My wife always threaten divorce wen we quarrel.How 2 handle?
-
Any married guy can help? My wife always threaten divorce whenever we quarrel. Both of us are bad-tempered, and a small tiff can escalate into a big fight. But I love her and separation is never on my mind. It is not the same case with her. She admitted that she didn't mean it as she only said it in the moment of anger to purposely irritate me! But now, the idea of divorce is slowly getting into my head.
In terms of temper, both of us have different momentum. She can explode, even into streaks of violence, but is quick to forgive and forget. I am calm, argue rationally, but difficult to forget fights. Perhaps it's me, but I've noticed that I have not gone on a full week without her finding fault and starting an argument with me.
Latest saga now is: -
I complain mildly that she controls over me too strictly, and asks too many questions.
She denies it.
I quote a few examples and she flares up.
She said if I have reported everything, then she wouldn't need to ask.
I told her if she were more supportive, then I would have shared everything with her.
She threaten divorce after exploding...again.
Feeling I may be too frank, I apologise.
She never calm down.
Now we are still not talking. I can see she's angry 'cause she slam the door and threw stuff violently around.
How? Help?
-
try post quarrel sex ...
no, I'm serious ! .... turn the furry into passion ... grab her and hurry her to bed ... -
If u still want to save ur marriage, dun ever think of divorce, coz u will really do it.
If u have kids, it will be worse. The kids will end up bringing problems to you, school and society.
Since u know ur weak points, i think the only way is to avoid arguments.
I tend to think that there are underlying issues between u and ur wife. U have to think of what these issues are and sort them out.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Any married guy can help? My wife always threaten divorce whenever we quarrel. Both of us are bad-tempered, and a small tiff can escalate into a big fight. But I love her and separation is never on my mind. It is not the same case with her. She admitted that she didn't mean it as she only said it in the moment of anger to purposely irritate me! But now, the idea of divorce is slowly getting into my head.
In terms of temper, both of us have different momentum. She can explode, even into streaks of violence, but is quick to forgive and forget. I am calm, argue rationally, but difficult to forget fights. Perhaps it's me, but I've noticed that I have not gone on a full week without her finding fault and starting an argument with me.
Latest saga now is: -
I complain mildly that she controls over me too strictly, and asks too many questions.
She denies it.
I quote a few examples and she flares up.
She said if I have reported everything, then she wouldn't need to ask.
I told her if she were more supportive, then I would have shared everything with her.
She threaten divorce after exploding...again.
Feeling I may be too frank, I apologise.
She never calm down.
Now we are still not talking. I can see she's angry 'cause she slam the door and threw stuff violently around.
How? Help? -
I am NEVER going to marry.
-
breakdown in front of her.
make her feel guilty instead. -
you have not found your 1 yet.Originally posted by Omniknight:I am NEVER going to marry. -
is your wife chio ?
do you guys hav kids ?
who name the flat is under ?
are you rich ?
are your wife rich ?
who support who ?
does this happen infront of friends/family ? -
Thanks for the advice. We do not have kids, but is trying to have 1. Divorce was never on my mind, but her endless suggestion during our arguments seem to affect me subconsciously.Originally posted by laoda99:If u still want to save ur marriage, dun ever think of divorce, coz u will really do it.
If u have kids, it will be worse. The kids will end up bringing problems to you, school and society.
Since u know ur weak points, i think the only way is to avoid arguments.
I tend to think that there are underlying issues between u and ur wife. U have to think of what these issues are and sort them out.
She has put up this utlimatum. If this cycle she still no baby, then we go our separate ways. I hear liao want to cry. Do all girls do that when they angry? -
let me tell you a secret .... deep down, ALL women like big strong men .... not some wimpy "SNAGs" that'll tear easily .....Originally posted by rathcycle:breakdown in front of her.
make her feel guilty instead.
-
then i think your idea works best...Originally posted by Fatum:let me tell you a secret .... deep down, ALL women like big strong men .... not some wimpy "SNAGs" that'll tear easily .....
have SEX !!! -
I suggest u and wife seek help from a marriage counsellor instead of finding help in a forum. Seriously.
-
yes. so u cannot be angry.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Thanks for the advice. We do not have kids, but is trying to have 1. Divorce was never on my mind, but her endless suggestion during our arguments seem to affect me subconsciously.
She has put up this utlimatum. If this cycle she still no baby, then we go our separate ways. I hear liao want to cry. Do all girls do that when they angry? -
I know. But her pride and ego bigger than mine, she won't go 1. Almost everything I suggest she not supportive 1.Originally posted by selfobliged:I suggest u and wife seek help from a marriage counsellor instead of finding help in a forum. Seriously. -
1) how long were you 2 married?Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Thanks for the advice. We do not have kids, but is trying to have 1. Divorce was never on my mind, but her endless suggestion during our arguments seem to affect me subconsciously.
She has put up this utlimatum. If this cycle she still no baby, then we go our separate ways. I hear liao want to cry. Do all girls do that when they angry?
2) Why is she so worry about you that she needs to check your every movement?
3) She is working as a ? And you are working as a ? -
Giver her time to cool down and talk to her nicely. I know it's hard but try to keep ur anger aside. Slow talk with her. She will melt once you are extra nice to her =)
-
Anyway, not to badmouth my wife, she does have her good points. She is not materialistic, willing to look past my shortcomings and love me, and she is cute.
I also love her, but spousal fights are just so ugly.
Anyway, because of our fight, din take dinner. Going to sleep on a growling stomach. Hope she don't whack me while I'm asleep... -
Yea..nobody is perfect. Sometimes a couple just have to give and take to avoid a catastrophe.
-
Is normal lar just want to know why is she so worried about you?Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Anyway, not to badmouth my wife, she does have her good points. She is not materialistic, willing to look past my shortcomings and love me, and she is cute.
