Sianz...I contemplating divorce
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I tot I do not have to post here again, but just let me whine a bit. Since Monday, my wife has threatened divorce once and presented the idea of divorce twice liao.
Here's the story. We are getting our own house. Woohoo! Then my Mum came into the picture. Boo! Initially, she had agreed to let both of us stay apart from them. But as the date draws near for us to move into our new house, Mum started nagging to sell her house and stay with us.
My stand is this from day 1; I do not want to stay with my folks. I have told my Mum in the face that I want to live separately from them. Not that unfilial or something, I love my parents, but I have personal reasons. My wife knows I'm with her, but she's overcomed by stress and fear that my mum may actually gets what she wants. I reassured her MANY MANY times that I won't let it happen. But don't know what she thinking, she began to pick a fight with me, accusing me of being Mummy's boy and say my mum betrayed her trust...bla bla bla(the rest is noise).
I HATE to be caught in the middle and it actually happens now. I love my wife, but perhaps not enough patience to counsel her. Hey, only God has infinite patience, I am only human. So the thing is this, over the years until now, she has successfully sold the idea of divorce into me. I do not want to fight it anymore. I already said yes once, but somehow we manage to make up. I even dreamt that I said yes in a dream and we spilt.
So now, it's only a matter of time. I am gonna say yes and make it real in one of our future quarrels. I can put up with her micro-managing my life and other stuff, but I do not like threats. I know in some way, I may have asked for it and partly my fault too. My mind is struggling to make sense of it all and salvage the whole thing, but I feel hopeless. Also, the temptation of absolute freedom is irresistible. In the end, I would probably grant her wish, and have the whole house to myself. No, I won't invite my folks to live with me. Feels like a cool thing afterall hoh?
Thank you for listening. -
action speaks louder than words.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:I tot I do not have to post here again, but just let me whine a bit. Since Monday, my wife has threatened divorce once and presented the idea of divorce twice liao.
Here's the story. We are getting our own house. Woohoo! Then my Mum came into the picture. Boo! Initially, she had agreed to let both of us stay apart from them. But as the date draws near for us to move into our new house, Mum started nagging to sell her house and stay with us.
My stand is this from day 1; I do not want to stay with my folks. I have told my Mum in the face that I want to live separately from them. Not that unfilial or something, I love my parents, but I have personal reasons. My wife knows I'm with her, but she's overcomed by stress and fear that my mum may actually gets what she wants. I reassured her MANY MANY times that I won't let it happen. But don't know what she thinking, she began to pick a fight with me, accusing me of being Mummy's boy and say my mum betrayed her trust...bla bla bla(the rest is noise).
I HATE to be caught in the middle and it actually happens now. I love my wife, but perhaps not enough patience to counsel her. Hey, only God has infinite patience, I am only human. So the thing is this, over the years until now, she has successfully sold the idea of divorce into me. I do not want to fight it anymore. I already said yes once, but somehow we manage to make up. I even dreamt that I said yes in a dream and we spilt.
So now, it's only a matter of time. I am gonna say yes and make it real in one of our future quarrels. I can put up with her micro-managing my life and other stuff, but I do not like threats. I know in some way, I may have asked for it and partly my fault too. My mind is struggling to make sense of it all and salvage the whole thing, but I feel hopeless. Also, the temptation of absolute freedom is irresistible. In the end, I would probably grant her wish, and have the whole house to myself. No, I won't invite my folks to live with me. Feels like a cool thing afterall hoh?
Thank you for listening.
If you really believe that you do it then write out a contract between you and your wife.
Companies are using it for a legal binding.
You can use it to reassure your wife. -
Please pm me if you have any laywer office to recommend. Thanks.Originally posted by Guardx:action speaks louder than words.
If you really believe that you do it then write out a contract between you and your wife.
Companies are using it for a legal binding.
You can use it to reassure your wife. -
Be strict lor even its your mum.. dont worry your mom will understand... perhaps.
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hai......
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Perhaps, you and your wife can consider separating for a while to see how things go first? How old are you two anyway?
Divorce shouldn't be something for anyone to raise lightly.......
A period of separation may be good to cool off a bit, allowing one's head to clear!
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separate le, wun wan to get bk de.
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not good, it'll eventually lead to a divorce....success rate is low. work things out & trash it out face to face between 3 of uOriginally posted by :Perhaps, you and your wife can consider separating for a while to see how things go first? How old are you two anyway?
Divorce shouldn't be something for anyone to raise lightly.......
A period of separation may be good to cool off a bit, allowing one's head to clear!
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Things could change for the better - I personally know of people who have separated and gotback together, thereby avoiding divorce.....Originally posted by Hello Kitty:separate le, wun wan to get bk de. -
We are ard 30yrs old. Yeah, divorce shouldn't be something for anyone to mention lightly, but she su ka su ka suggest it. I don't like to say it too, but now that I suggest it, I should be in for real, after a long period of brain-washing by her.Originally posted by :Perhaps, you and your wife can consider separating for a while to see how things go first? How old are you two anyway?
Divorce shouldn't be something for anyone to raise lightly.......
