What should I do to stand up for myself?
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Dear AA,
I'm 16 going on 17 this year and I've been attached to my bf for almost a year now
I think that he's no good for me but I just can't say no to him.
1. He distracts me from my studies
He doesn't really encourage me to study. Even when my very important O levels were nearing, we often quarrel because I wanted to study and he wouldn't let me because he didn't want to end our phone conversation. For that, my studies has gone down the drain. I just wish he could be a little more supportive. I hate to quarrel with him.
2. He constantly spends my money
He's always broke & always asking me to pay for things, saying that "Money is meant to be spent". He would plead with me to lend him money & I ALWAYS give it to him. & He almost never returns the money I lend him. I spent more than a $1000 on him last year.
3. He ABUSES me
He verbally abuses me. When we fight, he would scold me vulgarities (eg: calling me a f***ing b****) and humiliate me, if he got the chance. When I told him I want to break up with him, he would threaten me, saying that "he would make my life hell". He also threatened to tell my dirty secrets to the world.
4. He's ruining his own future
He's retained in Secondary 3 for the 2nd time this year. I, as a girlfriend, feel a little ashamed when my friends asks me why my boyfriend is 17 and still in school. He constantly skips school (& tells me to do so too, sometimes). I try to tuition him and wake him up every morning to make sure he goes to school but my efforts usually goes to waste when I get his report book. I mean, if he wants to marry me in the future (that's what he claims), how on earth can he support me?
5. He's violent & bad-tempered
I'm afraid to make him really, very angry. I mean, he gets angry over the most ridiculous things. There was this one time, during a fight, he pushed me & I fell backwards. I cried my eyes out but he didn't give a damn. Several times he used sharp objects to scare me so that I give in to our little argument, eg: Beer bottle & razor
I feel very lost as I really have a lot of feelings for this guy. But he really bullies me. In short, he is a delinquent & I know I have become one, too, under his influence. But I want to change because it's a new year & I want to go to Poly to start things fresh.
How can I say no to this guy who's still is Sec 3 this year & isn't at the same level of thinking as me? Is there any way I can turn him around? See the way I see things? I feel that if I break up with him, I'll regret because I love him a lot. He told me many times that he really loves me a lot. But why do I feel otherwise? Please help
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go to sleep, hardly anyone will reply you at this kind of time. and i am still mourning from the fact that, a lot of anime series are taking a rest for a week, and i don't get to watch ongoing anime for this week..
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From what u say,i can onli gather that he is a big time jerk.
Spend ur money?
Violence against u? -
you need to break up with him, for your own good.
If he further threatens you, go to the police. -
+1Originally posted by gLc:you need to break up with him, for your own good.
If he further threatens you, go to the police.
u control ur own destiny, choose the way u wana live ur life.
jiayou -
Girl, you are living in fear. Not basking in love.
He uses fear to control you , and leash you like a pet.
A guy who loves you will not treat you the way your guy treats you.
At your age, you are very vulnerable to people like him.
The more fearful you are of him, the more likely he will bully you.
I suggest you seek your family for help and protection.
When you break up, I'm sure he will threaten you with more violence and plenty of abuses. The only way is to let him know you are not to be trifled with anymore.
If he continues to threaten you, you must go to the police station and make a report.
Include his name, contact number and address and school.
Get a copy of this report, if he threaten you again, you send him a copy of the report and warn him, If anything happens to you, the police will know who to look for.
He wants to ruin his own future, let him be, Don't let him ruin yours.
I had an abusive bf before, and I went through hell during that time.
Like you, he was my very "first love", and he was everything to me.
I hoped things will improve, but it only got worst.
From just verbal abuse, to stalking, to shovingme against the wall , to physical abuse, and finally he threatens to end my life, that's when I woke up and say " I don't want to die".
The only way to stop him is to fight back.
Good luck, and be strong. -
Originally posted by Yuki~!:
... obviously, your heart and your head are in different directions. You heart feels one way and your head thinks a different way.
Dear AA,
I'm 16 this year and I've been attached to my bf for almost a year now
I think that he's no good for me but I just can't say no to him.
