My wife to be and me are planning to get married. Rom this year and chinese wedding in 09. Both of us are fresh grads and don't really have much savings. Before I carry on further, my wife to be is someone who wants everything to be perfect and of high quality.
Few weeks ago, we went to look at some rings because I insist on buying her a solitaire as proposal ring because its a once in a lifetime thing and I want her to have it. We walked around and she saw the Destinee daimonds. True enough, Destinee diamonds are nice, but the price is even nicer. My friend recommended me a shop in orchard which also sells quality diamonds but at half the price... when I told her that I am considering buying from that shop, I can see the disappointment in her eyes. After I communicated with her and promised that I'll choose her a nice diamond, she slowly recovers and things got back to normal.
Today, she was flipping style wedding magazine and she saw this nice ROM, poolside or garden package from Sheraton Singapore. Sweat broke out as I was thinking if my savings (not alot), after paying for bridal package and buying the solitaire and wedding bands can handle that. She did mention that she has some savings as well and
she can pay for somethings too. I told her that maybe ROM at that place will not be such a good idea as we can always have our ROM and fort canning or a restaurant and invite the JP over. I again see that disappointment in her eyes. I know that she wants everything to be dreamy and princessy but from my point of view, I thought I would rather save the fancy stuff and put the money to better use since we, or rather I am running on a tight budget. I still have the flat and chinese wedding to handle in the near future.
Suddenly I am feeling the strain from wedding plans. I have never bothered about how much I had in my bank until now. I do not want to disappoint my wife to be but at the same time, I want to remain sensible work within out budget... How....
talk
to
her.
be glad this come at the right time
this is a good "test" on how well u 2 can survive ur later years together as husband and wife.
it's time for both to communicate, set the priorities, figure out wats realistic, wats practical, how can work within the budget, compromise, accomodate.......
yes, go TALK to her.
convey ur thoughts
going to be husband and wife liao, if still dun dare to say out, keep to urself, worry this worry that, then why still wanna get married?
talking to her is easy. She will definitely agree to what I say because it makes sense. Its just that not being able to give her what she dreamt of is a little disheartening...
its time to spread the burden
no money, no dream wedding. that's reality.
u really want to make her happy? then prepare to eat grass.
otherwise,
talk
to
her.
"I am running on a tight budget. I still have the flat and chinese wedding to handle in the near future." - does she think the same way?
if no, then TELL her
Lend money from parents lo .
LOL . I think wedding should be a grand event .
It`s once in a life time right ?
yeah that's the same old excuse.
"once in a lifetime"
Originally posted by twenty47:talking to her is easy. She will definitely agree to what I say because it makes sense. Its just that not being able to give her what she dreamt of is a little disheartening...
then sit down and do all the expectations and calculations together
use figures to convince her
im sure she will not be sim tia if u have to work triple hard, put in OT, or even moonlight, go into MLM just to earn the $$ to give her the "dream" wedding one loh
yeah, dream, geddit?
but hor, if she say she want to pay then ok loh.
Haha, she knows we are not rich... and that eat grass part I already told her when she was tempted by that destinee.
I guess its just her, she hopes all to be perfect... so at each phase, she will give me a scare and its up to me to pull her back to reality and she will realise that and be disappointed again haha... well I guess she is still young thats why she has all that dreams and ideas in her mind... well, I guess its up to me to burst her bubbles again and again and again...
thanks guys... realise I knew what I had to do from the start... just need to say it out to feel better
knn
waste my time.
cb.
hahaha thanks again... U have given me some sound advices. No time is wasted
oh okay. just the wedding ring....
not yet the banquet menu!!!
sorry.
yes you have to talk to her.
tell her the closest you can get to a fairy tale is when your newly-wedded husband carries you. that's it.
don't pamper her, you guys are only at the start of the journey. unless you want to spend the rest of your life slogging away to fulfill her dreams everytime she has one
u have to accept the fact.. she wants A, u cant give her A, she will be sad one.. there's nothing u can do about it..
the only way that she will be happy is that she gets A.. and since u cannot give her A, accept that she will be disappointed.. no matter how good a person she is, how thoughtful, how caring, u cant give it to her, she will be disappointed. it's a fact, not a flaw. accept it and move on, and treat her better in ways which u can.. thats the only way to make up for it..
u cant expect her to be feeling non-chalant about missing out on her dream wedding.. if she can feel non-chalant abt it, she probably doesn't care much abt it in the 1st place..
Hmm thats great insight purpledragon84, thanks. Your words made me feel much better.
haha I am preparing for my ROM and banquet too, so maybe I can share some insights here ;)
yes, it is true that most girls see this event as a once in a lifetime occasion and don't mind splurging on it. But must also set aside a budget and try not to go against the budget. What I can suggest is bring her to look at a few ROM venues, especially those not so expensive ones and hope she might find one that she likes.
Remember that you can't give in to her every whims and dreams. She needs to realize that this is not a fairytale wedding, unless both of you come from an uber rich family who can help to contribute to the expenses. Otherwise, be happy to settle for a simpler event.
From the way I see it, what's the point of stressing so much for just one day? Yes, it is once in a lifetime, but it is just one day. Don't pressure yourself too much just because you don't want to disappoint her. If she keeps having fairytale dreams inside her mind, she is going to have her bubbles burst one day anyway...
getting married oni costs S$28
i think i better check how much to get married in thailand
hey, in modern day context, weddings are no longer "ONCE IN A LIFETIME". There is a high chance you will do it over again at some point in your life.
once in a lifetime... but the marriage is the rest of the lifetime..
go be pretty, dreamy.. whatever.. and start the marriage with the massive burden of debt..
good idea..
talk
to
her
Originally posted by FireIce:getting married oni costs S$28
not if you can't get a place in the ROM office...and the place there runs out pretty fast...
my colleague held the solemnisation at his flat.
Originally posted by Karma88:Lend money from parents lo .
LOL . I think wedding should be a grand event .
It`s once in a life time right ?
Once in a lifetime??? i thought divorce is even faster rate.
Originally posted by twenty47:Haha, she knows we are not rich... and that eat grass part I already told her when she was tempted by that destinee.
I guess its just her, she hopes all to be perfect... so at each phase, she will give me a scare and its up to me to pull her back to reality and she will realise that and be disappointed again haha... well I guess she is still young thats why she has all that dreams and ideas in her mind... well, I guess its up to me to burst her bubbles again and again and again...
thanks guys... realise I knew what I had to do from the start... just need to say it out to feel better
Hmmm, perfect.. during wedding everyone and everything seems perfect. Next day you will start worry about the bread and butter. is the practical side of life.
many couples are very happy during marriage, but years later when they separate, they will not think about thethick and thin they been through.
Sorry i very pessimistic..