help me win her back.
-
honestly my fren.. when a gal let a guy put their hand on shoulder... it surely means something.. i dont know bout Sgporeans.. but Malaysians are like that... its really rare to see just a fren to let ppl put on the gals shoulder
This is only my thinking... during your r/s with her, she already know this guy and been comfortable with him.. so... after u broke up, well, u know what already happened... theres no way she can easily forget all the love with you and happily moved on with the new guy...
U just stop being the nice guy already, my fren. Your future goal is not her.. its your career.. stop thinking bout her or asking ppl how well she is..
Game is over man.. Can you restart? No, this is not a life game..
God's telling you to move on. SHes not the right person for your future man.. if you insist, perhaps more problems will occur if you never see what God's trying to show you.
I bet they wont last long.. Just my feeling.
Stop being nice guy wishing her happiness all day.. thats so bullshyt man... why are you being so timid ? You're still not strong enough to endure this pain...sigh.. -
You are just feeling confused with your own feelings and what you should do now, to move on or stay put. Ultimately time and reality will release your agony and what will happen in the future, we don't know.
Don't be embittered by what had happened.
I believe everythings happen for a reason. -
This is so similar to what I went through b4 when I was younger~
Wonderful gentle and loving gf turned into a "monster" with hatred in the eyes which I've never seen b4. Its almost scary how a girl whom you were so much in love with, vice versa, can suddenly (within a few days) turn into a total stranger, no, worse than that. The hatred in her eyes is like as if you are her enemy.
You can't understand why she suddenly turned so hostile. You feel that you are innocently and sincerely caring for her each time you try to contact her via sms or fone call. But each time when you get a reply or response, its a very negative one. She sounds so frustrated and irritated most of the time if not all the time.
You beg, you try, try again and again, keep thinking that you will make it right if you were given a chance. You dun wanna give up becoz deep down, you know you really love her a lot. So much so that you can die for her. You are so worried that at the time when she's so vulnerable, some guy will just come along and inflict harm on her. You feel that you are the REAL TRUE ONE, that you will be the one who can love her most unconditionally, that you will wait for her no matter what happens. You wanna be her guardian angel so that when she falls and hurt herself, you can be there to cushion her fall.
You keep thinking that she doesn't really know what she's doing, that you had much more happy than unhappy times together. You try all ways and means to find out how she's doing out of genuine concern. You get disheartened and at times frustrated at the fact that she can't seem to understand that you mean no harm and genuinely wanna change for the better and be the perfect guy.
You become super paranoid, keep thinking if there's another guy. You see another guy sending her home but keep trying to convince yourself its just a friend. (For that moment, maybe its just a friend, but why the hell will a guy which you don't even know existed suddenly pop out of nowhere and send her home?) You try to tell yourself its a coincidence that happened. (But why the hell is it so coincidental? The guy send her home one time and you happened to be there? The guy too free? If its a good friend, you would have known him.)
You keep hanging on, with whatever little energy you have left. The going gets tougher with each passing day with you not knowing what is happening on her part. You don't wanna let go, keep insisting to know the "true" reasons why she is reacting that way before you will really let go. You convince yourself that all you want is to know that she is happy.
Eventually after a few months, you realize whatever you do or feel will not change the situation. While your whole life is totally disrupted, she may just be living a great life without you, hanging around happily with her friends, and slowly, as much as you don't want to, you just have to let go. Well, that's what happened to me. After 1 year, we got back together by chance and now? we are separated again. This time, forever, coz she's already married with a kid after our 2nd separation.
Of coz I miss out a lot of details in between.
So, whats my point?
I feel that if she still love you very much , meaning any chance of getting back together in the short term, she will not give a time frame (definitely not 6 months). When she said wait 6 months, most probably she is just trying to delay time coz she may genuinely be unsure of her feelings (Be it whether there's another guy or not). But the fact that she is not worried bout losing you forever by giving the time frame shows what? That she do not really love you that much at the moment, think that you are indispensable like how you think about her.
If there is a love scale.
Perhaps your love for her is at 10/10 while she is at like 2-3/10.
The 2-3 being the attachment she feels for you for the time you were together. Deep down, perhaps she knows that you do love her.
