I guess a majority of people have to travel for their work, so I guess it
will be fine if I post something out of my chest here. I am not trying to whine
or sulk, but just need advice and share some experiences with others.

My job requires me to fly around at least once a month, sometimes for few
days, while others are weeks.

My GF and I have been together for 3 years now, but somehow, every time
I come back from overseas, she starts nonsense and become attention seeking. She is just so unhappy on my trips overseas to support, that it now has become a burden and mental issue for me.

Cos while overseas, on top of work pressure, I have to face multiple crossroads which will put my relationship with my GF will come to an end. These are tempting and attractive, but I always overcome the mental and physical desire, because I know someone in Sg is waiting for me.

I feel so messy and not stable.... Esp when she starts to give me
nonsense and try to get attention from me through ridiculous actions.
I used to be able to bear with it, but now, I am weary and start to feel
feeble with her actions. I no longer want to pacify not tolerate her actions
anymore, yet I don't want to hurt her..... I tried telling her to be sensible,
but it just makes matters worst, she cries.......

Any kind soul can teach me what to do? Or, what should I do?

if u're serious
promise to change job
make plans to get married
i guess she is just feeling insecure
and ladies really need a lot of attention

Hi.

Changing job is not possible, as this job broadens my horizen on the world.
Imagine going to a factory where there are 30k people working in it, something
Singapore can never show me.

I have shown her my finances on house and future, including investing in stocks
and bonds and cpf so that we can be easy with the house later. I do finance
planning for house and marriage, plus this year I invested some money for the
future baby.

I showed her the hdb area where the development would be.
I made the promise of marriage, but I do feel like backing out and reconsider,
as I had a nightmare once that she threw the baby out of the flat cos I was overseas.

Or, perhaps, someone teach me how to make her think a little more mature?

What she is doing is not unusual.
It is not even bizzare.
You know why she is acting up.
You are thinking problem, and thats the problem.
You should be thinking solution, because you know the why.

Think problem and you have problems.
Think solutions and, hey, you'll get...
solutions.

Call her every night when overseas.
Send her flowers when overseas.
Buy her presents from overseas.
Take her along when going overseas.
Write letters, tons of it, when overseas.
Fix webcam and see each other every day when overseas.

Think: I Have A Solution!

Bear in mind you have someone who misses you.

Originally posted by shrekho:

I guess a majority of people have to travel for their work, so I guess it
will be fine if I post something out of my chest here. I am not trying to whine
or sulk, but just need advice and share some experiences with others.

My job requires me to fly around at least once a month, sometimes for few
days, while others are weeks.

My GF and I have been together for 3 years now, but somehow, every time
I come back from overseas, she starts nonsense and become attention seeking. She is just so unhappy on my trips overseas to support, that it now has become a burden and mental issue for me.

Cos while overseas, on top of work pressure, I have to face multiple crossroads which will put my relationship with my GF will come to an end. These are tempting and attractive, but I always overcome the mental and physical desire, because I know someone in Sg is waiting for me.

I feel so messy and not stable.... Esp when she starts to give me
nonsense and try to get attention from me through ridiculous actions.
I used to be able to bear with it, but now, I am weary and start to feel
feeble with her actions. I no longer want to pacify not tolerate her actions
anymore, yet I don't want to hurt her..... I tried telling her to be sensible,
but it just makes matters worst, she cries.......

Any kind soul can teach me what to do? Or, what should I do?

This sounds every bit another case of insecurity at work. First and foremost, how old are the two of you?

If you're talking about two mature (at least, you should be by age) adults, you'd be better off pulling the plug if you figured you can't live with her "nonsense" because it isn't going to get any easier in the future.

There is actually another thread (which I have given my views on) with relationship woes stemming from insecurity that bears an uncanny semblance to yours.

Was your job responsibilities the same when you met her 3 years ago? It is obvious that she cant take your work routine so would you be doing the same thing after marriage,you do want to marry her someday right? You might have to decide between your work and the woman you love but for the time being take Mancha’s good advice and see if things do get better for the both of you

Originally posted by mancha:

What she is doing is not unusual.
It is not even bizzare.
You know why she is acting up.
You are thinking problem, and thats the problem.
You should be thinking solution, because you know the why.

Think problem and you have problems.
Think solutions and, hey, you'll get...
solutions.

Call her every night when overseas.
Send her flowers when overseas.
Buy her presents from overseas.
Take her along when going overseas.
Write letters, tons of it, when overseas.
Fix webcam and see each other every day when overseas.

Think: I Have A Solution!

Bear in mind you have someone who misses you.

That's very insightful, and positive thinking.

Call her every night when overseas.
- Not possible as she will also give me nonsense on the phone, and I would
feel miserable after the call.

