Should I Wait Longer?
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I am currently attached to one of the sweetest men I have ever known. We are going to register our marriage in a few weeks time but will only hold our customary banquet around a year later.
The problem is my husband would like to consummate our marriage as soon as possible, possibly after ROM but for me I would like to hold it back for a bit longer, preferably until after our customary marriage. We are both virgins and have not had any intercourse throughout our 3 year relationship, although of course we do indulge in petting every now and then to satisfy our urges.
Why would I want to wait longer? Maybe this is because I fear that I might get pregnant. Yes, I know there are condoms and all that, but all those can still fail to work at times. I know the percentage is very low, but I would rather be 100% sure that I will not get pregnant before the customary marriage. I am raised in a very conservative family and I know my parents would kill me if I dare to get into this kind of situation before the traditional wedding. And of course it wouldn't look appropriate for me to walk down the aisle in a wedding gown with a big tummy, would I? We are also not really financially stable to have a kid at this moment as both of us are still building our career and we also do not have our own house yet.
I am afraid if I give in and let him make love to me before the traditional wedding I might break down because I am not ready for it and my mind would be worrying about a lot of things so I would not be able to enjoy it. I really do love him very much and I want to make love with him more than ever but I just have this nagging concern in my mind everytime I thought of doing it before the banquet. Am I being unreasonable?
I am afraid of disappointing him yet I am afraid if I give in before I am 100% ready, it will turn out to be a disaster. Sigh. Do give some opinions on this issue. Thanks. -
Sorry if I sound crude but there is no way of answering your question without being obvious.
Ever heard of condom? ever heard of oral sex (ie sex without physical penetration?). -
dots. I believe you study business or non-science de... latex where got so easy tear one... Esp in the vagina, nicely lubricated... Dun wry la, just let him.
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or u can spend ard 300 to get an intra-uterine device, its kind of an abortion but in my eyes its just a stupid undeveloped zygote flushed out nia. If u are not free-thinker I think use condom lor, he bo feel nia mah. lol
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Hi Tinkerbelle
Legally speaking, both of you are already husband and wife after your ROM, so I don't see any social stigma attached even if you are pregnant before your traditional wedding. Just bring the wedding forward before your stomach shows.
If you feel uncomfortable, you should talk to your future husband about it and I think he should understand. What's one more year when you've already waited for 3.
BabyRex.
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If he is as loving a guy as you mentioned, then he should take your feelings into consideration and be more patient.
This is lust at work here.
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Originally posted by KungPaoChicken:
dots. I believe you study business or non-science de... latex where got so easy tear one... Esp in the vagina, nicely lubricated... Dun wry la, just let him.
Hey, kid
If you lack the maturity to give advice to an adult problem, you're better off sticking to your http://sgforums.com/forums/1390/topics/320211 How to keng NS thread.
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Have been using condoms for 2 years now .
Nothing happened . So relax . U wont get pregnant so easily .
Btw durex is the best brand LOL
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Originally posted by Detached:
Hey, kid
If you lack the maturity to give advice to an adult problem, you're better off sticking to your http://sgforums.com/forums/1390/topics/320211 How to keng NS thread.
dots... its true wad? see even our dear friend karma mentioned condoms are safe... Somemore the use of IUD is depending on individuals de... Everything got pros and cons, its just how u wan to get into your own form of the best of both worlds.....
I noe how to keng in NS is abit immature la... But I believe there are oso groups of individuals who agree on my point of view, who also disagree with my point of view. This is Singapore, not America... NS is just a ribosome to write new protein to reduce social disharmony in sg...
dots la aiyo... sec 1 sec 2 history learn until where le...
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Originally posted by 00011000:
Sorry if I sound crude but there is no way of answering your question without being obvious.
Ever heard of condom? ever heard of oral sex (ie sex without physical penetration?).
Read what I have written above, dude. I did mention I have heard of condoms, yet I am reluctant to use it because it is not 100% safe.Erm, oral sex is...not really sex
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Originally posted by KungPaoChicken:
dots. I believe you study business or non-science de... latex where got so easy tear one... Esp in the vagina, nicely lubricated... Dun wry la, just let him.
Do you think you can bet $1 million with me that it will not break?
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if u not comfortable then dont do it loh...
is he gonna break up with u over that ?
