My wife always threaten divorce wen we quarrel.How 2 handle?
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Its like saying "I'm gonna kill that guy!"Originally posted by jojobeach:Good to know things are back to normal , for now.
If it wasn't her intention to mention divorce over and over again.
Then what is her real intention ? One can't help but wonder.
...
when some thing is messed up.
It an expression of frustration.
That's why listening is different from hearing.
Listen. -
walao this thing still not yet settle ar ? walo walao.. sory la i dun have time to read all..
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sadly, its so trueOriginally posted by jojobeach:Good to know things are back to normal , for now.
If it wasn't her intention to mention divorce over and over again.
Then what is her real intention ? One can't help but wonder.
As a future father. It is best you consider what kind of mother you will be getting for your child.
True, you cannot simply send your child back for a refund.
That is why you must be careful if both of you decide to create one.
True, you cannot abandon your child if he/she frustrates you.
But do not compare a child and a adult.
Children are never rational creatures, they are free spirits.
They do not manipulate another human being like an adult does.
So you see, there are reason why you should accept a child's behavior, and why you shouldn't accept unreasonable/destructive behaviour from a adult as old as yourself.
Now, is your wife a child ?
Today, she uses divorces against you, few years down the road, she will use the child against you. What will you do then ?
Will you be putting your child up to live a life of turmoil or disharmony ?
A broken family or a family of anger and in-fighting ?
Today, you can put up with your wife's unreasonable behavior, can your child take it as well ?
Children are fragile little things, their emotional well being is not as hardened as the adults.
Your love may pull through... but for how long ?
Love is irrational. Right now it is only between the two of you.
When a child comes along, it will mean an innocent party gets involved.
Think twice. As a father, you must do what is best for your kid.
Not only must you provide for your child, you must also ensure the mother is emotionally stable and mentally sound to properly care for your child and teach him/her the right values.
You can choose your wife, your child cannot choose his/her mother.
From what you have posted so far, I highly doubt the marriage will survive pregnancy and child rearing.
Unless, you decide never to have kids with this woman, then yes, love will suffice.
it is so sad when you see families break up & a child is in the midst of the chaos......
a r/s cannot continue when there is constant emotional blackmailing....think again
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No one is asking TS to give birth immediately, is there? Why bring in children at this point? Most of us are just saying, give the marriage a chance. Give both party a chance to work out the marriage and not kill the marriage immediately upon discovering certain character flaws. When the relationship is back on track, more stabilised, then think about children.Originally posted by jojobeach:Good to know things are back to normal , for now.
If it wasn't her intention to mention divorce over and over again.
Then what is her real intention ? One can't help but wonder.
As a future father. It is best you consider what kind of mother you will be getting for your child.
True, you cannot simply send your child back for a refund.
That is why you must be careful if both of you decide to create one.
True, you cannot abandon your child if he/she frustrates you.
But do not compare a child and a adult.
Children are never rational creatures, they are free spirits.
They do not manipulate another human being like an adult does.
So you see, there are reason why you should accept a child's behavior, and why you shouldn't accept unreasonable/destructive behaviour from a adult as old as yourself.
Now, is your wife a child ?
Today, she uses divorces against you, few years down the road, she will use the child against you. What will you do then ?
Will you be putting your child up to live a life of turmoil or disharmony ?
A broken family or a family of anger and in-fighting ?
Today, you can put up with your wife's unreasonable behavior, can your child take it as well ?
Children are fragile little things, their emotional well being is not as hardened as the adults.
Your love may pull through... but for how long ?
Love is irrational. Right now it is only between the two of you.
When a child comes along, it will mean an innocent party gets involved.
Think twice. As a father, you must do what is best for your kid.
Not only must you provide for your child, you must also ensure the mother is emotionally stable and mentally sound to properly care for your child and teach him/her the right values.
You can choose your wife, your child cannot choose his/her mother.
From what you have posted so far, I highly doubt the marriage will survive pregnancy and child rearing.
Unless, you decide never to have kids with this woman, then yes, love will suffice.
