Confused and Lost replied by Zarks @ Thu, 27 Mar 2008 16:59:06 +0800

Zarks — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 16:59:06 +0800

then communicate more is the best.

Confused and Lost replied by Chris1988 @ Thu, 27 Mar 2008 16:46:39 +0800

Chris1988 — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 16:46:39 +0800

i'm sorry that i don't feel the need to cite any examples now.

i believe that everyone who posted here has a point.

well i guess when the need arises i might quote it.

i just hope i grow to be less dense and understand my girlfriend more.

i guess having different thinking is inevitable.

well me and my gf have diff thinkings too.

but we got to live with it one way or another.

Confused and Lost replied by ^C ^ @ Thu, 27 Mar 2008 13:04:05 +0800

^C ^ — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 13:04:05 +0800

Originally posted by Go:

You still havent learnt what man must know skill.

For normal

To choose what to hear and to choose what not to hear.

For professionals

Hear on what you have to hear.

Response on what you do not need to hear.

u know... that why man are not good at listening

Confused and Lost replied by aluvguru @ Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:58:25 +0800

aluvguru — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:58:25 +0800

The first thing you must under is that girls and guys think very differently, so much that sometimes we don't understand each other and misunderstandings happen.

For all instances, we should always try to think in the other party's shoes. If we can understand how they think and why they react in certain ways, then maybe we can reduce a lot of conflicts.

Try and let me know if it works.

If you got more questions, can ask me at www.aluvguru.blogspot.com

Confused and Lost replied by magical_wen @ Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:50:43 +0800

magical_wen — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:50:43 +0800

I duno actually wads the arguements all abt,

so couldnt really tel u whose right, whose wrong,

whose childish, and whose not.

but i understand dat every couple argue.

sometimes jus giv way if u can lor...

and shut up when needed in order not to spice things up.

Confused and Lost replied by Zarks @ Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:39:21 +0800

Zarks — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:39:21 +0800

Chris, i think its the best if u tell some examples of simple matters that brings any arguement of you both. More detailed explanation will help us to advice you. We all dont know how simple is simple.

Give some example and how u and her reacted over the issue. Then we can evaluate whos right or wrong.. WE cant say we guys need to evaluate gals feeling if the gal might be wrong.

So please leak previous arguements of you and her over a simple matters.

Then we will know if you always tolerate her or the other way. Or like some ppl said, your gf is just childish that wans everything on her way, never care how the bf will think or feel.

Confused and Lost replied by jojobeach @ Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:29:10 +0800

jojobeach — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:29:10 +0800

Originally posted by Chris1988:

Yes Jojo. I've read this post of yours before too.

I believe the TS in that thread carries the name of shadez or something.

A few things that I might need help from.

Since all these while I try to pacify her straight away after she blows her top.

1st: How do I know when she calms down?

2nd: Do I still continue to sms her and all during the calming down period?

3rd: How do I conclude the arguement?

The one thing I understand is, both parties must be able to think in a rational manner before anything can be concluded.

I believe you don't give enough credits to your girl. If you really think she is so crazy.. why are you still with her ? Wouldn't it be better you send her off to a mental institute ?

Jokes aside.. I've got a feeling the reason why both of you argues about the slightest thing .. is because you tend to slight her.

If you want to gain respect from your girl.. you need to also respect her opinion too.

What you think is rational may not be rational for her, and vice versa. This is the reason why there's disagreement in the first place.

When you insist you are being rational.. and she's just being unreasonable.. she's probably thinking the same about you too.

See how it works both ways ?

1st: How do I know when she calms down?

Re: Why are you asking me this ? Are you her BF or am I her bf ?

2nd: Do I still continue to sms her and all during the calming down period?

Re: Tell her " Honey/dear, I know you are upset now, and I really don't want to make things worst. I'll wait for you to call me when you are calm and if you want, we can have a discussion about this issue."

3rd: How do I conclude the arguement?

RE:

Although, not all disagreement requires a conclusion...it is important you resolve the ones which can be detrimental to your relationship.

And in order to conclude an important disagreement.. both of you needs to be in a calm and listening mood.

Listen to why she is mad. and learn to hold your tongue.. try to put yourself in her shoes and see it from her perspective.

Remember.. most of the time.. your girl just needs you to validate her feelings.

Anyway.. it's easier if you can simply avoid a argument, save you efforts and trouble to pacify her lor.

Confused and Lost replied by Go @ Thu, 27 Mar 2008 09:08:51 +0800

Go — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 09:08:51 +0800

You still havent learnt what man must know skill.

For normal

To choose what to hear and to choose what not to hear.

For professionals

Hear on what you have to hear.

Response on what you do not need to hear.

Confused and Lost replied by Chris1988 @ Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:59:24 +0800

Chris1988 — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 08:59:24 +0800

Originally posted by jojobeach:

Chris,

Rule of thumb..

