My wife always threaten divorce wen we quarrel.How 2 handle?
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Dude, i can see your problem and it seems very disturbing cuz your wife is not supporting and only thinks of herself all the time.
I didnt read all the replies cuz theres too many. sory for that
FOR wat i knw is that:
a) Your wife feel insecure so she always wan to keep track on u
b) How did u manage to give her love? Take her out , share things with her?
c) Whn she got problems, do u really listen to her? or reading a newspaper while listening? (bad idea)
d) when she feels hurt, do u go n hug her n tell her u love her?
e) HOw many times you tell her you love her?
f) When your away to work and shes alone in the home, do you call her just to check out shes find n letting her knw that your fine somewhere too ?
Well, im not sure but seriously u need professional advise cuz this is your marriage man. Proffesional guys will take each of your prob out n solve together .. They will tell you why your wife is behaving that way.
You'l get better anyway. Dun worry, .. give her more love but not nessasarily always listen to her.. Whenever you both quarrels, dun shout too much.. listen to wat she say , say u love her n so on with some sweets to chill her out. Say something taht u understand how she feel, but of course she need to undersrtand how u feel too.. -
Looks like finally you found where the fault-line is. She was feeling all insecured and needed support. All her drama was to get your attention?Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:She told me she needed more support from me. Anyway, long story short, I believe our problems were due to lack of proper communications. I do not like confrontations, but I am not a bad debater as well. So when I showed how she done wrong and told her not to be like this, she just agreed.
Hmm... looks like you both need to attend Communications 101. -
After our fight last week where a full blown confrontation occurs, I notice a few things: -
1) She rather choose separation/divorce than counselling. I asked her to see psychologist or counsellor, she rejected both.
2) Our communication seems lacking. Whatever she did, she did not tell me what's on her mind. I had to tell her that I not telepathic.
3) She is not as controlled of her feelings as I am. If she gets angry, she will go all out to destroy whatever is in her path, even to the extent of hurting herself. When I argue with her, at the same time, I feel worried for her.
4) She underestimated my capacity for divorce. She said the reason I do not want a divorce is because I scared I lose face and I have not found my fling yet(no backup). She REALLY knows how to make it worse. I told her I can't even handle 1 crazy girl, much less handle 2, and the reason if we divorce need not be I have a mistress, it will ultimately be because I crave for freedom more than anything else.
I told her not to be "so naughty"(couple talk) and take a mental step back and review her own actions. She eventually saw my points and we made up. Yup, being the man of the house, sometimes I have to flare up too. -
sorry, how old did you say the 2 of you are? how long had you known each other before getting married?Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:After our fight last week where a full blown confrontation occurs, I notice a few things: -
1) She rather choose separation/divorce than counselling. I asked her to see psychologist or counsellor, she rejected both.
2) Our communication seems lacking. Whatever she did, she did not tell me what's on her mind. I had to tell her that I not telepathic.
3) She is not as controlled of her feelings as I am. If she gets angry, she will go all out to destroy whatever is in her path, even to the extent of hurting herself. When I argue with her, at the same time, I feel worried for her.
4) She underestimated my capacity for divorce. She said the reason I do not want a divorce is because I scared I lose face and I have not found my fling yet(no backup). She REALLY knows how to make it worse. I told her I can't even handle 1 crazy girl, much less handle 2, and the reason if we divorce need not be I have a mistress, it will ultimately be because I crave for freedom more than anything else.
I told her not to be "so naughty"(couple talk) and take a mental step back and review her own actions. She eventually saw my points and we made up. Yup, being the man of the house, sometimes I have to flare up too.
just to confirm, you mean you didnt know about Pt 3 before this? not at all? -
a) Your wife feel insecure so she always wan to keep track on uOriginally posted by Zarks:Dude, i can see your problem and it seems very disturbing cuz your wife is not supporting and only thinks of herself all the time.
I didnt read all the replies cuz theres too many. sory for that
FOR wat i knw is that:
a) Your wife feel insecure so she always wan to keep track on u
b) How did u manage to give her love? Take her out , share things with her?
c) Whn she got problems, do u really listen to her? or reading a newspaper while listening? (bad idea)
d) when she feels hurt, do u go n hug her n tell her u love her?
e) HOw many times you tell her you love her?
f) When your away to work and shes alone in the home, do you call her just to check out shes find n letting her knw that your fine somewhere too ?
