its been years since we broke up... i left her cos we had too much quarrels...

 

now, we each live our seperate lives... each attached to our own partners...

 

she's with the guy whom appeared when our relationship were nearing the end..

 

i hate myself for letting her go.. till this day, i cant forgive myself

 

i dream of her every now and then and it really hurts me till this day when i wake up from such dreams...

 

its like i can never let go... its like a part of my heart is dead ... its with her ..

 

i cant love my current partner whole heartedly but i cant let her know the truth

 

it hurts too that i say "i love you" when deep inside, i know its not completely

 

i hate to have to lie for the rest of my life...

 

i cant turn to my friends anymore... they all say the same thing ,

 

let her go if you really love her, its over, stop holding to the past

 

i know all these but my heart just fail me when i try to get over it

 

i really hope time will heal, because it has not till today..

 

or will it be the regret that will follow me for the rest of my life?

 

i really dunno... sometimes i feel like running away from everything but i know i cant run away from this feeling... i want to face it but i don't know how to...

 

i know i need help but there's no one i can turn to anymore...

 

it's all my fault.. my fault... i cant forgive myself for letting her go to someone else..

dude sheesh, you didn't let her go. she left.

*pats*

learn to move on... tats the only thing u can do...

 

i know i should learn to move on ... but i really dont know how to

i could always give my friends good advice but when it comes to dealing it personally.. i realise emotional stuff defy logic... my mind knows what to do but my heart just cant co-ordinate...

every now and then, i always feel so tempted to sms her just to ask how has she been...

but i know it will only put me into deeper shit .. i will only hurt myself even more

this is really killing me....

she made me know true love and pain

the thought of her getting married in the future but the guy aint me... i feel like a piece of trash... it should had been me but i threw it away

are u sure u really love her?  or is it that u cant let go coz u nv accepted the fact that somebody snatched her away from u?

hey you know the good news about these things is, you never have to force yourself to move on.

you simply move on. it works very well with time. framed at the heart, locked away as memories. good luck!

it's not because of the guy ... when i look at our past photos.. the first kiss we had.. the quarrels we had.. it just hurts so much to know how much we used to love each other

i tried to avoid her in my thoughts.. but the dreams just bring everything back

Originally posted by confused heart:

it's not because of the guy ... when i look at our past photos.. the first kiss we had.. the quarrels we had.. it just hurts so much to know how much we used to love each other

i tried to avoid her in my thoughts.. but the dreams just bring everything back

How can you avoid her in your thoughts if you are looking at the past photos every now and then? 

Dump anything that may remind you of her, and you may not even remember how she look like in months' time. At the same time, don't forget to cherish what you have now. Otherwise you're gonna come back to start a new thread about your current girlfriend.

i believe that if u really love someone,you would wan to see her be happy,no matter who is she/he is with

if she is really happy with her life now, i really give her my best blessing and wishes

 

but sometimes during our rare conversation, she makes me feel that life with that guy isnt all that rosy..

 

what hurts me most is to lose your loved one to someone who doesnt cherish her as much as i would now

Originally posted by confused heart:

if she is really happy with her life now, i really give her my best blessing and wishes

 

but sometimes during our rare conversation, she makes me feel that life with that guy isnt all that rosy..

 

what hurts me most is to lose your loved one to someone who doesnt cherish her as much as i would now

why not try chasing her back?

When I read your first post, I found it very familiar. I've got the same problem as you years ago. The year was 2001 when I meet this girl, we broke up, but I told her "Even though next time I may haf a gf, I wont be able to love her as much as I love you".

But since then, I have learn to move on and I have met the love of my life. Even though I said those words to her, I feel that right now, at this point, it doesnt matter any more.

Do you want to know what I do to forget her and move on? It all about time.

I took about 3 or 4 years to completely forget her.

Right now, you should throw everything that is associated with her away. Pics, sms, emails etc. Once you done that, you are on your way to forget her. Trust me.

Gd luck bro, love your current gf more. She is the one that deserves your attention now more so than your ex.

awwwwwww

It takes time to let it go. Don't be too harsh on yourself.

"To objectify beings as separate you and make them an object of attachment is to bring endless seeking, endless longing, and endless suffering. And hence, passion, emotion, attachment, and so on. All sentient beings are like that.

But to recognise yourself (true self), in all beings, is true love. When we meet someone without seeing them as individual entities separate from us, with no labeling and no objectification, there is simply the act of love, or compassion, without separation resulting in lust. There is a 'recognition in oneness'.

