In a dilemma over a girl.

• booo!

  1 Apr 08, 18:39

  Sorry for the long post but hope you guys get the whole situation. Thanks in advance for the advices.

   

  Im currently in a private school studying my o levels. At the start of the year, i met this girl named A and a guy named B. Soon A and myself started hanging out and texting each other everyday, A and myself grew close, but back then I never regarded her anything closer than good friends. Shortly 3 weeks after I knew her, B liked her and started advancing towards her, B and myself were good friends.

  Finally a month after they were together, A and myself still maintained this close r/s as good friends. One day, B went over to A's house, he went to purposely check her MSN message history with me as B knew that A and I were quite close. B found out that in the earlier part of the year, I did mention to A that B clubs alot and grinds alot. But that was before A and B got together. The following week, B confronted me and it came to a point where he started pushing and stuff. B mentioned that A was his bitch and I had no right to even talk to her, or to even mention that he goes clubbing alot. Then at that point I did not want to fight, so I told him to come whack me first, but in the end my classmates dragged both of us away.

  Then, I was dam pekchek over the incident alr, I told myself, for the sake of getting back at B, I shall not whack him, but instead get his girl. Since A was close to me, I was confident of doing the job. Thus at night when A was sleeping, I called her and so called expressed my feelings towards her, I told her if I was to ever go for her, would she give me a chance. She said Yes.

  A day later at night I told A what happened over the incident between B and me. She was angry, she broke off with B immediately. For some reason, I was delighted. Over the weeks, B tried to get back with A which was around early march period, but failed. B's reputation in school grew to the worse and alot did not like him. A by now was disgusted at the sight of him. Two weeks ago, B came and bang me from the back as I was walking in front. He turned and said not happy ah, come toilet settle, in his terms meant 1v1 lor. Then I just continued walking, then later B grabbed my shoulders but I just twisted his hand, then again, classmates pulled us away. A came out, wanted to help, but I forced her back in class first. I then later said i no balls to fight, then i went back into class lor.

  Then recently, few days ago, B told A that no matter what A does, B will wait for her and show her what true love is. I felt jealous. Since the past few weeks, I have always been awaiting A to call and text me, like always looking at my phone. As for A, she is a simple minded girl and quite naive. Instead, I felt bad for taking advantage of the situation. In class, I purposely went to class late walking in together with A to spite B, whats better than hurting someone emotionally eh. To be serious, deep down inside I find its hard to get to be a couple with A due to different characteristics, behaviour and thoughts and also that A is in the same class as me. Thus I feel that we would be better as good friends. But however, Im not confident of the r/s if it were to ever happen.

  I dont know myself, if I even like her, or want to further the r/s. Things would be hard if we ever got together, I dont want to let her suffer and go thru all the shit that I would bring. She doesnt like smokers and sadly Im one that smokes, but I would go to the extent of quitting to make her happy. Last time I didnt give fuck bout girls, but A is one who can always never fail to cheer me up when im down, make me laugh all the time. I dont know how far coincidences can bring but, 8/10 times I look at my phone awaiting her sms, it would just nice come in. Sigh.

  Thanks for reading.  (:

   

• Scania L113 lover

  1 Apr 08, 18:46

  You should set things right.

  I know your heart tells you so.

• booo!

  1 Apr 08, 18:47

  Originally posted by Scania L113 lover:

  You should set things right.

  I know your heart tells you so.

  Hi Scania,

  How do i set things right? Care to be more elaborate?

  Thanks.

• Scania L113 lover

  1 Apr 08, 18:49

  Originally posted by booo!:

  Hi Scania,

  How do i set things right? Care to be more elaborate?

  Thanks.

  
  Easy.

  Take good care of her. As for B, tell him to fuck off.

• Misogynist

  1 Apr 08, 19:19

  FOR Fuck's sake!!! GROW Up.. You've a pathetic friendship, you can let a mere girl break up a friendship.
• club18

  1 Apr 08, 19:21

  wah..

  i like ur style man..

  but then do u really like A?

  if not then dun play around k.

  by now A shd be irritated by the sight of B so she prob wun get tgt with B again..

• caleb_chiang

  1 Apr 08, 19:32

  Why would you even think of breaking couples out... I despite you!

• booo!

  1 Apr 08, 19:38

  I was angry with B.