Well, im not sure but seriously u need professional advise cuz this is your marriage man. Proffesional guys will take each of your prob out n solve together .. They will tell you why your wife is behaving that way.
You'l get better anyway. Dun worry, .. give her more love but not nessasarily always listen to her.. Whenever you both quarrels, dun shout too much.. listen to wat she say , say u love her n so on with some sweets to chill her out. Say something taht u understand how she feel, but of course she need to undersrtand how u feel too..
She has tracked me however she wants. What irritates me is that I didn't do anything wrong, yet I am subjected to this kind of scrutiny.
b) How did u manage to give her love? Take her out , share things with her?
Perhaps by seeing past her flaws and endure her tempers? Sometimes I do buy gifts as well.
c) Whn she got problems, do u really listen to her? or reading a newspaper while listening? (bad idea)
Got lah. I even give solutions. She said I just want to end the conversation early. Sometimes her talking becomes nagging, and then it will slowly become noise to me.
d) when she feels hurt, do u go n hug her n tell her u love her?
Got. But sometimes she will push me away.
e) HOw many times you tell her you love her?
A few times a week. Not enough?
f) When your away to work and shes alone in the home, do you call her just to check out shes find n letting her knw that your fine somewhere too ?
She's working and a non-active sms participant. If I sms her, chances are she'll be too busy to reply. -
*double post*
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I know pt3 liao, but it wasn't this bad when we were dating.Originally posted by blu_sky:sorry, how old did you say the 2 of you are? how long had you known each other before getting married?
just to confirm, you mean you didnt know about Pt 3 before this? not at all? -
Originally posted by Sakuraflower:
Divorce was not on my mind to begin with. Like I said, she's like the persistant sales person, always injecting these negative thoughts into my mind. Ok, I may be a bit petty, I admit. And yeah, I do not like quarrels or confrontations of any sort,but she can easily get into unfriendly situations one.
I think that you have to stop thinking of divorce if u want to save the marriage...
Now that she is angry
u as a man, try to pamper her and make her feel loved again...
I know u are irritated by her suggestions...
try telling her in a polite and nice way and dun not expect her to change overnight...
then u as a man, must be more forgiving... dun be too petty!!!
u and her already marry, try produce a baby !!!!
[b]why quarrel??? so unhealthy!!!
jia you!!![/b] -
Well, honestly, sometimes the things she do does make me laugh.Originally posted by dreamykite:I am not Christian, but a free soul.
What I meant by never love a thing that can't love you back.
Your computer, games and handphone can't love you back but it brings you joy. Simply, love someone who can bring you joy. Find someone who can bring laughters to your life.
All of us know you love your wife. Take it easy since you have already make your lifetime decision. -
I try to love without expecting anything back. But it won't work if I try alone, right? Yes, I tried to participate as best as I can in this marriage, but at the same time got tired of hearing the word 'divorce'.Originally posted by derekcsy:You are right... That's agape love - unconditional love, to give love unconditionally, with no strings attached. But do bear in mind that in a relationship there must always be a two-way flow of giving between the two partners. One can give love all the time, but in order for the relationship to work out... a response from the other party is needed!
It something like responding to your partner... Let's take for example, I give you a present - that's the giving part... and you accept it and say thanks - that's the response part...
That response is needed or else the person who is giving will feel appreciated and happy that he is able to give. If there is no response or probably a bad response was given by the other party, what is the use of giving in the first place? In the end, you will be all stressed out because the other party failed to appreciate the 'gifts of love' that you might have given unconditionally all this while...
By the way, the love you have for your handphone, computer, etc. cannot be applied to a relationship... it's way different!
For now, it is peaceful. But the next time we argue again and she use the same threat again, I do not know how long I can tahan. -
Communication is challenging for us lah. Remember last week, I tried asking her to join me in a language test and she rejected? I know she do not want to lose one, so I told her I'm going ahead without her and then she said she coming along. A bit stupid, right? But it works.Originally posted by TheGoodEarth:Looks like finally you found where the fault-line is. She was feeling all insecured and needed support. All her drama was to get your attention?
