Parents don't approve GF
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What can I do if my parents don't approve of my girlfriend?
She's really a nice girl and perfect in every way.
But -
She's malay =S I'm chinese
I'm quite sad my parents have an issue over this. Any advice? Esp from people who went thru this before.
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prove to them.
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Any idea why they object? Any other factors other than skin colour of course, try to find out. Then think from their perspective and logic.
If it makes no sense to you, go ahead and do what you want.
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Muslim - cos i will be stopped at airport security checks (roll eyes)
90% of what they say is racially or religiously biased, although they make a point about me having to adapt to their culture - but so far so good. I met her family members and we get along very well. Its just my side. And my GF is quite affected when I talk about my family.
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Hmm, have you thought about switching to her religion? And is her family very into their religion? Cos if they are, you might need to convert to become a Muslim before you can marry her.
Are you able to do that? Is your family able to accept you doing that?
It is not a trivial issue you know. How old are the two of you and do you have any other sibling?
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than get ready to convert into a Muslim. ^_^
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rainee:
They are good moderate muslims. Not the hardcore kind or fundamentalists. I am a free thinker. I'm now not consuming alcohol or pork. Will miss bacon and pork floss bunbut got chicken and turkey substitutes.
Dont miss alcohol at all.
I am the first-born. Guess that's why they are so against it.
But I feel that we are all in this world for less than 100 years. Why so vain to keep the family surname running down the generations? Its not what you're called but what you did in your life.
I got 2 bros.
My dad say he will treat my 2nd bro as the eldest if I end up with this girl. I am 23. I don't need their approval but I can see relations will be strained in the future over this.
They hated my ex, a chinese girl. But now they say they rather put up with that girl. How absurd! And this girl is actually nice! Caring, fun, modest, humble, faithful and respectable. Not the clubber kind.
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Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
rainee:
They are good moderate muslims. Not the hardcore kind or fundamentalists. I am a free thinker. I'm now not consuming alcohol or pork. Will miss bacon and pork floss bunbut got chicken and turkey substitutes.
Dont miss alcohol at all.
I am the first-born. Guess that's why they are so against it.
But I feel that we are all in this world for less than 100 years. Why so vain to keep the family surname running down the generations? Its not what you're called but what you did in your life.
I got 2 bros.
My dad say he will treat my 2nd bro as the eldest if I end up with this girl. I am 23. I don't need their approval but I can see relations will be strained in the future over this.
They hated my ex, a chinese girl. But now they say they rather put up with that girl. How absurd! And this girl is actually nice! Caring, fun, modest, humble, faithful and respectable. Not the clubber kind.
That's cos they have a lot at stake. Most parents are not so open-minded as to allow their son, esp their first son to switch religion just like that. Plus the religion is one which is very different from the one they are currently worshipping and will cause many restrictions in the future. You might not mind the restrictions, but your parents might.
So in the end it all boils down to how much you think this is worth it. Is it worth sacrificing the relationship with your family members to have a relationship with this girl?
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rainee
Sorry but I don't get it. What is at stake?
I'm still their son no matter what. they don't lose a son.
My family members are all free thinkers.
Why would they mind? If I go halal they don't have to go halal. I will still attend family dinners even if I cannot eat.
Thanks for your advice. I'm just wondering if anyone in this forum has been through this before. A chinese who married a malay. Not expecting much response though. But thanks anyway all.
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cross marriages are so common now, judging one by colour is so superficial. i have to say your family is definately biased. they would rather put up with the previous one just cuz shes chinese? absurd! so u have my support. im not asking you to fall out with ur family cuz they have their reasons for doing so (even if i dont agree). give your relationship more time. time to confirm if the girl is for you, and most importantly for your family to accept her. good luck!
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Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
rainee
Sorry but I don't get it. What is at stake?
I'm still their son no matter what. they don't lose a son.
My family members are all free thinkers.
Why would they mind? If I go halal they don't have to go halal. I will still attend family dinners even if I cannot eat.
Thanks for your advice. I'm just wondering if anyone in this forum has been through this before. A chinese who married a malay. Not expecting much response though. But thanks anyway all.
Erm, what is at stake is your relationship with your parents. They are refusing to accept someone who is of a different religion into the family. Yes, it is biased and prejudiced but it is never easy to accept someone who is not like us to become one of us.
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you parents will be your parents no matter what nothing will changed that.. but if your wife gone, you will regret for life
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Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
What can I do if my parents don't approve of my girlfriend?
She's really a nice girl and perfect in every way.