  Right now, all i know is, if i go for her and do get her, I would definitely treat her way better than how B does. B's character is domineering and always want to know what A is doing every sec. He gets uptight and jealous when A talks to guys and stuff, always finding problem with classmates.

  Is this how I want a good friend A to end up with? Sorry but I think i can do much better. Either way, I dont even know if I like her or would want to go for her, our backgrounds are so far off. Sigh.

• rainee

  1 Apr 08, 19:40

  Are you with A just so that you can spite B?

• booo!

  1 Apr 08, 19:49

  Yes, i previously was.

  Now I can safely say im not.

   

• Midlusionz

  1 Apr 08, 20:25

  If she is the girl u think that is right for u... Take good care and cherish her as for the guy.. lol ask him to find another girl to be his biatch

• purpledragon84

  2 Apr 08, 02:16

  Originally posted by booo!:

  Yes, i previously was.

  Now I can safely say im not.

   

  there u go.. what dilemma?

  u speak of obstacles like different characteristics, behaviour and thoughts as though it was a bad thing..

  how is a relationship supposed to progress and develop if all the way it's "happily ever after"?

  u are supposed to overcome these obstacles, to learn, to adapt to, to compromise and give in to each other.. together..

   

• Ed11790

  2 Apr 08, 05:09

  if im the guy then i would really kill u...................if im u,i would feel like ive won and felt guilty...................if im the girl,i would never want to see both of u
• booo!

  2 Apr 08, 06:08

  Originally posted by purpledragon84:

  there u go.. what dilemma?

  u speak of obstacles like different characteristics, behaviour and thoughts as though it was a bad thing..

  how is a relationship supposed to progress and develop if all the way it's "happily ever after"?

  u are supposed to overcome these obstacles, to learn, to adapt to, to compromise and give in to each other.. together..

   

  Can two people from way different backgrounds really adapt and come to a comprimising point? Yes, I think, im willing to give it a shot. But im totally blurred out how to ask her, she is the shy sort and dont really talk much. But a part of me, tells me we aint meant to be together, thus I shouldnt even try and later hurt her more only. Sigh.

• Chris1988

  2 Apr 08, 08:38

  not trying to put you off,

  but it can get tiring in the long run.

  trying to compromise and all.

• magical_wen

  2 Apr 08, 09:49

  if u like her,

  go for her.

  if u dun like her, andwoo her for the sake to get back at B,

  dun go for her.

  now dat u like her,

  dun care abt B.

  a relationship is for two person.

  not 3.

  its jus between u and her.

  ok?

• dangerboi

  2 Apr 08, 19:24

  I'll suggest you to concentrate on your studies. Don't talk about relationships when you can't even support yourself now

• Mr.Burble

  2 Apr 08, 19:34

  i feel that you are using this as an opportunity to tell people here that you are cool that you get into fights, that you are able to go for your friend's gf to spite him and that you smoke.

  i always tell people, 'follow your heart. the mind complicates matters'.

  from your story, i'm sure you are very clear of what the situation is and that you are able to the right decision.

  otherwise, you are just an immature goof.

• rafTiger

  2 Apr 08, 19:42

  wat u have done is actaully quite wrong, but since that B sounds like an arsehole, perhaps it's gd that u can tear A away from him.

  if you are not serious about A, then stay away from her, don't hurt her.

  but from what you think abt her, think you are falling for her alr

  no harm being together, so young, just puppy love. treat it as a learning experience even if it doesn't works out.

• guaiboiboi

  2 Apr 08, 20:24

  Originally posted by booo!:

  Sorry for the long post but hope you guys get the whole situation. Thanks in advance for the advices.

   

  Im currently in a private school studying my o levels. At the start of the year, i met this girl named A and a guy named B. Soon A and myself started hanging out and texting each other everyday, A and myself grew close, but back then I never regarded her anything closer than good friends. Shortly 3 weeks after I knew her, B liked her and started advancing towards her, B and myself were good friends.

  Finally a month after they were together, A and myself still maintained this close r/s as good friends. One day, B went over to A's house, he went to purposely check her MSN message history with me as B knew that A and I were quite close. B found out that in the earlier part of the year, I did mention to A that B clubs alot and grinds alot. But that was before A and B got together. The following week, B confronted me and it came to a point where he started pushing and stuff. B mentioned that A was his bitch and I had no right to even talk to her, or to even mention that he goes clubbing alot. Then at that point I did not want to fight, so I told him to come whack me first, but in the end my classmates dragged both of us away.

