Girlfriend Problems.
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Hi, im attached to my highschool sweet heart for about 10 months now.(we're both in poly doing our final year now)
thinking back about the past 10 months, we've had our fair share of problems and all, most of it due to the fact that her parents do not approve of our relationship. this is because she comes from a pretty strict family, where church, studies and family is of utmost importance.
i really do love her alot, and she loves me the same. but i was thinking, we only talk about mostly one of two things, and that is, i) Fantasizing about the future, i.e what kind of a house we're gonna live in, how we gonna go touring the world (we're only 19 now) and ii) how much we love other i.e oh baby, i love you, im so fortunate to have you, blah blah blah.
now im not saying i dont like this or something, but i dont like that we basically talk about two sole things all the time. i mean, in the start everything was good, we'd laugh all the time and simply have fun, and i thought that was what its all about, because this is my first serious relationship.
im just wondering, how do i make this more intellectual. like, i wanna be able to talk to her about politics, music, documentary stuff, like wildlife, does god exist, etc etc. i cant stand just talking about i love you you love me topics.
and i cant tell her this because she's a pretty sensitive person. sighs. this is so difficult.
help me out guys, i just want to make our relationship better in that sense. and those of you who is in a relationship; what do you guys talk about all the time?
this is my first ever post on a forum, pardon if its in the wrong section, thank you. (:
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why is it locked or something?
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basically u guys r still young and there are alot of things that you guys need to do and commit to in future...evreythi is so loving and beautiful at the early stage..in fact it is the most beautiful part of love.. when you guys getting older and have other commitment..the thing might change and the concept of love in you mind is changing as well...if you guys r in love.. there should be certain level of understanding between both of you...things you guys talk about should be everyth under the sun but most of the time the topic is around the love blah blah...maybe she is not as mature as you...she is not keen in the topic of politics...slow find time and chance to talk and get her into the topic which you like...
sorry i might not ans directly to the points you want...but bear in mind this...treassure as much asp possible as the time spending with her...and pls dun always believe 100% in whatever she promise like we will nv leave each other...or can;t live without you....all the promise will turn sour once you guys face problems...my gf left me because she meet up someone better in her new workplace and she promised all these things too...bullshit one...life is all about yourself...learn to protect yourself and nv change your plans / goals of your future over girls...bear in mind these
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thanks man, can i ask, what age you are, and how long you were with her?
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woah. well u've just got to believe that no matter what, you'll have to talk to her about it.
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wow..im in exact same stage as you.. minus some of the problems of course..
are you guys n the same course or something?
about her parents,
just hang on.. it's her final year. of course her parents wan her to do well with making sure she fulfil her other commitments. you not meeting her secret? are you? just slowly introduce yourself to her family.. maybe via her siblings first? just be normal and do take care of her nicely.
to start on that kind of convo very easy one..
let say u wan to talk about rice price increase.. just take newspaper then ask her she read already? then if havent read u explain the article to her. if read already, ask her wad she think. dont need to preplan or anything. just go with the flow.
every other gal is sensitive in any other way. but it's how you open up to them la.. just joke like normal. be yourself. thats wads most impt. dont just because of her, your balls shrink and you suddenly become the nicest wussy ever..
and ya.. focus on your last year of poly also. just dont cause of this, you happy happy thinking of getting married and fail poly. study should be at least be equally if not, more impt then her
and welcome to sgforums..
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wow dude, thanks man,
we're in different poly, similar courses, and yes, i am meeting her in secret, her younger brother kind of knows, but doesnt care, her older sis knows as well, but is cool with it.
i realised, at the starting i was like that, that ball shrinking nicest wussy, haha. im gonna change man, and ill try that method of talking.
and actually, ive flunked 5 modules because of the relationship. sighs, i wanna get back on track. everything is expensive these days, need a good job,
well, thanks again (: really, you've opened my eyes alot.
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Hmm this kinda thing just come naturally?
Like for example, one day you are reading an article and it happens to talk about man and evolution (or some other serious "intellectual" topic) then you can call her over and talk to her about the topic. Just casually tell her,"Hey, there is this interesting piece of article here.." She will want to know what then you just tell her what is it lor. After that lead her into the discussion and see how it will go.
Most importantly is it must come naturally.
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Originally posted by meteora8:
wow dude, thanks man,
we're in different poly, similar courses, and yes, i am meeting her in secret, her younger brother kind of knows, but doesnt care, her older sis knows as well, but is cool with it.
i realised, at the starting i was like that, that ball shrinking nicest wussy, haha. im gonna change man, and ill try that method of talking.
and actually, ive flunked 5 modules because of the relationship. sighs, i wanna get back on track. everything is expensive these days, need a good job,
well, thanks again (: really, you've opened my eyes alot.
whao! you flunked 5 modules? i think its better that you concentrate on your studies too! in that case, maybe you can try studying together? maybe asked each other questions about your work and learn from each other?
about what topic to talk, i guess it is more difficult to pre-plan what you want to talk. it appears to be very fake. let nature takes its course. for example, you can talk about your friends, any funny encounters that you had experienced, or when walking along the streets and spot something interesting, can share with her too.
most important that both of you had fun and enjoy spending time together. sometimes "silent" moments are good too. =)
all the best!
