Is it my fault?
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no matter what reason its ALWAYS the guys fault. but dont give him a hard time okay.
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Originally posted by T E M P O:
question yourself first....you say his possesive.do you have a flirtious nature?
you say he call you everyday..isnt that good -_-. You mean, you want a boyfriend who contacts u only once a week/month and u know no shit about what his doing?
he wants to pay, he wants to look like a man. Perharps you should sit down and talk to him about it, like, telling him its okay that sometimes u pay.
his angry when u talk to other guys, how did u talk to the other guys? do you look like u were flirting? you should be glad his angry, instead of ignoring or even talking to other girls.
he wears t shirt sandals shorts...did u talk to him about it? if even You, his girlfriend does not tell him about this, who is going to?
If u're going to be his wife, you ought to point to him his mistakes and everything...he trusts u the most, and u should trust him the most too.
about him pulling u down, maybe its his fault. He hasnt been in the NS yet, many guys are immature before NS.
He blamed everything on you, i agree that is his fault. When theres a blame, the cause of it is never one, it is two or more.
Think about it, what his friends may say about him?
" Eh, you gf no sms u one arh? why only go out once a week? you never see her other days? "
" why everytime she pay one, you love her money is it ?"
think...think...Question oneself and take sometime to think before tackling a problem like this.
question yourself first....you say his possesive.
do you have a flirtious nature?
So do u mean dat when one is into a R/S she/he has lost his/her own rights to do wat she/he deem fit?
you say he call you everyday..isnt that good -_-. You mean, you want a boyfriend who contacts u only once a week/month and u know no shit about what his doing?
Yes, but when one is busy and the other is not it will become a task and not something caring. If dat call is something important and not like , hey: u eaten? *Pls , we r all grown ups , if u know how to use a keyboard i don think u will forget to take yr own meals if u r hungry right?
he wants to pay, he wants to look like a man. Perharps you should sit down and talk to him about it, like, telling him its okay that sometimes u pay.
Y do u have the tots dat by looking like a MAN he need to pay?
Some guys have big ego , u r just wasting yr time telling them dat or u might further provoke them. * U think i cant afford to pay?* kaoz..
his angry when u talk to other guys, how did u talk to the other guys? do you look like u were flirting? you should be glad his angry, instead of ignoring or even talking to other girls.
Yawnz..Guys! So may u let all the ladies here know what does u mean by flirting?? so should they stare into the other party eye as they wan to kill the other party or look at the floor?
he wears t shirt sandals shorts...did u talk to him about it? if even You, his girlfriend does not tell him about this, who is going to?
If u're going to be his wife, you ought to point to him his mistakes and everything...he trusts u the most, and u should trust him the most too.
This u really cant blame him. Not everyone on this earth have sense of dressing. =)
about him pulling u down, maybe its his fault. He hasnt been in the NS yet, many guys are immature before NS.
He blamed everything on you, i agree that is his fault. When theres a blame, the cause of it is never one, it is two or more.
Think about it, what his friends may say about him?
believe me if u think some exterior form of pressure can make u think how bad/good yr gf/bf/husband/wife is, pls get yrself a new life.
If u cant give 100% trust 100% respect to yr LOVE one den pls forget about having one. Go start one with yr frens/bro/sis since u care so much for them?
" Eh, you gf no sms u one arh? why only go out once a week? you never see her other days? "
" why everytime she pay one, you love her money is it ?"
think...think...Big ego! Hopeless!
Question oneself and take sometime to think before tackling a problem like this.
So, did u do daT?
BTW im a guy. haiz..
Peace.!
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Originally posted by angel7030:
Why not be contended when money is flowing in...as a male chauvanist pig, what right mind do u hv to say about we gals, all the pig stories only.The problem is most male are not contended, no us. Look at the affairs going on with men.
U mean men screwing up men?if not den women r in the picture u have just mention? issit?
If the problem is on the men itself and ALL ladies r pulling out of the blame den something is not right here. I don think im replying to a men here? am i? If u r contended with wat u have , i don think u will have anything to complain right?
Y throw all the blame to men? share it , by pushing the blame doesnt make u an angel.. =)
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White_Soul, I understand your suituation and the misery you are in now. Looking at it, your so call bf needs another few good years to be a better man. That is if he can learn and change. Leave him and get on with life and your dream.I
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Originally posted by Cekogecko:
White_Soul, I understand your suituation and the misery you are in now. Looking at it, your so call bf needs another few good years to be a better man. That is if he can learn and change. Leave him and get on with life and your dream.I
Agreed. Agreed. Agreed.Dressing up is one issue but leaving a good impression with your parents at the least is very important. If he can't even do that, he will not achieve anything in this image conscious world.
Dumping him is giving him time to grow up, he is filled with insecurities and possesiveness, possesiveness being a chaine effect from insecurities, and that is rooted from his conscious image of him himself.
