Feeling lonely and terribly depressed

• mistyblue

  15 Jan 08, 11:46

  Originally posted by JoySoyLake:

  I did a lot of things but things never worked out.

  What are the things you tried?
  
  Could it be the approach?
  
  How about maybe she's feeling depressed herself and cannot get out of it?
  
  Consider counseling for you guys?
  
  Sometimes it take persistence to get to the root of the problem
  
  What are you prepared to give up to fix this r/s?
  
  Are you fully committed to revive the r/s?
  
  
• apples

  15 Jan 08, 11:58

  
  You need to think back how and why your relationship is at it's current state.
  
  I do not advocate big gifts or fanciful trips. The small things in life are often missed out and means much more than what many thinks. For a situation like this to change, a paradigm shift has to happen.
• JoySoyLake

  15 Jan 08, 12:41

  Originally posted by huzane89:

  have u try to get intimate with her?

  Yes but she don't show any slight of interest at all.
• raymond_sianz

  15 Jan 08, 12:45

  Hmmm I guess you just can' t help it. Woman after menopause tend to be like that. Especially asian woman. Does she take those homo pills? Not sure if those things help. But i could say. Maybe you could have male friends who you could talk to rather then female friends. They might be out for your money.
• JoySoyLake

  15 Jan 08, 12:45

  Originally posted by mistyblue:

  What are the things you tried?
  
  Could it be the approach?
  
  How about maybe she's feeling depressed herself and cannot get out of it?
  
  Consider counseling for you guys?
  
  Sometimes it take persistence to get to the root of the problem
  
  What are you prepared to give up to fix this r/s?
  
  Are you fully committed to revive the r/s?
  
  

  1. Things that I tried is to make her happy, try to take her to vacation, buy her stuffs to surprise her and a lot more. Just like what you adults do to catch your love one heart. I try to understand and share feelings with her. She said nothing is wrong with her.
  
  2. There's nothing wrong with the root, everything seems to be fine.
  
  3. I'll give up anything to fix this relationship.
  
  4. Of course I fully committed to revive my relationship, otherwise I won't be so depressed about this stuff.
• JoySoyLake

  15 Jan 08, 12:47

  Originally posted by apples:

  You need to think back how and why your relationship is at it's current state.
  
  I do not advocate big gifts or fanciful trips. The small things in life are often missed out and means much more than what many thinks. For a situation like this to change, a paradigm shift has to happen.

  I tried to be a perfect husband, I gave everything and anything to her. I even surprise her on special occasion. She quite happy about it but the next day she change back to normal. Kind of two face people.
  
  
• jojobeach

  15 Jan 08, 13:26

  Originally posted by JoySoyLake:

  I tried to be a perfect husband, I gave everything and anything to her. I even surprise her on special occasion. She quite happy about it but the next day she change back to normal. Kind of two face people.
  
  

  You and your wife needs to go for marriage counseling.
  
  Apparently, your wife is happy with the way things are.
  You're the only one that's not happy.
  
  
• mistyblue

  15 Jan 08, 13:53

  
  Can you state clearly, be very specific what exactly you want from your wife?
  
  For example the Lyrics to Somebody by Depeche Mode is very specific:
  http://www.depechemode.se/S/somebody.htm
• apples

  15 Jan 08, 14:03

  Originally posted by JoySoyLake:

  I tried to be a perfect husband, I gave everything and anything to her. I even surprise her on special occasion. She quite happy about it but the next day she change back to normal. Kind of two face people.
  
  

  Surprises are alright but like it, it is momentary which is why I say the small things in life is very important. If you can do small things together, it means there are common grounds and probably goals.
  
  Take for example, when your child were small. There was the common goal to care and nurture your child. Like all parents, I bet both of you are easily kept busy with many little things, like fetching the kids back, ensuring their meals are taken, making them sleep at 10pm, giving them a hug every morning, etc... These would have gone on for years and years. I am pretty sure how you acted then on the child bearing and rearing has also a certain impact on her perception on you until now.
  
  Now that your children are old, that goal is becoming obsolete. So you must find another big common goal and which both of you can do the little things together again. It's gonna be tough because it's a 11 year accumulated problem. Find interest in life again for both of you!
  
  Also, don't be a perfect husband and I don't mean be a bad one, just be a good one because it gives space for each other.
  
  Also, your answers to all the posted suggestions says you aren't exactly open. I sense a certain unwillingness and weakness to try and try. What has been tried and failed before does not mean will not work. The approach to any problems make a big difference.
  
  E.g. Our children is one of best tool you can use to heal a family relationship. If you have shown lots of love to your children, your children will surely try to help you back if you pour your sorrows to them. So instead of talking your problems directly to your wife, you can talk through your children.
  
  Lastly, I give you this quote from a very great father and grandfather Stephen Covey "Seek First To Understand, Then Be Understood."
  
• golani_bde

  15 Jan 08, 15:05

  Originally posted by JoySoyLake:

  1. Things that I tried is to make her happy, try to take her to vacation, buy her stuffs to surprise her and a lot more. Just like what you adults do to catch your love one heart. I try to understand and share feelings with her. She said nothing is wrong with her.
  
  2. There's nothing wrong with the root, everything seems to be fine.
  
  3. I'll give up anything to fix this relationship.
  
  4. Of course I fully committed to revive my relationship, otherwise I won't be so depressed about this stuff.

  Stop repeating the MCA politician's story here, you freaking clone!!!!!!
• Zarks

  15 Jan 08, 15:08

  sometimes i think . why usualy guys who give in more ? sigh
• Leonlum

  15 Jan 08, 16:50

  Originally posted by Zarks:

  sometimes i think . why usualy guys who give in more ? sigh

  it's nature.
  
  can't change it though.
  
  mostly, we only give in from the start. it changes after some time.
  
  anyway, girls are to be pampered.
  
  clones should be executed.
  
  
• allulu69

  15 Jan 08, 17:06

  No $$$ no honey.
  
  
• de_middle

  15 Jan 08, 17:19

  Originally posted by JoySoyLake:

  Yes but she don't show any slight of interest at all.

  sick old man
• ordinaryguy32

  15 Jan 08, 17:32

  Am I being too cynical?
  
  I thought this column is a complete fake, at the risk of stating the obvious.
  
  But you guys may be knowing that and giving him the benefit of the doubt, although I can see some replies that are humouring TS too.
  
  Moderator, any comments?
  
• maxsee

  15 Jan 08, 17:49

  I must say u came to the wrong place to ask for advice...here all kiddos answering ur question...u better off going for marriage counselling lah
• gforce199

  15 Jan 08, 19:34

  lol..
  stupid clone..
• JoySoyLake

  15 Jan 08, 20:05

  Thanks to those who willing to solve my problems. However what's the term of clone in this forum? Why some of you guys keep mocking me a clone?
  
  
• Yunhaier

  15 Jan 08, 22:07

  I am closing this thread.
  
  PM me if you need, but if you are a clone, don't waste my time via PM. You had 3 pages of fun while I wasn't around, so that should suffice.