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Wow .. your guy is great .... virgin in ur relationship only ? or really never do it before with others .....
anal sex ?
illegal ?
I wonder if you dun like sex or dun like kids
sometimes , god play u .. ..............
when u want it , he dun give. when u least expect it , he will give
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Originally posted by Ferret:
if u not comfortable then dont do it loh...
is he gonna break up with u over that ?
Nope, he said he is willing to wait until after the banquet. Like what one of the forumers have mentioned before, he said if he has already waited 3 years, what's wrong with waiting another year?
This thread is posted because of how I feel towards the whole thing. Even though he has agreed to wait, but I just feel bad that he can't go the whole way even when we are already legally married. Maybe it is because of my upbringing, what my parents said kept affecting my decisions, especially when it comes to this matter.
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The thing is, u r uncomfortable abt it. Giving in now will just make u unhappy and eventually, him too.
If he's willing to wait, tell him u will be 'extra nice' afterwards and ask him to be patient a little longer loh
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Originally posted by delores:
Wow .. your guy is great .... virgin in ur relationship only ? or really never do it before with others .....
anal sex ?
illegal ?
I wonder if you dun like sex or dun like kids
sometimes , god play u .. ..............
when u want it , he dun give. when u least expect it , he will give
I am his first girlfriend
I am definitely not against sex or intimacy, like what I have said we have done petting and other stuff, but have not gone all the way.I love kids, we plan to have at least 2...but the timing is wrong right now. We are both still building our career and frankly speaking if the kid comes along now, I don't know where to place him or her...
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Condoms only fail if they leak or something, it shouldn't happen. Simply examine the condom after every use to make sure it has not torn. If it HAS torn, you can quickly run and purchase an "after morning pill".
Condoms have a failure rate only because some people don't use it properly. With proper use, there is a 0% failure rate I believe. There have been no documented cases of pregnancies with proper use of the condom so far I believe.
However that does not mean you should rush in anyway. If this is just a concern about being pregnant (but you're ready to have sex) then I don't think it should be holding you back. However if you genuinely don't want to have sex because you feel that the traditional wedding is the one that counts and you feel sex before marriage is somehow bad, then it's your choice to make and he should respect it if he loves you.
Although I might add the thing about sex before marriage, the morale issues shouldn't hold you back because you've already legally been married and that shows he's really in this for the long term, and he's already made a commitment. Therefore the thing about your partner not being able to commit does not stand in the context of this situation.
If you're doing this just because of what your parents want, and you feel guilty about that, maybe you should talk to them and explain to them your decision. I don't think you should let your parents' will affect your decision as long as you are sure that you aren't doing anything wrong.
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Originally posted by MrSean:
Condoms only fail if they leak or something, it shouldn't happen. Simply examine the condom after every use to make sure it has not torn. If it HAS torn, you can quickly run and purchase an "after morning pill".
Condoms have a failure rate only because some people don't use it properly. With proper use, there is a 0% failure rate I believe. There have been no documented cases of pregnancies with proper use of the condom so far I believe.
However that does not mean you should rush in anyway. If this is just a concern about being pregnant (but you're ready to have sex) then I don't think it should be holding you back. However if you genuinely don't want to have sex because you feel that the traditional wedding is the one that counts and you feel sex before marriage is somehow bad, then it's your choice to make and he should respect it if he loves you.
Although I might add the thing about sex before marriage, the morale issues shouldn't hold you back because you've already legally been married and that shows he's really in this for the long term, and he's already made a commitment. Therefore the thing about your partner not being able to commit does not stand in the context of this situation.
If you're doing this just because of what your parents want, and you feel guilty about that, maybe you should talk to them and explain to them your decision. I don't think you should let your parents' will affect your decision as long as you are sure that you aren't doing anything wrong.
Sigh, maybe the whole issue arises because my parents have managed to make me feel that it is wrong to do it before the traditional wedding.
I know I am a grown up now, but they can still somehow screw up my mind sometimes sigh. They have managed to make feel fearful about having it before my traditional wedding and it is damn hard to get rid of this mindset now. And hence it will cause me to feel uncomfortable although I know it is not right to let them control my mind now that I am an adult
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Originally posted by Tinkerbelle2008:
Sigh, maybe the whole issue arises because my parents have managed to make me feel that it is wrong to do it before the traditional wedding.