Why suicide the marriage so impatiently? Havent there been love? Isnt marriage about going through thin and thickness, wealth and woes? Isnt marriage a lifetime commitment? Why giving up before even trying? -
You don't think it's a good idea to think far ?Originally posted by blu_sky:No one is asking TS to give birth immediately, is there? Why bring in children at this point? Most of us are just saying, give the marriage a chance. Give both party a chance to work out the marriage and not kill the marriage immediately upon discovering certain character flaws. When the relationship is back on track, more stabilised, then think about children.
Why suicide the marriage so impatiently? Havent there been love? Isnt marriage about going through thin and thickness, wealth and woes? Isnt marriage a lifetime commitment? Why giving up before even trying?
Don't you think it's a little too late by the time TS is ready to have kids ? -
It is good to plan far. well, that should even come before the marriage. Know a person well, then marry the person.Originally posted by jojobeach:You don't think it's a good idea to think far ?
Don't you think it's a little too late by the time TS is ready to have kids ?
They are married now. So what they should do is to try to work out the marriage, and not abandoning the marriage at the first instant of red flag!
You know why divorce rate is on the high? It is because of people like you. People who dont know what love, commitment and vows are. -
No hun, it is because divorce is no longer a shameful thing, unlike the past where our grandparents live.Originally posted by blu_sky:It is good to plan far. well, that should even come before the marriage. Know a person well, then marry the person.
They are married now. So what they should do is to try to work out the marriage, and not abandoning the marriage at the first instant of red flag!
You know why divorce rate is on the high? It is because of people like you. People who dont know what love, commitment and vows are.
Sad to say, you only really get to know the person after you lived with him/her over period of time.
Did you not read the threads in it's entirety ?
The wife is destructive.
She uses emotional blackmail, this is call emotional abuse.
She cannot control her anger.
She exercise no self restrain during arguments, and does not hesitate to hurt TS's feelings.
She is manipulative and aggressive.
She refuses to seek help.
An abusive person usually inflicts abuse on his/her victims, after which they apologise and promise not to do it again, that in their heart, they still love the victim. Over and over again.
The victims falls into the same acceptance trap, hoping the abuser will finally change for the better. Every time.. over and over again.
A vicious cycle........
An abuser will not end the cycle, only the abused can. -
Yes i read the thread through and through.Originally posted by jojobeach:No hun, it is because divorce is no longer a shameful thing, unlike the past where our grandparents live.
Did you not read the threads in it's entirety ?
The wife is destructive.
She uses emotional blackmail, this is call emotional abuse.
She cannot control her anger.
She exercise no self restrain during arguments, and does not hesitate to hurt TS's feelings.
She is manipulative and aggressive.
She refuses to seek help.
An abusive person usually inflicts abuse on his/her victims, after which they apologise and promise not to do it again, that in their heart, they still love the victim. Over and over again.
The victims falls into the same acceptance trap, hoping the abuser will finally change for the better. Every time.. over and over again.
A vicious cycle........
An abuser will not end the cycle, only the abused can.
But did you read that TS has finally JUST realised what is wrong with the marriage?
Did you read that TS has finally JUST been able to communicate effectively with his wife?
Did you read that his wife has shown some improvement and efforts now by living a peaceful one week, and by showing affections of love to rekindle the marriage?
Now tell me, why does she, or the marriage not deserve another go? another chance to work things out?
P/s: And i really hope you dont give me that 'leopards dont change their spots' crap because that is not applicable in this scenario cos TS and wife JUST realised what is their problem and i believe it is human to err and everyone deserves a second chance. -
I think you are gravely mistaken. we are not advocating divorce not because it is a shameful thing. Rather, we believe in keep the vow that we would/had made, and loving the person (whom we had loved enough to make that vow) for the rest of our lives.Originally posted by jojobeach:No hun, it is because divorce is no longer a shameful thing, unlike the past where our grandparents live.
We believe that marriage is sacred.
Honestly, i feel so sorry for you, that you sound so jaded. I hope you are not as jaded in real life as you are online. -
I like to believe that people can change. But if TRUTH could speak, it will take either a long time or a miracle. In investment, it is said that past performance is not a guarantee of future performance. Twist this a little bit: past comments will come back to huant you.
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Originally posted by blu_sky:
An idealist arn't ya ?
Yes i read the thread through and through.
But did you read that TS has finally [b]JUST realised what is wrong with the marriage?
Did you read that TS has finally JUST been able to communicate effectively with his wife?
