money problem in bgr
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We are currently in poly, she is having her attachment, working with a pay well enough to support herself. I am studying 5 days a week, recently recovering from a surgery.
She wants me to work and be independent. I hope she understands that I have had the surgery done and will find time for work when I totally recover.
But the main problem being the current situation. I cannot work and can only survive on pocket money. Not much, saving 20 dollars a week.As compared to her, she gets tips frequently to add to her basic pay.
What should I do? Sometimes, we go dutch, sometimes I pay, so does she.
Should I tell her we should go dutch from now on? Or what other alternatives are there to solve this? She used to tell me I should work hard in future to support her, but I am afraid the current situation makes me unable to give her a sense of financial security.
Do give me some advice. It will be greatly appreciated. Thank you! -
in bgr try not to talk abt money...it will hurt both parties.
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i know money hurt relationships, but at the end of the day, the success of a serious relationship will be about money. i have to admit somehow now she is more successful than me.
however, my parents forbid me to work, for who knows what god damn reason.
i have no choice but to scrimp and save to make ends meet with her. to do this, i stopped going out with my frens and started bringing bread to school for lunch.
i just wan some advice on what to do next. whether to go dutch? or to talk things out with her? as we are not really on good terms as before. -
hmmm.. when my ex no money, i will pay for the meal or whatever.. don't really makes a difference to me?
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cut down on expenditure, go out less often.
try not to eat at restaurants. -
Go dutch, nothing wrong....i always do that with gfs. Don't neglect your friends also, you will have friends that are with you for decades...in between you will change alot of gfs.
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She is not being considerate.
You should talk to her about her need for financial support when you are both still studying.
I'm not in for Study/Work during the semester as I won't have time to cope. -
thank you for all your suggestions
somehow i feel she is a type of girl who deserves to be treated well. im not saying i need to bring her to posh restaurants or lavish dinners but i just hope i can do it sometimes, making her happy.
she doesnt have any issues with me not having enough to go dutch, she just wants me to work.
deep inside i feel inferior. she may love me a lot, but i am unable to give her the happiness and to match her standard. -
if both of u love each other then should understand each other's prob... if u feel u not ready for work due to ur post op then let her understand... no need to act tough or feel shy... when u ready then work hard n enjoy the fruits wif her...Originally posted by sEphIrOth:thank you for all your suggestions
somehow i feel she is a type of girl who deserves to be treated well. im not saying i need to bring her to posh restaurants or lavish dinners but i just hope i can do it sometimes, making her happy.
she doesnt have any issues with me not having enough to go dutch, she just wants me to work.
deep inside i feel inferior. she may love me a lot, but i am unable to give her the happiness and to match her standard. -
Study hard. Don't let trivial matters get you distracted.
There's a time for everything.
Now's the time to focus on your studies and worry about nothing else.
If issues in BGR bothers you, then perhaps it's time to rethink about what's
best for your future and your priorities.
It's best you talk to her about it. A relationship without a vision have no
direction and at the end of the day, it won't last.
Afterall, both of you are too young.
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Why she die die wants u to work? Does she even know that u are studying now? Not everybody can study and work at the same time.Originally posted by sEphIrOth:We are currently in poly, she is having her attachment, working with a pay well enough to support herself. I am studying 5 days a week, recently recovering from a surgery.
She wants me to work and be independent. I hope she understands that I have had the surgery done and will find time for work when I totally recover.
But the main problem being the current situation. I cannot work and can only survive on pocket money. Not much, saving 20 dollars a week.As compared to her, she gets tips frequently to add to her basic pay.
What should I do? Sometimes, we go dutch, sometimes I pay, so does she.
Should I tell her we should go dutch from now on? Or what other alternatives are there to solve this? She used to tell me I should work hard in future to support her, but I am afraid the current situation makes me unable to give her a sense of financial security.
Do give me some advice. It will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Somehow or rather I felt she after stepping into the working society and start to feel the joy and power of money. SHe felt she got enough money to enjoy the things she never enjoy before. She got the money to buy things she never ever think of.... Conclusion,she changes! She changes to more materialistic. Did u notice some changes of her? Btw,just some of my personal comment
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in short, i think your gf quite materialistic:
now in singapore, almost all families are double income families, even my friend who is born with a golden spoon and living in private apartment given to him by his parents, both him and his wife are working.
I really hope your relationship can last, but from your pointers given, she will leave you for better pasture. She seems like the type of friends you may have who wanna party but not go thru thick and thin with you.
Give this relationship a second thought, i believe you may not enter army yet since you are still in poly. Your pay will be around less than 1.5k if u drop out now. and if u go into army, she will leave you for sure. Too many this kinda drama happening. (thinking abt the SAR-21 incident) -
Lets be honest here - money is the root of all evil.
I've seen countless couples split because of financial matters. IMHO, it's really up to the couple to talk it out; to find a solution and handle their finances well, especially when 2 of you aren't earning "real money".
For me, I was fortunate enough not to have money problems in my dating days, had a generous allowances and all. I suggest you to discuss this issue openly, yet tactfully with your significant other. 20 bucks a week is kinda rough even if you go dutch.
