Will you accept your gf who had abortion before?
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Alright.. I just know this girl not long ago over the net. She's not local. As times goes by, we find ourselves love each other alot. She used webcam chat with me so I get to see how her reaction are and knew she is not faking anything. We even communicate through long distance call and she is the one who made the call. She has been planning to come to SG to visit me and I'm very happy about it. I can really feel that she really love me very much and so am I for her. By the way, we both are matured. She is 23 and I'm 21.
Thing goes well until she decided to tell me a news. I know that she had a bf before and had intimacy relationship with him. I can understand that and dont mind her past. However, she told me that she made a very big mistake before and really regretted. That is the abortion. She told me that the guy want to have baby but dont bear the responsibility. He cheated on her and she is really really sad about it. With the encouragment from her family members, she decided to make a painful decision of abortion. As she told me all these stuff, she had been crying really hard. Though her parents told her that it's better not to tell the guy she like about this cos it's a sensetives issue. She decided to tell me the truth and wont want to hurt me in future when I found out anything. I agree that she took alot of courage and I really appreciated her telling me. She was already mentally-prepared before she decided to tell me this.
I really feel sorry for her... she had gone through alot of hardship. She study and work at the same time to support herself though. She was really happy about coming to Singapore to meet me as she had some of her saving left. I was seriously very touched. But.. this are different things... what made me really sad was until now, she and her ex had been contacting each other!! OMG.. how can someone still contacting with the one who hurt and harm you so much?? This is the fact I cant accept. I knew cos we were having webcam and her ex call.. telling her not to believe relationship through the net and told her not to come SG as she will get cheated again!! (Seriously, I duno what to say) Her reply to him was not really harsh and thanking him with sarcasm. She explained to me that she thank him for breaking up with her as she now found someone she really loved. (Oh man.. that was just great..) She added that she never forgive him... but i cant accept this anymore.... that is just sad... really sad...
She told me that she know how I feel now and she might not the one for me. She's still keen about coming to SG and wanted me to treat her as normal friend instead. Seriously I duno what to do... Suddenly my heart ache alot. i told her that we need more time to think and she told me not to force myself. There's no happiness in relationship in forcing. I agreed. However, she message me that she still loved me very much..
I know some of you might think that "Aiyah, if you turly love her, you can dont mind her everything." , "The power of love can make you forget one's past", "Everyone make mistake, why cant you just forgive her?" etc... I guess you wont be saying this to yourself when this thing happen to you. Imagine your current gf having an abortion before and still contacting the guy that made her pregnant though when she talk to him with sacrasm. Well.. of course there's some guys out there which is really nice and open-hearted. These are some of the good guys.. too bad I think I'm not. I know I'm immatured at this so it's really hard for me to accept.
So can any kind souls out there to give me some advices? I'm really confused now... -
Yours is one sided love.
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U dont love her enough to accept who she is lor...
tat is the indication in the love gauge liao... -
What you mean? I do love her and she do love me too... just that some fact I cant acceptOriginally posted by Darkness_hacker99:Yours is one sided love. -
if u say u cant accept liaw then dun accept lo.Originally posted by aicuole:What you mean? I do love her and she do love me too... just that some fact I cant accept -
There's things I can accept and things that are not... Like I said before, I dont mind she had any intimacy relationship before.. Cos it's not the girl's fault... This is at least I can accept... at least it's on my limitOriginally posted by ispyyy:U dont love her enough to accept who she is lor...
tat is the indication in the love gauge liao... -
which country is she from?
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If this is a game, She wins..
Cuz u too blind to see the reality
Love thru net is not really love.. thats just the feeling of comfortable talking with some1...
Just forget this one.. Its not gonna work,, the gal seems to see reality than you , she knows you and her cant be together.. and i bet she's still confused with wat is love and what is just infatuation or just simply too comfortable talking to and and blindly think that this is love..
FOrget this one.. just be friends... Its not gonna work in reality unless she moved in SG which i think is impossible.
By the way, she still contacting her ex?? That was stupid. A guy who made her pregnant and aborted still talking with her ? Wth man..,
Conclusion, Forget it ,and find gal in SG.. -
aiyah, jus be with her if u reali like her.
she is good enuff to tell u that she had a abortion b4 liao. -
" You will not understand a person until you understand their lies"
Are you gonna believe watever she said ? lol...YOu both just net pal.. how far can you really believe her? -
This is a typical gender discrimination question. It is we as gal that alway end up being the outcast one. Men can hv all the sex they wanted and enjoyed lavishly, beside contracting HIV, they got nothing to worry about, yet innocent young gals like us hv to worry about pregnancy and also HIV and also bf left us with a baby. Please lah, guys hv some responsibility.