  Then, I was dam pekchek over the incident alr, I told myself, for the sake of getting back at B, I shall not whack him, but instead get his girl. Since A was close to me, I was confident of doing the job. Thus at night when A was sleeping, I called her and so called expressed my feelings towards her, I told her if I was to ever go for her, would she give me a chance. She said Yes.

  A day later at night I told A what happened over the incident between B and me. She was angry, she broke off with B immediately. For some reason, I was delighted. Over the weeks, B tried to get back with A which was around early march period, but failed. B's reputation in school grew to the worse and alot did not like him. A by now was disgusted at the sight of him. Two weeks ago, B came and bang me from the back as I was walking in front. He turned and said not happy ah, come toilet settle, in his terms meant 1v1 lor. Then I just continued walking, then later B grabbed my shoulders but I just twisted his hand, then again, classmates pulled us away. A came out, wanted to help, but I forced her back in class first. I then later said i no balls to fight, then i went back into class lor.

  Then recently, few days ago, B told A that no matter what A does, B will wait for her and show her what true love is. I felt jealous. Since the past few weeks, I have always been awaiting A to call and text me, like always looking at my phone. As for A, she is a simple minded girl and quite naive. Instead, I felt bad for taking advantage of the situation. In class, I purposely went to class late walking in together with A to spite B, whats better than hurting someone emotionally eh. To be serious, deep down inside I find its hard to get to be a couple with A due to different characteristics, behaviour and thoughts and also that A is in the same class as me. Thus I feel that we would be better as good friends. But however, Im not confident of the r/s if it were to ever happen.

  I dont know myself, if I even like her, or want to further the r/s. Things would be hard if we ever got together, I dont want to let her suffer and go thru all the shit that I would bring. She doesnt like smokers and sadly Im one that smokes, but I would go to the extent of quitting to make her happy. Last time I didnt give fuck bout girls, but A is one who can always never fail to cheer me up when im down, make me laugh all the time. I dont know how far coincidences can bring but, 8/10 times I look at my phone awaiting her sms, it would just nice come in. Sigh.

  Thanks for reading.  (:

   

  hmm u should be concentrate on your studies private o expensive leh haha. k la anyway parent always say that don't have rs first at school university is ok but o lvl just concentrate bah? hmm if u really love her u should not cheat her feeling,just break. if u really got feel with her go on lo.

   

  as for B if he want to find trouble ask teacher/principal someone bigger to solve.no use fight it only make thing worse .

• booo!

  2 Apr 08, 21:03

  Originally posted by Mr.Burble:

  i feel that you are using this as an opportunity to tell people here that you are cool that you get into fights, that you are able to go for your friend's gf to spite him and that you smoke.

  i always tell people, 'follow your heart. the mind complicates matters'.

  from your story, i'm sure you are very clear of what the situation is and that you are able to the right decision.

  otherwise, you are just an immature goof.

  Mr.Burble,

  Im sorry if you had misintepreted my meaning, I did not mean to put it across to you in such terms, but merely wanting the readers to understand what I had gone through for her and thereby asking help to clear my already confused state of mind. Yes, I do know the situation well, but not my feelings. Thus, if you have gotten the wrong idea about myself, apologies.

• Yunhaier

  3 Apr 08, 01:10

  Originally posted by booo!:

  Sorry for the long post but hope you guys get the whole situation. Thanks in advance for the advices.

   

  Im currently in a private school studying my o levels. At the start of the year, i met this girl named A and a guy named B. Soon A and myself started hanging out and texting each other everyday, A and myself grew close, but back then I never regarded her anything closer than good friends. Shortly 3 weeks after I knew her, B liked her and started advancing towards her, B and myself were good friends.

  Finally a month after they were together, A and myself still maintained this close r/s as good friends. One day, B went over to A's house, he went to purposely check her MSN message history with me as B knew that A and I were quite close. B found out that in the earlier part of the year, I did mention to A that B clubs alot and grinds alot. But that was before A and B got together. The following week, B confronted me and it came to a point where he started pushing and stuff. B mentioned that A was his bitch and I had no right to even talk to her, or to even mention that he goes clubbing alot. Then at that point I did not want to fight, so I told him to come whack me first, but in the end my classmates dragged both of us away.

