i wanted to support the guy...Originally posted by browniebaobao:non-commitmental?
then it's a no-go for me..
yi si qian qian lor.. it means he dun want to commit to u..
want all the intimacy stuff, but dun want to commit..
have fun but no strings attached.
i think you are right.
leave that guy...
guy with no commitments will leave a girl anytime cuz he have no commitments..
he just need some one with him for the time being.. -
When she is ready to commit. You won't be her groom.Originally posted by cutangle:I'm in a similar situation but in my case, it is a girl who asked me for a "relationship" without commitment. (as if we're both single) She said she just initiated a break up with her bf 2 months ago and need time to get over the past relationship.
Similarly, sometimes she makes me feel like i am her bf, sometimes she makes me feel as if i'm just a fren. Likewise, i asked her what i am to her and she said i have a special place in her heart.
How should i handle this? What are the boundaries in this case since i'm the guy. Very confusing situation. Not sure if i should even wait until she is really to commit.
Rebound plus non-committal cases are selfishness in it's peak form.
During the relationship, the attitude will be " Ai lai mai sua".
If you can tahan this kind of crap, go forth, be a hero.
Whatever the excuse for fear.
Get this.
They need to deal with it, resolve it and get over it. BEFORE another relationship starts.
This goes both ways for male and female. -
lol... there is not much difference if TS is guy or girl lah...Originally posted by cutangle:I'm in a similar situation but in my case, it is a girl who asked me for a "relationship" without commitment. (as if we're both single) She said she just initiated a break up with her bf 2 months ago and need time to get over the past relationship.
Similarly, sometimes she makes me feel like i am her bf, sometimes she makes me feel as if i'm just a fren. Likewise, i asked her what i am to her and she said i have a special place in her heart.
How should i handle this? What are the boundaries in this case since i'm the guy. Very confusing situation. Not sure if i should even wait until she is really to commit.
But since u ask how should u handle it, well, yr mentality towards this relationship should change... Since u have agreed on the relationship, u should treat this relationship as a challenge... a challenge???
A challenge to unlock the girl's break up with her bf with a limited time... Coz, even if u failed, u wont feel tat bad... A challenge maybe tiring but at least it is something tat u can look forward to... -
I bet u haven met a good man before that u are willing to accept such agreement in a r/s..Originally posted by shirurinu:To cut a long story short, I'm involved with a guy of a different race in a non-commitmental relationship. We are both single (It's what he claims)
We started early June this yr. He claims that his gf has left him in april when he decided to return a job which requires very much of his time. I asked him, what's he looking for? He says he's not ready of commitment. He has his fears, but it's not a one-off thing with me. So it's not a non-commitmental relationship right.
It was ok to me at that point of time, as i also work long hours and i have my own life too. But whats the boundaries of a non-commitmental relationship? Because some of his actions have been making me very confused about non-commitmental relationship. Sometimes he makes me feel like he's a bf, yet sometimes i just feel like a friend. I did ever ask him before, "what am i to u?"
He said that i have a special place in his heart and he did not sms or call his other girl frens as often. But he has his fears too
I shall not elaborate what the actions are as it's going to be novel. But probably you guys can share what do you think of non-commitmental relationship and how it shud be. -
precisely. if you ask me, game's over.Originally posted by CannyOng:I bet u haven met a good man before that u are willing to accept such agreement in a r/s.. -
To me as long you do not have sex or registered for ROM is consider a non-commitmental relationshipOriginally posted by shirurinu:To cut a long story short, I'm involved with a guy of a different race in a non-commitmental relationship. We are both single (It's what he claims)
We started early June this yr. He claims that his gf has left him in april when he decided to return a job which requires very much of his time. I asked him, what's he looking for? He says he's not ready of commitment. He has his fears, but it's not a one-off thing with me. So it's not a non-commitmental relationship right.
It was ok to me at that point of time, as i also work long hours and i have my own life too. But whats the boundaries of a non-commitmental relationship? Because some of his actions have been making me very confused about non-commitmental relationship. Sometimes he makes me feel like he's a bf, yet sometimes i just feel like a friend. I did ever ask him before, "what am i to u?"
He said that i have a special place in his heart and he did not sms or call his other girl frens as often. But he has his fears too
I shall not elaborate what the actions are as it's going to be novel. But probably you guys can share what do you think of non-commitmental relationship and how it shud be. -
Many 'non-commitment' relationships are non-specific.... Asking what a 'non-commitment' type of relationship should be like is just contradicting yourself... Anything specified would most likely requires a form of 'commitment' to keep up to it. Anything which does not require any form of commitment is not specifying....Originally posted by shirurinu:To cut a long story short, I'm involved with a guy of a different race in a non-commitmental relationship. We are both single (It's what he claims)
We started early June this yr. He claims that his gf has left him in april when he decided to return a job which requires very much of his time. I asked him, what's he looking for? He says he's not ready of commitment. He has his fears, but it's not a one-off thing with me. So it's not a non-commitmental relationship right.
