in a dilemma replied by w.eikaas @ Sat, 23 Feb 2008 01:37:48 +0800

w.eikaas — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 01:37:48 +0800

Originally posted by xavier1979:

Since your hubby cheated on you once, your heart felt like you had the license to be unfaithful too. But all that is left now is regret.

Why did you check into a hotel for? Just to watch DVDs only? The atmosphere is almost poisonous enough for such an incident to happen.

That guy sux. He knows you're married and he still tempted you to commit the wrong acts. For a place to chat, there is always the park, the cafe, the beach etc.

Come clean with your hubby. Both of you have committed adultery. If both of you can't forgive each other AND forget this past, then I'm afraid divorce is not far in the horizon.

second

in a dilemma replied by areusure @ Mon, 18 Feb 2008 17:09:35 +0800

areusure — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 17:09:35 +0800

what done cannot undone.

see whether things can be reconciled. tell truths if necessary betw huby and u.

if not, move on. i know dam difficult 'cause divorce not prettty.

take care. mos of all.

in a dilemma replied by Genie99a @ Mon, 18 Feb 2008 13:44:06 +0800

Genie99a — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 13:44:06 +0800

Originally posted by wirdan21:

i'm married-one year.things between me n my hubby are rocky right now.he cheated on me before.i'm very upset with him.so i met up with a guy fren just now.we checked into a hotel to watch dvds and just catch up with each other.i didnt have any motives or anything.i just need to spend some time with a fren,to pour out my sorrows.he started to get intimate with me and we ended up doing things that i'm not supposed to be doing-not the extent of having sex-.it wasnt like that last time.

now i'm feeling very guilty.i feel like i've done my hubby wrong.i've cheated on him havent i?haiz..i really dunno what to do.

Hi TS,

Yes you have cheated on your husband. And i believe you knew it the minute he mentioned "hotel to watch DVDs".

Moving on you should keep it secret from your husband. Also let the guy know you wish to end it ... via sms is good.... meeting up with him just to say you wanna end the relationship will end up with more sex..... unless thats what you want. In which case u should ask yourself if you are after the thrill of having an affair.... or am greedy and want both .... or are you afraid of the hassle of splitting with your husband.

Regards

Genie99

in a dilemma replied by Guardx @ Mon, 18 Feb 2008 07:32:35 +0800

Guardx — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 07:32:35 +0800

lets go to the root of the problem first rather than solving the after effects.

Curious to know the following things

1) How old are you and your husband?

2) Do you have a good sex life with your husnband?

3) Is your husband a flirt before he married you?

4) have you actually seen your husband cheated on you? ( holding hands with another gal, checking into hotel with another gal e.g.)

5) how much do you really love your husband?

6) arranged marriage?

7) Why do you want to marry him? love, money, husband good looking, husband earning $15k a month?

There are many reason on why a marriage failed, is better to know more about the marriage first before I start on my advices.

in a dilemma replied by Ed11790 @ Mon, 18 Feb 2008 03:04:42 +0800

Ed11790 — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 03:04:42 +0800

what u did was wrong..........even though he cheated on u before you still shouldnt have done those things ........it is because u want revenge..................

in a dilemma replied by FBI @ Mon, 18 Feb 2008 02:23:03 +0800

FBI — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 02:23:03 +0800

Originally posted by browniebaobao:

so really got ple go hotel watch dvd wan har?

i tot it's a lame excuse commonly used by the celebrities.

who (especially a married woman) in the right mind would go hotel with a man thinking it's purely watching dvd?

did u do it out of revenge?

if u were.. u did it, but are u happy?

I think it would be only fair to tell him if he ever confessed to u abt his wrongdoings. From there, seek each other's forgiveness and hopefully after this crisis, u two will learn how to be truthful and cherish each other more.

watch porn no wonder will get intimate

in a dilemma replied by curiousOrange @ Mon, 18 Feb 2008 02:20:57 +0800

curiousOrange — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 02:20:57 +0800

What happened with DVD boy sounded almost like an accident.

That was not an accident.

When you tripped over your own shoelaces, that’s an accident.

When you check into a hotel with a man, your needs are not met.

Cheating in marriage is often due to a psychological reason rather than a sexual urge.

Your decision to cheat is not some overwhelming biological urge that took over you, but rather a psychological urge to seek positive validation to your ego.

Your husband wounded your ego when you realized he’s seeing someone else.

You cheated because of you felt unappreciated.

I’m telling you all these so that hopefully you will realize,

Stop rationalizing what has already happened.

Stop seeking that DVD boy.

He has nothing to offer to you except temporary validation and solace.

It is easier to be in an emotional and suffering state and to look for empathy rather than take ownership for the situation you are in when your actions contributed to it.

What is the reason your husband cheated?

Could it be because his needs are not met as well?

The only permanent solace you can get is from solving the problems you have in your marriage.

That problem has been staring right in front of your face.

Don’t choose to ignore it.

A lot have been said about whether you should or should not tell your husband.

