Who's right (r/s)?
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My gf and i have been together for almost 9 months. Recently, she has become a bit quarrelsome and in fact, just had an argument.
She say's that i'm not a normal guy because:
a) I don't give in to her when we argue
Whenever she get's mad, my job is to make her happy. No matter who starts any argument, in the end, it's me who says sorry and make things up.
There's something i don't understand so help me here: When she gets mad, she will walk away from me and can don't talk to me for very long, she can even leave my side without feeling any tinge of pain. For me, i can't bear to walk away from her, it's just a nagging feeling. Whenever she gets mad, i just quickly apologize to solve it asap as i don't want to waste time arguing.
She blames all the fault on me, even though i propose the idea of "shared blame". She insists it's all my FAULT. She say's i'm supposed to NOT argue back and just let her throw her accusations at me and ACCEPT it.
She is very sensitive and can suddenly blow up. It always happens and i always use a lot of energy to try to reverse the effects but you know, it gets tiring.
Man, i don't know what to type anymore, my mind is kind of blank. So, can i have some advice thrown at me?
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ummm..............i used to have my ex say that i am not normal also but not the same reason as u......she said i was not acting like a guy cause i am not a ju dong person.......she say everytime she is the one acting like a guy suppose to and start things out.... anyway i think it is ur fault.........no offense but its true that a guy is suppose to give in to his gf......our job as a man is to keep them happy
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You know, from what i'm hearing, as guy's we're just supposed to give and give and give. When do we take?
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we get children and happpiness in the end......most importaant is that we get the love feelings
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u know,us men are dumb creatures. If a woman is angry and a man asks her whether she's angry,the woman will say ,"no". Then the man will be like,"ok." This is the part where the woman will get pissed and scream," U CANNOT SEE IM ANGRY MEH?!!". The guy will be like,"i tot u said u were not?"
So,men,try to understand how a woman feel first ok
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yeah i know what u mean...........but im not stupid like the example that u just gave.....
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This all looks very familiar to me. But unfourtunately for me, it's the other way round.
So I don't know how to really give advice to you. But what I did was sit him down & tell him that HE'S PISSING ME OFF BY PUSHING BLAME TO ME ALL THE TIMEI don't know about you, but it worked for me
Good luck
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Shadez,
What was the argument about ?
When she is mad, don't try to reason with her.. BIG MISTAKE ALL guys make. Learn how to ZIP IT for now. Try not to make it worst by immediately going into "defensive" mode.
Wait till she calms down..then you talk to her..
By then she will realize how stupid/petty the argument was.
And you too.. will also realize.. if you weren't so stubborn.. there'd be NO argument in the first place.
By then.. it will be a nicer conversation and a more forgiving ambience to talk things out .
PREVENTION.. NOT DAMAGE CONTROL.
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must resists............dont argue with the females.......they are weird creatures on this planet................lol
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I agree with jojo totally
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jojo seems awfully smart abt relationships.
-me scared of jojo-
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Originally posted by shadez:
My gf and i have been together for almost 9 months. Recently, she has become a bit quarrelsome and in fact, just had an argument.
She say's that i'm not a normal guy because:
a) I don't give in to her when we argue
Whenever she get's mad, my job is to make her happy. No matter who starts any argument, in the end, it's me who says sorry and make things up.
Dude, why is rubik's cube so popular? Because people consider it tough nut to crack. The tougher to crack, the higher the level of appreciation.
Level the argument. Does she have a point or is she just acting like a brat? If her complains are all singular crap then it's alright to dismiss them. Tell her to grow up. If her complains are justified, then ask her more questions, pay her more attention.
Originally posted by shadez:There's something i don't understand so help me here: When she gets mad, she will walk away from me and can don't talk to me for very long, she can even leave my side without feeling any tinge of pain. For me, i can't bear to walk away from her, it's just a nagging feeling. Whenever she gets mad, i just quickly apologize to solve it asap as i don't want to waste time arguing.
She blames all the fault on me, even though i propose the idea of "shared blame". She insists it's all my FAULT. She say's i'm supposed to NOT argue back and just let her throw her accusations at me and ACCEPT it.
Right off the bat, when any woman starts throwing all sorts of nonsense and disagreements at you for no solid reason, it usually means her interest level in you is waning. Either that or PMS. Lie low and approach target only 6 days later. Don't wussy out and give in to her. When you guys first got together and the romance was blooming, there were lesser arguments right?
If you have a strange woman on hand who cannot express herself calmly and communicate rationally at the level you need, then why waste so much time? How are you going to live with it for the rest of your life?
Originally posted by shadez:She is very sensitive and can suddenly blow up. It always happens and i always use a lot of energy to try to reverse the effects but you know, it gets tiring.
Man, i don't know what to type anymore, my mind is kind of blank. So, can i have some advice thrown at me?
At this point, perhaps you should take a laid back approach, figure out the root of her unhappiness. If you are really clueless, then ask more questions, use your gut to determine whether her unhappiness is valid or just wanton madness.
Whatever it is, avoid bringing the conversation or exchange to extreme. Keep it light, keep it funny, make her laugh a lot. Avoid too much pressurizing relationship talk.