Did you read that his wife has shown some improvement and efforts now by living a peaceful one week, and by showing affections of love to rekindle the marriage?
Now tell me, why does she, or the marriage not deserve another go? another chance to work things out?
P/s: And i really hope you dont give me that 'leopards dont change their spots' crap because that is not applicable in this scenario cos TS and wife JUST realised what is their problem and i believe it is human to err and everyone deserves a second chance.[/b]
Hun, you really need to get out there and see what the real world is about. -
Be assured, i have been out there, and i am still out there.Originally posted by jojobeach:An idealist arn't ya ?
Hun, you really need to get out there and see what the real world is about.
Someone famous (millionaire) once asked another famous (multi-millionaire):
millionaire: How do you get so rich?
multi-millionaire: ah! it is who you mix with.
you are so jaded and keep meeting wrong people because your world is so muddy.
i mixed with the right people, my friends are happily married. Yes, they do have marital problems but they try to work it out. Some couples have been married 12 years, some 6 years and etc, they are still working on their marriages. There is no perfect couple, who are completely compatible. To have a long lasting happy marriage, you need to work hard on it.
If you are looking for the perfect marriage where there is no differences among the couple, first instance of red flag and you are going to abandon your partner, i feel sorry for your partner (or maybe partners) too. my advice to you is, dont get married. i really dunno how many marriages you will have to go through to realise that there is no perfect couple or happy marriage without hard work. -
I may not agree with a lot of Jojo's posting but this time she hit the nail on the head.
Yes, marriage is never a bed of roses. There are the thorns and the weeds to take into consideration and to work it out BUT if the marriage is an abusive one especially on one partner and when the partner refuse to go for counselling then the other party has to really consider if the marriage is worth working as it is here only one party is really working on the relationship and not two as expected.
TS marriage is only a year old and the wife is already exhibiting this kind of unacceptable behavior. How long do you think TS can last? How many times can he take this kind of abuse?Two years, 5 years? One of this day he might hit the point of no return and throw in the towel and then the situation might be worse than now as they probably might have kids already. Now who will suffer more here?
Take it from a man who has 18 happy blissful years of marriage under his belt with a fantabulous wife. We have our ups and downs but never even once did either of us mention that word 'divorce' when we have our disagreements or quarrels. Frankly that word is a taboo. -
you are married for 18 years, how many children do you have?Originally posted by FocusPoint:I may not agree with a lot of Jojo's posting but this time she hit the nail on the head.
Yes, marriage is never a bed of roses. There are the thorns and the weeds to take into consideration and to work it out BUT if the marriage is an abusive one especially on one partner and when the partner refuse to go for counselling then the other party has to really consider if the marriage is worth working as it is here only one party is really working on the relationship and not two as expected.
TS marriage is only a year old and the wife is already exhibiting this kind of unacceptable behavior. How long do you think TS can last? How many times can he take this kind of abuse?Two years, 5 years? One of this day he might hit the point of no return and throw in the towel and then the situation might be worse than now as they probably might have kids already. Now who will suffer more here?
Take it from a man who has 18 years of happy blissful years of marriage under his belt with a fantabulous wife. We have our ups and downs but never even once did either of us mention that word 'divorce' when we have our disagreements or quarrels. Frankly that word is a taboo.
how old were you when your wife gave birth to them, and how old was she then? -
You sound very interrogativeleh. We are talking about TS not me and I preer not to talk about myself as it will spiral out of control. Giving a short account is fine but into lengthy details.Originally posted by blu_sky:you are married for 18 years, how many children do you have?
how old were you when your wife gave birth to them, and how old was she then?
Anyway 2 boys only
and we married when we were in our twenties to answer your question 
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Interogative? oh pardon me. you sure sound like one of the forumites with afew clones, each with a different perosna, always appearing at the right moment. hence the qn. this forumite happen to be very active lately with the clonesOriginally posted by FocusPoint:You sound very interrogativeleh. We are talking about TS not me and I preer not to talk about myself as it will spiral out of control. Giving a short account is fine but into lengthy details.