And this 2-3/10 is definitely not strong enough for her to want to be with you right again.
So what can you do?
Seriously, only you can find your own answer. I think that you can try any way you can think of. There is really no one way to win back a girls's heart. If it will work, it will not take too long, if it won't, you will just be like a PEST or PARASITE, refusing to let go. The more you do, the more irritating you are. You will just have to judge yourself through her reaction or non-reaction. I know its not easy living through this period of hell (sometimes you even think of suicide and you don't really care for your own well-being. )but eventually you will be fine. Of coz each case is different, but now I choose to believe:
Ai shi ziyou de feixiang
Xin shi liaokuo de haiyang~
And cliche as it may be,
time really heals everything.
Nobody will die becoz they can't be with another person and love is really a choice and there's no such thing as THE RIGHT ONE.
With that,
I wish you well~
and do try to take care of yourself~ -
Thanks - that is exactly how I felt initially.Originally posted by GTO:This is so similar to what I went through b4 when I was younger~
Wonderful gentle and loving gf turned into a "monster" with hatred in the eyes which I've never seen b4. Its almost scary how a girl whom you were so much in love with, vice versa, can suddenly (within a few days) turn into a total stranger, no, worse than that. The hatred in her eyes is like as if you are her enemy.
You can't understand why she suddenly turned so hostile. You feel that you are innocently and sincerely caring for her each time you try to contact her via sms or fone call. But each time when you get a reply or response, its a very negative one. She sounds so frustrated and irritated most of the time if not all the time.
You beg, you try, try again and again, keep thinking that you will make it right if you were given a chance. You dun wanna give up becoz deep down, you know you really love her a lot. So much so that you can die for her. You are so worried that at the time when she's so vulnerable, some guy will just come along and inflict harm on her. You feel that you are the REAL TRUE ONE, that you will be the one who can love her most unconditionally, that you will wait for her no matter what happens. You wanna be her guardian angel so that when she falls and hurt herself, you can be there to cushion her fall.
You keep thinking that she doesn't really know what she's doing, that you had much more happy than unhappy times together. You try all ways and means to find out how she's doing out of genuine concern. You get disheartened and at times frustrated at the fact that she can't seem to understand that you mean no harm and genuinely wanna change for the better and be the perfect guy.
You become super paranoid, keep thinking if there's another guy. You see another guy sending her home but keep trying to convince yourself its just a friend. (For that moment, maybe its just a friend, but why the hell will a guy which you don't even know existed suddenly pop out of nowhere and send her home?) You try to tell yourself its a coincidence that happened. (But why the hell is it so coincidental? The guy send her home one time and you happened to be there? The guy too free? If its a good friend, you would have known him.)
You keep hanging on, with whatever little energy you have left. The going gets tougher with each passing day with you not knowing what is happening on her part. You don't wanna let go, keep insisting to know the "true" reasons why she is reacting that way before you will really let go. You convince yourself that all you want is to know that she is happy.
Eventually after a few months, you realize whatever you do or feel will not change the situation. While your whole life is totally disrupted, she may just be living a great life without you, hanging around happily with her friends, and slowly, as much as you don't want to, you just have to let go. Well, that's what happened to me. After 1 year, we got back together by chance and now? we are separated again. This time, forever, coz she's already married with a kid after our 2nd separation.
Of coz I miss out a lot of details in between.
So, whats my point?
I feel that if she still love you very much , meaning any chance of getting back together in the short term, she will not give a time frame (definitely not 6 months). When she said wait 6 months, most probably she is just trying to delay time coz she may genuinely be unsure of her feelings (Be it whether there's another guy or not). But the fact that she is not worried bout losing you forever by giving the time frame shows what? That she do not really love you that much at the moment, think that you are indispensable like how you think about her.
If there is a love scale.
Perhaps your love for her is at 10/10 while she is at like 2-3/10.
The 2-3 being the attachment she feels for you for the time you were together. Deep down, perhaps she knows that you do love her.
And this 2-3/10 is definitely not strong enough for her to want to be with you right again.
So what can you do?