You don't have to give in, or agree with her. BUT you must know how to validate her feelings.

This is what I posted to another forumer in similar situation as you.

When she is mad, don't try to reason with her.. BIG MISTAKE ALL guys make. Learn how to ZIP IT for now. Try not to make it worst by immediately going into "defensive" mode.

Wait till she calms down..then you talk to her..

By then she will realize how stupid/petty the argument was.

And you too.. will also realize.. if you weren't so stubborn.. there'd be NO argument in the first place.

By then.. it will be a nicer conversation and a more forgiving ambience to talk things out .

PREVENTION.. NOT DAMAGE CONTROL.

Yes Jojo. I've read this post of yours before too.

I believe the TS in that thread carries the name of shadez or something.

A few things that I might need help from.

Since all these while I try to pacify her straight away after she blows her top.

1st: How do I know when she calms down?

2nd: Do I still continue to sms her and all during the calming down period?

3rd: How do I conclude the arguement?

The one thing I understand is, both parties must be able to think in a rational manner before anything can be concluded.

Confused and Lost replied by jojobeach @ Thu, 27 Mar 2008 01:23:29 +0800

jojobeach — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 01:23:29 +0800

Chris,

Rule of thumb..

You don't have to give in, or agree with her. BUT you must know how to validate her feelings.

This is what I posted to another forumer in similar situation as you.

When she is mad, don't try to reason with her.. BIG MISTAKE ALL guys make. Learn how to ZIP IT for now. Try not to make it worst by immediately going into "defensive" mode.

Wait till she calms down..then you talk to her..

By then she will realize how stupid/petty the argument was.

And you too.. will also realize.. if you weren't so stubborn.. there'd be NO argument in the first place.

By then.. it will be a nicer conversation and a more forgiving ambience to talk things out .

PREVENTION.. NOT DAMAGE CONTROL.

Confused and Lost replied by Chris1988 @ Thu, 27 Mar 2008 00:24:54 +0800

Chris1988 — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 00:24:54 +0800

anyway me and my gf are ok and happy with the way things are now.

we get to spend time with each other everyday and all

i just feel that i feel uber lousy whenever she get upset and she keeps wanting me to play the guessing game.

if you know what that means.

and i can tell you that i'm a lousy guesser.

so i actually hope from this thread.

instead of just whining and all.

i do hope to receive some valuable advices from fellow forumnites on how to..

coax and pacify a girl when she's angry.

Confused and Lost replied by Chris1988 @ Thu, 27 Mar 2008 00:17:27 +0800

Chris1988 — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 00:17:27 +0800

maybe some of you have mistaken me.

i've yet to be enlisted btw

the NS thingy is just an example i'm citing out.

sometimes i just feel that girls will never ever apologise even if they know they're in the wrong.

not saying all behave this way but some do.

imo i just feel that it is right to voice out your own stand in an arguement. both the guy and the girl.

sometimes the girl doesn't even want to hear the guy's stand.

and understand where each other is coming from. not pointing fingers at who's to blame.

my meaning of simplest things are things such as,

getting angry for nothing. and i really mean nothing. because the girl wants to.

you will never understand how much pride i've put down in my r/s.

saying sorry has actually become a habit.

its like when an arguement spark or when i sense it coming, i'll just apologise, its my fault.

i've never actually scolded my gf before. i only rant out my fustrations to my closest friend.

and of course try to seek forgiveness if i'm really in the wrong.

i can understand why my gf flare up at times because i'm so dense.

don't know how to make her happy.

don't know how to pacify her.

don't know how to conclude an arguement.

can't voice out my thoughts without her misunderstanding.

and the list just goes on.

but i just feel that, sometimes there are some things that are just unnecessary.

but it just happens.

i don't know maybe its the way i deal with things?

maybe its because i grew up in an "all boys" environment thus i deal things and reason out in a "man manner"?

i finally understood why people always say girls are from venus and guys are from mars.

Confused and Lost replied by CannyOng @ Wed, 26 Mar 2008 23:11:49 +0800

CannyOng — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 23:11:49 +0800

Originally posted by Chris1988:

do girls actually have to argue over the simplest of things?

do they actually argue to spice up the relationship?

to get attention?

its extremely disturbing and it actually spoils your whole day after the arguement.

sometimes i really do wonder whether pacifying the girl straight after the arguement is good.

or should i just leave the girl alone and let her think through what she had done.

my gf told me that sometimes its just the girls themselves.

sometimes they want to see the guy but cannot. (maybe bf in NS or something)

they feel terrible inside and wants the guy to feel the same way too.

imagine you fri book out, go out with her than sat also than sun both of you quarrel before you book in.

do girls actually know how shitty that feels?

do girls even think before they act?

guess its true as some people say, girls speak before they even think.

