whats wrong with me??
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my boyfriend broke up with me after 5 years. he said that he has been taking care of me and pleasing me for 5 years that he does not know himself anymore and want his space and time.
he said he don't love me anymore, and want me to just leave him alone. he said he wanna do stuff without anyone stopping him or controlling him. he said i talked too much about the future and he's scared of it. he said i pressured him too much, planned for him too much. he said he doesn't think that he loves me anymore.
so for 3 days after that dreadful day, i smsed him, called him, met him to beg him to not do this and that we could work things out. yet he still do not want to change his mind. finally, i stopped.
now, i just do not know what to do. i mean, 5 years gone like that? isn't that crap? i asked him how long does he need, and he said he don't know and don't wish to give me hope.
should i just like get over him? or wait? when i do get to speak to him, he has this anger over something i do not know. and now it seems i also lost a friend in him.
i tried to do other stuff, go out with friends. but the truth is, i do not know many people, because during that 5 years, i didn't really like try to keep in contact with them all. and the friends i'm close with are leading their lives, with their bf/gf, working.
i'm still studying and the worst part is i'm having my exams now. so basically, i'm at home, supposedly self studying, when actually i'm just staring into space and thinking about him.
and it doesn't help that he lives like 10 blocks away from me and sometimes, i would just go down and like sit under his block, wishing i could just get a glimpse of him, like a freaking stalker.
what should i do? whats wrong with me?
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-pat pat-
focus on the coming exams first....
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the 5 years together held too much memories for you to give up so easily, that's why you're reluctant to let go - still going to his blk to catch a glimpse of him, ask him not to go etc.
i guess he's just not ready to commit yet, based on his comment about him being afraid of you talking about the future constantly. he still wants to have fun.
take it easy, your views probably differ on which direction you guys want the relationship to be heading towards. since he said all these, then i think it's not much use pushing him, asking him for a reconciliation.
hmmm, just my opinion.
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wat u shld do?
u shld not waste your time, efforts, feeling, love on him.....
He's just a piece of crap...
In simple, he really doesn't love you....becoz to think that he actually broke off with you when ur exam's near?
Anyway....he can comes out with tons of reasons not to be with you....
So, don't be sad....
good luck to ur exam...n prove to yourself that you can do well in ur exam under such circumstances....
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happened to me during my exams too.. like you i couldn't concentrate on it.. had to retake one paper.. you can't see it clearly now but screwing up your life even temporarily over him it's not a wise choice.. exams have long repercussions too
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5 years... that's long... i probably wouldn't even last 5 months with anyone. budden, yes, 5 years... roots for him probably grown already. it's tough. i feel he isn't ready to commit yet.
take care yea?
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all I can say is,
if its not meant to be, it's not meant to be.
force it also no good ending.
based on personal experience, not good to publicise. anyway, take care and focus on your studies. good luck.
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focus on your studies.
as the part for meeting with your old friends, i think its abit awkward if you suddenly contact them all at once unless you already have close bonds with some of them.
jus study and study. shut everything else out. if he does not love you then you got to love yourself. study and think of yourself and your future.
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Sure it was meant to be (for five good years). Some people only get 2 or 3 with the ones they dig before it ends. Consider yourself lucky.
Not everyone settles with the love of their lives (cliche I know), the world isn't perfect. I don't think your bf is a cad. Relationships are all about timing.
The way I see it, keep yourself very occupied with work and school. If you have no friends, sign up for yoga, take up a new hobby. When you're completely exhausted and taken with tasks every single day, time passes easily.
Set aside weekends to hang loose, fuck your studies and just cry. You can think about him every single moment and mourn over it, but do it only once a week.
Mull over the it if you must. Start a blog. Pen down all your thoughts. Go running. Find a channel and let it all out. Give shape to your emotions. Fashion them into words or confide in someone you trust privately. It's also ok to stare into space and cry, hell, 5 years is a long time.