Send her flowers when overseas.
-Done that once, and she is not exactly thrilled or anything.

Buy her presents from overseas.
- I always do that.

Take her along when going overseas.
-A big not possible! No such arrangements from company.

Write letters, tons of it, when overseas.
-Never done this before, but perhaps I can start with email.

Fix webcam and see each other every day when overseas.
-Yes, tried and same as first one. At random, she will start something and I
would feel miserable after webby conference.

As an engineer,perhaps by default, I do think about solutions. That's why
I am always sent overseas.
Somehow, solutions for human behavior is out of my handling ability.

Originally posted by walesa:

This sounds every bit another case of insecurity at work. First and foremost, how old are the two of you?

If you're talking about two mature (at least, you should be by age) adults, you'd be better off pulling the plug if you figured you can't live with her "nonsense" because it isn't going to get any easier in the future.

There is actually another thread (which I have given my views on) with relationship woes stemming from insecurity that bears an uncanny semblance to yours.

I read that thread and pity that guy, and know what he is going through.
I was doing an UNISIM degree in electronics last year, and it was damn tough
trying to juggle life, work,study and a relationship concurrently.

My age? I am 26 and she is 21 this year.

Originally posted by Short Ninja:

Was your job responsibilities the same when you met her 3 years ago? It is obvious that she cant take your work routine so would you be doing the same thing after marriage,you do want to marry her someday right? You might have to decide between your work and the woman you love but for the time being take Mancha's good advice and see if things do get better for the both of you

Job responsibilities have doubled, but ymy salary and bonus stay the same.

This is where I am worried,m about job security. No one can guarantee me a
job in this company, let's say, 3 years from now.

Also, I am like kinda tired of the childish behavior she do to get my attention.
Am I just tired, or am I just the same, would like some limelight and attention
for a change? I guess I can only find out myself.

I travel always. I had the same problem. But in the end i cannot allow my girl if she is not understanding enough to stop me from advancing in my career. If she cannot see where i am going for not just my future and her future , then i will just let her off.

U have to let her understand , and seeing that u have all thee things financially and all planned out , she if mature enough will understand and should be happy that u made these arrangements. Fair enough she may feel insecurity but u have yet to do anything to make her distrust u right ?

If she is stopping u from achieving ur greatness in terms of work and future security then i am sorry , i think u should let her go. she can find someone that will always be with her n pamper to her behaviour.

either she accepts it or not. After marriage life there will be 2 kinds of girls. 1 will be those that will understand and help u advance in ur career and solve ur problems and understand you , and another that will hold u back.. tie u down and chain u to the big metal ball.

decision is yours.

Originally posted by shrekho:

I guess a majority of people have to travel for their work, so I guess it
will be fine if I post something out of my chest here. I am not trying to whine
or sulk, but just need advice and share some experiences with others.

My job requires me to fly around at least once a month, sometimes for few
days, while others are weeks.

My GF and I have been together for 3 years now, but somehow, every time
I come back from overseas, she starts nonsense and become attention seeking. She is just so unhappy on my trips overseas to support, that it now has become a burden and mental issue for me.

Cos while overseas, on top of work pressure, I have to face multiple crossroads which will put my relationship with my GF will come to an end. These are tempting and attractive, but I always overcome the mental and physical desire, because I know someone in Sg is waiting for me.

I feel so messy and not stable.... Esp when she starts to give me
nonsense and try to get attention from me through ridiculous actions.
I used to be able to bear with it, but now, I am weary and start to feel
feeble with her actions. I no longer want to pacify not tolerate her actions
anymore, yet I don't want to hurt her..... I tried telling her to be sensible,
but it just makes matters worst, she cries.......

Any kind soul can teach me what to do? Or, what should I do?

Same to me and bf, so I taught him Globalisation, it works, but the sad point is that he changed jobs and also travelled alots, sometime we even hv to date in another country during transit.

As a gf, she must understand your jobs, bring her along at times if possible, tell her that to be successful, you need a understanding gf who u really wish to be yr future wife, and when you are successful, you get promoted to higher position, by that time, you only delegate others to go, by then u will alway be with her and kids, if there is.

For every successful man, there must be an understanding and supportive lady behind him. In future, if you grew and be successful, remember to cherish and treasure her support and understand ya. Dun neglect her and go for other younger gal ok. Angel wouldn't forgive you if u go for other gal.

In this case,u have to choose between yr gf and job... As simple as that. No matter how much u do while on overseas like sms her, send her e-mail. Nothing beats physically beside her.

