Is it OK 2 end marriage for freedom? Which 1 more important?
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I've been missing my freedom since my marriage. The kind of freedom that single people take for granted is what I've had, until I got married. I didn't realise I miss it so much until I chit chat with my friend. He said it is because of freedom that he does not want to settle down.
Before marriage, I was debt-free, happy and free. After marriage, I was not that happy, got cc debt and totally unfree. There's no third party whatsoever. I just want to ask, DOES ANYONE OF U KNOW ANYONE WHO ENDED A MARRIAGE FOR FREEDOM?
I talk to my wife about freedom and she replied, "Well, you can consider divorce. Once we divorce, you can have all the freedom in the world." Dead-end talk.
Anyway, I am considering her offer. Meantime, I just want to know how everybody thinks about it. Lastly, we have no kids. So, any thoughts? Freedom or marriage? -
What kind of freedom are you talking about?
There is still me-time in a marriage
I still go out with friends without my husband
He also goes drinking or fishing without me
I don't see any difference from when we are dating besides the shared expenses
Now if you have children that will be different -
What's the cause of your lack of freedom? If you're suffocated by your spouse's behaviour, this is probably more an issue that has arisen from compatibility rather than marriage as an institution. In short, does the problem lie with your spouse or marriage?Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:I've been missing my freedom since my marriage. The kind of freedom that single people take for granted is what I've had, until I got married. I didn't realise I miss it so much until I chit chat with my friend. He said it is because of freedom that he does not want to settle down.
Before marriage, I was debt-free, happy and free. After marriage, I was not that happy, got cc debt and totally unfree. There's no third party whatsoever. I just want to ask, DOES ANYONE OF U KNOW ANYONE WHO ENDED A MARRIAGE FOR FREEDOM?
I talk to my wife about freedom and she replied, "Well, you can consider divorce. Once we divorce, you can have all the freedom in the world." Dead-end talk.
Anyway, I am considering her offer. Meantime, I just want to know how everybody thinks about it. Lastly, we have no kids. So, any thoughts? Freedom or marriage? -
looks like your pridicament hasn't ended yet........
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TS is one confused fella.........
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i am also thinking of what kind of freedom you have to have?
honestly, i feel that this isn't really a question about freedom, but more of you being unsatisfied in a marriage. i see you say that you are more unhappy after you get married. what do you mean by that?
also having to clear your credit card debt does not signify the lack of freedom. this is more towards financial management and nothing to do with freedom.
when a married man says no freedom, it can only mean 2 things.
1. bored of wife, wants the freedom to pursue other girls. could also mean sexual liberty.
2. wife imposes rules that choke the husband's lifestyle. could be insufficient time to go out with friends, have to go home and spend time with wife.
with 1, i cant help you. you just have a wandering pee-pee.
2 is totally different. this is more of communication issues and time management which can be resolved.
so please be clear on what you are unhappy about with your marriage. your vague responses can lead to ultimate destruction of something that could have been beautiful. -
Whenever I go out with friend, she is not entirely happy about it. I don't even drink, but can feel an uneasy vibe. I only meet my friend once per week on a weekday and it is difficult...
She also dun like it when I interact with my family. We always argue when we talk about my family. I think she prefers it if I'm family-less or friend-less.
Then whatever I do, she will ask and stop me if she not happy.
The kind of freedom that I'm talking about is whatever I do, I do not have to report or feel fear of being scolded, just because I did it. -
u can have freedom even if u are married... like elinda said...Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:I've been missing my freedom since my marriage. The kind of freedom that single people take for granted is what I've had, until I got married. I didn't realise I miss it so much until I chit chat with my friend. He said it is because of freedom that he does not want to settle down.
Before marriage, I was debt-free, happy and free. After marriage, I was not that happy, got cc debt and totally unfree. There's no third party whatsoever. I just want to ask, DOES ANYONE OF U KNOW ANYONE WHO ENDED A MARRIAGE FOR FREEDOM?
I talk to my wife about freedom and she replied, "Well, you can consider divorce. Once we divorce, you can have all the freedom in the world." Dead-end talk.
Anyway, I am considering her offer. Meantime, I just want to know how everybody thinks about it. Lastly, we have no kids. So, any thoughts? Freedom or marriage?