The problem is we will always hold onto an idea of separation and individuality, and become totally bonded, and this strong imprint will lead to suffering, if lets say we 'lose' someone (and in actuality there is no 'one' who can lose 'some other one'). We will then be lost in our stream of endless projection of someone separate from us, leading to separation, seeking, and suffering.

But if suffering happens we cannot suppress or push it away, if suffering arise, we have to be completely honest and face the suffering fearlessly. To deny suffering is to deny What Is, and this denial will result in further suffering because there is no 'you' (a fiction) who can run away from What Is. There is only What Is at every moment... so if suffering arise at that moment, it has to be accepted."

 

A quote from AEN to me... on what is true love...

Move on. Things have changed and choices were made. Whatever regret or pain is yours to bear but its in the past and nothing can change that.  If you cannot let go, then you are not fair to her, to yourself, to your current girl.

 

May be you shouldn't be in a relationship until you are really ready to move on.  It's not fair to your current partner.

Let's just take our time to let your broken heart to heal fully.  Don't waste time in pursuing something you know it's unlikely to happen.  Life is too short.

Take care!

The past serves as memory which fades without knowing.

Let go? No. Accept Fact? Yes.

Forget her? Not possible. Blessings? Why not?

Have you ever stop to think, did or did not that girl even ever looked back at the relationship, about what you mentioned, how happy you both once were..?

If the latter, is it worth it to carry the horrible burden of a broken bond all by yourself?

Since you two have made the decision to go separate ways and she chose to be with the guy she is with until now. Whether her guy is a garbage collector or of managerial post, how many quarrels they had is really her business. I'm sure she can be sane enough to make her own choice.

It's not about her anymore. It's about how are you going to deal with this heartbreak. Continue to carry the burden? Or let it fade into memories and cherish your current girl who has be staying with you through ups and downs?

Are you being fair to your current gf? Have you every asked yourself why were you with her in the first when you have someone else in your heart?

I was in the same situation few years back, sandwiched between two guys. One whom there's mutual love but hurted me over and over, the other whom loves me stubbornly and I was touched.

But lucky me, my current love found me and pulled me out of the darkness I once was in, sweet life we led and we shall be engaged soon he said.

Brother, you live life only once. You want to be stranded in something which cannot be brought back or let your love ones be happy because you are smiling?

"Coco Lee - Before I Fall in Love"

 

time to move on

actually i did try to get over it...

i kept all her photos away, deleted her number and simply just stopped myself from contacting her

i thought i succeeded ....

then i dreamt of her out of the blue

when i woke up, i realised i miss her so much

we are still friends now actually but we hardly contact one another

the last time we spoke, she told me that she still kept the flowers i gave her during valentine's day when we were still together

i don't know what that means as i don't want to misunderstand nor be misled

but on the other hand, i acted on impulse and frankly told her i failed at getting over her completely. I asked her how did she do it

She said "just think of your current gf and family as the best gift of your life"

my friends once told me i can never let go if i keep hanging on to the faintest hope which might not even be there

but i just cant convince myself till this day that she's no longer mine

its really a battle between my mind and my heart and sometimes i really just want to cry it all out but no tears ever came

i tried praying to God for help and guidance

till today i know i still love her but she's no longer here

for her to still be with that same guy up till today, it shows she made the right choice for herself but sometimes i really wonder, does she still have feelings for me or its really, really over?

i had countless relationships in the past but none ever made me feel like this to her

i really want to be with her for the rest of my life and the thought of this impossibility drives me to my knees

she's the only girl i ever kneel down to beg for forgiveness for hurting her by breaking up with her, back then she just walked away

sometimes i wonder, did she walk away because she didnt care anymore or did she do that to make sure she hurt me to the deepest so that i will get over her

i dunno...

 

(edit to remove spaces)

so... u mean u got a gf now and u still missing your ex?

and if u wan advice from concerned ppl here. plz dun space when u write your agony.. i feel frustated to see u put 3.0 line spacing

 

Wake up again,

What is this ? ---> "she's with the guy whom appeared when our relationship were nearing the end.." <--- this clearly means she already be with the guy when u are still with her? Isnt it obvious that she has no feeling to u anymore and she already find a new guy when u guys havent break up? THen think clearly again, how long she alreadya been in contact with the guy? if u are able to answer, then u should know how long already she has no feeling to u. That also means, shes just waiting to end the r/s with u. That means its not u letting her go, its HER letting u go and she realised its not fair to be with u in future as she no longer has feeling to u. thats why she never feel anything when u kneel down.