[b]1. He distracts me from my studies
2. He constantly spends my money
3. He ABUSES me
4. He's ruining his own future
5. He's violent & bad-tempered
I feel very lost as I really have a lot of feelings for this guy. But he really bullies me. In short, he is a delinquent & I know I have become one, too, under his influence. But I want to change because it's a new year & I want to go to Poly to start things fresh.
How can I say no to this guy who's still is Sec 3 this year & isn't at the same level of thinking as me? Is there any way I can turn him around? See the way I see things? I feel that if I break up with him, I'll regret because I love him a lot. He told me many times that he really loves me a lot. But why do I feel otherwise? Please help [/b]
So go with your heart or go with your head? You decide!
You can do something proactive like break up with him or you can just continue do nothing...
Either way life goes on.... some people in this world (maybe you) enjoy living a miserable life *shrug* To each his/her own. -
... remember... break up or not, life goes on... no big deal... don't imagine that if you break up it is the end...
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everyone has choices, its up to his or her own to decide.
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Oh no, but since you are seolang's friend, I guess the best option is to break up with him.
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... and if she is not, then she shouldn't break up with him?Originally posted by dbowie:Oh no, but since you are seolang's friend, I guess the best option is to break up with him.
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If she's not, I will just ask her to introduce herself to me.Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:... and if she is not, then she shouldn't break up with him? 
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I have already gave u my advice.
so its up to u.
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...but but but... she is so wishy washy, you still want her?Originally posted by dbowie:If she's not, I will just ask her to introduce herself to me. -
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Originally posted by Yuki~!:
Bf are only temp.
Dear AA,
I'm 16 this year and I've been attached to my bf for almost a year now
I think that he's no good for me but I just can't say no to him.
[b]1. He distracts me from my studies
He doesn't really encourage me to study. Even when my very important O levels were nearing, we often quarrel because I wanted to study and he wouldn't let me because he didn't want to end our phone conversation. For that, my studies has gone down the drain. I just wish he could be a little more supportive. I hate to quarrel with him.
2. He constantly spends my money
He's always broke & always asking me to pay for things, saying that "Money is meant to be spent". He would plead with me to lend him money & I ALWAYS give it to him. & He almost never returns the money I lend him. I spent more than a $1000 on him last year.
3. He ABUSES me
He verbally abuses me. When we fight, he would scold me vulgarities (eg: calling me a f***ing b****) and humiliate me, if he got the chance. When I told him I want to break up with him, he would threaten me, saying that "he would make my life hell". He also threatened to tell my dirty secrets to the world.
4. He's ruining his own future
He's retained in Secondary 3 for the 2nd time this year. I, as a girlfriend, feel a little ashamed when my friends asks me why my boyfriend is 17 and still in school. He constantly skips school (& tells me to do so too, sometimes). I try to tuition him and wake him up every morning to make sure he goes to school but my efforts usually goes to waste when I get his report book. I mean, if he wants to marry me in the future (that's what he claims), how on earth can he support me?
5. He's violent & bad-tempered
I'm afraid to make him really, very angry. I mean, he gets angry over the most ridiculous things. There was this one time, during a fight, he pushed me & I fell backwards. I cried my eyes out but he didn't give a damn. Several times he used sharp objects to scare me so that I give in to our little argument, eg: Beer bottle & razor
I feel very lost as I really have a lot of feelings for this guy. But he really bullies me. In short, he is a delinquent & I know I have become one, too, under his influence. But I want to change because it's a new year & I want to go to Poly to start things fresh.
How can I say no to this guy who's still is Sec 3 this year & isn't at the same level of thinking as me? Is there any way I can turn him around? See the way I see things? I feel that if I break up with him, I'll regret because I love him a lot. He told me many times that he really loves me a lot. But why do I feel otherwise? Please help [/b]
You can change bf anytime you want but u cannot change your school result.
School Result is forever !!
You are a smart gal and you should know what to do. I was like you once and neglected my studies in the early years due to relationship. In the end I had to study extra hard to get back the lost time.