In sg, who is not debted? as long as u own a house, u are debted... unless u have rich parents to buy u a house in full cash. or unless u are gng to live with ur parents forever, living under them...
before even committing to hold ur wife hand, u should have think of this. By considering this after marriage, is not being responsible to your wife.
& do u tink that "Well, you can consider divorce. Once we divorce, you can have all the freedom in the world." is an "offer"? I will say "No". Probably she is bleeding in her heart when she say this... -
Well, the nagging of divorce part, I used to it liao. Just that the control from her towards can be irritating sometimes.Originally posted by de_middle:looks like your pridicament hasn't ended yet........ -
No 1 is irrelevant. No 3rd party involved.Originally posted by pwnz0r:i am also thinking of what kind of freedom you have to have?
honestly, i feel that this isn't really a question about freedom, but more of you being unsatisfied in a marriage. i see you say that you are more unhappy after you get married. what do you mean by that?
also having to clear your credit card debt does not signify the lack of freedom. this is more towards financial management and nothing to do with freedom.
when a married man says no freedom, it can only mean 2 things.
1. bored of wife, wants the freedom to pursue other girls. could also mean sexual liberty.
2. wife imposes rules that choke the husband's lifestyle. could be insufficient time to go out with friends, have to go home and spend time with wife.
with 1, i cant help you. you just have a wandering pee-pee.
2 is totally different. this is more of communication issues and time management which can be resolved.
so please be clear on what you are unhappy about with your marriage. your vague responses can lead to ultimate destruction of something that could have been beautiful.
No 2 yes. Suffocating. I spend time with her everyday, and it doesn't seem to be enough. -
have u any prob with yr wife?Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:I've been missing my freedom since my marriage. The kind of freedom that single people take for granted is what I've had, until I got married. I didn't realise I miss it so much until I chit chat with my friend. He said it is because of freedom that he does not want to settle down.
Before marriage, I was debt-free, happy and free. After marriage, I was not that happy, got cc debt and totally unfree. There's no third party whatsoever. I just want to ask, DOES ANYONE OF U KNOW ANYONE WHO ENDED A MARRIAGE FOR FREEDOM?
I talk to my wife about freedom and she replied, "Well, you can consider divorce. Once we divorce, you can have all the freedom in the world." Dead-end talk.
Anyway, I am considering her offer. Meantime, I just want to know how everybody thinks about it. Lastly, we have no kids. So, any thoughts? Freedom or marriage? -
have u voice out to her? maybe she over yr top liao?Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Whenever I go out with friend, she is not entirely happy about it. I don't even drink, but can feel an uneasy vibe. I only meet my friend once per week on a weekday and it is difficult...
She also dun like it when I interact with my family. We always argue when we talk about my family. I think she prefers it if I'm family-less or friend-less.
Then whatever I do, she will ask and stop me if she not happy.
The kind of freedom that I'm talking about is whatever I do, I do not have to report or feel fear of being scolded, just because I did it. -
if that is the case, u will have to sit down & communicate with her.. tactfully..Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Whenever I go out with friend, she is not entirely happy about it. I don't even drink, but can feel an uneasy vibe. I only meet my friend once per week on a weekday and it is difficult...
She also dun like it when I interact with my family. We always argue when we talk about my family. I think she prefers it if I'm family-less or friend-less.
Then whatever I do, she will ask and stop me if she not happy.
The kind of freedom that I'm talking about is whatever I do, I do not have to report or feel fear of being scolded, just because I did it.
by using the word "freedom" will not gng to help in the communication. -
What's her attitude towards her own family and friends? Does she still meet them as if all is well? And how does she reaction if you offer to take her along to see your friends?
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thx for clarifying.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:No 1 is irrelevant. No 3rd party involved.