Good call. As for paying for meals, personally I am not against the idea, but I only agree from time to time(after paying for a few dresses and shoes and feeling broke). Thus far, I've never eaten hawker fare with my current GF because she deserves well. Only time I've eaten it with her was with my grandmum, which I appreciate her effort to come down and dine with us.
Give it up, this guy is not even husband material. You have big dreams, time to look for someone with bigger dreams.
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Originally posted by [3Dd|E]:
U mean men screwing up men?if not den women r in the picture u have just mention? issit?
If the problem is on the men itself and ALL ladies r pulling out of the blame den something is not right here. I don think im replying to a men here? am i? If u r contended with wat u have , i don think u will have anything to complain right?
Y throw all the blame to men? share it , by pushing the blame doesnt make u an angel.. =)
TS case, is case of a man unable to have high gastronomical diet for ambition. -
well..she didn't ignore his needs? she offered to pay? and what kind of guy would dress up in slippers and short to meet the gf's parent? shows how much effort he put in.. dump this guy..
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totally agree with what Gosu said. look for someone better.
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I guess the boyfriend also has his reasons for behaving how he behaves? Many people here commented on his 'ego', but then again maybe he's seriously just scared to lose her? Plus he's a guy ... and you know how guys are ;) But seriously, TS, if he's dragging you down I think you should talk to him about it. And if he doesn't understand or doesn't make an effort to change/keep you, then what can you do about it? Maybe he just doesn't understand how you feel/ doesn't truly recognize that he's stiffling your dreams. But then again, he seems pretty insecure.
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Originally posted by White_SoulReaper:
I am girl who is in 3rd year of polytechnic studies... I have a part-time job that earns me good money... So as you have read, I am super busy...
The thing is my BF thinks that i am not committed to the r/s because I dont spend enough time with him... I go out with him on most sundays.( sometimes go out with friends)... For the rest of the week I am busy with either school or work....
One more thing... He's very possesive, any time of the day he would call me for no apparent reason...And when he sees a guy talk to me, he would be very aggressive in the way he talks to that guy... WTH????
He's also studying but not working,,, So when we go out, i want to eat in a more expensive restaurant(can afford), he would drag me to the nearest coffee shop to eat... I dont mind paying for his meal...He could treat me for the movie or something... Everything he wants to pay...
Is sg that hot ? Every where he goes, he wears T-shirt, shorts and sandals... Nothing else... Even when meeting my parents...
I am a person with big dreams... And when i share my thoughts on how to persue these dreams, he ALWAYS puts me down!!!
We have been dating for 2 years BTW... Last night, he called and said that our r/s has strained... I thought everything was fine... And he blamed everything on me... He said that I should focus more on him...
How? What should I do? Is it really my fault that he feels that way?
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
In a relationship, derived from struggle
between masculine and feminine roles, self-centrism on positioning
often contributed to the root of BGR dissatisfaction because either
side will formulate a structure of what they deemed as an
appropriate patterns, personalities or behaviours required from
their Significant Other (SO), while demanding the manifestation of
this ideal. Almost like a mannequin, with no life force - one must
understand that every human being is unique, hence it's difficult
to fashion their style and personality into a structured model.Of course there are ways to do it, but that's another topic for another day.
This give rise to incompatibility, which are often unrevealed until the birth of the relationship and later. Most people coped with such indifferences with various degrees of adjustments and compromising, but there are bound to be cases where major discord will materialize through the latent dysfunctional effect of incompatibility. Many times, it crippled the relationship until gradual death occurs or it simply grants instant annihilation.
Your man presents a classic male chauvinist in Love - the insecure male constantly exerting implicit pressure on their other half, through the eyes of his distorted perception and fear of competition from the other more seemingly 'competent' males. The actual concept of competency doesn't matter in this case, in fact everyone will appear to him as a potential contender. A male chauvinist often finds it a burden to change their attitude because he rationalize his personality as 'fixidity' and often claimed that his possessiveness and jealousy are 'natural behaviour' of being boyfriend. Thus he is unmotivated to change himself (being causal in his dressing, unromantic, or whatever) and choose to mask his insecurity by coercing his partner to demote her beliefs to his values.
Finger pointing and believing that his woman is the cause of the strain in the relationship.
Big dreams? Ah, hack it - your place lies in the kitchen and tending the kids. Forget about having a social life too. If you don't obey, you are the strain of the relationship.
In this contemporary era, the evolution of Love also changes as society transformed itself. The patriarchal perceptive, roles and function of what a relationship ought to be is waning and there is a greater calling for mutual respect and consideration in what's better for the relationship as a whole and not some specific parts.
First Law of Love states: it is we who chose our partners, not the other way round. You make the decision to be with him two years ago and now you are lamenting about this drastic incompatibility you are finding yourself at odd with - wouldn't it question the identity of the relationship and the reason that give birth to it's existence?