Come to think of it fuck the grand advice. This kind of thing is personal and intense. Some things simply cannot be put away with valid reason. Especially matters of the heart.
You're only human, the relationship was real so you need time. Don't be too hard on yourself.
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why some advices are so familiar to me.. perhaps I am doing it already.. thats why..
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sometimes we love too much that we lose control..
sometimes we love too much that we become possessive...
sometimes we sacrifice too much that we lost touch with our frens and relatives..
it's not abt 5 yrs or 10 yrs.. if the love is not there anymore.. no point holding on..
if he's firm on leaving.. then i think u should move on too..
*hugs muffincakes*
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thanks for the advice, i know its no use waiting or hoping, yet that's what i've been doing. somehow can't see the future without him. just living day to day now. hoping time will take away the pain.
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To muffincakes, "he has been taking care of me and pleasing me for 5 years that he does not know himself anymore and want his space and time." Do you seriously understand what is your bf trying to tell you? Maybe I should explain. He is telling you that all this time when you ordered him around or scream at him he just allows you to do it because he thought that is was love, until he could no longer take it anymore. He is asking himself on why should I be a dog and laugh at by others?
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these days, relationship is very frail and unstable. 5 years as bf/gf only, i know of people who are married longer than that also divorce.
suggest you concentrate on your exams first, it is something that is more secure than relationships, it will enable you to have a better life thereafter.
let this exam period be a test of both of your resolve, focus on your exams first.
i'd rather you end up with at least a qualfication rather than ending up without a relationship and qualification.
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Very lousy excuse to leave u .
Maybe ... tat's happened to all my friends who had this similiar problems , their girlfriends tied them too much .
Cannot go out , go out must report , report liao must go back early , go back must call her .... no freedom .... at all ,and we hate that !!
U go and think , do u did that to him ? only u know la ...
If u do that to show that u love him , it's the gravest mistake .
at the least , it happens to all my friends who dumped their girlfriends for another girl .
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to all the girls who haven't lose their boyfriends ....
Dun tied your boyfriend too much , give them freedom , u two are not married , give him some breathing space .
Never intervene his activities ...
Never question his choice of ventures ...
Never doubt his time managment ....
Don't say i never tell u all .
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some taxi drivers should refrain from giving advice.
she is having her exams dodo!
you shouldn't be asking her to spend her time thinking about what went wrong.
you want her end up like taxi driver like you?
think you should just drive taxi, because you are good at it, stop telling her to think about where she went wrong when she is having exams.
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maurizio , this should buck her up .
Who knows she might just wake up in time for her exams ?
We never know .
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Actually .... her topic is : "What's wrong with me ? "
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i think she's good enuf to handle exams .
if she cannot handle exams , this topic at the first place , can never exist .
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i gave my opinion as a person , not as a profession of a cabby , get it right leh , Mauri .
I am off duty as far as i am now in Auntie Agony is concern .
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Reflect on what your ex-bf said. Is it the truth?
If it is, it will do you good to change so that you can be a better person.
If it isn't, then it is a matter of change of
. The chemistry is gone. You have to move on. -
actually its probably a silver lining.
Think about it.. in 5 years, you have lost contact with most of your friends, lost interest in other aspects of life besides him, and learnt to depend and focus mostly on your exbf for the 5 years.
Now, finally, you can start getting a grip back on life again learn to make friends AND keep them, learn to focus on interests, hobbies, meaningful objectives for yourself.
it is a time for you to relearn looking at the bigger picture and seeing how you can fit into it, rather than carving a small comfortable niche and pretend the rest of the world don't exist because its so cosy in here.
And if you manage to walk out of this, I am sure you will be a far more confident, attractive person than before.
Just that suddenly walking out can be a scary thing. So perservere and good luck. -
time will heal all wounds. forget him and move on. just treat it as a memory and treat it as a experience.
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Exams 1st , i told my GF to find her own things to do while I study for Exams.