No 2 yes. Suffocating. I spend time with her everyday, and it doesn't seem to be enough.
was she always like that before your marriage? or is this a recent event?
if this is something new that occurred, then it must be an even that made her feel so insecure.
if this was something that always have been present in your relationship, then perhaps both parties should have sorted that out before taking the big leap.
honestly, marriage is a very serious and important aspect. i feel that you should both go for professional counseling.
you can try talking to her about it. encourage to develop other closer friends and get her to spend time with your family. please do not take divorce as the only solution. -
some backgroundOriginally posted by pwnz0r:i am also thinking of what kind of freedom you have to have?
honestly, i feel that this isn't really a question about freedom, but more of you being unsatisfied in a marriage. i see you say that you are more unhappy after you get married. what do you mean by that?
also having to clear your credit card debt does not signify the lack of freedom. this is more towards financial management and nothing to do with freedom.
when a married man says no freedom, it can only mean 2 things.
1. bored of wife, wants the freedom to pursue other girls. could also mean sexual liberty.
2. wife imposes rules that choke the husband's lifestyle. could be insufficient time to go out with friends, have to go home and spend time with wife.
with 1, i cant help you. you just have a wandering pee-pee.
2 is totally different. this is more of communication issues and time management which can be resolved.
so please be clear on what you are unhappy about with your marriage. your vague responses can lead to ultimate destruction of something that could have been beautiful.
http://www.sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=284993 -
You are just not suitable to be married.
Do you intent to stay single till death do you in after this divorce ?
The problem don't lies with her, it lies with you.
So please don't ever fall in love again and ruin some other woman's life.
Every woman deserves a man who can cherish and take care of each other for life.
While she still can, let her go so she may find some one more deserving.
It will take time for her to heal, but it's better than waiting forever for her man to want her love again. -
This is so typical...the answer is a sad YES. But it's so toopid....please allow to share...Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:I've been missing my freedom since my marriage. The kind of freedom that single people take for granted is what I've had, until I got married. I didn't realise I miss it so much until I chit chat with my friend. He said it is because of freedom that he does not want to settle down.
Before marriage, I was debt-free, happy and free. After marriage, I was not that happy, got cc debt and totally unfree. There's no third party whatsoever. I just want to ask, DOES ANYONE OF U KNOW ANYONE WHO ENDED A MARRIAGE FOR FREEDOM?
I talk to my wife about freedom and she replied, "Well, you can consider divorce. Once we divorce, you can have all the freedom in the world." Dead-end talk.
Anyway, I am considering her offer. Meantime, I just want to know how everybody thinks about it. Lastly, we have no kids. So, any thoughts? Freedom or marriage?
1. Why do you get married in the first place? For sex? Status? New experience? Remember the oaths that you took??? More importantly, do you recall why you LOVE your wife and decided to marry her, to take care of her, etc...??
Life is full of challenges, learn how to solve it and not escape from it. You have been sucked into the black hole of boring Singapore because you (and your wife) are boring.
And because of this, I'm guessing that your married life is boring and uneventful and you just wish to chill out elsewhere, check out new excitements....but the fact is, whatever you do, it'll be boring after awhile because you are boring....booze with the old frenz, drinking the same brand of booze...yada yada....
Look, the fact is that your 'cool' unmarried friend naturally has a differently lifestyle as you because he is who he is and you are not him. Grass is greener there but if you stop whining about your married life, he'll start to envy you instead!!!!!
2. You have debts because of your choice and lifestyle. To me, that has nothing to do with marriage or freedom. Draw up a joint saving account that covers all living expenditures/saving/medical and any excess is your own to spend or save.
Everyone has financial issues in one way or another and I guess it's all about our capitalistic world so nothing to do with marriage or freedom.
Want more financial freedom? Work harder and earn more! Or simply be cash rich and downgrade.
Bro FG, you will come whole circle even if you get divorced now, a few years later met some interesting lady, decided to try to settle down again because you are wiser. but consider all the lost opportunities?
I'm married but i still maintain my social circles with mixed gender and I mean 1-1 and vice versa for her. If your marriage means you cannot go out with gals, then you need to speak to your wife and that's a separate trust issues here.
If you are not getting a financial balance here, speak to her and sort out your crap.
If you are not getting enough sex, find out why? Pain, mess, tired, style pattern, etc...learn to match each other....
Human is all about balance. Take 10 steps back and look at your life. Which are the parts that are skewed, and balance it. Whether to divorce or not is not longer an issue here.