Hmm... looks like you both need to attend Communications 101.
One form of communication for a couple might not work for another. Have to constantly tweak and tweak. -
I feel sorry for you, this point being one of the definite no-no when choosing a life partner in my opinion. Thats why i really think the process of choosing a life partner is very important. Understanding your partner is so important before the exchange of vows to take care of each other for the rest of the lives.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:I know pt3 liao, but it wasn't this bad when we were dating.
Since you are already married, you are committed to this woman. You will need lotsa patience. I really suggest professional help. I know it is hard. How about trying to cool the situation down first, then make her happy by doing something that she likes. If she loves to travel, bring her for a holiday. If she loves shopping, bring her out for shopping spree. Assure her that you really love her and you really want to make the marriage work. Then suggest counselling.
Remember this, women are very emotional creatures. When they are happy and touched, you will be surprised how much things would be easier for you.
Good luck. -
Hi Blu_sky,Originally posted by blu_sky:I feel sorry for you, this point being one of the definite no-no when choosing a life partner in my opinion. Thats why i really think the process of choosing a life partner is very important. Understanding your partner is so important before the exchange of vows to take care of each other for the rest of the lives.
Since you are already married, you are committed to this woman. You will need lotsa patience. I really suggest professional help. I know it is hard. How about trying to cool the situation down first, then make her happy by doing something that she likes. If she loves to travel, bring her for a holiday. If she loves shopping, bring her out for shopping spree. Assure her that you really love her and you really want to make the marriage work. Then suggest counselling.
Remember this, women are very emotional creatures. When they are happy and touched, you will be surprised how much things would be easier for you.
Good luck.
Thanks for your suggestion. I had already asked her to see a psychologist, but she'll rather choose divorce/separation than counselling. If it were to really end, it'll end badly. And it will probably hurt her more than me 'cause for me, I'll be backpacking overseas the moment it's all over. -
Good Job, dude! "Treat others as to how u want to be treated". Most divorce cases r due to lack of communications. I'm so glad tat u r able to get the words into her ears at the last min. After readin ur posts in here, Im sure ur wife is really in need alot of security & reassurances frm u. Being too give-in to the relationship or too firm on ur ground are not very effective ways. By posting ur need of help in here aready show tat how much u love & care for ur wife. Jus try other ways of showin ur affections to her.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Thanks guys for the advice.
Last Friday, after I received no sms from her, I returned home. Then she pulled a luggage bag to my house to collect all her stuff. It was very bad. She was prepared to end it all. We had a really big fight, but finally got her to sit down and lay out all the cards!!!
I scolded her, but at the same time reasoned with her. Surprisingly, she was able to hear what I said. I manage to pin-point what went wrong with her and also admitted how I might not have paid her enough attention. Me, being more positive and strong, I told her how she was heading the wrong way, being so irrational and wilful all the time.
She calmed down and began to realise that I had made sense. Hey, my wife was not that crazy after all. She told me she needed more support from me. Anyway, long story short, I believe our problems were due to lack of proper communications. I do not like confrontations, but I am not a bad debater as well. So when I showed how she done wrong and told her not to be like this, she just agreed.
I hope this is not some temporary peace. I think I need to work on it more to maintain a healthy relationship. Anyway, thanks again for all the advice.
Keep tryin & nver give up! Remember: Solutions are always more than problems. When u are at ur wit's end, ur brain starts workin out solutions.
All the best!!
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Finally we have reached the end of this drama act.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Thanks guys for the advice.
Last Friday, after I received no sms from her, I returned home. Then she pulled a luggage bag to my house to collect all her stuff. It was very bad. She was prepared to end it all. We had a really big fight, but finally got her to sit down and lay out all the cards!!!
I scolded her, but at the same time reasoned with her. Surprisingly, she was able to hear what I said. I manage to pin-point what went wrong with her and also admitted how I might not have paid her enough attention. Me, being more positive and strong, I told her how she was heading the wrong way, being so irrational and wilful all the time.