I don’t think that is the main issue now.

A more important task at hand is to forgive yourself.

Forgiving yourself is hardest thing to do but the only way forward.

Your guilt will only drive your husband further away.

in a dilemma replied by Tier @ Fri, 15 Feb 2008 13:08:10 +0800

Tier — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 13:08:10 +0800

Gosh watching dvd and catch up in a hotel. sounds like a very wrong place. This is a very awkward and wrong thing to happen with friend. its better to stop contact with this friend.

Its really terrible to be cheated on. But why must u do the same thing?

Gotta get some responsibility for your marriage. think of why u wanna marry your husband in the first place. All the love you all have for each other and in the ended cheated on each other.

Have good talk with him calmly and know what is he thinking. And your feelings for each other, is it still there?

If u still want this marriage to survive I guess it best to go for marriage counselling. I have friends who went before and find it works for them.

in a dilemma replied by T.Ryousuke @ Fri, 15 Feb 2008 08:07:15 +0800

T.Ryousuke — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 08:07:15 +0800

How old r u ? 21?

U need someone to talk to , n yes not a guy.

U need to cool down, n yes not in hotel room.

Well, talk to yr hubby and make thing clear to him that u r not happy at all. Speak yr mind and clear all yr doubt with him rather to find a guy to release yr stress.

Taking short cut and not facing the problem is not the way. Family problem still need face to face to solve it.

The worst thing in life is to be regret, regret u did the wrong thing, regret u didn’t try yr best, regret taking short cut.

in a dilemma replied by aremeis @ Wed, 13 Feb 2008 20:51:24 +0800

aremeis — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 20:51:24 +0800

TS as you can see, no matter how much you would like to say to convince "us" that there was no intercourse during your brief encounter in the hotel with your friend, there is still a tinge of disbelief in the air.

I must remind you that there are somethings better left unsaid than said, and undone better than done. I think you should understand what my point is here. Right now, I think you are feeling confuse and let down which is natural. However, I would like to remind you that the both of you will need to work things out if you all would still want this marriage.

In the 1st place, you mentioned that he has cheated on you before, are you sure that he is still cheating? Sometimes, when someone tells you of their past especially your husband here, many a times it means that he wants to come clean before you and is telling you that he treasures you. He does not want you to misunderstand when you happen to see him with his girl colleagues and/or clients. You cannot just bring on the past on him and I do not think that is fair and has any good for your marriage.

2ndly never find a person of the opposite sex to pour out your sorrows and woes. No sane counsellor will do that too. Don't you have close g/fs of your own where you can relate well and talk to? Besides, it will do you some good to go to your own home with your parents for a weekend to relax and gather yourself. And the last thing will be to check into a hotel room? Sg is so small...just how and what are you going to say when you are seen？Again, I know there is nothing going on but......who is going to believe you? On what basis?

I think in all r/s one must always give and take. Always able to forgive and always able to see things from a different perspective.

in a dilemma replied by mother-of-pearl @ Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:58:04 +0800

mother-of-pearl — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:58:04 +0800

It takes plenty of strength n courage to face the fact that the other half cheated on you...

I was cheated on too.. I mean who can we blame? Maybe the love is dead? Lust is not really tat strong anymore? I'm also trying to pick up the pieces by myself..

Although he was at fault, he dun seems tat he wan to show tat he is sorry about it. I feel somehow, he is still in the playboy stage..

I dunno how can i change him... I change myself in order to be on par with him.

In this rs, I seem to be the one who loves him more... sometimes i feel tat he is still together with me out of resposiblities... the love btw us seems to be shattered since the time he chose to touch another woman. I'm torn by the facts tat he could do this sort of thing to me...

I'm silly... i forgive him... but i will never be able to forget wat happened...

When a marriage becomes a cage, both party wan to grow wings n fly away, I guess it's time to leave this marriage n start all over with a new person.

Forgive yourself b4 u can forgive other ppl...time can ease the painful footsteps u once took tat hurt another person whom u loved......

in a dilemma replied by angel7030 @ Tue, 12 Feb 2008 14:29:56 +0800

angel7030 — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 14:29:56 +0800

Originally posted by wirdan21:

let me make this clear.i did not have sex wit that guy.

That both of u did in the hotel?, doing things that is not suppose to do??? intimacy??

Auntie, be strong ya, never let guy or husband bully us, hit them back hard by exposing them to their parents or friends, nevermind the face value, you stand tall and upright, if u no wrong, there can never be self guilty. Only married one year and thing go heywired, i think you made a damn big mistake in love, next time, check it out before marrying ya.

But some peoples like marrying, it like a hobby, a party to them, with new honeymoon and all look new.

in a dilemma replied by Midlusionz @ Tue, 12 Feb 2008 13:33:29 +0800

Midlusionz — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 13:33:29 +0800

Originally posted by 787180:

Jojo beach…yr silly advice again..asking the couple to divorce…shd ask the couple seek professional counselling and try all means to save the marriage…your arm chair critics and failed relationship may render U unqualified to give sound advice…dig yr own grave will be the best wish for U

I dun usually do this but well this is a public forum, all are welcome to give their PoV here. If there is any personal conflicts just settle it thru PMs or watever. Why start flamming here?