If you are looking at marriage with her and she proves to be a nutcase, then drop her before you go crazy.
If you really like her and just want to date her even when she proves to be a nutcase, then just pay her some attention, pacify the situation and keep it light.
For time immemorial, women have been wanting to domesticate men. Do not succumb to her every whim at the expense of your own freedom and joy.
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Simple. she's not worth it.
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There is no right and wrong. It is only character mismatch.
Given from what you have written, I guessed that your gf has been tolerating you for the past nine months. There is a part of you that isnt what she is expecting.
Advice? Your gf's perception on you maybe fixed. Hence, no matter what you do, her perception will be hard to change. I guess you have to rekindle her interest on you first before trying to adapt yourself to her matching. Of course, that is if you are willing to change !!!
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Originally posted by cApitaland:
jojo seems awfully smart abt relationships.
-me scared of jojo-
mmm............
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Originally posted by shadez:
My gf and i have been together for almost 9 months. Recently, she has become a bit quarrelsome and in fact, just had an argument.
She say's that i'm not a normal guy because:
a) I don't give in to her when we argue
Whenever she get's mad, my job is to make her happy. No matter who starts any argument, in the end, it's me who says sorry and make things up.
There's something i don't understand so help me here: When she gets mad, she will walk away from me and can don't talk to me for very long, she can even leave my side without feeling any tinge of pain. For me, i can't bear to walk away from her, it's just a nagging feeling. Whenever she gets mad, i just quickly apologize to solve it asap as i don't want to waste time arguing.
She blames all the fault on me, even though i propose the idea of "shared blame". She insists it's all my FAULT. She say's i'm supposed to NOT argue back and just let her throw her accusations at me and ACCEPT it.
She is very sensitive and can suddenly blow up. It always happens and i always use a lot of energy to try to reverse the effects but you know, it gets tiring.
Man, i don't know what to type anymore, my mind is kind of blank. So, can i have some advice thrown at me?
Are you a punching bag or a doormat? If you can accept her stupid and unreasonable behavior for long run then go ahead and endure it. Otherwise dump her.Total irrational behaviour to the point of madness. Why? She think she is the only female in the whole of Singapore or the most beautiful girl in Singapore that you must give in to her every unreasonable demand. She 'siao' one issit?
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to the TS,
why don't you give us a few concrete examples of the arguments you have had with your gf whereby you didn't give in to her.
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everything u oso must relac... as long as its not life-threatening, say "yah, its my fault ok? i'm sorry this happened and it made us both upset.. where u want to go? shopping? come lets go.." and change the topic, and move on..
sometimes must give, and give, and give.. when she take enuf liao, she will noe when to give.. if she duno when to give, and u cannot give anymore, give her a goodbye kiss.. see? u give till the end.. never ask when issit ur turn to take..
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When I quarrel badly with my bf, I will walk away too.. Not because of anything but because I don't want to say some harsh words that I don't mean. So I walk away to cool down, to look at things in perspective and explain things better, to make things better.
The same could be said for your gf. The person walking away is not always the coward.
If she is very sensitive and always flare up, it most definitely mean she is insecure about something in your relationship. Can be big or small.. Can be about some of your habits that she don't like or things that she don't like but she herself don't even know about. Talk to her nicely. No point in having two people being tense and over-sensitive.
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What's the whole point of a love affair...
When you get into it just to argue who's right?
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Accept her or leave her.Nothing comes free.
Even rose has thorns.
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can tahan jiu tahan lor...
if cannot tahan alr try doing the same to her and leave her bah
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"A woman always has the last word in any argument."
"Anything a man says after that is the start of a new argument."
keep that in mind. don't bother arguing back. chatting with a wall is a waste of words
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Tolerance in this case is not the solution.
I do not think this is an healthy way to carry on a R/S. I can understand your "unwilling-ness" to walk away. As you mentioned that she being very sensitive would realise that fact, and will exploit it. I think women are masters in such no matter how much they deny.
Women DO NOT enjoy or like competition. I am not sugguesting you create competition on purpose, but never too little to have more girl friends and to have more options. Hope you can understand my course of advice..
Endurance and Tolerance is no longer the way to maintain a RS anymore (it works during my father's time).. The more you endure, the more hurt you will receive if she ever leave you.. even if she doesn't leave you, you will get too used to enduring.. makes you weak and dependant on her.
Good Luck.
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i agree with jojo too.. i admit that i'm abit like the girl shadez's talking about. So sorry, but i'm just like that.
everytime i had an argument with my bf, i'm so angry but i knew it was my fault but i just cant cool down and say sorry. i will also just walked away leaving him behind. This is because i wanted to cool myself down and stop arguing. But it became worse when my bf keep asking me don't angry la.. y u angry.. then i will say.. aiya.. nothing la.. coz i want to forget it.. when he starts to ask again after that, i will really blow my top.. y cant he leave me alone for awhile.. -.-||
But when i'm not in a good mood, i'll cool down more easily when he keeps quiet and put his arms on my shoulder or his hands on my waist when we walk. A warm hug too.. It works for me.. maybe for shadez gf too. you can try.. =D