How do i help?
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My girl is deeply troubled with her family problems.
As with the usual family with kids, her family controls her alot in the past, but now she is back to normal, doesnt clubs and drinks, but still the bad impression in her family's mind is still there.
Her parents are sarcastic with her, and sometimes, quarrels would ensure.
Basically, her family dont trust her, and as her boyfriend, i believe i can help.
I know i've to let her parents know that she is in good hands, and i am getting her "back on track".
I've to gain her parents' trusts, and i've no problems with being transparent with them.
But the thing is, i think there might be things which i can do to soften the tension between her and her family, but, how can i start? i really need advice.
Her parents had seen me and chatted with me before.
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How old is she ?
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we both wears the 21st keys on the neck so no we're not kids
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The best thing you can do is to stand by your girlfriend's side through it all.
It's their family affair after all.
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Originally posted by xavier1979:
The best thing you can do is to stand by your girlfriend's side through it all.
It's their family affair after all.
i feel an obligation to help, and i know i can help.
Originally posted by jojobeach:How old is she ?
No offence to you but, i hate it when people asks "how old *****" when someone mentions a problem here.
Maturity doesnt comes with age, and age doesnt brings good problem solving skills.
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Originally posted by ChingAlvin: i feel an obligation to help, and i know i can help.
In that case, do what you feel is right.
Just note that all that you have built up may be destroyed in an instant if your gf does one wrong move.
Because her parents already have a perception, any bad incident will only reinforce that.
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Originally posted by ChingAlvin:
i feel an obligation to help, and i know i can help.
Originally posted by jojobeach:How old is she ?
No offence to you but, i hate it when people asks "how old *****" when someone mentions a problem here.
Maturity doesnt comes with age, and age doesnt brings good problem solving skills.
The reason why I ask is because in different stages of life, there is different needs for a female.
Since both of you are already 21, there is no need for you to get involved with her family problem.
In fact, the best thing to do is to stay out of it.
If she needs a listening ear, give it, leave judgement out of it.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
The reason why I ask is because in different stages of life, there is different needs for a female.
Since both of you are already 21, there is no need for you to get involved with her family problem.
In fact, the best thing to do is to stay out of it.
If she needs a listening ear, give it, leave judgement out of it.
pardon me, i thought you are one of those who, "how old are you?" then "go study la".
I feel a need to help because, she broke down today, in front of me. And seeing someone you love breaking down, it breaks you.
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Originally posted by ChingAlvin:
pardon me, i thought you are one of those who, "how old are you?" then "go study la".
I feel a need to help because, she broke down today, in front of me. And seeing someone you love breaking down, it breaks you.
You are already helping her by lending your shoulders to cry on.
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u can try to stay at her house more often & spend time with her parents
soon they be able to judge that their dotter is in good hand
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The only thing u can really do now is to maintain the way it is now .. As in slowly gaining trust and ya its better u stay out of the family issue cos u might backfire
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So the problem here is trust no?
Since it hard for her to gain back the trust from her parents,
you could let the parents to trust you ^^
Understand how her parents feel... then find a solution in it ^^
Cheers
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Ur gal is ur bridge to her family. All she has to do is to keep u by her side whenever she has family gatherings. From there, u wll know how to do ur part if u really wanna help her.
To b able to chat with her family members is a good start already. Now show ur face more often, get into their good books & u wll b able to get into their heart, then u can convince them wat u wanna prove. Once u r at tat stage, it wll be ur turn to b the bridge of ur gal & her family.
It's not an easy task & lotsa committments are needed, are u ready for tat?
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Originally posted by RedizAlertz:
Ur gal is ur bridge to her family. All she has to do is to keep u by her side whenever she has family gatherings. From there, u wll know how to do ur part if u really wanna help her.
To b able to chat with her family members is a good start already. Now show ur face more often, get into their good books & u wll b able to get into their heart, then u can convince them wat u wanna prove. Once u r at tat stage, it wll be ur turn to b the bridge of ur gal & her family.
It's not an easy task & lotsa committments are needed, are u ready for tat?
I want to warn you guys about taking the family route to your ger's heart.
Many times it will backfire.
If you side with her.. her family will say you enabling/encouraging her behavior.
If you don't side with her.. your gf will blame you for not supporting her.
Either way, you lose.
You cannot solve her family problem.. she must deal with it herself.
Just be there for her when she needs someone to talk to.
Let her know that come what may, you will always be there for her.
What she needs to know is that she will not all alone should her family abandons her.
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Jojobeach has her points, imho it is not advisable to advise her.
Keep in mind that trust is earned over time and to remedy the past - the bad impression she has left behind.
Attend family gatherings and arrange meals with the family, the members might be sarcastic but I guess it's best if she sucks it up for now.
I guess the best way to prove that 'she' is a changed person would be achieving something in life - say; a stable job, being financially secured and eventually contributing back to the family.
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Hey Alvin, I agree with the others. You should keep your cool, what you able to do for her is to stay by her side and watch over her. I know you love her but she not married to you yet. So on her family view, you're a outsider though you're her lover.
I been though a few times, I know the fault lie on the past of my ex-gf/ current gf. I told them "when ever you feel upset or hurt by your family remarks, call me no matter how late in the night or during my office working hour in the day. I'll be listening and company you though the hard time".
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Nothing... this is part and parcel of life.
Just offer your "painkiller" for her to cross this stage
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very easy
start ur own family
get her out of her family.
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my humble opinions..
I agree with what jojo said because that's what I believed. Although u feel that you have to do something, but somehow, there's always a line to draw. Internal conflicts have their own implications.
Your gf knows her family more than you do. So most likely other people's(including gf) family matter you can only provide a certain level of support.
Poke nose into it and you might get the "it's our family business, what's your problem?" kind of response..
You're just as helpless as her.. the best thing to do is work hard and marry her. Get her out of there.
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Everybody have family problems, it either major or minor, but no matter what, which parents dun love their childrens? And old folks can never get along with younger ones, generation gap mah, like me, i also quarrel with ah ma and dad often, but deep inside, there is love.
So, let your gf be, u may thought you know the indept of the problem, but family problem lies within each family domain, dun be a hero. Just be good and love her dearly. From the look of it, you should be worry about her relation with your mother if you guys get married.