But -
She's malay =S I'm chinese
I'm quite sad my parents have an issue over this. Any advice? Esp from people who went thru this before.
mean u hv to slice abit of ur bro...? -
youyayu:
haha but she's not my wife! but i get what you mean. she's such a great girl, if i let her go i will regret. i totally agree.
i don't know how they will ever accept her. they are like hard-coded traditional chinese parents. yeah i agree its absurd, i realised how impossible it is to change their mind cos they REALLY REALLY REALLY HATED my ex.
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have them look at this vid...
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Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
What can I do if my parents don't approve of my girlfriend?
She's really a nice girl and perfect in every way.
But -
She's malay =S I'm chinese
I'm quite sad my parents have an issue over this. Any advice? Esp from people who went thru this before.
Assure your parents that you still love them and explain truthfully to them why you need their approval.
If you are serious about this girl, then please explain to your parents that even though their disapproval might eventually cause the two of you to breakup. Let them know that you will still feel regret and sad over her even after when your parents both leaves you in the future.
You could invite her parents to have dinner with yours if you're keen on her. It's easier to convince your parents with her parents. Let them meet up and go for a good dinner, your treat of course lor.
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Originally posted by BrUtUs:
mean u hv to slice abit of ur bro...?
Why need to cut his bro??? -
Originally posted by parn:
Why need to cut his bro???
SUNAD!Circumcision after conversion to Islam!!
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Originally posted by parn:
Why need to cut his bro???
SUNAD!Circumcision after conversion to Islam!!
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How long have you been together?
If few months only, don't convert so fast.
Unless you've been dating for at least 2 years and are truly committed and ready for marriage then say.
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Originally posted by youyayu:
you parents will be your parents no matter what nothing will changed that.. but if your wife gone, you will regret for life
if ur own parents really disown for example u, u not regret for life?
i like to remind u guys my dad always says when i had occasionally arguements with my mum, "remember, son, u can only say and call us 'mummy' and 'daddy' for a few more years only..."
with marriage may come the risk of divorce, so in a way, wife can change with re-marry. parents by blood ties can't change...
yes the traditional of convert to islam and taking the girl's name for marriage is hurtful to pride of a chinese family mindset. its like marrying into the girl's family... to chinese culture, the family's face is covered with cloth...
my ex-primary school teacher is also an interracial marriage, chinese married to an indian. faith wise, both r christians. the teacher is a woman. -
Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
Muslim - cos i will be stopped at airport security checks (roll eyes)
90% of what they say is racially or religiously biased, although they make a point about me having to adapt to their culture - but so far so good. I met her family members and we get along very well. Its just my side. And my GF is quite affected when I talk about my family.
adapting to islam for a chinese for u is just a tip of the iceberg.
have u read the Quran, their holy book?have u go attend mosque session for weekly fridays prayers?
have u try to pray to Allah for 5 times a day daily?
have u try to fast with them for Ramadan?abstaining from pork is a rather 1st easy step. isn't it the same as a meat eater turn vegetarian, regardless of faith?
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Originally posted by iwishiwilliwould:
cross marriages are so common now, judging one by colour is so superficial. i have to say your family is definately biased. they would rather put up with the previous one just cuz shes chinese? absurd!
so u have my support. im not asking you to fall out with ur family cuz they have their reasons for doing so (even if i dont agree). give your relationship more time. time to confirm if the girl is for you, and most importantly for your family to accept her.
good luck!
on the thought of the bias, what's wrong with keeping family traditions in the modern times? -
Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
rainee:
They are good moderate muslims. Not the hardcore kind or fundamentalists. I am a free thinker. I'm now not consuming alcohol or pork. Will miss bacon and pork floss bunbut got chicken and turkey substitutes.
Dont miss alcohol at all.
I am the first-born. Guess that's why they are so against it.
But I feel that we are all in this world for less than 100 years. Why so vain to keep the family surname running down the generations? Its not what you're called but what you did in your life.
I got 2 bros.
My dad say he will treat my 2nd bro as the eldest if I end up with this girl. I am 23. I don't need their approval but I can see relations will be strained in the future over this.
They hated my ex, a chinese girl. But now they say they rather put up with that girl. How absurd! And this girl is actually nice! Caring, fun, modest, humble, faithful and respectable. Not the clubber kind.
u r just 23, though u r considered an adult by law... in ur primetime youth... not some 30 years olds eager to get marry and have kids yet...
for the lifespan of a individual man, yeah...,
but the surname is generations years old... get it?
this although i'm not against having daugthers in future... as long as my DNA genes is passed down the line can already.
and 'vain' is not a proper term for this traditional value.
if name is not important, then next time u name ur child, "crap bag"... and see how.
and the approval thing... forsaking ur parents for the sake of a girl... worth it? -
Give your parents some time. They might learn to accept it and the points stated by Rednano is also very true. Well, it's a tough call.