TOUGH LOVE
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I am 29 this year. Been with this guy (R) for a year. I am very depressed and sad. can someone help me out here.
In mid august 06, i broke up with (T) 4 year older whom i was dating for 3 years because we didnt progress and think we just drift off. In jan 07 I met R thro a sport club and started dating him.
R is same age as me and a very emotional guy. He believed that even if a relationship had broken up, he can still care for his ex. he came from a broken family, mother dont really care abt him and siblings are selfish too.
FIRST 6 MONTHS
When we first started first 6 mths, it was a total struggle for me. i felt i was on an roller coaster,sometimes happy sometimes very sad. very often i want to break up and run away. A few incidents: a) his ex was someone who work late. one of the nights i was staying with R at his place, his ex ask if she can stay in the house for 1 nite cos of travelling late. R let her in even though we are in the same house, same bedroom!
2nd incident: her 2nd ex came back from HK. she was invited to R's brother's kids birthday party. R was supposed to go pick her up because she stay very near - ok for me. R was driving a mini then. only can go thro front seat to back seat. for some reason not sure it is for convenience sake, i was sat behind! and the girl was sat infront!
it was a roller coaster ride. i wanna break up wth him but yet stick with him becuase i love him and even my parents dun like him, i stick with him. maybe the fact i sticking with him to show my parents he is the one.
during the course of the relationship, he is constantly broke. i pay for his studies and pay for his car. i felt a lot of burden on my shoulder but i do it because i love him.
2nd 6 months
he change for the better. he focus and treat me better. BUT this time i feel different. i feel all he is nice and such - i deserve it. what he is doing it is to compensate me. and everytime i am struggling when i am with him. because i feel i deserve someone better!
out rship start to break down. arguement over money and his emtional moods, his temper. i feel stress cos paying for everything and come home have to withstand his temper. i left his place and move home. now cool offing.
now he want an ultimatum. To break off or get back together start afresh.
he need 2 year down the road to make money. this time, i will still pay for him everything. even then 2 years may not appear....i am not sure what i am waiting for to....
marriage? his temperament and emotional sting for his ex?
i know i still love him. to break this off is like cutting my heart. yet, to get back to him, it is a struggle for me financially and emotionally.
and will marriage be the final sting for us both?
all of my friends are against this r.ship. 9 out of 10 say i should break it up and i deserve someone better. only 1 say to stick with him..that's me.
please give me your comments! -
wow, i need a 2nd read before commenting. but in general, i can see that ur BF is a relatively nice person. try to understand him better & feel more secure by urself rather than depending on him for that aspect.
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Any reason to support him financially?
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i sarport the 9.
and why do u still wan to pay for his everything?? -
U sound like a sugar mummy to him except the fact that he get to call the shot!
Sometime, a ger married not just base on love but what a guy can provide for her and their future family. That is why most ger look for a provider rather then a lover. So which do think he fit in?
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wow, what i see is that ur bf has a mobile bank.. online 24 hours a day..
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oh my god. sad to say but I think u should leave him..
No guy should ask a girl to pay his everything. very xiao bai lian.
if unable to support you at least he should manage his own life stably before getting a gf.
why get a car if he cant afford.
its seems so tough for u.
poor girl. just let go... I dun think he is the right one. still leting his ex to stay at his house seems like a ridiculous idea to me. everything like a play thing to him, if I were you I will felt humiliated. his ex and you in the same room, extreme awdwardness unless u all were friends. if not its a crazy situation.
the more u drag the more chances you have missed to get a better one.
My relationship just ended also, I think love is not everything, we have many other things to do and fulfil for ourselves. you should start caring for yourself more. -
1st incident, should not do that
2nd incident, usually the person who gets on last will sit in front for a 2 seater. dont think so much cuz probably he did not.
he is leeching off u. tell him straight that u dun wan that and ask him to make himself useful. tell him straight. -
you also not old already. sometimes, just be contented.
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i just told him "we break up"
it is so painful................. -
I think you should stick with him.
Until your bank runs dry and he can no longer milk you for money, he will be the one to call off the relationship.
That way, you will not need to decide if you want this relationship or not, because he has decided what he wants.
That is , to find another girl he truly love and to provide for.
Right now, you are his savior, but ultimately, ALL men wants to be a girl's knight in shiny armor.
Marrying him will not solve your problem, but it will solve his problem for sure.
I suggest you hang on to it.. because since 9 people cannot convince you to leave him, you need to heed your own advise. -
When you have doubt, you are probably right.
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You need an ultimatum of your own. Get together but stop paying for him. Then just enjoy the relationship and see where it leads.
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All breakup are painful. I am sure you had tired to make the r/s possible. Now that it is over, dun look back and keep moving forward. It is only the second day of year 2008, just let bygone b bygone and start the new year afresh. U are better off without him.Originally posted by lhuiling:i just told him "we break up"
it is so painful................. -
Hi TS, men and women alike should only open their wallets to expensive presents / financial support when the relationship is secure or when they are talking husbands and wives, or at the very least, the good possibility of a sturdy commitment.Originally posted by lhuiling:i just told him "we break up"
it is so painful.................
In your case, it sounds like Mr R has little or no feelings for you, only an affection for your Visa card. Take some time off and get some perspective about him as a person. Are you buying his affection? How long will you be able to sustain these habits? What are the qualities you desire in a partner? Do you see foresee a fulfilling relationship? Are your possibilities as a couple shrouded in misery and difficulties or laughter and devotion?
From the bottom of your gut, is he going to stick around when you decide not to finance his studies / car? From the bottom of your gut, is Mr R prepared to make the same sacrifices for you?