I say some personal opinion, She is still very young, 21yrs old. If she cannot take it. She might jump ship.
Another version is, she might be just ranting and u just have to bear with her behaviour. Let her unhappiness flush out. Be a bit more understanding for her since the loneliness is torturing her .Too bad, u have to be the punching bag. If u really cannot take it, then u need to consider carefully.

kick her off… find a new one.. I undersatnd if the pain but in long run both of you are going to suffer beyond a stage where you can imagine… so make up your mind now…

Well when you are overseas do you guys keep in contact via email or sms or msn?

Communication is important too while you are overseas
I think she is feeling insecure

Both my husband and I have to travel for our jobs and the duration is like yours, but we still make time for each other by agreeing on a time to log on the internet to catch up via msn. With msn you can video conference too so you really feel better seeing each other.

Originally posted by shrekho:

I guess a majority of people have to travel for their work, so I guess it
will be fine if I post something out of my chest here. I am not trying to whine
or sulk, but just need advice and share some experiences with others.

My job requires me to fly around at least once a month, sometimes for few
days, while others are weeks.

My GF and I have been together for 3 years now, but somehow, every time
I come back from overseas, she starts nonsense and become attention seeking. She is just so unhappy on my trips overseas to support, that it now has become a burden and mental issue for me.

Cos while overseas, on top of work pressure, I have to face multiple crossroads which will put my relationship with my GF will come to an end. These are tempting and attractive, but I always overcome the mental and physical desire, because I know someone in Sg is waiting for me.

I feel so messy and not stable.... Esp when she starts to give me
nonsense and try to get attention from me through ridiculous actions.
I used to be able to bear with it, but now, I am weary and start to feel
feeble with her actions. I no longer want to pacify not tolerate her actions
anymore, yet I don't want to hurt her..... I tried telling her to be sensible,
but it just makes matters worst, she cries.......

Any kind soul can teach me what to do? Or, what should I do?

There are several issues to discern here, but the essence of my post can be summarised into one sentence:

Love is not about looking at each other; but looking together at one collective direction.

When a couple shares a parallel view of their individual definition of love, chances are, you will find conflicts with regards to choice, perception and view of life & relationship because in a parallel line, the lines will never meet at point X.

This is not an issue of what you want her to know because that depends largely on the sort of wisdom she has. To employ dialogue and communication to alter her fundamental belief about love is as challenging as changing one's personality.

To understand your plight, we have to review the basic - our needs.

21 years old girl and a 26 years old guy: surely the age difference would suggest proportionate widening of expectation, due to segmenting of separate phases in our life. You can't expect a woman of her age to perceive love and relationship the way you do?

The theory of love needs are often logical to self, but illogical to others. Woman will never understand man's fascination about blowjob and boobs. And the problem is that they don't need to - they only need to know that it exist. Similarly, you don't need to understand why she is giving you trash because you will probably not know anyway - you just have to know the this is the woman you accepted as girlfriend three years back... this is your choice. (CloUdiSm first law of Love)

Originally posted by shrekho:

I have shown her my finances on house and future, including investing in stocks
and bonds and cpf so that we can be easy with the house later. I do finance
planning for house and marriage, plus this year I invested some money for the
future baby.

I wholeheartedly agree that you are a responsible guy.

But your insecured girlfriend, being your woman, probably felt neglected due to your lack of presence in the relationship. Such short-term 'needs' might be 'nonsensical', but certainly they do qualify as a need, don't they? (As mentioned in the above paragraph).

Some woman loves a man like you and they don't mind enduring that emotional sacrifice, knowing that whatever you are doing right now, it's for your future together and they so love a responsible man like yourself. But there are also a group of woman who cherish and appreciate spending quality time with their other half, much more than you telling them you are going to spent the next year working hard (likely to be at the expense of your relationship) for a better home (CloUdiSm Elemental theory - Earth vs Water)

And I can tell you they are both equally right - just that from where they are standing, they are looking at love from different angles.

I remember an old story in the papers, where this man worked his guts out because he always felt the importance of finance and the ability to provide for the family. Then he read, also in the papers, about the story of this man who regretted not showing affection to his significant other when she was alive and now he can only spent his time at her grave.

Inspired by this article, he drove to Malaysia, with a bouquet of flower - wanting to give his wife a surprise and he end up getting a bigger surprise.

He gave his wife the flower and told her that he loves her. She cried incessantly, not only just because she was touched by his action, but also, if he has arrive an hour later, she would have committed suicide because she thought that her husband no longer loved her.

***

Love and career are often mutually exclusive. The one with the high flying career might not have good relationship, while the one with the humble job might have very fulfilling ones.

Everything depends on where you place your priority.

In love, every mote of individualism devours away mutual strength in a relationship. This is decided by freewill... by our choice in life. If you have decided that your career is the most important aspect of your life currently and you are able to do away with your relationship to advance further - you will probably do it.

This is your choice - your woman, having separate sets of needs, would probably have to go.