I also love her, but spousal fights are just so ugly.
Anyway, because of our fight, din take dinner. Going to sleep on a growling stomach. Hope she don't whack me while I'm asleep...
Why is she so strict with you? -
wahh, seems like u got a tigeress wife.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Anyway, not to badmouth my wife, she does have her good points. She is not materialistic, willing to look past my shortcomings and love me, and she is cute.
I also love her, but spousal fights are just so ugly.
Anyway, because of our fight, din take dinner. Going to sleep on a growling stomach. Hope she don't whack me while I'm asleep...
u noe sometimes woman needs to be fierce with.
i believe she has her soft spot. im not asking u to get a head on with her but dun have to give in all the time.
but deep down, i believe she said those in a fit of anger la, just want to spite u.
give her a good s.. ?? -
She had bad experience with her ex-bf before she knew me, so got a little insecurity. I already cut all my ties with ALL my female friends, but she still feeling edgy. In my heart, I also put barriers, so I will never get too close to other girls.Originally posted by zeny:Is normal lar just want to know why is she so worried about you?
Why is she so strict with you?
But I got worried everytime my HP got sms. It could be from a long time ago gal friend forwarding sms, but that will be enough to set her off. Though I never do anything, I will probably still kanna one. SIGH. -
hmmm...give her time to gain trust in you. But at the same, make her believe in you. Talk to a counsellor la...alone.
-
How to handle?
Carry out her threat and help her realise her dreams of being a divorcee. -
Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Any married guy can help? My wife always threaten divorce whenever we quarrel. Both of us are bad-tempered, and a small tiff can escalate into a big fight. But I love her and separation is never on my mind. It is not the same case with her. She admitted that she didn't mean it as she only said it in the moment of anger to purposely irritate me! But now, the idea of divorce is slowly getting into my head.
In terms of temper, both of us have different momentum. She can explode, even into streaks of violence, but is quick to forgive and forget. I am calm, argue rationally, but difficult to forget fights. Perhaps it's me, but I've noticed that I have not gone on a full week without her finding fault and starting an argument with me.
Latest saga now is: -
I complain mildly that she controls over me too strictly, and asks too many questions.
She denies it.
I quote a few examples and she flares up.
She said if I have reported everything, then she wouldn't need to ask.
I told her if she were more supportive, then I would have shared everything with her.
She threaten divorce after exploding...again.
Feeling I may be too frank, I apologise.
She never calm down.
Now we are still not talking. I can see she's angry 'cause she slam the door and threw stuff violently around.
How? Help? 
No matter how many 'phrases' you might have skipped to get yourself married, eventually, to maintain a happy-and-somewhat-fulfilling relationship, it still boils down to the very basis and this is something you can't escape if you wish to saunter this marriage till death do you guys apart.
Apart from having short-circuit tempers that savagely gash open wounds in your relationship time and again - in fact, I reckoned that there are quite a number of unresolved 'negative issues' brought into the airspace of your marriage and now you two are suffering the consequence of such causes because it's so blatant that when you put two unevolved soul as marriage partners, the intensity is insane.
The tongue is critical and quick to wound, yet not equipped with the wisdom or maturity to communicate wisely. Trust is greatly amiss, demonstrating the need for command and control as her innate alarm triggers and in response, it overwhelmed her emotions with hallucinatory thoughts and insecurity. Threatening divorce is the first sign of a crumbling marriage - this is the same methodology employed by people who threaten breaking up, suicide or any drastic measure to 'overpower' another party to submission. Over the time, you will gain immunity to such 'threats' and the relationship will probably collapse when you decide you had enough of such nonsense.
It is such a painful way to lead any form of relationship.
Your marriage is clearly in a dire state. I suggest since you two can't handle it among yourselves, it might be beneficial to have engages a mediator/marriage counsellor - that's if she is still willing to work things out with you.
I would like to understand some background:
How old are the both of you? How long have you been dating before marriage? How long have you been married? Were the conflicts this bad before marriage? In your opinion, what's the reason for getting married? What sort of lifestyle you two are leading? What are both your astrological signs? Any crisis took place in BGR previously?
Cheers -
Frequent flareups over the slightest matter is a learned response.
Try to discern a pattern.
My wife and I always quarrel when we are about to go out.
Reason:
1. The humid weather, dressing up is sweaty and uncomfortable. We are easily agitated. Therefore the slightest thing invokes a harse response.
2. There are a few lose ends to tie up before leaving. Like leaving food for the cat, making phone calls, switching off the electric kettle etc., touching up makeup, what to bring, and what not, and she expect me to be automatic, instead of just waiting at the door, fuming. Trouble is I am not telepathic, and cannot read her mind. And therefore I get some rebuke.
3. This is a pattern of behaviour.
Acknowledge it, and bring it out into the open. And watch out for it. I will say, "See, when we are going out, we will always quarrel." Initially this will invoke a sharp rebuttal and another round. But eventually she will see the light and make an effort to curb her temper.
In other occasions, you need to be assertive.
Sometimes she just bully you, because you are bulliable.
You must be sure she is just taunting you before you tell her off in no uncertain terms. Sometimes you must tell her to "SHUTUP" or tell her clearly you don't like such behaviour or such talk.
And if you're in the wrong, even slightly wrong, then you just shut up and take the tongue lashing.
Sometimes a few days of silence, is good. But not too long. And be the one to break the ice.
If things are more serious, like there is personality disorder or mental illness, then please seek professional help. -
Next time she threaten divorce, brandish the papers from thin air and give to her.
Or you could go and say something like "Im sorry for causing XXX xxxx xxxxx you..XXX xxx you're right. xxx xxxxx xxxx Lets divorce instead".