I know I am a grown up now, but they can still somehow screw up my mind sometimes sigh. They have managed to make feel fearful about having it before my traditional wedding and it is damn hard to get rid of this mindset now. And hence it will cause me to feel uncomfortable although I know it is not right to let them control my mind now that I am an adult
Tinkerbelle, think with reason and logic. The thing about not having sex before the wedding is just because they don't want the guy to walk off and leave you after having sex, but he has already demonstrated that he is committed to this relationship.
Maybe your parents just think that having sex before the traditional marriage makes you a whore or someone who sleeps around, but again your partner has already shown himself to be committed so the reasoning does not stand!
If this is what's holding you back, I think you shouldn't let it. It's not about not being affected by your parents, it's about doing what is LOGICAL. If there is reason behind what your parents said, then by all means, but if the reasoning does not stand in this present context, then it shouldn't even be a problem, no!?
I don't think your parents are crazy, they said what they did because there are logical reasons, but those reasons don't stand in the present context and it serves no purpose.
Did they tell you specifically not to have sex with him before the traditional wedding? Or do you just think that they are against pre-marital sex? If it's the latter than I think they have actual practical reasons for it, and those reasons don't stand in the current situation. If it's the former... You should try to explain to them why it's not wrong to have sex with him before the traditional marriage, and in the end if they still disagree you should do what YOU think is right.
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Originally posted by Tinkerbelle2008:
Sigh, maybe the whole issue arises because my parents have managed to make me feel that it is wrong to do it before the traditional wedding.
I know I am a grown up now, but they can still somehow screw up my mind sometimes sigh. They have managed to make feel fearful about having it before my traditional wedding and it is damn hard to get rid of this mindset now. And hence it will cause me to feel uncomfortable although I know it is not right to let them control my mind now that I am an adult
Hi Tinkerbelle,
I know how you feel. The impact of parents' influence to their children's mind, even when grown-ups cannot be dismissed. Mine is a sad story of my mum's impact on my life till now. And No, I'm no mummy's boy and I'm not going to indulge further, so don't ask.
It's OK that you feel the same way your parents think. There is no need to feel bad about it at all. Tell your future husband, he should understand. And there is no need to justify yourself here.
BabyRex
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Originally posted by MrSean:
Condoms only fail if they leak or something, it shouldn't happen. Simply examine the condom after every use to make sure it has not torn. If it HAS torn, you can quickly run and purchase an "after morning pill".
Condoms have a failure rate only because some people don't use it properly. With proper use, there is a 0% failure rate I believe. There have been no documented cases of pregnancies with proper use of the condom so far I believe.
However that does not mean you should rush in anyway. If this is just a concern about being pregnant (but you're ready to have sex) then I don't think it should be holding you back. However if you genuinely don't want to have sex because you feel that the traditional wedding is the one that counts and you feel sex before marriage is somehow bad, then it's your choice to make and he should respect it if he loves you.
Although I might add the thing about sex before marriage, the morale issues shouldn't hold you back because you've already legally been married and that shows he's really in this for the long term, and he's already made a commitment. Therefore the thing about your partner not being able to commit does not stand in the context of this situation.
If you're doing this just because of what your parents want, and you feel guilty about that, maybe you should talk to them and explain to them your decision. I don't think you should let your parents' will affect your decision as long as you are sure that you aren't doing anything wrong.
You are the man. and Tinkerbell is really a good daughter, she dunno how to lie to her parents. ok how bout this, take a rubber band and stretch until it snaps. and then ask yourself whether a moisten rubber or a dry rubber tears easier. And ask yourself whether does the latex that makes the condom actually is stretching during intercourse. (if you cant picture, take a cucumber and warm it in a 50 deg water. Ard 42 deg, put the condom on, and masturbate to see if it really tears.)
Or if u wan more experimental prove, you can always (as indicated on durex slips), put the latex condom into water, and put another into oil( i seriously mean Hydrocarbons, like cooking oil or maybe margerine). use your hand(not fingernails, ur temple got no nails de) and seriously wring, rub, stretch the condom in water as well as in oil. you will see that the water one will not tear and the oil soaked will. esp under high friction.
And vaginal discharge is 90% water.
Unless your husband got elephant dick and took a viagra pill. Yes it can cus I have heard of it. Esp those who got gangrene after taking cocaine to have a hard cock, 3 days of unsubsided erection.
