Punctured Confidence.
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Hello, i am not new but this account is.
Felt for the first time that i needed to post here, in Aunt Agony.
My confidence was punctured so much, i guess, by my friends in the past that its affecting me wooing girl now.
I've been wooing a girl, first time in such a long time that in fact i felt glad, because i once wondered if i am a gay myself since i fancy girls very seldomly.
This girl, we went out together, quite a few times.
To gigs, movies and shoppings.
It was great infatuation on my side, and i wondered how about her.
She had never rejected even once when i ask her out, and of course that actually made me a little bit more confident, but still something is stopping and making me question myself.
When we talk in cinemas, we whispered so softly that our face had to touch each others.
When we were slacking at some place, i leaned on the sofa and we leaned quite closely.
And our common friend asked her would she agree if i asked her to be together, she said she dont know to her friend. (i am not around)
I once told her that i have "hao gan" towards her, and she replied me "what do you mean?" and almost immediately i, she sms me saying "she is going to sleep"
So whats the problem now?
I used to be called "丑八怪" by my friends, and other "evil" nicknames, and i sincerely feel that way inside. I used to have bad complexion but now it improved, but still has abit of scars.
I used to be really fat at 80 KG, but now i stand at like 55.
I've got friends telling me that i am one of the hotter chinese guy in the school, and also have got girls telling my friends that they want to know me, but i still feel very very very "lousy".
Sorry for long post, basically, i really need to pick up my confidence, i've been telling myself but still failed. How do i do that?
It might possibly due to the above, that i am afraid to think that she likes me back, and i wonder if?
thanks.
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erm.. it could be that she only treat u as a good fren.. someone nice and comfortable to be with.
sorry to pour cold water..
looks is not everything.. u have to be more confident in urself.
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å‚» de,
lol... it means u have CHANCE lor...
U cannot expect her to change perception overnite, rite???
Dont give up...
Continue to prey on her...
But give her some time...
She likes your accompany but not your looks...
At least, she never say "OMG.. how is it possible?" to your common friend... but she say " I dont noe" ... this means that her answer is within expectation for this supposed shocking question... Very likely, she has feelings for you to ...
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As for your courage and confidence, I cannot give it to you. None of us here can give it to you. You'll have to find it yourself within you.
Just remind yourself...you have nothing to loose at all. If you like the girl, cast away all your negative thoughts and just go for it...
...if not, you will regret it at the later points of your life (provided that you really like her of course)
not as if the world will end even if you fail. you'll have the whole world if you succeed though lol
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Stop second-guessing yourself.
If you really like her and want her to be your soulmate, then pluck up courage, be thick-skinned and start the courting.The worst that can happen is she rejects you and later feels too awkward to be close to you anymore.
Or would you rather be secretly admiring her in your own world while someone comes along and woos her heart?
You make the choice.
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there about thousand gals out there u can lean closer to when u finished studies, i.e. if u r still a student
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dont so fast make decision, unless you heart really guide you to "her"
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You are right it is a confidence matter.
You expect..............her to fall for you,
You expect..............her to tell you point blank she love you.
You expect..............her to declare that you are her bf
You expect..............her to ... what else I don't know.
because you lack confidence or know-how on how to woo her. Or you think you are god's gift to her?. Just joking. But get the idea.
Faint hearts never won fair ladies. You have already got contact, and gone out together, therefore the first phase is over. Now for the higher level. Which means more going out, and more "we" comming out of your mouth. Charming her even more and treating her with respect. Making her feel important. You have to do more, slowly, wisely, carefully. By now you should know that one wrong word, and everything is off.
You must initiate.
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slow and steady wins the race..
just continue to go out with her and stuff, then slowly let her accustom to having you around..
you must drop hints here and there.. dont need to say out one..
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No matter how confident you are, confidence can always be shattered. Very common.
Even ugly people have spouses. What are your worries ?
You deserve and is worthy of her love. You must believe in there first.
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Jeremey,
She's just flirting with you.
If you want to know how she really feels about you. You need to pull away for a while.
If she takes the bait.. reel her in. don't act dao.
If she choose to check out other offers, there's nothing you can do about it.
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When the expressions "loving yourself" or "self-love" are first heard, there may be confusion about what is meant. This is because we think in terms of the love we are familiar with, dependent love. If we try to love ourselves, we may take an approach similar to that used in dependent love, using ourselves as the object of our love. We may try to escape into ourselves, as we escaped into others. We may become self-absorbed and self-indulgent, putting our own needs first. The motive is still to escape. We reject unhappiness and, in so doing, reject ourselves.
Self-love has nothing to do with using yourself as the object of your love. Self-love means that your love comes from within, is generated from within, not from loving”any object because it may please you tremendously, whether that object is someone else or yourself. Self-love is a condition of awareness, a way of perceiving, an attitude, which results in an integrated perception of the world.
