what can i do?
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the girl i love deeply have had her birthday last nite at a pub, and i wrecked it up by creating a scene over there. guys out there, what can i do to make her mine or close to me again?
ok, the actual thing was, i was at the pub to celebrate her birthday, but another friend actually told me things that i couldn't tolerate and i flare up and wanted to leave the place. but he kept pulling me and refusing to let me go, thats when i get irritated and shouted at him. yeah, i lost my cool, and immediately i created a scene over there, making the girl very paiseh, and i could see tears in her eyes.
the background story of the thing was, this guy who told me things sort of have had an affairs with the girl before, and he wanted to explain certain things to me that night, but i had no wish to listen to, cos i only care about the future things i have planned together with the girl, however he insisted and i couldn't reject his request. i regretted going out and flaring up, but what done is already done.
this girl must have hated me to the core, but i really don't noe what else to do.
she called me up at 4,5am after she reached home, drunk. i was so remorseful and heartbroken when i heard her voice. and today, her words became so cold, and even said things like we are impossible...
tonight i called her again, and i pleaded her not to be angry with me, and she did, after she realise i wasn't in wrong totally. (somehow, i felt i was framed.) but when i asked her out, she said she need to think if we ought to meet again... and "after all that had happened, what more do you want?" she said.
pain pierced through my heart when i heard this, i don't noe if she's only speaking out of anger, just to punish me, or she really mean it. i pleaded her again, and i hope she would think of the past that we have had together, the sweet times, etc.
den she said, 'call me tml and see if i have already woke up ba...'
i really wish that we can forget this incident and proceed on just like before.
though we are still not couples, but we are at the verge of being together already, speaking of terms n conditions if we get together after her exams, etc,
can any wise guys/ ladies give me any directions or remedy to save this situation? =(
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Give the girl some time to think through, so-called time-out.
If the girl is willing to forgive, then there is still hope. If she isn't, you'd have to bite the bullet and move on.
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Love is supposed to be mutual, right now anything you do or say will just aggrevate the situation. Give both of you some space and do apologise sincerely and formally to her when the both of you are ready to talk.
The next thing is, are you able to accept her past? If so, then there will be no issue. Anyway, good luck and hope to hear the good news from you =)
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Lone,
What that guy tell you ? Why you need to flare up ?
What is it that he needs to explain to you, that you need so much to know ?
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maybe she's just playinf with u........she will stop hating u hopefully.........good luck though
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I think you really need to do something about yourself. You are so brash and quick to temper. For a start, you have a pair of hands - use one of it and give yourself a good hard slap.
What were you thinking of? Flaring up on your g/f's birthday celebration and embarrassing her in public and close friends of hers. You even let her go home on her own when she is so drunk. I totally believe that you are one individual that has neither the self control and self respect. You simply cannot care a hoot about others feelings and care for your love ones.
I suggest before you think about holding her hands you can forget it and put it on "ICE" for now till you know how to behave n love. You are not qualified even to be able to take care of yourself, how then can you take care of others??!! Ask yourself, if you have a daughter now, will you trust your daughter to such a character like you?
You do not know the meaning of love and certain under qualified for it. You are simply not fit.You need to learn and love yourself more. Mindful of your P's & Q's.
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watch too much tv dramas. thinking its the right way to express your feelings.
tsk tsk. people these days, like to get into such complicated stuff.
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managed to apologise to her, and got her forgiveness today.
went all the way to her place, from boon lay to changi, with a bouquet of flowers, and some sweets she like, waited for 2hours till she woke up.
as for that night, i didn't left her to go home alone, because i knew its her bdae, and she have her sistas to bring her home.
after this forgiveness, i am thinking about the next step, how to make her officially mine. i think very much depends on fate i guess.
as for her past, i don't mind, cos all of us have our own pasts too, the only important thing is about the future, our future. she is still hesitating with her choices, beside me there is still other choices(2 are my poly friends), and according to her, she couldn't make a firm decision cos 'she haven't love me deep enough', and she 'don't wish to hurt other parties'...
but there are times when we started talking about 'terms and conditions' like when we are together as couples, i cannot restrict her to meet her suitors, but she promise she won't hang out with them individually. and whenever we went out, we hold hands, kiss, hug, like couples. its just the name and status i want, why must it be so 'unofficially'?
yups, it sounds complicated,
i have no choice since i like this girl, i can only continue and carry on, accepting that whatever its infront of me, be it obsticle or any other barriers.
thanks everyone for giving me a guide in my this crisis.
pephaps to some of us, love seems to be alittle bit too much for us ba. =(
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give it some time and space... and let both of you think about it... but if either party is unwilling... just move on.
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i tell u what... forget it. gone case di.
