a shitty nye.
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really need to vent and would like some advice .. actually, some of you might not even consider it substantive enough to be "vented", in which case, i really just want to let this out.
i was in a long and serious r'ship - over the years, i gradually stopped having a social life and eventually, i no longer had a social circle. i came out of this r'ship some months back. i find myself really lonely now. i don't want another relationship (not for some time), but i would love to have some company.
while i do have a group of great friends (all excellent people) with whom i hang out regularly, all they seem to be interested in is clubbing and pubbing; that's all we ever do, and it's hard to get them out for any other activity.
i work in a very niche industry - everyone knows everyone else - if i f**k up, word will spread like wildfire and my career would end prematurely. hence, i do not wish to bring my working life and personal life into conflict by asking my colleagues out - besides, the last thing i want is for people to feel obligated (by reason of the nature of our relationship) in any manner.
where should i start? how should i start? it's hard enough finding people to hang out, much less hanging out without any particular reason.
i know the most obvious answer would be to meet people at clubs - trust me i have tried but 50% of the time - the people i meet are on majorly different frequencies from me, and the other 50% of the time - the people i meet seem to think im some weird despo pervert freak. oh oh, and of all these people, at least 80% are super dao.
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another problem i seem to have is that my female friends always want to take things want step further - i dunno if it's somehting i'm putting out, but i definitely wish for it to stop; i have lost countless friends this way. how exactly can i, as a guy, maintain a plain and pure friendship with a lady? -
i am going for an outing tomorrow also, in this forum
maybe u can join us or something
and also, having a good social like doesn't mean clubbing and stuff
we call that nightlife -
thank you for the invitation, but .. i think advice would be great for now.Originally posted by gigabyte14:i am going for an outing tomorrow also, in this forum
maybe u can join us or something
and also, having a good social like doesn't mean clubbing and stuff
we call that nightlife
precisley, i think i have a half-decent nightlife, which, when compared with my non-existent social life, is like truffles to plain fungi. what i want is to build a social circle - how ? afterall, social life flows from having a social circle.
also, with regards people being dao in clubs - what shd i actually say to have them respond favourably, instead of with a black face? -
u can never meet good friends at clubs
mutual ones, yes, but never good, and close ones
and widen your social circle, but no very very close friends, got what use? -
tbh, for now, i just wnat people to hang out with.Originally posted by gigabyte14:u can never meet good friends at clubs
mutual ones, yes, but never good, and close ones
and widen your social circle, but no very very close friends, got what use?
and, u also did not venture an opinion as to where i can meet and make "good, and close" friends. -
what kind of activities do you like, since you don't like clubbing?
you could pick up a new skill by attending classes, or do some volunteer work... these are all instances where you can get to know new people.
as for the second part... check your own body language and behavior. These things aren't one-way. -
Originally posted by showmetheway123:really need to vent and would like some advice .. actually, some of you might not even consider it substantive enough to be "vented", in which case, i really just want to let this out.
i was in a long and serious r'ship - over the years, i gradually stopped having a social life and eventually, i no longer had a social circle. i came out of this r'ship some months back. i find myself really lonely now. i don't want another relationship (not for some time), but i would love to have some company.
while i do have a group of great friends (all excellent people) with whom i hang out regularly, all they seem to be interested in is clubbing and pubbing; that's all we ever do, and it's hard to get them out for any other activity.
i work in a very niche industry - everyone knows everyone else - if i f**k up, word will spread like wildfire and my career would end prematurely. hence, i do not wish to bring my working life and personal life into conflict by asking my colleagues out - besides, the last thing i want is for people to feel obligated (by reason of the nature of our relationship) in any manner.
where should i start? how should i start? it's hard enough finding people to hang out, much less hanging out without any particular reason.
i know the most obvious answer would be to meet people at clubs - trust me i have tried but 50% of the time - the people i meet are on majorly different frequencies from me, and the other 50% of the time - the people i meet seem to think im some weird despo pervert freak. oh oh, and of all these people, at least 80% are super dao.
--
another problem i seem to have is that my female friends always want to take things want step further - i dunno if it's somehting i'm putting out, but i definitely wish for it to stop; i have lost countless friends this way. how exactly can i, as a guy, maintain a plain and pure friendship with a lady?
I don't think it's the people - I think it's the avenue where you make friends.
You need to change your environment where you make friends; only then, your chances of knowing geniune friends will be better. Mooku has suggested some possibilities and you might want to consider them.
P.S: If you want to drink coke, you don't go to Sashi Sushi just to purchase a can of coke, even though you know they have it. It makes no sense, time and money for your decision when you could have stop by at the 7-11 opposite your house.
The issue lies with your wanting to drink coke - not the place you buy coke.
Cheers -
Hard, but still possible, you can still make friends with your colleagues.Originally posted by showmetheway123:really need to vent and would like some advice .. actually, some of you might not even consider it substantive enough to be "vented", in which case, i really just want to let this out.
i was in a long and serious r'ship - over the years, i gradually stopped having a social life and eventually, i no longer had a social circle. i came out of this r'ship some months back. i find myself really lonely now. i don't want another relationship (not for some time), but i would love to have some company.
while i do have a group of great friends (all excellent people) with whom i hang out regularly, all they seem to be interested in is clubbing and pubbing; that's all we ever do, and it's hard to get them out for any other activity.
i work in a very niche industry - everyone knows everyone else - if i f**k up, word will spread like wildfire and my career would end prematurely. hence, i do not wish to bring my working life and personal life into conflict by asking my colleagues out - besides, the last thing i want is for people to feel obligated (by reason of the nature of our relationship) in any manner.
where should i start? how should i start? it's hard enough finding people to hang out, much less hanging out without any particular reason.
i know the most obvious answer would be to meet people at clubs - trust me i have tried but 50% of the time - the people i meet are on majorly different frequencies from me, and the other 50% of the time - the people i meet seem to think im some weird despo pervert freak. oh oh, and of all these people, at least 80% are super dao.
--
another problem i seem to have is that my female friends always want to take things want step further - i dunno if it's somehting i'm putting out, but i definitely wish for it to stop; i have lost countless friends this way. how exactly can i, as a guy, maintain a plain and pure friendship with a lady? -
what does TS mean by his female friends always want to take things "one step further"? they want a relationship? or physical stuff?
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So simple.
Just wear a ring on your finger. -
so ur trying to say ur a casanova of some sort eh?Originally posted by showmetheway123:another problem i seem to have is that my female friends always want to take things want step further - i dunno if it's somehting i'm putting out, but i definitely wish for it to stop; i have lost countless friends this way. how exactly can i, as a guy, maintain a plain and pure friendship with a lady?
but wat u mean by losing "countless friends this way"? as in ur female frens all avoid u and totally cut contact wif u cos they don wan a platonic relationship wif u? -
join some activity groups with common interest lor..
meet up sgf forumites if u want.. -
dont you have friends from school days? uni, jc. poly. sec etc....
pick up stuff like ktv bowling mahjong pool ... do stuff with your friends and soon the group will expand to friends of friends etc...
thats how i expand my social circle... many of my friends for years are dropping off the "can call" list as they get married have babies etc.
it can be hard calling a fren you havent been in touch with for years.. but i realise friends made during school days are those who are genuinely happy when they hear from you after a long period of no contact ( of cuz if the call is not about a certain red card).
no business contacts involved (work in niche industry too) -
oh and to avoid the attracting ladies part...
istead of hanging out with single ladies.. hang out with those who are married or in a steady serious relationship...
they're more likely to just see you as a friend not a potential bf/hb material person......