Need advice

• lonely_boy_88

  23 Feb 08, 22:10

  Well I guess this is the best place to tell my problem and hopefully you guys can give me some suggestions.

   

  I am 20 this year already, since sec1 when im 13, I like this gal from the same cca as me, but different class, and she went to the same JC as me as well, though we took different sub combi and different cca, but all the way she has been the only girl i like.

   

  but the problem is, it is not reciprocated, meaning tat she doesnt like me, she doesnt have any bf before also, I sort of confessed to her 2 times, once when we are in sec4, once when we are in JC2, but both times it was negative.

   

  I know it is time to give up and move on, but I cant forget her. Its been like 6 years, I am still holding on to some hope I think. I tried moving on but I cant.

   

  I have done things for her during this period too, I gave her presents, like during her birthday or occasions, I even made a MV for her, wrote a song for her too.

   

  I know she doesnt like me, but I cant get her out of my mind.

   

  Wat shld i do? =(

• bb_mm

  23 Feb 08, 22:41

  since she has already tell you how she feels, maybe you should get on with your life. get yourself busy like taking a hobby, go out with friends and spend more time with your family. if you keep "disturbing" her, she may soon find you irritating and even want to avoid you more. just keep it simple and remain as friends (since she did not say that she doesn't want to be friends with you anymore)

  who knows? maybe when you stop doing all those sweet sweet stuffs, she might realised that something is missing and start to notice you.

• lonely_boy_88

  23 Feb 08, 22:56

  Yup, i kept myself busy, now tat i am in army too.

   

  but during my free time, it comes back. i will think of her again.

   

  i havent contacted her for months already. i was hoping this will make me fully give up. but i will keep going to her frenster, her blog, hai

• xavier1979

  23 Feb 08, 23:13

  You've been at it for 6 years, so why give up now?

  Do you know if she is still single? If so, why is she still single?

  Up till the day she is attached, you'd still stand a chance.

• Uncertain

  24 Feb 08, 00:12

  Ur devotion towards love is amazing... if i am not wrong u are a scorpio right? Sometimes, it is better to let go than hold on to it. Doing excess things won't touch her heart but rather irritates her more.

  Think in her shoes. What if u are chased by someone u don't like? U kept being pestered by her? Will u be happy?

• Yunhaier

  24 Feb 08, 01:17

  Originally posted by lonely_boy_88:

  Well I guess this is the best place to tell my problem and hopefully you guys can give me some suggestions.

   

  I am 20 this year already, since sec1 when im 13, I like this gal from the same cca as me, but different class, and she went to the same JC as me as well, though we took different sub combi and different cca, but all the way she has been the only girl i like.

   

  but the problem is, it is not reciprocated, meaning tat she doesnt like me, she doesnt have any bf before also, I sort of confessed to her 2 times, once when we are in sec4, once when we are in JC2, but both times it was negative.

   

  I know it is time to give up and move on, but I cant forget her. Its been like 6 years, I am still holding on to some hope I think. I tried moving on but I cant.

   

  I have done things for her during this period too, I gave her presents, like during her birthday or occasions, I even made a MV for her, wrote a song for her too.

   

  I know she doesnt like me, but I cant get her out of my mind.

   

  Wat shld i do? =(

   

  The reason for not moving on is simply because there isn't a reason substantial enough for you to drive forward.

  No reason therefore no motivation.

  You see, there isn't anyone (or anything) compelling enough for you to switch your affection. And because your history in love is pretty much a clean sheet, there is no way your heart can input a blank statement into something already blank. Honestly, your subconscious will tell itself '...since there isn't anyone else for me to redirect my affection and energy into, instead of leaving a void, by retaining my affection for her, at least my love life wouldn't feel that empty...'

  I can tell you; it's a vicious cycle. When you narrow your vision, you will always walk straight, without having the ability to look beyond. Over a period of time, this anomalous way of life will become a habit and your rationale for behaving in that manner will be largely influence by implicit memory and habit; no longer churned from your original intention.

  Many 'waiters' feed themselves with all sort of nonsensical reasons to remain, but the root of their senseless wait often reveals a very distinctive, self absorbed definition of love. Instead of evolving from their failure, they rather bathe themselves in various degree of delusion, thinking that their love is so overwhelming, that it kept them bounded, and they have must continue to wait in order to proof the validity of their Love.

  I always laugh on this.

  Because some people believed that this is a measure of Love and they reward themselves by waiting longer. Six years? Wah, he waited ten years - surely must have loved her alot. What you? Twelve years? Who is next?

