Is this betrayal?
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Originally posted by DriftingGuy:Thats why they say that nowadays people are so quick to jump into divorce. A bit cannot then divorce, not willing to iron out the bumps and nicks
Anyway to the threadstarter, would it be very different if he just said sorry and hong u?
Well, many times when things happen, it is a natural instinct of human to just find some excuse. and it is really so 'men' to trivialise the matters.Originally posted by robertobaggio:but i do agree with some people here saying there are no perfect couples, we make mistakes and hence we shouldnt jump into conclusion too early. make sure he realises his mistake, tell him dont repeat this act anymore...coz giving him death sentence too early is not fair....anyway just my point of view here....remember....whatever you say counts, so be careful on what you say to anyone ok. cheers. wish you all the best in your relationship.
Guess matter got so bad because he trivialised my feelings, my emotions and the matter at hand.
It is really no big deal to pass a casual remark, if it is really a casual remark. But that statement put me down in front of a stranger. Yet when the cat got outta the bag, he trivialise the matter, my feelings and my pride. I felt that he CANNOT understand my point. If he showed interest to understand me, we could have easily meet a common understanding of the matter and each other, and iron it out.
But no, he did not. he made me feel that i am the one who is petty and ridiculous. next day, no news from him. When i called him, he hid behind the excuse of severe sickness, hence could not talk. Com'on, who on earth is severely sick yet aint at home resting?
A responsible man in a responsible relationship should just walk out and take up responsibility of his blunder, i think. If a man cant do that, is he ready to be in a responsible relationship? -
just anyhow say say de lar...
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For me,
i'll do the same like you bf did....
Most prob. i felt irritated by that malay gal at the 7-11 (not racist) for probing such remark/question to me...and naturally, i'll repy what your bf did....
It's a "SUAN" to these kinda kaypo ppl.... -
Dear TS,
If you can't forgive his behaviour no matter how much he has tried to explain, I guess breakup, may be the best option left.
I always believe that if there is distrust in a relationship, the relationship is doomed to fail, its just a matter of time.
If you decided to forgive him, then, I would suggest you to forget whatever has happened earlier on.
Only then and then, will you truly be able to continue with the relationship. -
you are right , this is betrayal..Originally posted by petti:You and your boyfriend go to a party, and you accompanied him to a convenience store nearby to get ciggies. He went into the store while you waited for him outside. Waited for a few seconds and decided to go in to join him.
The convenience store keeper, a rather plump yet sexy malay girl said to you "guess what did you bf said to me. i was asking him is that sexy girl outside your gf, and he told me "not as sexy as you""
Is this betrayal? Is this acceptable to you?
if for me , i will smile shyly and say , yes my gf is very sexy... instead of that. sounds like he is hungry for some action...
dump him ., dump him faster than a week old opened durian,,, cause he stinks -
I can tell you are a very honest guy.Originally posted by extrinsic:my (ex) gf asked me, between her and lin xin ru,who more nice..
i said lin xin ru..
between her and lin xi lei, who more sexy, i said the latter also...
little wonder she left me.. *sigh*
but, words aside, if u really feel he not truthful to u, then just dis-contd lo. but when u calm down more, u tink back, u wld feel it's stupid to judge a person by maybe a mere casual remark.
there is so few out there like you.
haiz nice and truthfull guys always kena dump. -
gals are better. hahaOriginally posted by Cool-gal:sometimes their bestmate might not know them tat well either.
i ever had a bf who seems trustable to me, only after our amicable breakup, he told me wad he did. i was quite shock n angry but wad can i do.
he even told me tat he never tell anyone.
conclusion: not to trust ur guy 100% even if he seems trustable. always allow tat little doubtful thoughts. u never noe, reli. some ple can hide it well, real well. a great liar, i applause.
i got a classic case.
A young sexy gal friend of mine who used nerds in her uni to do her work for her. She can tell them they look so handsome and loveable but in actual fact they look like shit. She thought she was very clever and was so proud of it and anounced it to everyone on the day she grad.
haha she finally got play out by a malaysian guy who was better at lieing at her. She gave him all her money and sold herself for him. In the end she is left with nothing and the guy ran off with her money with his new sweethearts. -
money talks.Originally posted by Cool-gal:if the husband is a CEO of some company, yes, she is a wise woman.
if the husband is just some employee in a company, nope, she can be a wise woman by leaving him.
though its advisable to close one eye at times.
the above statement proves that only when a man is more well to do the gal will respect him and will not leave him cos of his money.
I totally agree with you.
If the above statement is true.
Can i ask the next question
if the wife is a very beautiful lady, yes, he is a wise man.
if the wife is old and nags alot, nope, he can be a wise man by leaving her.
though its advisable to close one eye at times, but how long should a guy wait before he explode? -
i find it acceptable. it can really mean as a passing remark. he just said that and left the store, not like he hang around and chat her up. you can learn to let go and be less possessive (:
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petti,Originally posted by petti:Well, many times when things happen, it is a natural instinct of human to just find some excuse. and it is really so 'men' to trivialise the matters.
Guess matter got so bad because he trivialised my feelings, my emotions and the matter at hand.
It is really no big deal to pass a casual remark, if it is really a casual remark. But that statement put me down in front of a stranger. Yet when the cat got outta the bag, he trivialise the matter, my feelings and my pride. I felt that he CANNOT understand my point. If he showed interest to understand me, we could have easily meet a common understanding of the matter and each other, and iron it out.
But no, he did not. he made me feel that i am the one who is petty and ridiculous. next day, no news from him. When i called him, he hid behind the excuse of severe sickness, hence could not talk. Com'on, who on earth is severely sick yet aint at home resting?
