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25 posts
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Been helping this friend with her relationship problems. I think she's taking me for granted. Always listen to her woes and be there when she feels down. I'm getting tired of her throwing her temper at me. I don't want to do this anymore. But yet i think it's quite bad to leave her alone now especially when everything is lousy for her. What should i do?
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You may feel lousy but she may feel even worse right ? You may be her only support now. That's what friends are for right ? I am sure she doesnt throw her temper at you because she like it right ? It is just that all her problems are forcing her to vent her anger towards a place and normally that is to a place that she feels she can rely on.You. So I feel you should take care of her ya. I have problems too but I got no one to direct it to. I feel lousy. I wanna have someone to talk to also. I understands how she feels so please dont leave her.
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Somehow my case is similar to yours.
I like this girl but she don't like me. But I still continue to be around her, supporting her, encouraging her. When she's sad, I'll think of all ways to cheer her up. When she's happy I feel happy for her too, just by thinking that 'I am not the one' makes me sad again.
Of cos I will feel tired, but I'll hold on. This is what I also tell my friends around me.
Love is not about giving up, but holding on.
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There's nothing wrong offering your ears and shoulders for your friend in need.
But you must learn to draw a line.. between giving help and being treated like a punching bag.
The next time she throws her temper at you... tell her very calmly.
" I don't mind being here for you because you are a friend I care about. But I will not tolerate you taking advantage of my kindness by venting your anger at me."
When you allow a person to walk all over you.. you have only yourself to blame.
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Don't forget to cry whenever you have reached your emotional threshold, it is necessary cos it's the only way for you to unload this emotional baggage you have been carrying for her.
Crying isn't a sign of weakness, we cry because we feel love for others and it enables us to grow emotionally...and it's not the same as aging naturally.
Is she taking up a huge percentage of your emotional life right now? It is not healthy for you to allow her to take up a huge percentage of your emotional life, and I'm sure you would've realised this. Try to slowly reduce her stake in your emotional life, be it 50% to 35% to 25% to 15% to 10% or even lesser. It won't be difficult for you to do that because...everytime you had to carry her emotional baggage, it doesn't makes you like her even more...it just slowly kills off the love you had for her initially. Perhaps right now she's is nothing more than an emotional burden to you, do you think so?
Be there for her as a friend and care for her if you still like her, no point in being there for her when you don't like her anymore. And it's alright to let go when it's time for you to leave. Because if you refused to let go of her because of all the "true love" things you have been telling your friends about, then you will only end up making yourselves miserable and bitter and feeling worse than dying.
Love isn't about giving up and neither it is about holding on. Love is all about giving and serving. Are you prepared to embark down on this path of love? You might not find the happiness that you seeked so badly at the end of the path, but there is a chance that you will find happiness within yourself and people will want to love you because they also wanted to seek the happiness in you.
I won't tell you the really bad part after this...cos you will find that your life will be meaningless.
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Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:
I don't mind she vent all her anger on me, because I know and understand how she feels.
Her life aren't better than anyone of you guys out there. And she's one who don't really know how to deal with inter personal relationship and emotions due to the environment she grew up.Just because she doesn't know.. does not means she should remain so.
You are not doing her a favor by tolerating her.
If she thinks it's ok to do it to you.. (a good friend).. she will think it's ok to do it to other people around her too. And so you are enabling her bad behavior which will in turn fuel her anti-social problem.
Inter-personal relationship skills are acquired , not inborn.
Usually those with adverse family backgrounds are the ones who acquires humility easier than those living a sheltered life.
Edited by jojobeach 27 Jul `08, 12:35PM
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Originally posted by ghast.:
Been helping this friend with her relationship problems. I think she's taking me for granted. Always listen to her woes and be there when she feels down. I'm getting tired of her throwing her temper at me. I don't want to do this anymore. But yet i think it's quite bad to leave her alone now especially when everything is lousy for her. What should i do?
Helping a friend is different from working, you shouldn't expect her to give you anything in return. Just help her solve the problem within your own capabilities. That's all lor.
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"Been helping this friend with her relationship problems. I think she's taking me for granted. Always listen to her woes and be there when she feels down. I'm getting tired of her throwing her temper at me. I don't want to do this anymore. But yet i think it's quite bad to leave her alone now especially when everything is lousy for her. What should i do?
The problem lies within you. By what authority do you appoint yourself as responsible for this girl's happiness? In other words, who ask you?
Do the girl a favour, tell her off. Tell her it is her choice. She can choose, to wallow in sorrow, or fly like a swallow. Its her choice to snap out of it, or not.
You, let her be. Unless you yourself chooses not to. Then don't complain.
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