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Originally posted by Loneztar84:
managed to apologise to her, and got her forgiveness today.
went all the way to her place, from boon lay to changi, with a bouquet of flowers, and some sweets she like, waited for 2hours till she woke up.
as for that night, i didn't left her to go home alone, because i knew its her bdae, and she have her sistas to bring her home.
after this forgiveness, i am thinking about the next step, how to make her officially mine. i think very much depends on fate i guess.
as for her past, i don't mind, cos all of us have our own pasts too, the only important thing is about the future, our future. she is still hesitating with her choices, beside me there is still other choices(2 are my poly friends), and according to her, she couldn't make a firm decision cos 'she haven't love me deep enough', and she 'don't wish to hurt other parties'...
but there are times when we started talking about 'terms and conditions' like when we are together as couples, i cannot restrict her to meet her suitors, but she promise she won't hang out with them individually. and whenever we went out, we hold hands, kiss, hug, like couples. its just the name and status i want, why must it be so 'unofficially'?
yups, it sounds complicated,
i have no choice since i like this girl, i can only continue and carry on, accepting that whatever its infront of me, be it obsticle or any other barriers.
thanks everyone for giving me a guide in my this crisis.
pephaps to some of us, love seems to be alittle bit too much for us ba. =(
Complication? Has it ever occur to you, that much of your complications are in fact your own undoings? I am glad for your redemption and sincerely hope that you will be able to prove your self worth here. I do not want to sound condescending here but you seem to be a insecure individual here and I can't help to notice that there is also some hesitation from your g/f- to-be. I think you may find me a little hard for your liking, and I hope that my being factual can help you.
As much as I would like to believe that you will not be mindful of her past and that you will begin this r/s with a new sheet. But as the saying goes: "Easier said than Done" will be what's on your "to-be's" mind. From your outburst, I think your magnitude has been greatly discounted and not forgetting the fact that you may have already know some of the "unpleasantries" and/or more yet to come - can anyone be assured that you will be 100% true to your words from there? I think a lot of us including myself are found to be impressionist and the impression about you currently is not very good at all.
I am sure you have heard of the saying: "I can Forgive but I cannot Forget." And now you may know something of her past and now if she is to commit to you - the question will be when the both of you quarrel (don't say that the both of you would not); will you then bring out the past? Maybe not out from your mouth, but what about your mind?
Let me clear the air a little for myself and hopefully in the process clear yours. Your dearly beloved has already been out with you individually - "whenever we went out, we hold hands, kiss, hug, like couples" and "she promise she won't hang out with them (a.k.a. other suitors) individually". So what in the common sense sake are you asking for an official status here? Boy, am I really (or not the least) interested about 'terms and conditions' like when we are together as couples??!! You sure sound too bureaucratic to be true here. Are you staking claims on her here so there will no longer be any applications for her? What do you want? Something written on her forehead maybe? Have a life.
If those actions from her can be taken as something else, I really don't know what to say about you especially your own sense of security here. Besides, didn't she just forgive you for that disgraceful outburst of yours? You sure have some senses here or rather maybe the lack of it. Look I do not know what "OFFICIALLY" means to you but if she can declare that you're hers truly certainly is speaking volumes to me. The both of you have a long way more to go, just relax, give and take. After her poly suitors there will be others queueing you know? Then what are you going to do? Lay down another set of terms and conditions? And are you going for that pre-nuptial agreement as well?
Spare a thought for her, and have a life.
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the fact that she doesnt want it official even though you are already holding hands hugging kissing like couples shows that she is not ready to commit .
you mentioned she doesnt want you to restrict her meeting her suitors .
what kinda logic is that .
it is just plain obvious that she is still looking out for better pastures .
if she is really in love with you , she would have agreed to make it official long ago .
this type of girl is not worth your love boy .
there are no 'terms and conditions' in a relationship .
there's only give and take .
understanding and commitment .
there are better girls out there .
but if you still want to be with her , be prepared to get hurt really bad .
all the best .
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"she called me up at 4,5am " Means she still loves you and still gives you a chance. Girls her age still wants to play around lar. You are only one of many choices lar. The guy must have told you how she scream in bed while having sex with him rite? haha... chey what to do? if you love her then you got to be her doggie lor...
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You're describing the relationship as some sort of contract, with "terms and conditions".
Imho, sadly, restricting each other's freedom isn't really healthy for the relationship. If you really love her, then you got to trust her that she won't do the things that will break your
.It is a risk that all of us take when we get attached. If she does love you, she will know her limits. If she doesn't, then she shouldn't be a companion you should consider in the first place.
Again, easier said than done. The choice is yours.
My 2 cents. Hope you don't mind.
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thanks everyone for the precious advices...
yup, i guess i will choose
"but if you still want to be with her , be prepared to get hurt really bad ."
i wonder at what age girls den would sit down and think about settling down,
i don't mean settle down as in getting married, i meant like finding a stable companion, and speak about the future.
if the girl still wanna play, flirt with guys, find guy A, flirt with guy B, ditch guy C, hang out with guy D, blah blah blah... isn't this very tiring? issit really so fun?
hmms..i noe i am naive to ask such a question, but i tot love should be look upon with a more serious attitude, and it shouldn't be treated like a game.
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Originally posted by Loneztar84:
thanks everyone for the precious advices...
yup, i guess i will choose
"but if you still want to be with her , be prepared to get hurt really bad ."
i wonder at what age girls den would sit down and think about settling down,
i don't mean settle down as in getting married, i meant like finding a stable companion, and speak about the future.
if the girl still wanna play, flirt with guys, find guy A, flirt with guy B, ditch guy C, hang out with guy D, blah blah blah... isn't this very tiring? issit really so fun?
hmms..i noe i am naive to ask such a question, but i tot love should be look upon with a more serious attitude, and it shouldn't be treated like a game.
It s not a crime to be born beautiful and popular.
I wonder how you would feel if you have a list, queueing for your attention and decision.
I think you just cannot accept what you have and I just wonder why? Must there be an agreement between the both of you? Then, what is committment all about then? Learn to cherish what you have and feel more confident of yourself. You need to have a different outlook on life and needless to say will help you go along with her much confidently.