Dear all,

I would like help on this matter. Im a 21 yr old guy and does not have a relationship before. The reason being I'm very hesitant about relationship. Sometimes when the opportunity presents itself, I tend to think too much because im kinda the old fashioned type who would like to get married on the first relationship. I believe in the more sincere type of relationship rather than so-called "playing the field".

Girls tend not to believe that I never had a relationship before due to my fairly attractive appearance and sees me as those kind of guys who are "players". WHat I probably want from a relationship is probably what my parents had, they never had previous relationships before meeting each other, in a sense, they were each other's first. And yes, the marriage has been strong and thats what I look forward to in mine as well.

But the thing is I find it hard to show concern to the girl Im interested in. I tend to act nonchalant in front of her while I shower attention on girls Im not interested in. This is probably to dispel rumours. I really ought to kill myself for doing that.

Now there's this girl whom I feel a connection with, we both steal looks at each other and somehow we always ends up sitting beside each other during lunch with our clicks. But I have difficulty getting closer. WHy is it always you can't talk freely to the person you're interested in?

Now girls, if a guy you steal looks at, how would u expect him to approach u? How much would be too much?

er... Aunt agony?

ok la..first u alr make a bad mistake by pretending not to take notice of her liao...n somemore u go hitch other girls. That would MAYBE make her have a bad impression on u liao.

If u really really like that girl,just go for it,no need to be scared de..i noe this is the first time but u are alr 21 yrs old la brother..u need to buck up liao..or else all the good ones will be taken away.

First u should stop "act nonchalant in front of her while I shower attention on girls Im not interested in" and start to show some attention to her,like what she ask what she food she like then nxt time u can like treat her or sth...

If u and her somehow "her de lai" then u should ask for her msn or if u feel confident u shld just go ahead and ask for her no.

Then afer that,shun qi zi ran  :D

really? I thought a girl will start to distance herself away from you once you even start to show interest in her? I heard of several of my friends experiencing that. Does that only applies to guys she dun like and will only do so when they show interest? How

Originally posted by dracas:

really? I thought a girl will start to distance herself away from you once you even start to show interest in her? I heard of several of my friends experiencing that. Does that only applies to guys she dun like and will only do so when they show interest? How

Showing interest doesn't mean you have to jump on the boat quickly and start wooing her. You can just start a simple chat like asking her "Why you look kinda bored?" or something like that. Just be yourself like how you behave yourself in front of your friends. The first start of a relationship is to initiate a nice conversation with the other person. So, yea.

CLIQUE... NOT CLICKS

Originally posted by Detached:

CLIQUE... NOT CLICKS

x2 . hahas . why do people always spell clique as click

btw its cliqueS not clicks .

you are making a very bad impression on her...

Yes, it would feel odd talking as you wanted to talk to her but no topics...

U r lacking confidence. Don't have the confident to succeed in this r/s!

Just chat normally like how you would a friend and see how she responds.. You can see from her responses how you should proceed.. Like if she kept giving excuses and siam off, then you might wan to back off.. But if she chats happily with you then no harm la..

he prefers matchmaking of the olden days.....

kidding, it is nt unusual for you to hav such thinkings, in fact, i would praise you because it just shows dat u are serious and will commit to one relationship.

however, i will tell u dat life is a reality game and the life and society in this world is nt just govern by you. you can give the best of everything to a girl and she can dump u for no reason the next day (if u sibei suay la)

i would say, try not to let such a thinking overwhelm you. 21 and not having a gf?  it is alright, give urself more time, until the feeling in your heart tickles when the right girl comes in front of you :)

Originally posted by kiseki:

x2 . hahas . why do people always spell clique as click

btw its cliqueS not clicks .

 Yes! Lets promote good English

Originally posted by dracas:

really? I thought a girl will start to distance herself away from you once you even start to show interest in her? I heard of several of my friends experiencing that. Does that only applies to guys she dun like and will only do so when they show interest? How

A girl will start to distance if she is not interested in you.

A girl will also start to distance if you come on too strongly.

Subtlety my friend.. that is the magic word.

Remember... also to be discreet. Girls will tend to be shy in front of her friends.

So, ask her for her particulars when in private.

haiz....

I show interest in a gal, she distances me. So i got the signal, just wanna be fren, now she like also scare me like shit or what...

I didn't confess or what leh... just wanna be closer fren but she just dun bother about me lol.....

So if gal persists her way even if u show interest to be just fren, then forget about it lol.

TS, just be brave ok. If want a gal, just go ahead and talk to her.

You sound like the male version of myself -.-"

My friends don't believe it when i say i haven't had an official relationship before, and this part is especially true:

But the thing is I find it hard to show concern to the girl Im interested in. I tend to act nonchalant in front of her while I shower attention on girls Im not interested in. This is probably to dispel rumours. I really ought to kill myself for doing that.

I tend to accidentally make guys i'm not interested in fall for me, while i can't talk to those i really like. I say go ahead and try to sit right next to her during lunch (not too obviously though, you don't want to freak her out or come across as too strong and trying too hard) if there's a space by her. Then.. just say hi and see if it goes anywhere. make eye contact but don't hold it too long, that's damn creepy, whether you're hot or not. If she talks to you coldly from the first sentence, ABORT THE CONVERSATION. There could be two reasons for this; 1. she has no interest what so ever,  2. she's another person like us. -_-

If the reason is number 2, she'll likely feel bad about it and make up for it another time when she gets more confident. If it's number 1, you should change your target.

GOD, my reply is way too long. I'M SORRY!!!!!

y u so gan jiong.

well i can say dont try too hard on your 1st... most make the mistake of over commiting in the 1st relationship then if it lasts about a year or so they start thinking ' its getting boring...' and you start looking at other girls. not only that you dont feel its easy to let go cause you feel you have already put in too much. anyway try not to marry the 1st gf you have... these day its almost sure that the relationship will go sour once you get married... you could try doing sweets things for her if you want to hint to her. of course you better do it only for her not others! like opening the door for her, buying drinks, offer help to carry her stuff when you think its alot to carry... basically all the basic gentleman stuff. and be yourself... pls dont be clumsy while doing those things like dropping her stuff or tripping while going to open the door..

good luck!

Get to know her better.

Phonecall, sms, MSN, lunch together, use whatever way to understand her better.

Of course, don't overdo it until she thinks of you as a S.A.D (single and desparate) case.

If she is interested in you, she will also be curious to know you better.

only thing for you to do now: find ways to get close and know her, from there then decide again

one step at a time

Originally posted by dracas:

Now girls, if a guy you steal looks at, how would u expect him to approach u? How much would be too much?

My male colleague did that to me... that's why I had this feeling he's interested in me... yet he didn't make any move... have heard he wanted a gf but still single all these years... I hope he'll ask me out for lunch/dinner to get to know each other better... or at least get my handphone number...

try making small talk and see how she responds.

i know it's not easy..

then can try to know each other better.. phone chats, msn chats.. go out together.. slowly lor..

but one question for u.. do u mind if you are not her first bf?

i think u have to change ur mindset la.. im also one who think a lot and end up losing good opportunities.. dun regret like me.

As a girl, I can be very attention needy.. from the one I like.. if he can shower me with the attention and tlc.. i'll have nothing more to ask for.