Dilemma Relationship
-
I found out tat my bf had betrayed me....after being together for 3 long years.
Few months ago, I suspect something amiss..Sixth sense maybe.And i was right. I knew it right from the start and was pretending tat i didnt know a single thing.
I exploded and confronted him...He said he was stressed.. He didnt know what he was doing...
He asked for my forgiveness... and I forgave him.
He shows me her sms to him tat she wanted to maintain as frens with him, seeked my opinion, and i say NO! Cannot.. Coz i tink she is unable to let go of you.
Why is he showing me the sms? Telling me abt her job, which last time he will jus flare up when i mentioned "Her".
I jus dunno wat I can do to stop it from happening once more...
Is it my fault tat led him to stray? Or i gave him too much freedom to do his things?
I devote every of myself to him... Will it pay off?
Any kind advises?
Thanks... -
since the trust has been breached, forcing urselfs to be together will only makes things worse
bcos u have been bitten once, so next time, even when there is nothing, u will still always yi shen yi gui, jump at the slightest thing... give urself stress, give him stress oso.... -
hmm... if u really can, maybe can give it 1 more go b4 deciding if its over... at least u tried again once more
-
I told myself, Ok... I will try again.. at my best. At least if everything fails, I can tell myself, Yes...I have already done my best...
Why do men stray? I'm curious.
You have a loving gf, waiting for u, loving u with all her heart.. staying right by ur side whenever u need her. Taking care of you , the household, etc...
Am I the most silly gal alive?
I trust tat he wont do it again.. but lets hope the best.
I'm not a ship hopper...
For I , myself , Believe in giving my best at this broken love...
One last dance.. -
An optimist no doubt. You can try, but in the end, you will be the one crying in the bedroom.Originally posted by mother-of-pearl:I told myself, Ok... I will try again.. at my best. At least if everything fails, I can tell myself, Yes...I have already done my best...
Why do men stray? I'm curious.
You have a loving gf, waiting for u, loving u with all her heart.. staying right by ur side whenever u need her. Taking care of you , the household, etc...
Am I the most silly gal alive?
I trust tat he wont do it again.. but lets hope the best.
I'm not a ship hopper...
For I , myself , Believe in giving my best at this broken love...
One last dance..
Why men stray ?
Ask yourself, would you get bored after eating 3 years of chicken rice everyday 3 meals a day ?
It takes a person with much determination to stick to the regimen.
Obviously your bf has a lack of such determination.
Still don't see the red flag ?
3 years is too many years, either he sh1t or get off the pot.
Relationship also needs to move on.
Yours has been stagnant for too long. -
u r not silly... i can only say u r very committed...Originally posted by mother-of-pearl:I told myself, Ok... I will try again.. at my best. At least if everything fails, I can tell myself, Yes...I have already done my best...
Why do men stray? I'm curious.
You have a loving gf, waiting for u, loving u with all her heart.. staying right by ur side whenever u need her. Taking care of you , the household, etc...
Am I the most silly gal alive?
I trust tat he wont do it again.. but lets hope the best.
I'm not a ship hopper...
For I , myself , Believe in giving my best at this broken love...
One last dance..
try and do yr best like me.... -
not good to just blame ur other half. Are u sure you're those highlightedOriginally posted by mother-of-pearl:I told myself, Ok... I will try again.. at my best. At least if everything fails, I can tell myself, Yes...I have already done my best...
Why do men stray? I'm curious.
You have a loving gf, waiting for u, loving u with all her heart.. staying right by ur side whenever u need her. Taking care of you , the household, etc...
Am I the most silly gal alive?
I trust tat he wont do it again.. but lets hope the best.
I'm not a ship hopper...
For I , myself , Believe in giving my best at this broken love...
One last dance..
not blowing ur own trumpet are you
something must have gone wrong, do a check on yourself as well. If not, this last dance ain't gonna last very long
-
My gf had 3 r/s b4 with all guy betrayed her.. So stfu and dont think you're the most pity gal in the world..
u can give her another chance. if he blew it, sory man i guess u better find another guy.. you're not stupid. its just that guy is stupid for not realising how good you are to him (if its true)
You just havent find the rite one yet.. Time will tell. -
doesnt really depend on how long, more to depend on how ppl think to be loyal and maintaining the r/s without any excuses. Her bf STRESSED ? That's the funny part which he cant think of any other idea.Originally posted by jojobeach:An optimist no doubt. You can try, but in the end, you will be the one crying in the bedroom.
Why men stray ?
Ask yourself, would you get bored after eating 3 years of chicken rice everyday 3 meals a day ?
It takes a person with much determination to stick to the regimen.
Obviously your bf has a lack of such determination.