She calmed down and began to realise that I had made sense. Hey, my wife was not that crazy after all. She told me she needed more support from me. Anyway, long story short, I believe our problems were due to lack of proper communications. I do not like confrontations, but I am not a bad debater as well. So when I showed how she done wrong and told her not to be like this, she just agreed.
I hope this is not some temporary peace. I think I need to work on it more to maintain a healthy relationship. Anyway, thanks again for all the advice.
Thanks for watching.
The End
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Co-Sponosr by Malaysia Airline. -
I think you make a good husband. You are forgiving and constantly seeking out for a solution. This world isn't ideal but learning of lessons.
It will be such a loss to your wife if she is to loose you.
Your wife should learn to cherish your love.
It takes both to give and take.
Couple talks are indeed unhealthy, remember
say no evil
see no evil
hear no evil
do no evil
It sounds easy, but it is not easy.
I hope it helps. -
angel, not funny lor... u really SHOULD be banned...Originally posted by angel7030:Finally we have reached the end of this drama act.
Thanks for watching.
The End
Produced by Mediacorp
Sponsor by Tiger Beer
Co-Sponosr by Malaysia Airline. -
I think you are implying that she has a problem, my wife also refused when I suggested too.... but those were the days.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Hi Blu_sky,
Thanks for your suggestion. I had already asked her to see a psychologist, but she'll rather choose divorce/separation than counselling. If it were to really end, it'll end badly. And it will probably hurt her more than me 'cause for me, I'll be backpacking overseas the moment it's all over. -
Thanks, dude! After we trashed it out, then realise there were indeed some miscommunication involved. I scolded her, but since I do not want to blame everything on her, I took in some fault as well. Anyway, I am very grateful to all the help that everybody has given me.Originally posted by RedizAlertz:Good Job, dude! "Treat others as to how u want to be treated". Most divorce cases r due to lack of communications. I'm so glad tat u r able to get the words into her ears at the last min. After readin ur posts in here, Im sure ur wife is really in need alot of security & reassurances frm u. Being too give-in to the relationship or too firm on ur ground are not very effective ways. By posting ur need of help in here aready show tat how much u love & care for ur wife. Jus try other ways of showin ur affections to her.
Keep tryin & nver give up! Remember: Solutions are always more than problems. When u are at ur wit's end, ur brain starts workin out solutions.
All the best!!
I really hope some of my positivity will rub off her and help her better. -
Thanks. I think my wife also helped by listening to me. Had she turned a deaf ear to me, everything would be over pretty quick. I hope she will continue to be strong, and not just a temporary thing. Many good years ahead, I hope.Originally posted by dreamykite:I think you make a good husband. You are forgiving and constantly seeking out for a solution. This world isn't ideal but learning of lessons.
It will be such a loss to your wife if she is to loose you.
Your wife should learn to cherish your love.
It takes both to give and take.
Couple talks are indeed unhealthy, remember
say no evil
see no evil
hear no evil
do no evil
It sounds easy, but it is not easy.
I hope it helps. -
i'd say that u do it this time, wait no longerOriginally posted by Frustrated_guy:Divorce was not on my mind to begin with. Like I said, she's like the persistant sales person, always injecting these negative thoughts into my mind. Ok, I may be a bit petty, I admit. And yeah, I do not like quarrels or confrontations of any sort,but she can easily get into unfriendly situations one.
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Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:After our fight last week where a full blown confrontation occurs, I notice a few things: -
1) She rather choose separation/divorce than counselling. I asked her to see psychologist or counsellor, she rejected both.
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Hello guy, well first thing's first.. did you just thought that something wrong with your wife?
And are you sure, she's the one who thought of divorce things? Not you? coz however angry woman, i dont think she will say the divorce stuff.. (Just like me, however i'm angry to my husband, how big we fight, i never ever thought or just think, or even say want to divorce, but i dont knot about guys! LOL) but not if She's really have a strong feeling, that you're cheated on her.
Now, ask your self, "Why she think that you're cheat on her?"
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2) Our communication seems lacking. Whatever she did, she did not tell me what's on her mind. I had to tell her that I not telepathic.