( Care to share with us your age, how long you have dated and married, etc...?) -
at least no kids.....if not even worse
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In a marriage, you update the other party out of respect and out of love so that they don't have to worry about you.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Whenever I go out with friend, she is not entirely happy about it. I don't even drink, but can feel an uneasy vibe. I only meet my friend once per week on a weekday and it is difficult...
She also dun like it when I interact with my family. We always argue when we talk about my family. I think she prefers it if I'm family-less or friend-less.
Then whatever I do, she will ask and stop me if she not happy.
The kind of freedom that I'm talking about is whatever I do, I do not have to report or feel fear of being scolded, just because I did it.
I think you should talk to her that you feel stified by her controlling way
Ask her to put herself in your shoes if you did the same thing to her if she interrect with her family or friends
Assure her that you still love and cherish her and that you need your 'me' time like she needs hers too -
Frustrated_guy
Your problem with wife has been dragged on for so long. You are both clear on what the issues are . Just that there is no effective resolution to date. And the reason behind that? Incompetence? Lack of resolution? Both too stubborn to back down? Pride? Refusal to seek external help? Immaturity?
The crux of the matter is not that your marriage has problems - fact is every marriage has problems. The crux is that both of you are simply unable to sit down and work things out, due to whatever reason. This is a failure on BOTH your parts.
There are only 3 options really. Work at it, or run from it. Or just be miserable putting up with status quo.
IMO save yourself the trouble and make 2008 resolution to get a divorce. -
honestly, the cc debt is not due to lack of freedom etc. just like what they said, to sum it up, choice, lifestyle, finance management etc. try to refrain from actually owning a cc if u have spending probs. cc debt is a problem that occurs to many people, and also when they're unmarried.
let me assure you, you have someone who loves you very much, regardless of the senseless things she does. otherwise, she wouldn't have married you. even if she doesn't say that, trust me, take it from someone of her gender. do u have a problem understanding her? women are kinda hard to decode, like when she "offers" divorce as an option, highly unlikely she means it. she could've been really angry, and says things she doesn't mean to say, maybe just to see your reaction. those are the possiblities, and yes, she is hurting inside.
about the stuff like her controlling you, trust is the issue. go talk to her, tell her about how you feel gently, make sure she doesn't flare up and refuse to hear you out. also, point out your own mistakes and apologise. then it's her turn. assure her that you love her, but u gotta mean it =p. and ask her the same.
give and take. compromise. -
Wah, you are my hero... my gf also that type, but less control freak, she only scared that I go drinking and let other girls sian... I told her friends important to me, and she only let me have male friends, lol... Everytime I happen to know a lady, she will go crazy... but she loves me so... I lan lan suck thumb lor.Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:Whenever I go out with friend, she is not entirely happy about it. I don't even drink, but can feel an uneasy vibe. I only meet my friend once per week on a weekday and it is difficult...
She also dun like it when I interact with my family. We always argue when we talk about my family. I think she prefers it if I'm family-less or friend-less.
Then whatever I do, she will ask and stop me if she not happy.
The kind of freedom that I'm talking about is whatever I do, I do not have to report or feel fear of being scolded, just because I did it. -
that is yr chosen pathOriginally posted by DailyFreeGames.com:Wah, you are my hero... my gf also that type, but less control freak, she only scared that I go drinking and let other girls sian... I told her friends important to me, and she only let me have male friends, lol... Everytime I happen to know a lady, she will go crazy... but she loves me so... I lan lan suck thumb lor. -
what type of freedom are you looking for anyway?Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:I've been missing my freedom since my marriage. The kind of freedom that single people take for granted is what I've had, until I got married. I didn't realise I miss it so much until I chit chat with my friend. He said it is because of freedom that he does not want to settle down.
Before marriage, I was debt-free, happy and free. After marriage, I was not that happy, got cc debt and totally unfree. There's no third party whatsoever. I just want to ask, DOES ANYONE OF U KNOW ANYONE WHO ENDED A MARRIAGE FOR FREEDOM?
I talk to my wife about freedom and she replied, "Well, you can consider divorce. Once we divorce, you can have all the freedom in the world." Dead-end talk.
Anyway, I am considering her offer. Meantime, I just want to know how everybody thinks about it. Lastly, we have no kids. So, any thoughts? Freedom or marriage?
and erm now got cc debt is because your wife is a spendthrift or other reasons?