I believe EVERYONE know that they should seek professional counselling if they were have other problem but hey not as if there's no charges ya?

FYI, "A broken vase is forever a broken vase" even fixing all the parts together .. Nothing can change the fact that the once flawless vase is broken .. Not every marriage is worth saving .. Even after patching up there's this thing called "Metal barrier" which not all can overcome it. I can't, can u?

in a dilemma replied by Midlusionz @ Tue, 12 Feb 2008 13:25:14 +0800

Midlusionz — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 13:25:14 +0800

If u do wanna continue your marriage, Put the past behind u since wat done is done and work out a solution with him .. That's if both parties is willing to give and take, dun let the problem solve u instead u solve the problem.

If no, U should know wat to do.

As for your friend, it's really best to stop contacting him .. The word "Hotel" is sorta twisted to a guy lol

Cheers!

in a dilemma replied by Zhen89 @ Tue, 12 Feb 2008 00:49:27 +0800

Zhen89 — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 00:49:27 +0800

can u forgive him for cheating?

in a dilemma replied by wirdan21 @ Mon, 11 Feb 2008 21:59:20 +0800

wirdan21 — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 21:59:20 +0800

true..i have my faults too.

in a dilemma replied by onlooker123 @ Mon, 11 Feb 2008 21:59:17 +0800

onlooker123 — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 21:59:17 +0800

To the TS, by doing what you did, you lost a lot of moral highground.

in a dilemma replied by gunner77 @ Mon, 11 Feb 2008 21:58:15 +0800

gunner77 — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 21:58:15 +0800

Originally posted by angel7030:

Yo gunner boy, I will prefer to put it as her hubby cheated other, and she get cheated by other. Fair

it takes two hand to clap

in a dilemma replied by wirdan21 @ Mon, 11 Feb 2008 21:50:55 +0800

wirdan21 — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 21:50:55 +0800

let me make this clear.i did not have sex wit that guy.

in a dilemma replied by angel7030 @ Mon, 11 Feb 2008 17:11:18 +0800

angel7030 — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 17:11:18 +0800

Originally posted by gunner77:

ur hubby cheat u

u cheat him

fair fair liao

Yo gunner boy, I will prefer to put it as her hubby cheated other, and she get cheated by other. Fair

in a dilemma replied by gunner77 @ Mon, 11 Feb 2008 16:55:17 +0800

gunner77 — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 16:55:17 +0800

ur hubby cheat u

u cheat him

fair fair liao

in a dilemma replied by angel7030 @ Mon, 11 Feb 2008 16:50:16 +0800

angel7030 — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 16:50:16 +0800

Aiya, causal sex only mah, it ok, as long as there is no love, not a problem. But I think you a bit weak in yourself to be easily seduce into having sex with guys which is their ultimate objectives, if I am in your shoe, i will rather go dating and have plenty of fun than sex, let your hubby feels the pain of being cheated, if he wanted divorce so be it, no remorse needed.

As for apologising,

Just listen to justin timberlake song,

It too late to apologise...too late...it too late to apologise.ya...too late

in a dilemma replied by jojobeach @ Mon, 11 Feb 2008 15:52:38 +0800

jojobeach — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 15:52:38 +0800

Originally posted by 787180:

Jojo beach…yr silly advice again..asking the couple to divorce…shd ask the couple seek professional counselling and try all means to save the marriage…your arm chair critics and failed relationship may render U unqualified to give sound advice…dig yr own grave will be the best wish for U

You so smart lor.

Seek professional counseling, who don't know ?

TS not as stupid as you lah.

You very qualified har ?

You come up with better advise lor.

Yah I dig grave.. for you to rest in peace forever lah.

Talk so much shyt, I still waiting for you to send me Ivy's info lor.

You're such a coward and bitter man , kenna jilted by too many women har ?

You harrass that Ivy not enough, now you want to harrass me ah ? Psycho.

in a dilemma replied by Zarks @ Mon, 11 Feb 2008 12:35:50 +0800

Zarks — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 12:35:50 +0800

its not the issue that u cheated on your husband, cuz u can cover up easily.

Im more concerned bout your stupid fren to take this advantage to break your marriage..

Think bout it...either he get more money from you, or anything.

It only takes one mistake to ruin everything. Why are u still have no consciousness bout this ?

This will b a tough lesson for u.

in a dilemma replied by 787180 @ Mon, 11 Feb 2008 12:28:42 +0800

787180 — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 12:28:42 +0800

Jojo beach…yr silly advice again..asking the couple to divorce…shd ask the couple seek professional counselling and try all means to save the marriage…your arm chair critics and failed relationship may render U unqualified to give sound advice…dig yr own grave will be the best wish for U

Recent Posts in 'in a dilemma' | sgForums.com