Seriously, only you can find your own answer. I think that you can try any way you can think of. There is really no one way to win back a girls's heart. If it will work, it will not take too long, if it won't, you will just be like a PEST or PARASITE, refusing to let go. The more you do, the more irritating you are. You will just have to judge yourself through her reaction or non-reaction. I know its not easy living through this period of hell (sometimes you even think of suicide and you don't really care for your own well-being. )but eventually you will be fine. Of coz each case is different, but now I choose to believe:
Ai shi ziyou de feixiang
Xin shi liaokuo de haiyang~
And cliche as it may be,
time really heals everything.
Nobody will die becoz they can't be with another person and love is really a choice and there's no such thing as THE RIGHT ONE.
With that,
I wish you well~
and do try to take care of yourself~
But I let go much much much faster - I have already let go. I feel sad because of our time together, but I am definitely over her in that I no longer harbour any more feelings for her - I do not want her back no matter what happens. As I said, I spoke with alot of people, and I did alot of reflection - it is not my fault, and in fact, might be hers (whatever, whether it really is doesn't matter anymore), but more importantly, she has abused and lost my trust for good; we can never go back to the way we were. Also, she has changed - in the few times I have seen/spoken to her since, I have only confirmed what I have been hearing from sources close to her - that she has changed.
Anyway .. that's just a gross simplification of everything .. for a multitude and complexity of reasons, I have let go. Completely. Still very sad because of all the memories, but yea. -
WAKE UP UR STUPID IDEA. Just because she's gone dosen't mean you go into siao bwg mode ya?? Is is because u hve offended her that she wana break? What ever it is you have got to do what u think is best for yourself and every one else.
. Any ways, find yourself a healthy distraction. Like, sports, reading, hanging out with ur good friends. Doing meaningful stuff instead of having idoitic thoughts about her and quit smoking. She isnt the only 'perfect' girl. -
Yeah true. When your mind is unsettled, you tend to aggravate the problem as you can't see the problem clearly.Originally posted by angel7030:Well, sister, that is exactly the point. You need to rehabilate, build strength and rethink your objectives in love. TS, as smart as he is, is been struck by love, jealousy, betray, self blaming and still await the miracle that she will come back to his arm. He cannot concentrate with all these hallucination.
He needs to think out of the box, look from a third party perspective and see how these drama is going to end. He is simply challenging against himself, the seeing of his ex in the arm of another man is not something he can swallow easily, he dun have a western culture kind of love. It both good and bad, good being sincere, bad being he will be unable to break free.
Therefore, he need to have clean state of mind to approach this love issue.
I believe he is a matured man, much more than a gal like me, he should be able to patience and make decisive decision himself, but with a unsettle mind, he will create more problem instead of reducing it.
TS, sometime, when i am with a guy and saw my ex, i also act like very lovely to the guy just to show my frustration to my ex. That does not mean i love that guy, it just that immaturity and anguish overtake me. So hope you get the idea rite. -
good, so now just let time do its work...gd luckOriginally posted by sgx088:Thanks - that is exactly how I felt initially.
But I let go much much much faster - I have already let go. I feel sad because of our time together, but I am definitely over her in that I no longer harbour any more feelings for her - I do not want her back no matter what happens. As I said, I spoke with alot of people, and I did alot of reflection - it is not my fault, and in fact, might be hers (whatever, whether it really is doesn't matter anymore), but more importantly, she has abused and lost my trust for good; we can never go back to the way we were. Also, she has changed - in the few times I have seen/spoken to her since, I have only confirmed what I have been hearing from sources close to her - that she has changed.
Anyway .. that's just a gross simplification of everything .. for a multitude and complexity of reasons, I have let go. Completely. Still very sad because of all the memories, but yea.
-
It's been another week; during this week, I spoke with her. She sounded alot calmer, and coherent - but it was weird .. 4 years you call someone "Dear" "Baby" then suddenly you revert back to a first name basis.
I know I said I let go, and I told everyone so, but when I spoke with her, all these feelings came coming back .. and I said, "I want to woo you back". She sounded like she would give me a chance but she still said give her 6 months. More importantly, she told me that guy confessed to her; I have not heard good things about him, and that's from her good friends who know him longer than she does. She told that guy she's not ready.
Frankly, I don't know how everything weighs out, or where I stand ... all I know is I'm damn confused right now; liek there's a huge burden inside my me and on my heart.