When you try hanging on both realms, frustration builds up from parallel views that would never meet and eventually things become sour and will implode unsightly.

Either you truly convince her to look from where you are looking or you lower yourself to view from her perception because ultimately:

Love is not about looking at each other; but looking together at one collective direction.

Cheers

shrekho,

Can you enlighten us on what are the nonsense your gf spouts at you ?
You mention she is attention seeking. How ?
Can you cite some examples of her behavior?

The reason why I ask is, to understand, what is the roots of her resentments.
Are the resentments unfounded , are they a figment of your own imaginations ?
Could it be mere misunderstanding ?

Women, sometimes just need emotional validations from their men.
To acknowledge their feelings.
That is, surprisingly all they need to weather the long hard road ahead.

Originally posted by soulwinner:

kick her off... find a new one.. I undersatnd if the pain but in long run both of you are going to suffer beyond a stage where you can imagine... so make up your mind now...

Woei! dun take us gal as football suka suka kick here and there ya! Have some respect for female ya, afterall, you are born from a female ya.

well.. sometimes women are hard to please...

sometimes women are very attention seeking...

sometimes it can be damn irritating..

but think of it this way... At the end of the day you still have her missing and loving you like no one else... [other than your mother]

Isnt that good enough?

well.. i know i'm not helping much lar.. hah but thats my point of view la...

and sometimes younger women are abit more childish in their thinking... i duno abt yr gf la... but.. yeah.. i thnk its true.

shes attention seeking cos she misses u. and dat shows she concerns u. go sayand her. wad more important thn that,

Originally posted by shrekho:

Job responsibilities have doubled, but ymy salary and bonus stay the same.

This is where I am worried,m about job security. No one can guarantee me a
job in this company, let's say, 3 years from now.

Also, I am like kinda tired of the childish behavior she do to get my attention.
Am I just tired, or am I just the same, would like some limelight and attention
for a change? I guess I can only find out myself.

Is she behaving this way because ishe feels that this method works on you best? Getting attention from you in a negative way is better than getting no attentiion from you at all? Right now I see two problems,your job and your relationship but I am sure you are more worried about the first one.In the song 'Hard to say I am sorry'(Chicago) there is a line *Even Love needs a holiday.So maybe you need to take a break from this relationship for a while to sort things out.Be fair to yourself otherwise you could be the one ending up sorry.

Have you considered marrying a old woman? A 24 year-old man has just married a woman 58 years older than him. I am sure you will find a very very matured woman, who will not have any sense of insecurity nor will she whine like a baby or worse still throw the baby out together with the bath water.

Originally posted by shrekho:

I guess a majority of people have to travel for their work, so I guess it
will be fine if I post something out of my chest here. I am not trying to whine
or sulk, but just need advice and share some experiences with others.

My job requires me to fly around at least once a month, sometimes for few
days, while others are weeks.

My GF and I have been together for 3 years now, but somehow, every time
I come back from overseas, she starts nonsense and become attention seeking. She is just so unhappy on my trips overseas to support, that it now has become a burden and mental issue for me.

Cos while overseas, on top of work pressure, I have to face multiple crossroads which will put my relationship with my GF will come to an end. These are tempting and attractive, but I always overcome the mental and physical desire, because I know someone in Sg is waiting for me.

I feel so messy and not stable.... Esp when she starts to give me
nonsense and try to get attention from me through ridiculous actions.
I used to be able to bear with it, but now, I am weary and start to feel
feeble with her actions. I no longer want to pacify not tolerate her actions
anymore, yet I don't want to hurt her..... I tried telling her to be sensible,
but it just makes matters worst, she cries.......

Any kind soul can teach me what to do? Or, what should I do?

Change job... to one that does not require you to go overseas.

Originally posted by TheGoodEarth:

Have you considered marrying a old woman? A 24 year-old man has just married a woman 58 years older than him. I am sure you will find a very very matured woman, who will not have any sense of insecurity nor will she whine like a baby or worse still throw the baby out together with the bath water.

24 year old man marry 58year older is ok mmmm that is interesting but then she would be 82 years old.At that age I thought old women do start throwing babies out together with the bath water .One question only- Are you a matchmaker for the old folks home?

Originally posted by TheGoodEarth:

Have you considered marrying a old woman? A 24 year-old man has just married a woman 58 years older than him. I am sure you will find a very very matured woman, who will not have any sense of insecurity nor will she whine like a baby or worse still throw the baby out together with the bath water.

Originally posted by Short Ninja:

24 year old man marry 58year older is ok mmmm that is interesting but then she would be 82 years old.At that age I thought old women do start throwing babies out together with the bath water .One question only- Are you a matchmaker for the old folks home?

ai, I like to match myself to a 24-year old gal.