So, can i say ask you in reverse, Will you accept a bf who had many sexual intercourse with other gal before? -
If you can accept her past, love her for who she is in the present, then you both have a future.
There can be no other way to have a healthy, happy relationship. If u can't accept the abortion part because of your male ego, don't lead her on. -
then, it is yr love gauge small lor...Originally posted by aicuole:There's things I can accept and things that are not... Like I said before, I dont mind she had any intimacy relationship before.. Cos it's not the girl's fault... This is at least I can accept... at least it's on my limit
I can understand how u feel now...
But somehow, when u grow older, u will realise that the things tat u cant accept is actually very common...
And as u expose yrself more to society and open up yr social circle, yr vision and mind will be more open...
if u really cant accept it, then dont force yrself... at least, remain as friends... Coz, the more u force yrself, the more resistance u will grow to tat concept... -
I doubt this is a game... It's already beyond the game when she's now trying to make visa to come to SG. She's not some rich princess that toy with other people's feeling. She still had her school fees to worry about and she using her saving to come to SG in next few months to see me. She's not very far away, maybe about 7-8 hrs flight. And she intend to stay for 8days... that's far beyond the game to me. If I would, she might really move to SG after completing her study. From what I see now, I think I'm not worth for her loved with my thinking like this...Originally posted by Zarks:If this is a game, She wins..
Cuz u too blind to see the reality
Love thru net is not really love.. thats just the feeling of comfortable talking with some1...
Just forget this one.. Its not gonna work,, the gal seems to see reality than you , she knows you and her cant be together.. and i bet she's still confused with wat is love and what is just infatuation or just simply too comfortable talking to and and blindly think that this is love..
FOrget this one.. just be friends... Its not gonna work in reality unless she moved in SG which i think is impossible.
By the way, she still contacting her ex?? That was stupid. A guy who made her pregnant and aborted still talking with her ? Wth man..,
Conclusion, Forget it ,and find gal in SG..
And yeah... this is the thing I dont understand... WTH the guy know she had been seeing me and even try to stop her from coming when he hurt her initially... That's sad... -
You say you are both matured. She's 23, you're 21.
Yet she's still in contact with her ex, who has made her go for an abortion. Which is perfectly normal if you ask me. Many people are unable to let go of the past.
Then you tell us that you can accept her having an abortion, but cannot accept the both of them still together as friends?
Then now you don't want her to come over anymore, or if she does, as friends?
What are you thinking about in your mind?
1st off the topic doesn't reflect the paramount important problem of your story.
You're actually going to meet someone who's flying over to see you for the first time in real life (web-cam not counted). The feelings can be really different as compared to through the net.
Secondly, she's not even your girlfriend yet. For God's sake, you have not even seen her! Why are you thinking so much about them still being in contact?
Perhaps you should set your priorities right.
Do you love her, do you want her as a friend, or are you just sorry for her? -
I'm still confused. Yeah someone is right about me growing older and expose more and eventually I'll understand. But.. shall I ask her not to come? That's really bad even though as a friend. One thing for sure that the feeling will not be the same when she come.. at least I think so..Originally posted by spinsugar:If you can accept her past, love her for who she is in the present, then you both have a future. There can be no other way to have a healthy, happy relationship. If u can't accept the abortion part because of your male ego, don't lead her on. -
friends only wat...Originally posted by aicuole:I'm still confused. Yeah someone is right about me growing older and expose more and eventually I'll understand. But.. shall I ask her not to come? That's really bad even though as a friend. One thing for sure that the feeling will not be the same when she come.. at least I think so..
Not asking u to marry her...
let nature flow.. dont worry...
Steady one...
Just bring her around.. and blah blah -
im jus advising you to becareful of ppl u nver meet be4.. again i asked , how far u really believe watever she said is true..talks can be sweet.. but things will change when you get to know the real person instead of webcam and sweet talks in phone..
You may believe her but When she comes to SG, just observe if shes really the real on..
Lets say, if she really love you and you too, then perhaps she might really come to SG and to live with you.. and you need to be responsible for where she stay and so on.. are u ready for that ?
Dont forget .. Love is not based on mutual feeling.. its also based on how u wan to live together with the person you love...
Again, just becareful.. in reality anything is possible and things can happened very unexpectedly.. Hope you really think deep and realise this love thru net and phone may not really the love that you really know.. -
if she want to come, let her come, but i hope u dont give her the impression that you wan to live together with her.. just simply tell her as a friend visit.. giving false hope to that gal will make u the same as that guy too if not carefully handled..Originally posted by aicuole:I'm still confused. Yeah someone is right about me growing older and expose more and eventually I'll understand. But.. shall I ask her not to come? That's really bad even though as a friend. One thing for sure that the feeling will not be the same when she come.. at least I think so.. -
OK I dont deny I'm childish.. maybe at least to me, I wont even contact someone who had hurt and harm me so much.. Think about how ones have to pay for the abortion fees herself and to deal with emotion alone? You maybe one of the nice guy I mention eariler who can forgive and forget.Originally posted by _Aaron_:You say you are both matured. She's 23, you're 21.