Her sister said she's been out late everyday. and that she's really close with that guy.
Taking all these into consideration ... I don't know what to say, or where I stand - I really don't know what to do. Inside, I still have all these memories and impressions of her ... like ... I wake up, and I miss her. But then, I remember all these things that I have heard and I ... I ............ I don't know ... All I know is, I'm still in love with the girl she was, but then ... I mean .... I ...... these things they .... I'm not even sure if it erodes away those feelings.
I know I'm damn stupid. 2 girls strongly expressed interest in me; 1 of them her friend, but .... I blew them off ... I ... know that if something happened between me and another girl, nothing can ever happen between me and her again. Which is why ... I'm not sure ... if she does have feelings for that guy, I ....... don't know ........ I mean .... I think that nothing can ever happen between us again .... she used to be like my angel - help me quit smoking, given me so much drive in my career ... like, I work hard because I want to propose with a huge diamond ring ... I even thought about how I would propose ....
I asked her sister and friends if she has any feelings for him; but whenever she was asked, she just said she's not ready for another relationship .... I know she's not the kind to play games, ... but if there's even some feelings for him inside ... I know I cannot be that same guy for her ... she would have just become another girl to me ... but ... I don't know !@_)($*%_)@*%_)!*%_)*%)%))@%_)@*%!_)@*%_)!%_)%%)_@*%_)!@*%_)!@*%_)!*@%@_)*#_)!@(#_)!*@%!@)_*%@ ... all I want to know is whether she has feelings for him ... if she has even the slightest ... the girl inside me will really die ... we will never be able to be together again ... I cannot live with the fact there's another guy that she has feelings for, not to even mention that I'm no. 2.
I know I'm pathetic ... damn dumb ... whatever shit life throws at me I've been able to come out fine ... school, work, other relationships ... I really don't know ... I'm just typing .... I need to let this out .... my best friend knows and he's been a great support for me ... but when he's not around ... this burden, really ... heart feels so heavy. -
I think u are confused with your feelings and is worrying about what will happen in the future- Whether is there a her and does she love you still? And you are at this crossroad whether to move away or stay on to save this relationship that you once hold so dear.
Your confusion with your feeling and the situation has probably clouded your mind. In addition, you are still healing from the pain. You are not in the right state of mind to woo her back and either does she thinks she is ready to accept any relationship. And come on', you need TIME to really let go of a long-standing relationship. You can't possibility let go in a few months ago. I know the pain is unbearable, you probably want this pain to go away quick.
So i suggest you leave her alone for the time begin and see how it goes after the six months. Whether if you still feel the same for her and whether she want this relationship back, the answer can only revealed after this six months. No point dwelling in this : " the possibility to patch back, whether it will be the same again, whether you will love her still etc, whether she still love you." The truth is that nothing will stay the same but we do hope that everything will turn up fine in the end.
I know you might have miss her from time to time as both of you have been together for so long. Of course when a wound itches, you feel the tempt to scratch but sometime, it is better not to scratch. Will make things worse.
Change is good. Be good to yourself. Don't fight the flow of changes in yourself and her for the time being. Let nature takes its course. I could say you gotta let the healing takes place before new things can happen. Move on from holding on, i'm sure you will be a better man to her or a better friend.
Re-edited :To add on...
Non-attachment comes from attachment. It cannot be separated because it has never been separated. We have to undergo the entire pain, suffering, attachment; we have to cry, fight and feel helpless to understand non-attachment. Because non-attachment does not stand alone, it has its root from attachment. If a person talks about non-attachment without talking about attachment, then it is just blind talks. Without these pains, suffering, feeling of being lost and so on, 'non-attachment' cannot arise because it is a single whole.
In short, you have to undergo these pain to ultimately let go. It takes time.
Be good to yourself meanwhile : ) -
its ok man,, we all are only humans... but really, u should forget bout her already... for now just go out wit the gals whos interested in you.. just be fren with them. and stop seeing your ex already..Originally posted by sgx088:It's been another week; during this week, I spoke with her. She sounded alot calmer, and coherent - but it was weird .. 4 years you call someone "Dear" "Baby" then suddenly you revert back to a first name basis.