A male chauvinist is almost an affliction for life - they usually don't differ very much away from the formation of this personality because of cultural, social and reiterated self rationalizing - a faculty of the distorted mind and not from the pristine quality of the heart.
Understanding this, you probably need a session - not to trash - but to decide how you want your relationship to move on from here. By dragging a relationship to continue in the original fashion probably only suggest delaying the inevitable. If there is something in the relationship worth fighting for and still relevant enough to remain, then some kind of agreement needs to be cast in stone and be adhered.
It would be wise to communicate first, before you decide upon departure.For everyone is entitled a chance to understand the alternate perspective of the relationship from their other half before any ultimatum is slammed upon them.
Cheers
Love doesn't mean getting stuck in a relationship. Sometimes, one may love someone, but you realize that the person is not suitable for you.
I have experience of being stuck in a relationship myself. I had tried to broach the subject of a breakup, but was quickly hushed up by him. In the end, after several years of relationship together, we still had to part whereas the incompatibility issue was actually present early in the relationship.
Originally posted by White_SoulReaper:Thanks for all your suggestions... He SMSed me last night and said that it's over between us... And this morning he wanted me to take him back... I made the decision to break it off... I am not prepared to be in a relationship that can lead to marriage for now.
And now he keeps calling and sms-ing me to take him back...I am not going to as it will lead to nowhere.. The thing is, should I meet him personally to say that its over? BTW, he does have violent tendencies when he's angry... Kind of scared to meet him though...
You have a right to your own personal safety and sanity. As much as you would like to give him a proper explanation, take note of your own personal security. This is not selfish, this is only logical.
If you do not have a good feeling about this, then do not meet him. Ignore him if you think you have to, without guilt.
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Originally posted by Gosu.:
Agreed. Agreed. Agreed.Dressing up is one issue but leaving a good impression with your parents at the least is very important. If he can't even do that, he will not achieve anything in this image conscious world.
Dumping him is giving him time to grow up, he is filled with insecurities and possesiveness, possesiveness being a chaine effect from insecurities, and that is rooted from his conscious image of him himself.
Good call. As for paying for meals, personally I am not against the idea, but I only agree from time to time(after paying for a few dresses and shoes and feeling broke). Thus far, I've never eaten hawker fare with my current GF because she deserves well. Only time I've eaten it with her was with my grandmum, which I appreciate her effort to come down and dine with us.
Give it up, this guy is not even husband material. You have big dreams, time to look for someone with bigger dreams.
actuali eating hawker is nothing wrong + eating hawker food dun mean u r ill treating ur gf... to siam hawker food, u must be rich to do tat... -
Originally posted by CrabbyShaSha:
Love doesn't mean getting stuck in a relationship. Sometimes, one may love someone, but you realize that the person is not suitable for you.
I have experience of being stuck in a relationship myself. I had tried to broach the subject of a breakup, but was quickly hushed up by him. In the end, after several years of relationship together, we still had to part whereas the incompatibility issue was actually present early in the relationship.
You have a right to your own personal safety and sanity. As much as you would like to give him a proper explanation, take note of your own personal security. This is not selfish, this is only logical.
If you do not have a good feeling about this, then do not meet him. Ignore him if you think you have to, without guilt.
I think you completely misinterpreted the part where you highlighted my post. There was nothing suggestive on my end in leading an unfulfilling relationship as you have reword as 'stuck.' It is like a totally different thing.
Cheers
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Originally posted by Yunhaier: I think you completely misinterpreted the part
where you highlighted my post. There was nothing suggestive on my
end in leading an unfulfilling relationship as you have reword as
'stuck.'
It is like a totally different thing.
Cheers
I am not so sure how I had misinterpreted, and what I was trying to emphasize is that all of us have a choice. Perhaps I wasn't exactly using your quote to emphasize my view. I was using your quote on top of my view.
Pardon me. -
Sometimes it's an issue of managing expectations of your own, his and of each other.
On top of that, communication is impt (as mentioned by latecomerX)
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your bf wants to pay for u.. but canot afford to for more expensive places den go coffee shops wif him la..
even though u earn more den ur bf... ur bf oso got pride one rite?
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TS is not serious about live-long relationship. You just wanna get the fun out of it, and after that dump your bf.
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Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:
TS is not serious about live-long relationship. You just wanna get the fun out of it, and after that dump your bf.
nah dun see anything wrong wif her ambition... -
Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:
TS is not serious about live-long relationship. You just wanna get the fun out of it, and after that dump your bf.
when the bf is too possessive and sloppy etc why should she force herself to stay when the guy is not making any effort?
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Originally posted by rainee:
when the bf is too possessive and sloppy etc why should she force herself to stay when the guy is not making any effort?
u make ts sound so desperate
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Originally posted by elementalangel:
u make ts sound so desperate
I am just stating it as it is...shouldn't hang by someone who is taking for granted. I dunno if that is considered desperate or not...