Did he initiate financial help from you? Why would he give you an ultimatum?Originally posted by lhuiling:during the course of the relationship, he is constantly broke. i pay for his studies and pay for his car. i felt a lot of burden on my shoulder but i do it because i love him.
now he want an ultimatum. To break off or get back together start afresh.
he need 2 year down the road to make money. this time, i will still pay for him everything. even then 2 years may not appear....i am not sure what i am waiting for to....
If it's coming straight from the horse's mouth that he needs 2 years to make money and you should provide for him during this period of time, your only hope of escaping unscathed is simply disappear. Based on your post, anyone will be hard pressed to refrain from saying Mr R is making use of you. On top of that, the ultimatum sounds like emotional blackmail for his own benefit.
Sounds like you've been taken for a sucker. -
thanks everyone for your opinion....i need to be strong here..
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I noe u can be make it thru since yr decision has been made.Originally posted by lhuiling:thanks everyone for your opinion....i need to be strong here..
All the best -
Like all storm, just hang in there and soon sunshine will resume. I am sure u can do it. Hope to see u smiling and happy again soon. Take care.Originally posted by lhuiling:thanks everyone for your opinion....i need to be strong here..
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from your post, you sounded like you wanted a r/s just because of the sake of having one
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the and 6 months, he is really nice to me. he make breaksfast for me, drive me towork early in the morning even if he didnt need to go work( he is commission based on sessions).
what i like about him is his intellect, he is talking at my wavelength. and his simplicity..simple down to earth..
anyway..Had said it already. no point looking back -
I did not even finish reading your whole post. I read until the first 6th month of your roller-coaster relationship oni.Originally posted by lhuiling:I am 29 this year. Been with this guy (R) for a year. I am very depressed and sad. can someone help me out here.
In mid august 06, i broke up with (T) 4 year older whom i was dating for 3 years because we didnt progress and think we just drift off. In jan 07 I met R thro a sport club and started dating him.
R is same age as me and a very emotional guy. He believed that even if a relationship had broken up, he can still care for his ex. he came from a broken family, mother dont really care abt him and siblings are selfish too.
FIRST 6 MONTHS
When we first started first 6 mths, it was a total struggle for me. i felt i was on an roller coaster,sometimes happy sometimes very sad. very often i want to break up and run away. A few incidents: a) his ex was someone who work late. one of the nights i was staying with R at his place, his ex ask if she can stay in the house for 1 nite cos of travelling late. R let her in even though we are in the same house, same bedroom!
2nd incident: her 2nd ex came back from HK. she was invited to R's brother's kids birthday party. R was supposed to go pick her up because she stay very near - ok for me. R was driving a mini then. only can go thro front seat to back seat. for some reason not sure it is for convenience sake, i was sat behind! and the girl was sat infront!
it was a roller coaster ride. i wanna break up wth him but yet stick with him becuase i love him and even my parents dun like him, i stick with him. maybe the fact i sticking with him to show my parents he is the one.
during the course of the relationship, he is constantly broke. i pay for his studies and pay for his car. i felt a lot of burden on my shoulder but i do it because i love him.
2nd 6 months
he change for the better. he focus and treat me better. BUT this time i feel different. i feel all he is nice and such - i deserve it. what he is doing it is to compensate me. and everytime i am struggling when i am with him. because i feel i deserve someone better!
out rship start to break down. arguement over money and his emtional moods, his temper. i feel stress cos paying for everything and come home have to withstand his temper. i left his place and move home. now cool offing.
now he want an ultimatum. To break off or get back together start afresh.
he need 2 year down the road to make money. this time, i will still pay for him everything. even then 2 years may not appear....i am not sure what i am waiting for to....
marriage? his temperament and emotional sting for his ex?
i know i still love him. to break this off is like cutting my heart. yet, to get back to him, it is a struggle for me financially and emotionally.
and will marriage be the final sting for us both?
all of my friends are against this r.ship. 9 out of 10 say i should break it up and i deserve someone better. only 1 say to stick with him..that's me.
please give me your comments!
Three words for you : BREAK IT OFF!!! and fast!
What I can't stand is YOU are the girlfriend now, so why must you sit behind the mini? Your bf either don't respect you or taking you for granted. This has nothing to do with being xiao qi. This is about rights. Territorial rights!
Drop him! Drop him! Besides your parents also don't like him. No love lost here. Just because you're already 29 don't sell yourself short. If this is how you are being treated like second class citizen during this courtship I can't imagine what will be life like for you after marriage!
So, again DROP HIM! Don't look back! Find another that is more worthy! -
GratZ....Originally posted by lhuiling:i just told him "we break up"
it is so painful.................
i sarport u...
dun bcos of a tree give up the whole forest...
many many fishes out there too... -
seems like no love and respect for u ... there are other guys out there..no worry
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I think you have made a right decision. I can understand how you feel.Originally posted by lhuiling:the and 6 months, he is really nice to me. he make breaksfast for me, drive me towork early in the morning even if he didnt need to go work( he is commission based on sessions).
what i like about him is his intellect, he is talking at my wavelength. and his simplicity..simple down to earth..
anyway..Had said it already. no point looking back
Seems all relationships similar, honeymoon period is the first few month are the sweetest.
Its like a drug that make you fall blindly in love. When the true colour is out, its so hard to accept the change. Keep wanting to go back to the happy times.
Of course there are alot of good people out there for you. just have to open eyes bigger to judge clearly.
Next time when you meet the next one, I guess better not devote 100% into it during the first few month. -
thanks tier and all...............
i will be strong