Anyway 2 boys only and we married when we were in our twenties to answer your question
ah... then you must be in late 40s. you sure sound young
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Why are some people so paranoid one ahOriginally posted by blu_sky:Interogative? oh pardon me. you sure sound like one of the forumites with afew clones, each with a different perosna, always appearing at the right moment. hence the qn. this forumite happen to be very active lately with the clones
ah... then you must be in late 40s. you sure sound young Does it really matter if I am a clone or not. I don't think that is your concern. The concern here is TS's situation and you are not addressing his yet you wanted to know about me. Strange youngsters 
There we go again. If you aren't going to address TS situation the next reply you post I will not reply so as not to derail TS thread. -
Oh, forgot to mention, you and jojo actually register on the same date, during the devil saga. how coincidental.Originally posted by FocusPoint:Why are some people so paranoid one ah Does it really matter if I am a clone or not. I don't think that is your concern. The concern here is TS's situation and you are not addressing his yet you wanted to know about me. Strange youngsters
There we go again. If you aren't going to address TS situation the next reply you post I will not reply so as not to derail TS thread.
I must be paranoid.... perhaps... -
indeed you are overly suspicious, which makes me wonder why you get so agitated and offended about jojo and focuspoints' posts.Originally posted by blu_sky:Oh, forgot to mention, you and jojo actually register on the same date, during the devil saga. how coincidental.
I must be paranoid.... perhaps... -
Offended? haha, joking you must be. why should i be? i am not TS. i just feel that it is so wrong for one to insist on another person getting a divorce, when that person has decided to give his marriage another shot. who is she to advise, and claim that she knows TS' wife better than he does? when she doesnt even know TS' wife in real life.Originally posted by xiaoxui:indeed you are overly suspicious, which makes me wonder why you get so agitated and offended about jojo and focuspoints' posts.
Anyway, another newbie, im sure i know jojo and a few more clones more than you do -
Eh dudes.
Cool it, okay?
This has gone a bit far too off-track.
TS has settled his case temporarily.
If you wish to continue your debate please do open another thread.
Time for Mod to close this thread? -
Cool. Good idea, no one can then give undue pressure to TS to divorce once the thread is closed.Originally posted by teraexa:Eh dudes.
Cool it, okay?
This has gone a bit far too off-track.
TS has settled his case temporarily.
If you wish to continue your debate please do open another thread.
Time for Mod to close this thread? -
Just out of curiosity.
Who is blu_sky.
Why is blu_sky so convinced that in real life/online, he/she knows the clones, the people and the devil's sage so vividly?
And on TS's issues, is blu_sky able to account for who he/she is. How long he/she has been married, has what experiences with what age group of people and what kinda legal knowledge he/she has regards to TS's situation?
And if not....who is blu_sky to demand about other's experiences or their marriage experiences?
And registered clones on devil's saga? And devil dont have clones?
Who is blu_sky to pinpoint who he/she thinks is clones, when he/she is totally clueless as to where he/she actually stands in matter of real life experiences? -
As I said, settle your issues somewhere else.Originally posted by viciouskitty74:Just out of curiosity.
Who is blu_sky.
Why is blu_sky so convinced that in real life/online, he/she knows the clones, the people and the devil's sage so vividly?
And on TS's issues, is blu_sky able to account for who he/she is. How long he/she has been married, has what experiences with what age group of people and what kinda legal knowledge he/she has regards to TS's situation?
And if not....who is blu_sky to demand about other's experiences or their marriage experiences?
And registered clones on devil's saga? And devil dont have clones?
Who is blu_sky to pinpoint who he/she thinks is clones, when he/she is totally clueless as to where he/she actually stands in matter of real life experiences?
TS has already settled his case temporarily. No point for outsiders like us to continue having our own squabbles/debates here.
This thread has served its function and ceased to have a reason to exist. -
Divorce is usually brandied about by the females, thinking they deserve to say it and demand it as they think they are on higher more abled grounds.
Truth to be told.
Any divorce, in any case, usually hurts the females the most. Cos legall, though the wife can demand this and that....what they are going to lose is actually their dignity.
Eventually, a divorced female will be taken advantaged of by the general male population at large.
Not many females realised it. Cos too many people has overtly glamourised divorce proceedings to a female's advantage. Especially so by loser males who didnt know how to look at different perspective of any situation.
Divorce is easy to say. Easy to get. But never easy to live with after it.
But in TS's case, its not about Divorce. Its about the attitude of the couple that makes this discussion about Divorce being a dirty word.