It was ok to me at that point of time, as i also work long hours and i have my own life too. But whats the boundaries of a non-commitmental relationship? Because some of his actions have been making me very confused about non-commitmental relationship. Sometimes he makes me feel like he's a bf, yet sometimes i just feel like a friend. I did ever ask him before, "what am i to u?"
He said that i have a special place in his heart and he did not sms or call his other girl frens as often. But he has his fears too
I shall not elaborate what the actions are as it's going to be novel. But probably you guys can share what do you think of non-commitmental relationship and how it shud be.
The 'interesting' thing about such a form of relationships is that they often just remain in the GREY AREA.... Often until some time after maybe...? When the relationship starts to develop and more emotions, efforts and needless 'commitment' starts to pour in... To that stage, it's only natural that at least one of the parties would start to demand or request more... Upset point is when a 'balance' is not maintained... Meaning one party grows with the relationship while the other simply refuses to... When it's 'balanced', it would become a 'give and take' situation... Where the stakes would be raised with time... VERY often, this process repeating can be quite hazardous and 'painful'.... There'll be more often than not struggles to find the identity (re-recognise) of the relationship and the identity of the 2 individuals within the relationship... It COULD come to a point where both parties decide that they wanna convert it to a COMMITMENT relationship (with or without them realising it), hardly would a relationship at its low point keep still or move backwards (or they'll simply fail to exist with time)....
The strange thing I would like to ask is.... From the way you've described it all... You don't seems to be suitable for a 'non-commitment' relationship.... Why even step into it in the 1st place? Why play with fire if you now likely you'll be the one burnt?
PS. I PERSONALLY DISAGREE with what some of the forumites have mentioned about this guy not being sincere and all that... I think it'll simply be too early to tell, and surface to deduce at this point... Though they might be right about their 'guess', I would also like to think there's a chance that this guy is genuinely not sure or having emotional baggage... That might render him less suitable to go into a relationship at this point, but not enough to condemn him nor to go on a personality attack on him. -
Originally posted by Devil1976:
If a person does not know what the heck they want.
PS. I PERSONALLY [b]DISAGREE with what some of the forumites have mentioned about this guy not being sincere and all that... I think it'll simply be too early to tell, and surface to deduce at this point... Though they might be right about their 'guess', I would also like to think there's a chance that this guy is genuinely not sure or having emotional baggage... That might render him less suitable to go into a relationship at this point, but not enough to condemn him nor to go on a personality attack on him.[/b]
Don't fiak around another person's feelings/emotions.
Don't waste their time.
Because if you are not going to be the right guy for her, let someone else be.
A weak mind, is one who knows not what it wants.
It is not ok to string along someone , while you make up your mind. -
If you are unsure of yourself or having emotional baggage, it is best not to go into any relationship be it commital or non-commital, else you end up hurting the other party as well as yourself
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non-commitmental relationship ?
Its like Hardcore casual.
If you are okay with it then go for it. It can work both ways.. either one of u can drop each other like a sack of potatoes.
U either will appreciate each others company n one day be together , or u can just find others n date others while with him. Works both ways.. which one u want ? -
tink u better sort things out... seriously theres no future if u continue go on like tat... if he like u he would've make u his real gf so my guess u probably not wat he reali wans as a future partner... continue like tis n u will lose more time... theres many guys out there too so dun worry abt walking away...Originally posted by shirurinu:To cut a long story short, I'm involved with a guy of a different race in a non-commitmental relationship. We are both single (It's what he claims)
We started early June this yr. He claims that his gf has left him in april when he decided to return a job which requires very much of his time. I asked him, what's he looking for? He says he's not ready of commitment. He has his fears, but it's not a one-off thing with me. So it's not a non-commitmental relationship right.
It was ok to me at that point of time, as i also work long hours and i have my own life too. But whats the boundaries of a non-commitmental relationship? Because some of his actions have been making me very confused about non-commitmental relationship. Sometimes he makes me feel like he's a bf, yet sometimes i just feel like a friend. I did ever ask him before, "what am i to u?"
He said that i have a special place in his heart and he did not sms or call his other girl frens as often. But he has his fears too
I shall not elaborate what the actions are as it's going to be novel. But probably you guys can share what do you think of non-commitmental relationship and how it shud be. -
it's hard and painful to be in a non-commitmental relationship. sooner or later, expectations and demands of the relationship seeps in.
if you think you are beginning to want more out of this relationship, let the guy know. his answer will tell you if you should take off or stick around. anyways, don't let it drag on. it is quite a draining experience and you know what? there so much more and beauty to life than let this hang over your head.
good luck and be happy. you owe it to yourself. we all do (to ourselves). -
it means that he is not ready for you
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Somehow I can give a partial agreement to that....?Originally posted by jojobeach:If a person does not know what the heck they want.
Don't fiak around another person's feelings/emotions.
Don't waste their time.
Because if you are not going to be the right guy for her, let someone else be.
A weak mind, is one who knows not what it wants.
It is not ok to string along someone , while you make up your mind.
But the relationship involves 2 parties... Likely 2 'weak minds' if you wanna put it that way.... Still, it's not something impossible to work out... Many strong relationships are not born that way.... They grew along with time....