  I tell you, there is nothing but narcissism in that notion because this love is simply not reciprocated. Period. It's almost like you loving yourself, in a one player role playing game - being both the winner and loser. You conjured your own rule for the criteria for winning and losing, as you subconsciously decide that you win by waiting and lose by moving on. 

  You tied yourself up - learn to release your self captivity by understanding that Love cannot be forced upon another.

  Cheers

• Ed11790

  24 Feb 08, 01:43

  6 years is a long time........

• Guardx

  24 Feb 08, 09:31

  1) 6 years so what? people are so much in love for 10 years also break.

  2) you have wasted 6 years of your life for a gal who tells you clearly she does not like you, is it worth it?

  3) think from her point of view, you are stuck in the army, no money, no looks, you cannot even provide for her yet so why chose you? she got so many better choices out there, who can give her money to spend. I would rather chose other guys then you anytime.

  My advice is simple,  let go, accept that she have rejected you and move on.

  Do you seriously want to wait till you found her in bed with someone in order to get the closure that you need? By all means go ahead. 10 more years maybe?  

• lonely_boy_88

  24 Feb 08, 12:21

  I havent contacted her for months already. She hasnt got a bf before (Not tat i know of, and I am pretty sure about that) and now she is in NTU.

   

  You guys are right, I know it is not worth wasting time on trying to get something tat is too far away.

   

  Or perhaps the mod is right. Maybe one of the ways might be to switch my thoughts to someone else, perhaps it can not only make me give up totally, but also clear it off my mind.

   

  On some point, maybe I was foolish enough to really think that time can measure love, and by waiting for her for a long time, I can actually move her or something.

• areusure

  27 Feb 08, 10:28

  Hi lonely,

   

  yap totally understand how you feel. bec me cant get out of same thing for > 10 yrs. think and think and think and when fimally together...the whole thing turn out tragedy. so doesnt it means that even if u manage to possess the thing u wanted badly in teh 1st place, will that really turn out the way u wanted? if that lady never in the 1st place have feeling for u but accepted u "temporarily", but when the right person comes along for her, will u still be the one she chooses????? 

   

  so maybe can u in turn advise me how should life carry on??? thru all this episode i have come to realise that some carry on while others remain there never to progress again.

   

  its sad for the latter. if u one of the latter group then realy u should strive to change.

   

  when the thoughts come back to u again,,let it come. dont stop it. dont force yourself to deny it. be momentarily sad if need to but gradually change your thinking from there. turn it into something beautiful always, such as convincing yourself love is not possess, but letting go. that one day somehow some1 else will enter your life. u may not love that intensely again but somehow that person turn out to be the best thing that will happen such that maybe 50 years later u will realise all along the best thing has always been there, just that never notice only............ 

• Jamie Zawinski

  27 Feb 08, 10:29

  Originally posted by lonely_boy_88:

  Well I guess this is the best place to tell my problem and hopefully you guys can give me some suggestions.

   

  I am 20 this year already, since sec1 when im 13, I like this gal from the same cca as me, but different class, and she went to the same JC as me as well, though we took different sub combi and different cca, but all the way she has been the only girl i like.

   

  but the problem is, it is not reciprocated, meaning tat she doesnt like me, she doesnt have any bf before also, I sort of confessed to her 2 times, once when we are in sec4, once when we are in JC2, but both times it was negative.

   

  I know it is time to give up and move on, but I cant forget her. Its been like 6 years, I am still holding on to some hope I think. I tried moving on but I cant.

   

  I have done things for her during this period too, I gave her presents, like during her birthday or occasions, I even made a MV for her, wrote a song for her too.

   

  I know she doesnt like me, but I cant get her out of my mind.

   

  Wat shld i do? =(

  
  rape her

• guaiboiboi

  27 Feb 08, 21:15

  Originally posted by lonely_boy_88:

  Well I guess this is the best place to tell my problem and hopefully you guys can give me some suggestions.

   

  I am 20 this year already, since sec1 when im 13, I like this gal from the same cca as me, but different class, and she went to the same JC as me as well, though we took different sub combi and different cca, but all the way she has been the only girl i like.

   

  but the problem is, it is not reciprocated, meaning tat she doesnt like me, she doesnt have any bf before also, I sort of confessed to her 2 times, once when we are in sec4, once when we are in JC2, but both times it was negative.

   

  I know it is time to give up and move on, but I cant forget her. Its been like 6 years, I am still holding on to some hope I think. I tried moving on but I cant.