I know I said I let go, and I told everyone so, but when I spoke with her, all these feelings came coming back .. and I said, "I want to woo you back". She sounded like she would give me a chance but she still said give her 6 months. More importantly, she told me that guy confessed to her; I have not heard good things about him, and that's from her good friends who know him longer than she does. She told that guy she's not ready.
Frankly, I don't know how everything weighs out, or where I stand ... all I know is I'm damn confused right now; liek there's a huge burden inside my me and on my heart.
Her sister said she's been out late everyday. and that she's really close with that guy.
Taking all these into consideration ... I don't know what to say, or where I stand - I really don't know what to do. Inside, I still have all these memories and impressions of her ... like ... I wake up, and I miss her. But then, I remember all these things that I have heard and I ... I ............ I don't know ... All I know is, I'm still in love with the girl she was, but then ... I mean .... I ...... these things they .... I'm not even sure if it erodes away those feelings.
I know I'm damn stupid. 2 girls strongly expressed interest in me; 1 of them her friend, but .... I blew them off ... I ... know that if something happened between me and another girl, nothing can ever happen between me and her again. Which is why ... I'm not sure ... if she does have feelings for that guy, I ....... don't know ........ I mean .... I think that nothing can ever happen between us again .... she used to be like my angel - help me quit smoking, given me so much drive in my career ... like, I work hard because I want to propose with a huge diamond ring ... I even thought about how I would propose ....
I asked her sister and friends if she has any feelings for him; but whenever she was asked, she just said she's not ready for another relationship .... I know she's not the kind to play games, ... but if there's even some feelings for him inside ... I know I cannot be that same guy for her ... she would have just become another girl to me ... but ... I don't know !@_)($*%_)@*%_)!*%_)*%)%))@%_)@*%!_)@*%_)!%_)%%)_@*%_)!@*%_)!@*%_)!*@%@_)*#_)!@(#_)!*@%!@)_*%@ ... all I want to know is whether she has feelings for him ... if she has even the slightest ... the girl inside me will really die ... we will never be able to be together again ... I cannot live with the fact there's another guy that she has feelings for, not to even mention that I'm no. 2.
I know I'm pathetic ... damn dumb ... whatever shit life throws at me I've been able to come out fine ... school, work, other relationships ... I really don't know ... I'm just typing .... I need to let this out .... my best friend knows and he's been a great support for me ... but when he's not around ... this burden, really ... heart feels so heavy.
yea you're right.. i met the gal that i like but i failed to steal her heart.. yea.. when i saw her, the feelings was back..but i constantly told myself that its just my previous memory,, now its the future and i cant dream or stick to my previous memory.. or i cant move forward.. try the same like what i did,, it helps alot..
for your ex.. really... just let her be alone.. and for you, just dont talk bout her, or ask how is she doin or any bullshyt.. just go on without even talking or thinking bout her.. u will feel better..
Dont you worry too much,, shes already adult, she sure know how to take care and seems shes close with her sis.. she will be alrite,, really man, if you dont move forward. u will stuck like this forever.. -
man, u should improve your skill on how to let go of something that you cant achieve..
-
We finally spoke, talked about everything, and clarified/settled all our feelings; I now have closure. It's over, and I won't be chasing her back.
My memory of this relationship will always be a very happy one.
Now to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. -
easier said than done ler.. just move on,, theres no need to be in prison anymore.. u're torturing yourselfOriginally posted by sgx088:We finally spoke, talked about everything, and clarified/settled all our feelings; I now have closure. It's over, and I won't be chasing her back.
My memory of this relationship will always be a very happy one.
Now to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. -
U'll find the right one...stay happyOriginally posted by sgx088:We finally spoke, talked about everything, and clarified/settled all our feelings; I now have closure. It's over, and I won't be chasing her back.
My memory of this relationship will always be a very happy one.
Now to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. -
good, look on the bright side of lifeOriginally posted by sgx088:We finally spoke, talked about everything, and clarified/settled all our feelings; I now have closure. It's over, and I won't be chasing her back.
My memory of this relationship will always be a very happy one.
Now to pick up the pieces of my life and move on.
-
From ur start of ur thread til now, it hasnt even been a mth. & yet u hav swayed a couple of times between wantin her back & not wantin her back.
Made up ur mind, sgx088. Only then u wll know what u have to do.