Love so what. It does not give you, your monthly salary to live in this cruel world. Results are the only ticket to a better life. What happens if a better gal comes along and he runs off? Your love and effort will come to nothing.
Lets do this test.
If he loves you ask him to change if not he is just using you for his own needs thats all. -
i dun tink he loves u
he only wans to spend ur money nia -
Byebye
you're goin to hell if u follow this guy again and be with him
Love? Cmon la... if you really love some1 , u wouldnt make that person cry..
wtf u think he really love u ? He uses u for his sake and lied to u that he really loves u to cheat u ..
if u still blind, really... its a byebye to yourself already, perhaps you're the next suicide victim , only God knows
just leave him, if he threatens u to tell your dirty secret then let him talk that.. its always better than being with some1 lilke him.. if he threaten to hurt u, just cal the police to get him.. theres alwasy a way but u think there is no way cuz u still love him which is kinda stupid to be with some1 u love but that person doesnt love u. -
get rid of that trash
anyway, do you see yourself being happy with scum? why cling on to such a relationship? -
I seriously doubt he loves u. Btw, i can tell u:" I LOVE U" (x 100) but in my heart i tell myself:" lol... I LOVE U for $$$ to spend, GOOD DEAL!
" I LOVE U is a word of expression and nothing else.
If u love something, will u verbally abused or physically abused it? Though this contradicts when u whack ur siblings for being rebellious and all but it is of a different story -- that is discipline not abuse. Discipline is mild while abuse is extreme.
Like other forumers said:"go report to police or seek protection from family". 17 years old only and ur bf is already so cb, really never die before. Got gut go fight with guys, only knows how to bully girl. WEAKLINGS. -
two words to him and a hand signal to him ' f**k off' and the middle finger .
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go to the police station and get personal protection!!! GOGOGO!!!
Even so.. what do u love about him?? -
Hi Yuki,
You sound quite wonderful as a girl, perhaps because it's easy to identify with your problems. It's always difficult to say no to someone when there are feelings involved. Truth be told, even if he were the epitome of complete badness, as long as you are attracted to him, you'll stick around. From the tone of your post, the hurt you feel is brimming, just not enough for you to leave him completely.
On your 'wayward' boyfriend:
No one is born tough or bad. Souls are hardened, embittered over time. His experiences and history as a kid probably has a lot to do with the way he is right now. The good news is, 16 is hardly a defining phase in his life. The bad news, it's going to take a lot more than a nurturing girlfriend (you) for him to get his act together. If a person doesnÂ’t have Integrity and character coming in, youÂ’re not going to change him. In my humble opinion, even if anyone is going to set him straight, it's going to have to be a mentor who can guide him, a role model he respects or the outcome of an important event.
If you're feeling a timbre of resentment (for fear he may drag you down), please think again. It's certainly unfair to place the blame on anybody else. In life, you've got to find the courage somewhere in yourself to pursue the adventures and dreams you are after. If you want to go to a polytechnic and that is your goal, then that is where you start.
For all we know, if you do choose to leave him today, years or months from now you two may pick up from where you left off. Maybe you will meet someone else. Maybe you won't. Let time do it's work.
Once you have decided on whether or not you want to break things up. It will be easier to tackle the problem of blackmail. You haven't been clear about the hold he has got over you. What sort of secret is it? An embarrassing story? If this secret does not involve embezzling funds, producing counterfeit bills and secret sex videos, then by all means just stay away from him.
If he has been violent to you, then please just walk away. There is never any excuse for someone to hit or threaten violence to another gender. You don't hit animals and you don't hit people. It's as simple as it can get.
When you are in a real relationship, you'll realize that you're not there to be your boyfriend's punching bag, ATM machine and psychiatrist.
Good luck to you. -
I think we all know that you already know what to do, just that you do not have the courage to carry it out.
Please think for yourself, don't be so naive, what makes you think a guy like him would really mean what he says? (marrying you)
What do you love about him? To me, he seems like a out and out loser, you're still young and you still have probably 10 more years before you get married or what. If one day you and him get married, what happens?
I hope you haven't lost anything more precious than money to him. So, end this before it escalates to the next level. -
sad case