The art of loving yourself begins with self-acceptance. They are essentially the same. You begin loving yourself when you stop rejecting yourself, especially on the feeling level. When you practice self-acceptance of your feelings as they are now, you will experience real changes in consciousness. You no longer try to juggle people or possessions in the external world in order to find fulfillment. You find fulfillment from within, simply by accepting, without acting out, your feelings as they are right now.
Do not underestimate the importance of self-acceptance. It can end the emotional pain that you feel or lead to the spiritual experience you want. Starting with the mundane, you will reach the highest of inner realization. In welcoming all your feelings, you become whole; life becomes holistic. You experience oneness. You no longer compulsively search for oneness in the external world, whether with another person or with an achievement. You accept and love yourself. -
Dude, i respect u for the fact that u took the effort to slim down ya .. As for confidence wise i really think u shouldn't mind wat others said or just a girl to bring u down .. Shouldn't the way..
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To be concise - the first step is often the hardest. Take the leap!
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so whose clone r u.
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Good luck man.
Take it step by step, the whole "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" theory. Widen your focus and perception. Start taking chances (force yourself) chat up a different lady each day. It is not easy, but you will soon realize there are many fish in the sea and some of them will be interested in being caught, or catching you.
Confidence comes from failure, a great Tai Chi master once instructed his students to "invest in loss" meaning you need to make some mistakes and learn from them. The great master is not the one who never made a mistake, but rather the one who has already made every mistake and learned from it. Don't be afraid to make a mistake here and there, give yourself a break and don't be so serious. Don't think so much. Think less and act more!
Good luck
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i think u have good chance la.. if a gal never rejected u to go out to anywhere, its very high chance already.
maybe she shy and not prepared if u wanna say the magic words. or maybe she JUST treating u like a fren or big brother. OR shes not prepared to be in rs yet.
btw, from 80kg to 55kg, that much difference and u still have no confidence? That means your a loser with so many unneccesary things to think. U just scared what ppl might think of u , eh ?
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Hi bro,
To me, confidence comes from the passion in what you do, say, love, learn, give and fight for in life.
Simply put,
confidence = passion
Make a short checklist:
1. Passion to act/do (you have asked her out so no issue here)
2. Passion to speak/say (you have spoken to her and she's not turned off. Quite safe as well)
3. Passion to love (this is could be one of the missing link; you have not expressed your interest...but wait, I know you need to pluck up the confidence...let's move on first)
4. Passion to learn (you need to learn about her feelings. You need to learn about your ego, your complex, what you say that dun coincide with that you may think)
5. Passion to give (you have invested your time in knowing her, chatting with her - definitely a good thing here)
6. Passion to fight (is she the one? Are you willing to put up a good fight and give it a try?)
By posting your qns here and from what you have described, you have probably scored 50% of the above. That puts you in a very neutral position. All you need is to work on point {3], [4] and [6].
You need to learn, unbias, with no prejudice and subjectivity. You need to understand her more. You need to love her as who she is - your 16%.
Once you have done that, I believe you will become a fren. A good fren. That will give you the boost for the remaining 30% to kill your lack in confidence.
Remember, at this point in time, whether you wish to fight to make her your gf or simple a fren is not important anymore, cos you have gain the confidence in yourself and you as a fren to her.
Good luck.
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Different opinions based on TS's given scenario. All sound pretty reasonable , given the maybe likely situation other forumners have encountered before or advice on with no experience but based on sound reasoning. Different insights.
And the only person that did not contribute what so ever and lam pa pa lan. is Hello Kitty. heh heh
Anyways i think TS should take it easy with the girl like some others said here. Some equate confidence to passion , or from failure , self acceptance and more daring do or die. Just DO IT Nike philosophy. he he.
Maybe u combine all these. All the above as the core drive when u are in the situations u can apply it. No pain no gain. U just gotta risk it man. RISK!!! The greatest risk is to risk nothing , the person who risks nothing , does nothing , has nothing ; is nothing and becomes nothing. So.. like that how to kau cha boh ? tai lo ar. Even being confidence u may risk being seen as a playboy or whatever.. but hey man.. better then sitting on @ss and mind raping people.
Got chicks wanna know u , n some say u are one of the hotter guys... should give u some confidence ah.
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WAH! how you lose from 80kg to 55kg??teach me leh...I also want!
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secondary school wasn't a pleasant experience for me either, sometimes i wonder whats wrong with me
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you sound like one of my fren..
wad i can say is, go for it. do wad u think is right and not wad other think is wrong
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OMG how the fuk did u lose 25 kg ?
Pls pm me on how did u lose that massive amount of weight .
i need to learn LOL
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Never focus on one girl.