Generally, a woman will tolerate her man for as long as she can, she might get upset in a few occassion, but if she is willing to patch up, tat means she forgives her man, it doesnt mean she'll forget.
A woman will nver forget what her man has done for/to her.
By forgivin & not forgettin, her emotional burden gets heavier & eventually, snapped.
When a woman snapped, it means forever.
Im sorry to say, given ur present situation, gettin back again is not possible.
Unless u are another person.
Instead of askin for her forgiveness, present her the "new you" & woo her all over again. No guarantee that it ll work 100% tho'.
Stop holdin onto the past. U have spoiled it - for both of u. Move on & change for the better. -
For the past weeks, she wouldn't speak or see me. So sudden, so unexpected, and being isolated completely - naturally, my mind and heart swayed between two bases, that is, chasing her back and letting go. In order to move on, I had to declare to myself, and for myself, that I would let go - but how can I truly let go until I have closure - and how can I have closure until I finally speak with her?Originally posted by RedizAlertz:From ur start of ur thread til now, it hasnt even been a mth. & yet u hav swayed a couple of times between wantin her back & not wantin her back.
Made up ur mind, sgx088. Only then u wll know what u have to do.
Generally, a woman will tolerate her man for as long as she can, she might get upset in a few occassion, but if she is willing to patch up, tat means she forgives her man, it doesnt mean she'll forget.
A woman will nver forget what her man has done for/to her.
By forgivin & not forgettin, her emotional burden gets heavier & eventually, snapped.
When a woman snapped, it means forever.
Im sorry to say, given ur present situation, gettin back again is not possible.
Unless u are another person.
Instead of askin for her forgiveness, present her the "new you" & woo her all over again. No guarantee that it ll work 100% tho'.
Stop holdin onto the past. U have spoiled it - for both of u. Move on & change for the better.
It was not until 2 days ago that we finally talked. I now have closure, and am picking up the pieces of my life. Hurts alot, and I still think about all those times we had, but no longer do I live with that burden of wondering what she's doing and whether I should (and when I felt like I should, how to) chase her back.
I don't think anyone can ever completely understand why I feel the way I do - the nature and depth of our relationship (akin to being married), and how suddenly it ended.
In any case, it's over. We talked. I have closure. I have let go. Chasing her back is not on my to-do list, but as a mature (I think) adult, I'm not going to say something redundant like "I will never be with her again" - the future is unpredictable; all I know is, I won't chase her back, and I'm going to enjoy life as it comes - whatever that will happen, will happen.
When I started this thread, I was isolated and lost. Now that we have talked, isolated and lost I am no more, just sad - but time will heal that.
This thread can be closed.
Much thanks to everyone who gave me support, advice and a listening ear. -
Don't waste your time.Originally posted by sgx088:For the past weeks, she wouldn't speak or see me. So sudden, so unexpected, and being isolated completely - naturally, my mind and heart swayed between two bases, that is, chasing her back and letting go. In order to move on, I had to declare to myself, and for myself, that I would let go - but how can I truly let go until I have closure - and how can I have closure until I finally speak with her?
It was not until 2 days ago that we finally talked. I now have closure, and am picking up the pieces of my life. Hurts alot, and I still think about all those times we had, but no longer do I live with that burden of wondering what she's doing and whether I should (and when I felt like I should, how to) chase her back.
I don't think anyone can ever completely understand why I feel the way I do - the nature and depth of our relationship (akin to being married), and how suddenly it ended.
In any case, it's over. We talked. I have closure. I have let go. Chasing her back is not on my to-do list, but as a mature (I think) adult, I'm not going to say something redundant like "I will never be with her again" - the future is unpredictable; all I know is, I won't chase her back, and I'm going to enjoy life as it comes - whatever that will happen, will happen.
When I started this thread, I was isolated and lost. Now that we have talked, isolated and lost I am no more, just sad - but time will heal that.
This thread can be closed.
Much thanks to everyone who gave me support, advice and a listening ear.
She will never come back. If you can understand this, you will be able to move on. And do not ever be too weak to girls. A girl who leaves you is not meant for you. She definitely knows what she is doing.
You, your life is more important than any other person in the world except maybe your parents.
doko