 

"Just realised not everything in this world belongs to u.THings that are not yours, you should let go and move on to find what is really yours."

read my above sentences everyday, then u will feel better everytime u feel sad bout previous.. U can threw away her things, i think u can read my sentences above everytime u feel sad too. Trust me, it works

Thanks Zarks ... i did feel better after reading your post.

I just need someone to knock sense into my heart because i cant do that myself. I can honestly say i am happy yet angry to see her with that guy now. She started going out with him during the end of our relationship but they only really got together soon after i broke up with her. Within one week, i tried to get her back but she refused saying i hurt her too much.

It's amazing sometimes that when we do meet up for coffee once in a blue moon, she could behave like nothing ever happened between both of us. I can't do that.

I guess i am not ready to face her as friends and might never be

I guess i am also not ready for another relationship but i already am. My current gf is not that perfect too but i know she tried her best to make our relationship work and me too.

We have plans for marriage and i usually just go along with her suggestions. This made me realise i am not really looking forward to it.

Why? Is it because she's not the one i really love? Or is it because my Ex prevented my heart from completely accepting someone else?

Brothers and sisters, i hope you can advise me on this because i am really lost in my turmoil.

She walked away because she saw no point in you begging for forgiveness, my dear.

Learn to be contented with what you have. Don't ask for more because "more" only comes by itself.

NO one is born perfect without any guide from ppl. Dont feel ashamed bcuz u need help. Everyone needs help and guide. BUt please realise that ppl can only give u advice and guidance. The person who made the decision is always u.

ITs a bad idea to think bout your ex if u are currently attached. And its very unfair to your gf now if u suddenly wanna break up with her for your own personal problems with ex. What u can do is, learn to communicate and spend more time with ur gf now. Just try to think that she really did all she could to be with u cuz she really loves u. I believe u can see her action to prove her love to u.

Dont feel bad bcuz u didnt give more actions than she did to u. Just learn to love her more. One day u will realise in your heart that the gf u have now is the one you really looking for. Its just u never open your eyes WIDE enough to see how much love your gf put in this r/s. Open your eyes 100 % wide to your gf, dont share the % for your ex that u know she doesnt belong to u forever. Yes, its FOREVER.

Everytime u see ur gf now, just remember what i told u. U wil feel hard to discpline yourself to not think bout ex. Its ok. U lose confidence to not think bout ex cuz u always fail to not think bout her. DOnt try so hard to forget your ex. but instead try VERY hard to use the time to spend more with your gf.. Take her out , play some games, get u both very busy with activities and concern her alot!

 

U did mention that your ex said you did hurt her alot, right? BUt think it this way, u were still young back then. U didnt know much or able to control your emotions  perfectly. But bring it to current, u know u cannot turn back time, but u can changed to be better to your gf now. People changed for better only if they realised what mistake they did and never to repeat the same mistake again.

 

Just remember Life is Short, and how many ppl would love u the way your gf or family would. Turn the negative past experience to positive exp in future.

 

Just look DEEP in your gf eyes right now without saying anything, u shall see the love in her eyes to u.. thats the one you're looking for.

Ask yourself again if you're very lucky to have her in your arms now.

One more thing that i need to remind u, when a gal share her feelings of wanting to get married to the bf, it means she loves him alot.. Please always think bout this.

 

If u have changed for better, please send me the advising chargers to my bank. thank you. Its only 50,000 bucks

 

NO need to see your ex again.. if u really wan to concentrate on your gf, dont see her again. If u realised, its not her wanted to see u but its u who wanted to see her.. If u dont call her, she wont call u either. Trust me. U called her bcuz u missed her, she agreed to see u for drink bcuz she only think u as normal fren. She is happy with her life, and you are so down with your life. Its really not worth

So farney...

 

In my defination,  a relationship is a zero sum game. Either you win or you lose. No draw.

When you fight, you gain ego and 'personal pride' but lose the war.

There is no right or wrong...some people can't stand short term lost of ego and pride and they are willing to pay by losing the girl.

When you are young, you think that you can find someone 'better'. Well, maybe that's true to a certain extend, cos your appreciation of quality is not yet refined and you are probing...

But if you think that this person is THE person that you can spend your entire life with, that you are willing to die later than him/her so that he/she won't have to live a lonely life without you....then you will start to reassess your strategy.

The unkerism in me tell me that i can lose a few battles but I must win the war.

 

For your case, you won the battles but you lose the war. Now you regret but it's too late. I hope that you are older and wiser.

Next time, focus on solving the issue and not winning the ego. That said, there is nothing compatible in this world, it's all about accomodation and adjustment.

 

Time to let go and meet new people. Good luck.