And a standard condom unrolled length is longer than any of the asian dick size, so no matter how your husband wanna cheat, unless he cut a hole through I nth to say la.
latex is actually hydrocarbon, thats why with the presence of hydrocarbons, the condom will become thinner and thinner until cell penetratable. So I seriously seriously dunno wad are u thinking.
Unless you like the china case, teeth in vagina then I have nothing to say oso. or your G-spot is made of steel I dunno. as long as i noe condoms have not failed in proper use. if you all do oral sex then go penetrate then dun point your finger to durex company, u have just gotten the darwin award.
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Originally posted by Tinkerbelle2008:
I am currently attached to one of the sweetest men I have ever known. We are going to register our marriage in a few weeks time but will only hold our customary banquet around a year later.
The problem is my husband would like to consummate our marriage as soon as possible, possibly after ROM but for me I would like to hold it back for a bit longer, preferably until after our customary marriage. We are both virgins and have not had any intercourse throughout our 3 year relationship, although of course we do indulge in petting every now and then to satisfy our urges.
Why would I want to wait longer? Maybe this is because I fear that I might get pregnant. Yes, I know there are condoms and all that, but all those can still fail to work at times. I know the percentage is very low, but I would rather be 100% sure that I will not get pregnant before the customary marriage. I am raised in a very conservative family and I know my parents would kill me if I dare to get into this kind of situation before the traditional wedding. And of course it wouldn't look appropriate for me to walk down the aisle in a wedding gown with a big tummy, would I? We are also not really financially stable to have a kid at this moment as both of us are still building our career and we also do not have our own house yet.
I am afraid if I give in and let him make love to me before the traditional wedding I might break down because I am not ready for it and my mind would be worrying about a lot of things so I would not be able to enjoy it. I really do love him very much and I want to make love with him more than ever but I just have this nagging concern in my mind everytime I thought of doing it before the banquet. Am I being unreasonable?
I am afraid of disappointing him yet I am afraid if I give in before I am 100% ready, it will turn out to be a disaster. Sigh. Do give some opinions on this issue. Thanks.
since u dun wanna hv it then wait till after chinese wedding lo... since tahan so long liao wait a yr more wun matter...even tho everything sounds ok but somehow u might still be worrying too much after chinese wedding... + are u saying in 1 yr both of u will be ready to handle 'accidents'? something to tink abt ->actuali by holding out so much till after marriage it will only build up more expectations from ur hubby tat after marriage both of u are gonna be doing it like animals in heat[daily? or more]... if it somehow things dun go as he has planned/expected, then both of u will need some good talking and might lead to further headaches if not handled well....
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If u dun give in and your bf is angry or whatsoever then this relationship is not meant to be.
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Originally posted by Tinkerbelle2008:
Read what I have written above, dude. I did mention I have heard of condoms, yet I am reluctant to use it because it is not 100% safe.Erm, oral sex is...not really sex
that what bill clinton claim but to the rest of the world, oral sex is still sexever heard of anal sex then
with that said, i guess your husband would be understanding if you let him know of your concerns. If he is still insistent, get him to pay for the pills - expensive but 100% effective
be honest to yourself, are you really worried about getting pregnant or you are just not ready yet to have sex?
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Originally posted by BrUtUs:
since u dun wanna hv it then wait till after chinese wedding lo... since tahan so long liao wait a yr more wun matter...even tho everything sounds ok but somehow u might still be worrying too much after chinese wedding... + are u saying in 1 yr both of u will be ready to handle 'accidents'? something to tink abt ->actuali by holding out so much till after marriage it will only build up more expectations from ur hubby tat after marriage both of u are gonna be doing it like animals in heat[daily? or more]... if it somehow things dun go as he has planned/expected, then both of u will need some good talking and might lead to further headaches if not handled well....
If it happens 1 year later after our traditional wedding, at least our parents won't have anything much to say anymore, I think by that time they would be pestering me to have kids anyway!
And I am going to further my studies soon, so this is really a wrong time should an accident happen...because definitely it is going to disrupt my studies plus the fact we are not financially stable at the moment...
Most people would just say, just do it, what for think until so far? But I believe every action will lead to certain consequences, and if I am not ready for the consequence, I rather not take the risk at all.