Hope you can work something out with her. -
ironically, my gf doesnt want me to work
anyway, wad i think is dat, studies first! i mean, a student doesnt have to work while he or she is studying.
after schooling, who doesnt want to work? earning more money to support her? den wad is her education for? for fun is it? last time olden days when women has no education, den it is the men's repsonsibility to support her, nowadays when female seek equality with male, den i tink it is ridiculous.
you will nt be injured FOREVER wont you? your current situation will not affect your FUTURE if you n her love each other. if u hav the confidence, why let it bother you? earning less money den her does not mean u didnt earn money leh. i hate pple with this perspective: earn less money = lousy. wah lan eh, less money not equal no money lo. who noes if u will perform excellently in your job and get a big fat bonus or promotion in job?
how old are you? do u hav NS to serve yet? if she come out work sure much more den ur NS "pay" (or u call it, allowance) one wad, if next time like dat den how????
for now, why save so hard when u go out with her? go out doesnt mean need to spend a lot. when i hav no money, i also go out with my gf, or my gf pay for me sometimes. vice versa, when i hav money, i also pay for my gf and stuff like dat, or each of us pay our own expense.
money shldnt be a problem at THIS stage. -
yes thanks alot everyone. she is not materialistic in my opinion. she just wants me to be independent.
i hope everything will be fine.after all it has just been one month together only. -
is dueOriginally posted by sLeEpWaLkErInG:in short, i think your gf quite materialistic:
now in singapore, almost all families are double income families, even my friend who is born with a golden spoon and living in private apartment given to him by his parents, both him and his wife are working.
I really hope your relationship can last, but from your pointers given, she will leave you for better pasture. She seems like the type of friends you may have who wanna party but not go thru thick and thin with you.
Give this relationship a second thought, i believe you may not enter army yet since you are still in poly. Your pay will be around less than 1.5k if u drop out now. and if u go into army, she will leave you for sure. Too many this kinda drama happening. (thinking abt the SAR-21 incident)
The SAR-21 incident I think due to the gal going for a butch! Rather than a money case!! -
What financial security are you 2 talking about? You 2 are just dating, aren't you? Do you have to pay for her meals etc? If so, she's not your girlfriend. She's a call girl more like.......
Go Dutch lah.
She's trying to sponge on you arh?
This kinda girl doesn't seem to be worth it leh....... -
agreed.Originally posted by :What financial security are you 2 talking about? You 2 are just dating, aren't you? Do you have to pay for her meals etc? If so, she's not your girlfriend. She's a call girl more like.......
Go Dutch lah.
She's trying to sponge on you arh?
This kinda girl doesn't seem to be worth it leh....... -
no no, she doesnt need me to pay, but she urges me to work and be independent. i think it is because she feels she has the ability to, why not me? besides, she keeps saying in the girl in the relationship in the past
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SInce u and her been together for only 1 month. The thing she shall do for u is be understanding. The number one priority is yr studies and her studies. If u think u can jiggle work and study then u go for part time work. She shall be understanding enough that u are a status of student. Money might be a constraint. She shall not add financial burden to u. She shall be caring and prioritise yr study. She wants u to be independent is good but everybody has different learning pace. She shall not force u to work and study at the same time if u feel uncomfortable. She can do it doesn't mean u must definitely do it same as her? As I say yr number one priority is study. She shall undestand that too....Originally posted by sEphIrOth:yes thanks alot everyone. she is not materialistic in my opinion. she just wants me to be independent.
i hope everything will be fine.after all it has just been one month together only.
I know u try to be a good bf. But there is a limit of what u can be, she needs to be understanding enough of yr situation. No matter how good she is in yr eyes,if she lacks understanding. Yr r/s will be a one side affair! -
she understands me. she knows about everything around me. it is just that maybe i could have misunderstood her that she wanted me to work. i think she would understand that i have juz finished my surgery and would allow me to work during my sem breaks.
i will talk to her about it later.
thank you very much people. i really appreciate it
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Hope it just a misunderstanding. But from the way u put it, looks like she is forcing u to work part time even though u feel uncomfortable abt it.Originally posted by sEphIrOth:she understands me. she knows about everything around me. it is just that maybe i could have misunderstood her that she wanted me to work. i think she would understand that i have juz finished my surgery and would allow me to work during my sem breaks.
i will talk to her about it later.
thank you very much people. i really appreciate it
Remember no matter what as a student. If u feel uncomfortable abt working part time. Don't do it just to please her. Tell her yr situation and point of view.
Yr study comes first other than anything... -
No money, no honey...
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Don't let your insecurity get the better of you.Originally posted by sEphIrOth:We are currently in poly, she is having her attachment, working with a pay well enough to support herself. I am studying 5 days a week, recently recovering from a surgery.
She wants me to work and be independent. I hope she understands that I have had the surgery done and will find time for work when I totally recover.
But the main problem being the current situation. I cannot work and can only survive on pocket money. Not much, saving 20 dollars a week.As compared to her, she gets tips frequently to add to her basic pay.
What should I do? Sometimes, we go dutch, sometimes I pay, so does she.
Should I tell her we should go dutch from now on? Or what other alternatives are there to solve this? She used to tell me I should work hard in future to support her, but I am afraid the current situation makes me unable to give her a sense of financial security.
Do give me some advice. It will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
The key word is "Future".
Do you have a sister ?
If yes, ask yourself, what kind of man would you like to see your sister with ?
What kind of future would you like your sister to have with this man ?
Do you prefer she marries a successful man ? or a bum that takes money from his parents ?
Which woman don't want a successful husband ?
Which woman don't want a man who can provide her a good life ?
There is nothing wrong when your girl just want to encourage you to be a better man. She should, and she is not looking down on you. She is just encouraging you.
In fact, you should take heart that she thinks of a future WITH YOU.
What you need to do is to assure her.
" You are a smart, attractive and wonderful girl, and you deserve to lead a good life. I will do my very best to make sure you are well taken care of in the future."
" Right now, you may be earning more than me. But I will make sure I earn much more than you in the future, so you will never have to worry about our financial security."
Now, in your current situation, it is only temporary.
If she tells you that you should try to get some work.
Tell her, you will after you have recovered.
Action speaks louder than words. So mean what you say, and do what you say. -
thank you. it seems like very good advice which i will follow. we cleared it up. i promised her to work during my break, and she told me she wont mind that i do not have enough for now.