Still don't see the red flag ?
3 years is too many years, either he sh1t or get off the pot.
Relationship also needs to move on.
Yours has been stagnant for too long. -
...if you can accept, accept... if you cannot accept, then break... and don't regret anything... life is that simple...Originally posted by mother-of-pearl:I found out tat my bf had betrayed me....after being together for 3 long years.
Few months ago, I suspect something amiss..Sixth sense maybe.And i was right. I knew it right from the start and was pretending tat i didnt know a single thing.
I exploded and confronted him...He said he was stressed.. He didnt know what he was doing...
He asked for my forgiveness... and I forgave him.
He shows me her sms to him tat she wanted to maintain as frens with him, seeked my opinion, and i say NO! Cannot.. Coz i tink she is unable to let go of you.
Why is he showing me the sms? Telling me abt her job, which last time he will jus flare up when i mentioned "Her".
I jus dunno wat I can do to stop it from happening once more...
Is it my fault tat led him to stray? Or i gave him too much freedom to do his things?
I devote every of myself to him... Will it pay off?
Any kind advises?
Thanks... -
Break off with him, give other guys a chance to take care of you
-
In the first place I do not see any BETRAYAL here. Sorry for stating unassumingly, as I perceived that he has no intention of going back to his ex. If he wants to he would not have said anything and show you her SMSs.
I think he is asking you to forgive him for his lack of decisiveness and for dragging you into his mess. Sometimes it will be good to look at the other side of the coin and not be too fast to judge and conclude.
There is nothing much about the sixth sense here but rather raw gut instincts. For a r/s to work it needs a lot of mutual understanding and communication. If there is an issue please deal with your feelings then the issue.
Hope this might help. -
Originally posted by mother-of-pearl:I found out tat my bf had betrayed me....after being together for 3 long years.
Few months ago, I suspect something amiss..Sixth sense maybe.And i was right. I knew it right from the start and was pretending tat i didnt know a single thing.
I exploded and confronted him...He said he was stressed.. He didnt know what he was doing...
He asked for my forgiveness... and I forgave him.
He shows me her sms to him tat she wanted to maintain as frens with him, seeked my opinion, and i say NO! Cannot.. Coz i tink she is unable to let go of you.
Why is he showing me the sms? Telling me abt her job, which last time he will jus flare up when i mentioned "Her".
I jus dunno wat I can do to stop it from happening once more...
Is it my fault tat led him to stray? Or i gave him too much freedom to do his things?
I devote every of myself to him... Will it pay off?
Any kind advises?
Thanks...
Most relationship never made it there because most relationships perish, not because of circumstances, but because of inner conditions.
Allow me to share my two cents for your consideration: please do not reckon that the mutual respect of space, freedom and understanding contributes to the downfall of your relationship. In fact, it's probably the first finger we often pinpoint whenever promiscuity/infidelity strikes in any relationship.
But I can tell you these only represent the catalysis.
The attribution to external causes per se only reveals a distorted truth; it always seeks to blur the real underlying problem of ourselves and tries to besmirch one's perception in Love.
Our relationship is never stagnant; stagnation is but an phrase we often used to describe the life of a relationship, but theoretically, relationship never stays dormant. A long period of stagnation is often unconscious degeneration of the relationship and before you know it, this degeneration will be revealed upon the introduction of 'catalysis'.
One must fully understand that relationship is indeed forged by freewill. Nobody is coerced to love another person; we love incidentally and later made the choice to further this love into a relationship. Therefore, you got to weigh your own risk to see if you are still willing to pool the resources to make this investment worthwhile.
Pull out if you can't seem to forgive - you will save yourself a lot of misery.
Hardwork never equate to success in love - you merely learn to adapt according to what your cosmic lesson would require and introspect regularly. Never set yourself on the degenerating path no matter what your encounters are - it's sad to know of people who saw the beauty of trust, only to destroy and blind this perception they once to bad circumstances.
So continue to keep good perspective and definition of love, but work hard at keeping the flame alive, if your decision is to continue. Three years of relationship might be a major consideration why you are still willing to give it a try, but if you are just planning to try-try-see-how, I say don't bother. Either you do your best to make it work, or drop everything altogether.
I will reiterate again: that would seriously save you a lot of misery.
If we go back to the golden rule - whatever decision you make, it must eventually bring you happiness. From there, I believe it should dissolve your dilemmaÂ… like sugar to hot water.
Cheers -
haha why ur boyfriend betray you. That is a easy question. As your relationship has gone into the third year stage, he find you bored. Man are made to make love with many female to ensure our mankind has the maximum survival lo. Dun blame the male, blame nature. SO female will have to try harder to catch hold of a male heart. If you are not up for it, forget it.