   

  I have done things for her during this period too, I gave her presents, like during her birthday or occasions, I even made a MV for her, wrote a song for her too.

   

  I know she doesnt like me, but I cant get her out of my mind.

   

  Wat shld i do? =(

  
  ok bro,since she have reject you you have to just move on!!! If you don't want to regret for life you can try for last time call her meet up and confess that you really love her!!!!

   

  then it is up to her to accepct or reject you if you can't forget her.Give it your last try!!!!

• lonely_boy_88

  29 Feb 08, 21:42

  I guess I am still nt gng to be the one tat she is going to choose.

  Well, but it is definitely going to be one period i wont forget for the rest of my life. I will have to do my best to move on. Maybe she is looking for someone better than me, or maybe we are just nt meant to be.

  Hopefully time can heal it.

• lonely_boy_88

  29 Feb 08, 21:44

  Originally posted by guaiboiboi:

  
  ok bro,since she have reject you you have to just move on!!! If you don't want to regret for life you can try for last time call her meet up and confess that you really love her!!!!

   

  then it is up to her to accepct or reject you if you can't forget her.Give it your last try!!!!

   

  I dont think so i am gng for a last try. Failed 2 times without any sort of progress or results.

  I guess if i try again now, it is only gng to revive all my feelings for her again.

• GoHomeLah

  29 Feb 08, 22:36

  Some say move on
  Some say carry on
  Some also say look elsewhere

  I'll ask you some questions and you go answer them yourself:

  1. What makes you think she is ready for a relationship?
  2. What makes you think you are ready for a relationship?
  3. Why do you want to get into a relationship before you even got started in your career?
  4.What makes you think she will see something attractive in you? Money? Looks? Style?
  5. Do you think that if you have all of the above she will go for you? Materialistic?

  
  And most importantly... What do YOU see in her that makes you say you love her?

  All I can add now is that this is pure puppy love feeling you have so.... Deal with it and grow up!

• lonely_boy_88

  1 Mar 08, 11:38

  Originally posted by GoHomeLah:

  Some say move on
  Some say carry on
  Some also say look elsewhere

  I'll ask you some questions and you go answer them yourself:

  1. What makes you think she is ready for a relationship?
  2. What makes you think you are ready for a relationship?
  3. Why do you want to get into a relationship before you even got started in your career?
  4.What makes you think she will see something attractive in you? Money? Looks? Style?
  5. Do you think that if you have all of the above she will go for you? Materialistic?

  
  And most importantly... What do YOU see in her that makes you say you love her?

  All I can add now is that this is pure puppy love feeling you have so.... Deal with it and grow up!

  
  I wouldnt say tat i am absolutely ready for a relationship, but I do yearn for someone who I am really close to, to share things tat I cant really share as openly with my family, u know, certain topics, talk abt anything under the sun, someone to care for me and for me to care too.

  I have good and really close frens and buddies too, but being in a relationship, the feeling is different.

  I guess this is from my point of view =)

• >hokeypokey<

  4 Mar 08, 10:50

  hey... i can sort of understand how it feels. but i think that there are more important things in life. i know the feeling of thinking of someone who does not reciprocate sucks, but dont let this tie down ur life. At this point in time, i'm also not in a very good shape. But forget bout my problems for now. Look further than what u are looking at now. I know its sounds childish, but hink of your ambitions and dreams.  i'm sure you are built for better things in life. This is merely a phase, get over it, and you can find more than what you are looking for. Dont be constrained over this. Believe in sunshine after rain. Move on, i know the more u try to forget, the more u remember. But embrace these thoughts, and make it a part of your journey in life. Dont let this take control of your behavour and emotions. I'm sure there would be someone else waiting for you after you get past this hurdle.

  Cheers

• magical_wen

  5 Mar 08, 11:57

  hey boy.

  some things are jus so unfair.

  not urs means not urs.

  6 years, 60 years later oso wun be urs.

  try to find out the main reason y she dun like u.

  and from there, decide ur move.

  dun gong gong wait for another 6 years.

  although its some sort like fate,

  but u urself must still take the initiative.

  for me,

  if i try 6 weeks and a girl dun like me,

  i'll try to find another.

  hahahah...

  GOODLUCK!

• aremeis

  5 Mar 08, 15:54

  One thing is for certain that you really love her, but there's another kind of love - it is called unconditional love. It means letting go a person is also loving her.

  You may failed to be the one she loves but I am sure the both of you can remain as good friends for the time to come.

  She has her ideals and expectations and you are certainly not in that category so I suggest that you move on and dedicate your love to a more deserving party out there.