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concentrate on your studies first man..dun evern let relationship affect your future..cos it maters alot...you are blinded with love now..evreythi u do for her now is worth a million but "touch wood" anythi happen to your relationship (dun be offended) then will realise somethi it is not worth that much anymore..you can read my topic under title i;m single again under anut agony..my prob is that...
take care my friend...
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Give and take..
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Pretty good advice in the replies above mine.
Let nature take its course in the relationship. The more expectations you have, the more disappointed you might be in the end.
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Are you trying to say that this relationship has no depth? The time will come. trust me. Just dont screw anything up in the mean time.
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thank you all for the wonderful advice, thank you.
im trying to equal out my time among everything right now, and to Pitot, yes the relationship has no real depth, or so i think at this moment.
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Is your girlfriend a metalhead too?
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Originally posted by meteora8:
wow dude, thanks man,
we're in different poly, similar courses, and yes, i am meeting her in secret, her younger brother kind of knows, but doesnt care, her older sis knows as well, but is cool with it.
i realised, at the starting i was like that, that ball shrinking nicest wussy, haha. im gonna change man, and ill try that method of talking.
and actually, ive flunked 5 modules because of the relationship. sighs, i wanna get back on track. everything is expensive these days, need a good job,
well, thanks again (: really, you've opened my eyes alot.
hey dude, it takes time man. When I just started out with my gf, we never even talk on phone or face to face for the first month. Just purely smsing.
Now we are reaching close to our three years anniversary and getting closer and closer each day. Her parents doesn't know about us, only her bro does. And she cannot really go out at night. So yea, all this things need time. I'm the same age as u btw
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Originally posted by Dead_Man_Inc:
hey dude, it takes time man. When I just started out with my gf, we never even talk on phone or face to face for the first month. Just purely smsing.
Now we are reaching close to our three years anniversary and getting closer and closer each day. Her parents doesn't know about us, only her bro does. And she cannot really go out at night. So yea, all this things need time. I'm the same age as u btw
omg .. how do u know she is your girlfriend then ? she ask u to be his boyfriend ?never talk never see each other ...sounds like virtual bgr o.O
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Originally posted by SquarePants:
omg .. how do u know she is your girlfriend then ? she ask u to be his boyfriend ?never talk never see each other ...sounds like virtual bgr o.O
no lah.. we met each other in school, got face to face before in school before our relationship..
just that during the first month of our bgr, we are too shy to meet each other out, thus we sms only..
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im just wondering, how do i make this more intellectual. like, i wanna be able to talk to her about politics, music, documentary stuff, like wildlife, does god exist, etc etc. i cant stand just talking about i love you you love me topics.
imo i think a r/s has no or should not have restriction when it comes to communication
You mentioned you 2 only talk bout the future and how much you love each other. Yes nothin wrong with that, but do you think a conversation only limits to this 2 topics? No right, glad that you realised. As much as i do feel like a hopeless romantic sometimes, I do feel really bored to talk bout love stuffs all day.
Actually there's no step by step basis to how a topic should be started in a conversation. There's no formula or whatever.
Let's talk bout music. Do you have to be in a music room in order to discuss bout the genres of music? Electronic music in a club and classical music in a piano room?
I suppose not. And what bout wildlife or politics? Standing beside Low Thia Khiang during General Election in order to share your thoughts to your gf? Nope again. So you see, there isn't a fixed location, position or occasion for you to discuss your thoughts and views to your gf. It all should have come naturally.
and i cant tell her this because she's a pretty sensitive person. sighs. this is so difficult.
Like I've said, everything should have come naturally. Like how you 2 discuss bout your future in life. Think bout how in a way you 2 have come to a point to discuss bout the future. I believe you 2 just mention it like that and started discussing. Not like "Can I discuss bout the future of us with you now?" Sounds weird isn't it. Permission in a conversation?
I dont see how a topic bout Music will turn her off. Try it. But when it comes to religions and racial issues, be tactful.
help me out guys, i just want to make our relationship better in that sense. and those of you who is in a relationship; what do you guys talk about all the time?
I dont really know how to answer that because we can talk about all kinds of stuffs. If I were to list all categories, it'll take a long time. See, conversation is a very broad subject. Basically you can talk bout just anything, that includes that particular toilet bowl situated at her house.
From world/current issues, music, movies, food, people, celebrities, entertainment, televsion programmes, books, games, travel, fashion, sexual, herself, family, we could discuss about MSN emoticons too. That's pretty lame you might think, but why not. A conversation can be serious or lame or meaningful.btw, you mentioned you failed 5 modules. You should really do something bout it.
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high school?
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just discuss llo. it's just a topic though. it comes naturally such as a topic talked abt over dinner that kind though. you guys still young lo.
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wow.. didnt know my guess so correct one. 5 module? wtf? i think you should start studying.. what i usually do is to reward myself everytime i finish studying. like for eg, finish up this 3 lecture by today or tmr cannot go out with her watch movie. and dont forget, all those future of buying a house blah blah blah wont be achievable easily even with a dip cert and i doubt u want another reason why her parents dont let u be with her.
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better treasure all tis moment
dont wait till both of u break up, and u say u regretted not treasuring her.
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No offence, but I think you should be worrying about your studies more than your relationship right now.