Yet she's still in contact with her ex, who has made her go for an abortion. Which is perfectly normal if you ask me. Many people are unable to let go of the past.
Then you tell us that you can accept her having an abortion, but cannot accept the both of them still together as friends?
Then now you don't want her to come over anymore, or if she does, as friends?
What are you thinking about in your mind?
1st off the topic doesn't reflect the paramount important problem of your story.
You're actually going to meet someone who's flying over to see you for the first time in real life (web-cam not counted). The feelings can be really different as compared to through the net.
Secondly, she's not even your girlfriend yet. For God's sake, you have not even seen her! Why are you thinking so much about them still being in contact?
Perhaps you should set your priorities right.
Do you love her, do you want her as a friend, or are you just sorry for her?
Yeah maybe you're right... why am I putting myself so much into the situation when I'm not officially declare that I'm her bf cos we didnt meet up before (webcam not counted.) At least to me, I wont take the initial step to even fly over to meet someone just as friend when I'm still coped up with my study and working till very late to earn the expenses for my school fees, rental, food etc...
At first, I sees her as friend.. then through the conversation, I found someone who can understand me and my feeling begin to grow for her.. I must admit that she's having a tough life there and I really wanted her to live with comfortable life. I may have nothing now but for her, I would work very hard. This is not love at first sight... as least I think not through webcam or photo. It's about the communication when we actually talks for hrs in long distance call.
Some people unable to let go of their past? why? wanted to get hurt from the same guy twice? -
aicuole,
She don't need to come to SG and throw away all her savings to someone who is still unsure of his own feelings.
YOU, being the MAN. Should go over instead.
Spend 8 days with her.
Get to know her family/friends.
Spend some quality time with her.
YOU decide what you want after you have visited her at her home country.
Abortion is a very painful process. Nobody willingly goes through it, or have it just for fun. It can be very very heart wrenching for the woman.
I believe it is out of no choice this hard decision has to be made.
You need to let go of her past, give her some credit for being truthful to you.
If you are concerned about her ex, TELL HER you don't want this man to be in contact with her any longer. Be a man, speak your mind.
Don't mess around with another person's life just because you are narrow minded about people's past.
Remember, you also has a past, nobody is perfect. -
this girl is just enjoying life and living life to the fullest. She just wants to try out the various things in Singapore and is treating you as a tour guide. She will dump you after her 8 days stay. I am pretty sure of this. Dont ask me why? its just my gut feeling.
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TS not ready to commit
Girl is keen to commit
therefore, issue! -
Seems possible..or mayb notOriginally posted by HyuugaNeji:this girl is just enjoying life and living life to the fullest. She just wants to try out the various things in Singapore and is treating you as a tour guide. She will dump you after her 8 days stay. I am pretty sure of this. Dont ask me why? its just my gut feeling. -
I guess you're right... like I said, I'm really grateful for her telling me. With my thinking this way, we will get more hurt later on if we progress further. I dont know.. everything have limit.. I know I'm not perfect... what can be let go, can be let go... At first, before she told me she got the abortion, her ex call her and told her stuff to forget about me. At that time, I can understand that she might not able to forget about him and yeah I dont want to mess her life causing her to lost some people in her life as in her friends maybe. However... I would never thought that she went through a hardship of abortion because of him! Abortion is an issue which I think it's wrong for me.. or guys to discriminate girls because of that...Originally posted by jojobeach:aicuole,
She don't need to come to SG and throw away all her savings to someone who is still unsure of his own feelings.
YOU, being the MAN. Should go over instead.
Spend 8 days with her.
Get to know her family/friends.
Spend some quality time with her.
YOU decide what you want after you have visited her at her home country.
Abortion is a very painful process. Nobody willingly goes through it, or have it just for fun. It can be very very heart wrenching for the woman.
I believe it is out of no choice this hard decision has to be made.
You need to let go of her past, give her some credit for being truthful to you.
If you are concerned about her ex, TELL HER you don't want this man to be in contact with her any longer. Be a man, speak your mind.
Don't mess around with another person's life just because you are narrow minded about people's past.
Remember, you also has a past, nobody is perfect.
For example, if the girl got raped.. it's not what they wanted. I can udnerstand. However... to contact with someone who did something bad to you.. that's just unbearable.. I love her... but tell me... how do I love her this way?