  Then, I was dam pekchek over the incident alr, I told myself, for the sake of getting back at B, I shall not whack him, but instead get his girl. Since A was close to me, I was confident of doing the job. Thus at night when A was sleeping, I called her and so called expressed my feelings towards her, I told her if I was to ever go for her, would she give me a chance. She said Yes.

  A day later at night I told A what happened over the incident between B and me. She was angry, she broke off with B immediately. For some reason, I was delighted. Over the weeks, B tried to get back with A which was around early march period, but failed. B's reputation in school grew to the worse and alot did not like him. A by now was disgusted at the sight of him. Two weeks ago, B came and bang me from the back as I was walking in front. He turned and said not happy ah, come toilet settle, in his terms meant 1v1 lor. Then I just continued walking, then later B grabbed my shoulders but I just twisted his hand, then again, classmates pulled us away. A came out, wanted to help, but I forced her back in class first. I then later said i no balls to fight, then i went back into class lor.

  Then recently, few days ago, B told A that no matter what A does, B will wait for her and show her what true love is. I felt jealous. Since the past few weeks, I have always been awaiting A to call and text me, like always looking at my phone. As for A, she is a simple minded girl and quite naive. Instead, I felt bad for taking advantage of the situation. In class, I purposely went to class late walking in together with A to spite B, whats better than hurting someone emotionally eh. To be serious, deep down inside I find its hard to get to be a couple with A due to different characteristics, behaviour and thoughts and also that A is in the same class as me. Thus I feel that we would be better as good friends. But however, Im not confident of the r/s if it were to ever happen.

  I dont know myself, if I even like her, or want to further the r/s. Things would be hard if we ever got together, I dont want to let her suffer and go thru all the shit that I would bring. She doesnt like smokers and sadly Im one that smokes, but I would go to the extent of quitting to make her happy. Last time I didnt give fuck bout girls, but A is one who can always never fail to cheer me up when im down, make me laugh all the time. I dont know how far coincidences can bring but, 8/10 times I look at my phone awaiting her sms, it would just nice come in. Sigh.

  Thanks for reading.  (:

   

   

  Somewhere in your mind snapped and you decide to pursue her as if she was the most effective 'revenge tool' to wield against the other guy. Frankly speaking, I doubt it's all about revenge; imho, there are more hidden affections than dry vengeance because if your decision is solely born out of some maniac, vindictive root, you are likely to adopt a 'chase-fuck-throw-taunt' methodology. Why even bother treating her even better than that other guy?

  Upon close examination, closer truth might be that you are also unconsciously interested in her; it’s just that she got attached to this guy too quickly insofar that you are unable to conclude any form of meaningful relationship. The 'moral' factor probably stepped in and might unconsciously pressure you not to step on the 'dating accelerator'.

  The break comes when this guy affronts you - what happen is that this incident stir up everything from within: your decision to chase this girl is masked by the facade of 'revenge' - indirectly, it instill courage for you to pursue this girl, through rationalizing (Freud considers this as a defensive mechanism). Deep down inside, you probably cared more than you 'took advantage.'

  Why am I so sure?

  Jealousy will never appear if revenge is your only concern. The fact that it did suggested something more.

  You last paragraph reveals a fear, which I reckoned that it's this unspoken phobia that deterred you away this woman. I have no comments if you feel that there is a huge incompatibility chasm you cannot resolve because I do not know you or her personally. But what I would like you to do is to learn to make your own decision/s from today onwards - notably, your decision must be a SELF motivated desire and not any externally-motivated decision.

  The latter decision is like trying to make the other guy appear like a loser by hanging around his ex-girlfriend, while the former represents a desire to chill out with this woman, without giving a damn whether the other guy is in the picture or not.

  From there, it will tell you a lot about how you position her in your life. Then perhaps you might have more visibility to eventually solve your own conundrum.

  Cheers

• jojobeach

  3 Apr 08, 04:49

  Booo,

   

  I think you are complicating matters more than it should be.

   

  First.. I want you to set aside whatever feud/anger you have with B.

   

  Now..ask yourself this.. If B never existed.

   

  Would you have feelings for A ?

  Would you have fallen for A ?

  Would you want to love A ?

   

  and...

   

  Would you have continued your relationship with A after realizing the differences between the both of you ?

   

  If the answer is yes.. this relationship is worth salvaging.

  If no... you know what to do.