A responsible man in a responsible relationship should just walk out and take up responsibility of his blunder, i think. If a man cant do that, is he ready to be in a responsible relationship?
The gist of the problem is the fact he trivialised your feelings. You said it yourself.
No, it's not acceptable for a guy to trivialise his partner's feelings.
It's not so much the flirtatious act, but what happens after that. If he truly apologises and is embarrassed and goes out of the way to show that he's truly sorry, I am sure you two would have made up by now.
The issue at hand is I think your bf is likely to be discontented with the relationship, and perhaps both of you have underlying problems which need to be addressed, and this "7-11" issue is only the tip of the iceberg.
I am not saying who's right and who's wrong here.
Indeed, a responsible man should not sulk and let the relationship go to the dogs. He is kind of hiding in his cave right now.
Two further points:
Is the flirtatious act acceptable? Well, I would say that strictly speaking, those men/women with partners should not flirt, but that's the ideal scenario. We live in an imperfect world, and all human beings have weaknesses. As long as we learn to recognise that we are weak, then can we try to work around it and improve ourselves. Guys obviously have a harder time keeping their eyes off sexy women, not that it doesn't happen the other way around of course.
So the answer is it is not acceptable, but people have weaknesses, as do you. So the key thing is how a guy/gal handles the aftermath. In this case, your bf disappoints you greatly, and rightly so.
Another point, I have learnt that unless a guy is gay, there's no way he can ignore other girls. He is just building a lot of pressure in himself, and that's unhealthy. Ignoring other girls to prove his faith is unworkable, and may result in an imbalance of sexual feelings, which may create an uncontrollable avalanche later. It's okay to feel sexually attracted to another person, but how you handle the attraction is then another matter. Denying the sexual attraction is unworkable.
Hope that helps. -
I think this is the best piece of advice I've read here so far, obviously from someone who has been there, that is very useful to me and to those people in relationships.Originally posted by FocusPoint:Many a times women has this notion of a 'perfect love' or perfect relationship that must be smooth sailing all the way. But in reality there is no such thing of a perfect relationship. Every lasting relationship will always have their ups and downs and will always go through many many trials and errors.
Dare my wife and I claim we have a perfect marriage even though we have waded through almost 2 decades of trials and errors? Nope we didn't. But we count our blessing that we are still together and happy. There is still a long future ahead of us that will still continue to test our love for each other. What do we do? We will continue to face it together. Come what may we will try to overcome it.
There was a time in my life I was looking at other women! Why? I don't know honestly. Not that I don't love my wife and sons or got bored with them. It was an unexplainable phase I was going through. Surprisingly my wife saw it and instead of making a fuss or screaming and shouting about it she helped me overcame that phase. That is how good and understanding she was and still is. For that I do thank her from the bottom of my heart.
Now, if one day she is going to go through the same phase I went through. Will I be there to help her or will I straight away penalise and blame her? You bet I will do what she has done for me and help her through that phase too.
People go through changes in their lives all the time. And that is a fact not a myth. Learn to recognize these signs and help that person you love to cope with the changes instead of instantly pinpointing his/her faults.
TS, remember there is no such thing as perfect love. If you can't even withstand this small trial then I suggest you evaluate this relationship thoroughly before continuing on. Otherwise in the long run you will suffer and so will your boyfriend.
Everyone has weaknesses, and it is important to work to overcome such weaknesses.
And there's no such thing as perfect love indeed.
Well said. -
Don't be petti or "petty"...Originally posted by petti:You and your boyfriend go to a party, and you accompanied him to a convenience store nearby to get ciggies. He went into the store while you waited for him outside. Waited for a few seconds and decided to go in to join him.
The convenience store keeper, a rather plump yet sexy malay girl said to you "guess what did you bf said to me. i was asking him is that sexy girl outside your gf, and he told me "not as sexy as you""
Is this betrayal? Is this acceptable to you? -
... double posts ...
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molehill became mountain
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sounds like me
Well not betrayal....
Just a casual remark.. i always do that.. humor or entertainment purpose..
but of course i will respect my gf when shes around
But if the gf asked me did i say it i will admit, but just tell her that it's just some casual remarks and at the end of the day the gf is still the sexiest she knows it
what TS is angry bout is her bf praised the malay girl that she is prettier than TS.... a case of losin face and pride.. but not betrayal. Well you can do the same to him and see his reaction.. if he flares up you tell him 'oh now we're even....'
and next time see if he still do that again. -
lady,
aren't you making a fu*cking big deal out of this ? so what if she's sexier? Don't you have confidence in yourself? Maybe it's really true she is sexier than you. Then you should do something about your looks. But if you have a great personality, who cares? Maybe ur guy is just patronising the woman.
what's funny is you let a simple comment by a stranger make you feel insecure instead of trusting your boyfriend or even trusting yourself? That's very unattractive and a no-no for a relationship to be happy.
the choice is clear: break or don't break. Up to you. You don't expect to be attached to a man and then start to control him. And neither should men try to control their women.
doko -
Does it matter? The problem here is not wat he said that triggered you... It all boils down to one thing; you're insecure and you don't trust him..Originally posted by petti:Yes, i agree totally. Though many may think i am making a mountain out of a molehill, but i really think it means something. It signifies something. What about times when i am not around when he is actually already saying that right in front of me (thinking that i will not hear it)?
So yes.. maybe he's not the guy for you
Frankly, when a guy is flirty, it doesn't mean he's gonna go round cheating on you... -
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i think if so TS so displease with her bf, just break off lor. very simple ma
but frankly speaking, as a guy, i will not say tat in front my gal. and i don't like flirt such openly. maybe he is high tat day^^