-
If you love that person deeply, u will fight for him/her. I dun believe in giving up a relationship jus like this. Love keeps a relationship lasting.
Saying u r bored, its jus an excuse...Jus stop giving all sorts of lame excuses.
I know I have been gd to him.. I really love him alot, tats why I wont let it go becoz of 1 silly woman. I believe tat ppl do make mistakes from time to time.
Rather den blaming someone for something, why not try to salvage the relationship ? I would give chance to myself and to him as everyone deserves a 2nd chance to amend their mistakes and den nv talk about it anymore..
Close that chapter.. tats it.
Love is something tat DUN really ReQUIRE Sex to sustain.. it is the unconditional care n concerns tat define love .....
It will last a lifetime... -
you bf does not see the serious-ness of his breech of trust by asking to maintain as "friends" with the 3rd party. -
Poor auntie, before u marry, bf already betrayed u, so, after u marry, i think more problems for u, then after have childrens worst, more n more problem.
Auntie, your bf has a flowering heart, not stable, not serious, not even sure of himself and even can ask you if it is alright to be fren with his ex-lover. Oh my goodness!!!, if I am in your position, give him a hard kick on his dickie!! then another knee up on the chin once he bent down.
Auntie, dun let us gal down ya, we rather have no bf than to have a playboy. -
Oprah's View on Men
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better. Never live your life for a manbefore you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat afriend.Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better."
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of
different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...
even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.All men are NOT dogs.You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him,he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them -
Tat Girl is asking my bf if he can still be frens with her.
So i tell him, cannot.. coz she wont be able to let u go.She says she dun have many frens.. so pitiful isnt it?
I also told him to cut off all forms of communications with her.
So far, can see tat they are not communicating much already...
But that can also be an act of pretendence..
Thanks you all for ur advices.. I'll keep tat in mind.
You are right, when a man loves u deeply, there might be no reasons..
But if they dun love u anymore, there will be tons of reasons backing themselves up, so as to make u get out of their puny life....
Hiaz.. Enuf said...
I know my love is true, but for a wrong man who dun appreciate my efforts....
My doors will be still be open to more frens...Life is short n should be valued.. -
dun worry very normal one... men like to fool around.
u leave this guy, next guy sometime in future will also do the same.
if you love him just carry on, if you are hardened then leave.
gratz, you got your 1st taste of the real world. -
It usually takes 2 hands to clap but there could be reasons as many as stars in the sky....... So sometimes it's not possible to determine the actual factor.
Just move on lah..........
-
you're thinking of reciprocal love... try a dog, that might help.
men are simply heartless one... -
naivety is lovely, isnt it...Originally posted by mother-of-pearl:If you love that person deeply, u will fight for him/her. I dun believe in giving up a relationship jus like this. Love keeps a relationship lasting.
Saying u r bored, its jus an excuse...Jus stop giving all sorts of lame excuses.
I know I have been gd to him.. I really love him alot, tats why I wont let it go becoz of 1 silly woman. I believe tat ppl do make mistakes from time to time.
Rather den blaming someone for something, why not try to salvage the relationship ? I would give chance to myself and to him as everyone deserves a 2nd chance to amend their mistakes and den nv talk about it anymore..
Close that chapter.. tats it.
Love is something tat DUN really ReQUIRE Sex to sustain.. it is the unconditional care n concerns tat define love .....
It will last a lifetime...
all your hopes and dreams about love... eh, you watch some chik flik in the theatres better la.
to men, sex =/= love
so even if he fool around it doesnt mean that he doesnt love you. -
know more frens... who knows... right... be strong ya... unlike meOriginally posted by mother-of-pearl:Tat Girl is asking my bf if he can still be frens with her.
So i tell him, cannot.. coz she wont be able to let u go.She says she dun have many frens.. so pitiful isnt it?
I also told him to cut off all forms of communications with her.
So far, can see tat they are not communicating much already...
But that can also be an act of pretendence..
Thanks you all for ur advices.. I'll keep tat in mind.
You are right, when a man loves u deeply, there might be no reasons..
But if they dun love u anymore, there will be tons of reasons backing themselves up, so as to make u get out of their puny life....
Hiaz.. Enuf said...
I know my love is true, but for a wrong man who dun appreciate my efforts....
My doors will be still be open to more frens...Life is short n should be valued.. -
Did your bf sleep with anyone? walao this is not called betray.
this is called flirting. (feng liu·ç�÷) Its normal for a guy to be feng liu. It shows that the guy is well-liked by people and prove that you have good taste.
If the guy sleep with lots of gals but never inform you, then its betrayal. (called xia liu�Â�÷)