A period of separation may be good to cool off a bit, allowing one's head to clear! -
Izzit? If you have experience, pls share. Yeah, if I separate liao, what for I patch back? I can do anything I want from there on.Originally posted by Hello Kitty:separate le, wun wan to get bk de. -
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There is no three of us trashing it out. I am on my wife's side with regards to moving into the new house. I will prevent my folks from interrupting us. Now the problem is my wife wants out here and there. So be it loh.Originally posted by de_middle:not good, it'll eventually lead to a divorce....success rate is low. work things out & trash it out face to face between 3 of u -
Give yourself both another chance and seek a marriage counselor soon.An ultimatum like 'divorce' is never a healthy word to be using around the house but she must be into a lot of stress about your mother moving in.Its not a matter of your mom moving into the house but a matter of letting a third party move into your lives.Calm down before making a final decision.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:There is no three of us trashing it out. I am on my wife's side with regards to moving into the new house. I will prevent my folks from interrupting us. Now the problem is my wife wants out here and there. So be it loh. -
choy!Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Izzit? If you have experience, pls share. Yeah, if I separate liao, what for I patch back? I can do anything I want from there on.
dat's y i said so. i read ur post, i knw ur pattern oladi. -
I know. That why I don't want my mum move in. Wife and mother are bad combinations in house. I am calm. Now is OK. Next few times, she threaten then I grant her her wish loh. Steady boh. So no more 3rd party or 2nd party, it will be only me, 1 party in the new house.Originally posted by Short Ninja:Give yourself both another chance and seek a marriage counselor soon.An ultimatum like 'divorce' is never a healthy word to be using around the house but she must be into a lot of stress about your mother moving in.Its not a matter of your mom moving into the house but a matter of letting a third party move into your lives.Calm down before making a final decision. -
Sharp KittyOriginally posted by Hello Kitty:choy!
dat's y i said so. i read ur post, i knw ur pattern oladi.
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Steady loh and after than you can have a wild single party in your house and people some of us unker will pretend to be single and invite ourselves to your house>Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:I know. That why I don't want my mum move in. Wife and mother are bad combinations in house. I am calm. Now is OK. Next few times, she threaten then I grant her her wish loh. Steady boh. So no more 3rd party or 2nd party, it will be only me, 1 party in the new house. -
I have a question for u. Does she threatens you when u all are in the dating stage? OR does it only happens when u all get married?Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:We are ard 30yrs old. Yeah, divorce shouldn't be something for anyone to mention lightly, but she su ka su ka suggest it. I don't like to say it too, but now that I suggest it, I should be in for real, after a long period of brain-washing by her.
IMO, i think separation and divorce is not a very good option, it is even more so if u all have kids.
Some threats are empty threat or should i say maybe ur wife loves to give empty threat so as to test ur tolerance.
BUT hor if the matter is really getting out of hand, then i suggest u go for a divorce ba. Out of hand as in u want to kill her liao that kind... but hope this is not the case lor -
AHAHAHA. No lah, I won't want to kill her that kind. I can't even bear to be violent to her. Dating stage, she did not threaten. But just before ROM, it started. Until now.Originally posted by Uncertain:I have a question for u. Does she threatens you when u all are in the dating stage? OR does it only happens when u all get married?
IMO, i think separation and divorce is not a very good option, it is even more so if u all have kids.
Some threats are empty threat or should i say maybe ur wife loves to give empty threat so as to test ur tolerance.
BUT hor if the matter is really getting out of hand, then i suggest u go for a divorce ba. Out of hand as in u want to kill her liao that kind... but hope this is not the case lor
No kids lah. She always say the reason why we have no kids is because we are not meant to be together, so maybe should split.
I give up arguing liao. Yeah, maybe she right. Still got time lah. Wait till she threatens a few more times loh. -
SteadyOriginally posted by Short Ninja:Steady loh and after than you can have a wild single party in your house and people some of us unker will pretend to be single and invite ourselves to your house> 
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hmmm .... I tot your frustration has turned into menstration. Period.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:I tot I do not have to post here again, but just let me whine a bit. Since Monday, my wife has threatened divorce once and presented the idea of divorce twice liao.
Thank you for listening. -
of coz man. u tink me is smart fer nth meh.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Sharp Kitty -
I'm with TS, whether it is empty threats or threats shows the girl has no consideration for you. She think its fun, she get a kick out of it when she see you giving in to her threats. The threats will never end. She thinks she is superior than you while telling you she is feeling very stress about your mom coming.
As much as you do not like/want your mother to come in, she is forcing you(although you're willing) to chase your mother away. Now the topic is your mother, and you happen to agree with her, next time when she want something, and you don't agree how? And what if by then, you both have kids, it will be more complicated by then. She is someone who can share your happiness, and leave you in the lurch when things turn for the worse. You will continue to be her slave if you continue not to do anything.
Tell her what you feel and solve the problems together, also talk about the underlying problems such as her attitude, or just divorce when she mentions it again.
Anyhow trigger happy say divorce shows she has no respect/commitment to you and the relationship. It also shows she will never sacrifice herself for you although you as a man should not let her be, but somethings it's beyond your control. -
Haha you do already then come back and say.