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Here we go, sometimes when woman say she's okay, just let it OKAY, maybe she dont want to talk about it. Dont worry in the moment she can't handle what she think or feel she will share with you the thing that bother her.
But, if you really know her you should know what she think and feel lor.. It's not about telepathic things anyway!
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3) She is not as controlled of her feelings as I am. If she gets angry, she will go all out to destroy whatever is in her path, even to the extent of hurting herself. When I argue with her, at the same time, I feel worried for her.
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If you know that you're not controlling your self... then control your self guy, come on, you're a guy you should be and ACT like a MAN.
Try to learn how to be a good husband in HOLY MARRIAGE by JESUS.
I'm not saying for just you, for your wife too.
Hurting herSelf? How?
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4) She underestimated my capacity for divorce. She said the reason I do not want a divorce is (because I scared I lose face and I have not found my fling yet(no backup)). She REALLY knows how to make it worse. I told her I can't even handle 1 crazy girl, much less handle 2, and the reason if we divorce need not be I have a mistress, it will ultimately be because I crave for freedom more than anything else.
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Haha... so you think your wife is crazy guy? GUYS!
let me ask you.. So if you dont have a face, and you had a fling or BACKUP GIRL? you will divorce her? This is totally wrong guy! You've gone too far.. ~bai duo~ if you really love her, you should try your best and do whatever you can to let her stay be with you..
Now im confuse leh.. You are the one who tot' of divorce or your wife?
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I told her not to be "so naughty"(couple talk) and take a mental step back and review her own actions. She eventually saw my points and we made up. Yup, being the man of the house, sometimes I have to flare up too. -
Hello juz4you,
I wonder if you know the situation here.
If you quickly scroll down all the pages of the thread, you'd get an idea, what the TS is going through, and what he is trying to do.
You are way off the mark. -
Originally posted by juz4you:
I think you do not know what is happening at all.
1) Hello guy, well first thing's first.. did you just thought that something wrong with your wife?
And are you sure, she's the one who thought of divorce things? Not you? coz however angry woman, i dont think she will say the divorce stuff.. (Just like me, however i'm angry to my husband, how big we fight, i never ever thought or just think, or even say want to divorce, but i dont knot about guys! LOL) but not if She's really have a strong feeling, that you're cheated on her.
Now, ask your self, "Why she think that you're cheat on her?"
2) Here we go, sometimes when woman say she's okay, just let it OKAY, maybe she dont want to talk about it. Dont worry in the moment she can't handle what she think or feel she will share with you the thing that bother her.
But, if you really know her you should know what she think and feel lor.. It's not about telepathic things anyway!
3) If you know that you're not controlling your self... then control your self guy, come on, you're a guy you should be and ACT like a MAN.
Try to learn how to be a good husband in HOLY MARRIAGE by JESUS.
I'm not saying for just you, for your wife too.
Hurting herSelf? How?
4) Haha... so you think your wife is crazy guy? GUYS!
let me ask you.. So if you dont have a face, and you had a fling or BACKUP GIRL? you will divorce her? This is totally wrong guy! You've gone too far.. ~bai duo~ if you really love her, you should try your best and do whatever you can to let her stay be with you..
Now im confuse leh.. You are the one who tot' of divorce or your wife?
1) Prior to my 1st post, my wife already threatened many times, and she did it whenever she's angry. She tracks my movement. And no, I do not believe in flings or mistress whatsoever. Lastly, good for you if you do not theaten divorce, your husband will not get frustrated like I am and post it here.
2) When things bother my wife, it will bother me. Even when she says itz OK, obviously any guy will know it's not. If she does not share, then I will get more worried. Because it can easily lead to depression, it would be better if I help share the burden.
3) I am trying to learn how to be a good husband. If I were to ACT LIKE A MAN like you suggested, I would act with all my pride and ego and end this marriage. What you are suggesting is totally harmful. Don't you know that long periods of depression might lead to suicide? So, even if I argue with her, I would worry if she do something irrational.
4) Read carefully. It's her who accused me of all this. I did not think of all this. -
Now, that's wat i call the communication breakdown betwn a man & a woman. Sighz...
Please make an effort to read all posts, honey. For the sake of all.