(not trying to pick on girls btw)

hope this is the right forum i'm posting at.

Chris.. U find the wrong type of gal. She is not suitable for u. I have one word for her 'Childish'

If u give in to her. U will regret, trust me!

Confused and Lost replied by Midlusionz @ Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:01:40 +0800

Midlusionz — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:01:40 +0800

Cherish and treasure wat u have now..

Confused and Lost replied by VL @ Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:43:00 +0800

VL — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:43:00 +0800

with*

Confused and Lost replied by VL @ Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:41:46 +0800

VL — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:41:46 +0800

be glad that somebody is willing to go out botak =]

Confused and Lost replied by nehpyh @ Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:53:27 +0800

nehpyh — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:53:27 +0800

Childish girls argue for the sake of arguing. They have ego too you know?!

Also, you must hold water too lah...apparrently there are loopholes in your position opened for arguments...no?

Confused and Lost replied by Zarks @ Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:47:52 +0800

Zarks — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:47:52 +0800

Originally posted by Chris1988:

do girls actually have to argue over the simplest of things?

No, they just stating out what they have in mind. not to simply argue.

do they actually argue to spice up the relationship?

to get attention?

No. gals wont do that

its extremely disturbing and it actually spoils your whole day after the arguement.

Depends if you can understand why shes behaving that way.

sometimes i really do wonder whether pacifying the girl straight after the arguement is good.

or should i just leave the girl alone and let her think through what she had done.

Leaving the gal alone will make matters worse.Instead, ask her why this bothers her so much

my gf told me that sometimes its just the girls themselves.

All gals want their love partner to spend more time with them

sometimes they want to see the guy but cannot. (maybe bf in NS or something)

they feel terrible inside and wants the guy to feel the same way too.

They never want the guy to feel the same way, but they wan u to understand that she is lonely and want to communicate with u more

imagine you fri book out, go out with her than sat also than sun both of you quarrel before you book in.

do girls actually know how shitty that feels?

do girls even think before they act?

Tat means u never understand your gal. If she doesnt understand something, then its your responsibility to explain things. Not to continue arguing.

guess its true as some people say, girls speak before they even think.

Depends. some gals will understand, some just dont(they just think of themselves)

(not trying to pick on girls btw)

hope this is the right forum i'm posting at.

Take ur time to understand your gal's need. FOr sure she's bored and lonely and wants to communicate with you more as your in NS.

Cherish her now , or just split up. Just communicate more and always ask why is she behaving this and that.

Confused and Lost replied by jojobeach @ Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:53:39 +0800

jojobeach — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:53:39 +0800

Chris,

My question to you will be.

If it is really the simplest thing.. why couldn't you just agree with her and save yourself an agony ?

What's the use if you win the war.. but broke her heart ?

Is it very important to let her know how "right" you are and how "wrong" she is ? Petty petty.

All you need to do is.. validate her feelings.. save your reasoning for another day.

Since you are a NS guy.. and you know she won't have access to you for the next several days.. you should be appreciative that she's still there for you.

So instead of whining.. why don't you show her more appreciation ?

Yes. girls do think before they act.. but most of the time.. it's emotions that takes over.

If she doesn't feel anything about you leaving her for the next few days.. then something is wrong.

You have a girl who is emotionally attached to you.. is that not a good thing ?

Perhaps you are not ready for a relationship that is why you are so disturbed over the simplest of thing.

Confused and Lost replied by Chris1988 @ Wed, 26 Mar 2008 11:59:25 +0800

Chris1988 — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 11:59:25 +0800

sorry if this might sound like a bashing thread to girls. i apologise in advance.

i got to admit sometimes quarrels may spark due to the denseness of guys.

Confused and Lost replied by Zarks @ Wed, 26 Mar 2008 09:30:32 +0800

Zarks — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 09:30:32 +0800

yea....

Confused and Lost replied by Chris1988 @ Wed, 26 Mar 2008 09:26:18 +0800

Chris1988 — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 09:26:18 +0800

do girls actually have to argue over the simplest of things?

do they actually argue to spice up the relationship?

to get attention?

its extremely disturbing and it actually spoils your whole day after the arguement.

sometimes i really do wonder whether pacifying the girl straight after the arguement is good.

or should i just leave the girl alone and let her think through what she had done.

my gf told me that sometimes its just the girls themselves.

sometimes they want to see the guy but cannot. (maybe bf in NS or something)

they feel terrible inside and wants the guy to feel the same way too.

imagine you fri book out, go out with her than sat also than sun both of you quarrel before you book in.

do girls actually know how shitty that feels?

do girls even think before they act?

guess its true as some people say, girls speak before they even think.

(not trying to pick on girls btw)

hope this is the right forum i'm posting at.

Recent Posts in 'Confused and Lost' | sgForums.com